Could really do with some help.

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Berkeley

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I have two horses 1) Gelding, 4yrs old, just backed, grass livery and 2) 18 yr old TB mare, part livery.

I love them both so much. The gelding has taken a while to trust me and we don't have a bond like my mare and I do but I love him all the same. So far he has been just a cost as I have not ridden him or done much since he was backed i.e. not been value for money!

My boyfriend and I are buying a house this yr - he told me last night that one of them had to go if we are to seriously get on the housing ladder. I felt sick. I can't choose. Do I have to?
I can't reduce costs on the livery i.e. go on DIY because of my job - it is totally unrealistic.

Loaning out my mare wouldn't work - she's old, set ni her ways and is just a happy hacker. I can't loan out or share my gelding as he hasn't done anything yet to be a safe ride.

What do I do? Sell? which one?

HELP!!
 
I would think about loaning the gelding out. There are people out there who would like a project as long as you advertise him to be very green and not a novice ride. You'll be surprised.

I dont envy you id never be able to choose.
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Good luck.x
 
Do you think? I thought people wanted bomb proofers. The issue I see is why take on someone else's horse, bring them on with the risk of them being taken back. He wouldn't leave my yard - he would have to stay. That would be a problem for someone surely? OR what about shareing - is that what you meant?
 
If you absolutely have to sell one of them, I would sell the gelding. Like you said, you have more of a bond with your mare and at 18 you might have a hard time selling her, the gelding will be much easier to sell, he has youth on his side whilst the mare might end up being sold on and at her age that's not really ideal. Also depends on what your ridden aspirations are, if you're happy being a happy hacker for now then again sell the gelding and maybe when you've bought your house and are in a better position in a couple of yrs you can get another youngster? On the other hand, if you want a challenge and something to bring on then keep the gelding. Could you not retire the mare to grass? Or, loan her out from your current yard so it doesn't upset her routine and you can still see her?
 
I would tell the boyfriend to jog on!

It's up to you - you decide what you want to do, why should he decide that one of YOUR horses has to go.

I know what I would do! keep both horses and get a new boyfriend!
 
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Part livery is £65 all inclusive (except exercising), DIY is £35. Its not a great saving.

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I'd say a saving of £140 a month was pretty significant.......

Agree with the others though - if you're selling anything, sell the gelding.
 
The £30 a week difference in livery prices might not seem alot but times that by 2 for both horses and over a year you save over £3k.
That said you will no doubt be spending more time up there and your fuel costs might rise if you have to make more trips & I should imagine it would add to what sounds like a busy schedule already and sometimes it's then just not worth it.
Just food for thought
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Either ask OH why it has to be you who sacrifices and not him (if this is the case), tell him as suggested to jog on if you're not bothered by getting onto housing ladder but are about keeping your horse (which is how it sounds) or I would loan the pony out- I've ridden young/green horses before, it's nice to have a challenge, I just can't afford the initial outlay of another horse so I ride otehr peoples and it's nice to see a horse progress. If they/you are worried about when the time comes you can afford to haev him back suggest a share so they can still see the pony but you get to benefit from having him too.
 
Realistically if the gelding is on grass livery how much is he costing? I doubt parting with either of them will make owning a house that much easier and I presume you bought the gelding so you would have a younger horse to ride/ compete on in the future?

Owning a house is nice but not the be all and end all, especially if in your free time you can't be arond the horses and riding!!!

Tell your OH he can put in the rest of the money needed if he's so desperate for a house, why should you give up your horses?
 
I agree... Tell the boyfriend to get stuffed!

But If you dont want to do that why dont you just full loan him out at your yard or something?
I know if I was looking to loan something young Id prefer one that has just been backed and done nothing so I could bring him on myself.
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It's not a very grown up thing to tell her to dump her boyfriend. I'm willing to bet that the boyfriend is putting more money into the house than the female is. Why should he pay more money so that she can keep two horses ?

Fair's fair. A horse is a huge luxury item, having two is an even bigger luxury.
 
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I know if I was looking to loan something young Id prefer one that has just been backed and done nothing so I could bring him on myself.
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Really? this is the only reason I haven't considered shareing (not loaning - too formal) because I didn't think anyone would want to play with him at this stage.

