Crisis of confidence

B

BBP

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 July 2008
Messages
6,587
Visit site
I bought my little horse a year ago as an unbacked 3 year old. I hadn't intended to buy one so young as I have never backed one myself (have helped with a few and worked with lots of young eventers) but he seemed like my perfect horse. I made the odd mistake, inevitably, and got bronched off a few times too! But generally he was super. He's very sharp but by the end of the summer he was hacking happily with a another horse, and schooling nicely. However he is physically very immature, so when my old pony died in September I decided to turn him away and let him grow up a bit.

The problem is I seem to have got into this worried mindset that i'm going to ruin him. I seem to have lost confidence, not in him but in myself, that I don't know what i'm doing, I'm not an exceptional rider and i'm going to spoil all the potential he has. I've always lacked focus as a rider, so whilst I ride nicely, I never seem to achieve anything, or know what it is that i want to achieve in the first place!

So I've basically been putting off bringing him back into work - making excuses that I can't do anything with him til his back has been checked, til his wobbly baby tooth comes out, til my back has been checked...i'll never get started! I've done some in hand stuff (he was getting a little big for his boots whilst turned away, so i know he wants to get going!), and I long reined him for the first time the other day and he didn't put a foot wrong, long reined straight over a tarpaulin/poles/round cones etc without any hesitation.

So really nothings going wrong, but i can't help getting myself worked up, find myself in tears thinking I should give him away to someone who would do a better job and make him a superstar, when all i need is a happy fun pony. What do I do to get past this? Do any of you doubt yourselves like this, and have you got any tips to help give yourself a break and get on with it? I'm not sure what advice I want, but writing it down has been helpful...hadn't realised how many excuses I've been making!
 
Everyone has phases like this, if I were you I would book a few lessons, so someone can be there on the ground giving you confidence and telling you what you're doing right.
 
I feel like this with my 5 year old cob, he learns so quick and I only have to show him things once. My sister in law had him half passing!!!! She's been riding longer then me and used to give lessons.
She always seams to keep him interested where as I can't because I think the same as you I'll do something wrong and spoil him!
So I just plod around on him, wasting his tallent, but this year I have said that I'll show him, so thats giving me something to plan for, with her