Bareing in mind I am extremely protective, what deal do you thihk I should offer? How many days? payments?
 
But it's not as if the OH is saying both of the horses have to go, that would be completely out of order - He's saying only 1 and I think that's a perfectly reasonable request to tbh! Lets face it, not many first time buyers can get on the ladder with two horses - it's just too much expenditure and it's not just livery that you have to worry about.

If you're serious about buying a house with your boyfriend then I think you have to understand where he is coming from financially. Are you willing to compromise your relationship just to keep both horses?
 
Yes definately, any young horse I buy I have them either from foals or when they've been backed and not done a lot, this way you can make him your own and you dont have to deal with any bad habits or complications he's picked up along the way.
Well if you dont want to full loan and you just want to share, why dont you just advertise for a "sharer", days and prices to be discussed, if your not really bothered which days etc have a chat with the person and see what sort of arrangement you can come to, to be fair Im not up with the sharing prices anymore, I think maybe you need to work out how much he costs you per week and depending on how many days newbie will be doing him, charge like that. X
 
i think if it was me , i'd rather sell than loan out, then they are gone and you have no say, if like you say you are protective etc you might be better to not still think of him as yours, its so hard to sell but like they say out of sight out of mind, i dont think i could loan out V but i would sell him if i absolutely had to .
And i wouldnt want a sharer either but thats just me as i think you sound similar to me. i have high standards for my horse and if i seen someone doing something in a way i didnt like even just not making his stable and bed the way i do it would upset me but if he was sold then i dont see it if you get what i mean.
If i was you i'd sell the 4yr old, and keep your older girl. He has his whole future ahead of him to go on and do a job whereas the older mare may be slightly more limited.
I think if you and OH are serious then he has every right to ask you to sell a horse to try to afford a house. Just as long as that is what you ultimately want. Best of luck with everything
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Totally see what Vforvendetta means but if your only sharing then when newbie first starts you set the rules and you say in a nice way.. Look this is how its done and this is how its going to carry on..
 
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I would tell the boyfriend to jog on!

It's up to you - you decide what you want to do, why should he decide that one of YOUR horses has to go.

I know what I would do! keep both horses and get a new boyfriend!

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I actually think this is really unfair. In some ways I agree with the boyfriend. If they don't have endless amounts of cash and are really serious about buying a house then savings might have to be made. In all seriousness, you can't be so flippant about the person you are planning (I assume) to spend the rest of your life with.

Turn it around.... could you imagine if your boyfriend had, say, some motorbikes, spent £600 a month on them (for argument's sake... if I had 2 horses then I'd be spending more like £700 a month if at current yard, that's without shoes, insurance, lessons, trailer...), and you were buying a house. The obvious place to make a saving would be to think about selling a bike and thus saving £300 a month plus the cash from the sale of a bike would help the deposit. If the boyfriend told the OP to "jog on" when she suggested selling a bike to help them secure their future together, this entire forum would be up in arms. So why doesn't it work the other way around?

OP, I think you have to decide whether you want to move things on a step with your boyfriend and make a committment to your future together, or you want to have 2 horses to play with. There aren't many men out there who want to make a committment so hang on to him! Personally I'd look to either loan or sell the gelding.
 
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It's not a very grown up thing to tell her to dump her boyfriend. I'm willing to bet that the boyfriend is putting more money into the house than the female is. Why should he pay more money so that she can keep two horses ?

Fair's fair. A horse is a huge luxury item, having two is an even bigger luxury.

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That's bang on. You are right which is why I need to try alternatives as opposed to continuing with that I have been doing. Of course I am not going to dump my boyfriend. I love him more than my two horses put together. He is a super guy and open to suggestions which is why I need to get my thinking cap on.

This sharing thing could be a way forward. Where do I advertise? Horsemart the best place?
 
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Bareing in mind I am extremely protective, what deal do you thihk I should offer? How many days? payments?

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In that case, full loan instead. I am the same and couldn't cope with a sharer because I'm so anal about how things are done. I ended up putting mine on full loan, away from the yard, and it worked brilliantly because I couldn't then interfere.
 
Hmm, it's tricky to be honest. I part think - tell boyf to stuff it and the other half thinks he does have a point in way. However, without knowing the ins and outs of your relationship it's very difficult to comment.

None of us know if he is just being controlling at all or indeed how secure your relationship is.

As a single person maybe I come from a more selfish point of view. You only live once and you want to be happy - well i do anyway. I personally would not give up my horses, dogs or anythig else for that matter to secure my relationship/fund a house if i was not happy doing it. I would hate to move in with someone already partially resenting them for making me sacrifice something I loved. That's not going to make for a happy household!

Too many people I know move in with their partners and it all goes t*ts up. I would be worried that, should that happen i would be even more angry I'd had to make a heartbreaking decision beforehand.

It'd be different if your post said that you has decided the only way you could get a house was to sell/loan your horse but I think because it has sort of been given as an ultimatum of sorts it makes it harder.

Still, if you DO think selling or loaning would be the best idea then, as others said i would part with the younger of the two. You haven't had the same time to build a bond with him so much and people are more likely to be interested in a younger horse to buy/loan in my opinion. If you are wanting a younger one to compete etc then maybe think about that once the house and finances settle.
 
i managed to get on the housing ladder with my OH and have 3 horses- he would never dream of telling me to choose a horse to get rid of!
i pay the same as him towards the mortgage and actually paid all of our deposit.

that aside, i would sell the 4yro.
 
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I would tell the boyfriend to jog on!

It's up to you - you decide what you want to do, why should he decide that one of YOUR horses has to go.

I know what I would do! keep both horses and get a new boyfriend!

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What a ridiculous thing to say. The OP is in a relationship where some hard financial sacrifices are going to have to be made in order to buy a property. The OH has reasonably identified an area where huges savings can be made in order to realise their dreams.

I'm actually in a very similar situation - and let me tell you, the horse is right at the top of the list to go.
 
Is there nothing else that could go? Change the car for a smaller, cheaper one to buy and run or get rid of it completely if you can get about without it?
Deal with your shoe addiction?
Shop at Lidl instead of Tesco/Waitrose/Sainsbury's and buy clothes at Primark and Peacocks?

If there really isn't anything else I would sell the gelding. Yes it would be heartbreaking, but it would give you more money towards the deposit and you wouldn't be tempted to start getting involved with him again. As long as you find him a good home you'll cope with it and within a few months he'll be settled and happy.

It's not just about the money, realisticly, how much time would you have to spend bringing him on if you have a new house that potentially could need a lot of work and another horse to ride as well. You wouldn't be able to pick him up and put him down like you probably can with your mare.
 
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I would tell the boyfriend to jog on!

It's up to you - you decide what you want to do, why should he decide that one of YOUR horses has to go.

I know what I would do! keep both horses and get a new boyfriend!

[/ QUOTE ]

What a ridiculous thing to say. The OP is in a relationship where some hard financial sacrifices are going to have to be made in order to buy a property. The OH has reasonably identified an area where huges savings can be made in order to realise their dreams.

I'm actually in a very similar situation - and let me tell you, the horse is right at the top of the list to go.

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You're right SS. Me and boyf have only been out of uni 2 yrs. Its taking a while to build up finances. He puts in more as allot of my cash goes into the horses. He is right to ask, I haven't said otherwise. Just need to know how else this can be remedied.

I can't bare the thought of him being taken away in a trailor neighing as he's driven away down the road. I would break down!
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I can't bare the thought of him being taken away in a trailor neighing as he's driven away down the road. I would break down!

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The real tragedy is that he probably wouldn't even give you a second glance.........
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Why not advertise them both for loan and see who comes along. Either would find a loaner or sharer.

There are lots of folk out there looking for a happy hacker who would share or loan, and loans can be at your yard or away from it.

I think the gelding might be harder to find a loan or share for, but not impossible. If I was looking it would put me off that I could put in loads of work bringing him on and the owner would take him back and sell for a nice big profit, but if I couldn't raise funds to buy something suitable I would consider it.

Or you could get sharers for both and keep them both.

You need to be prepared to compromise though and see that you need a loaner/buyer/sharer.
 
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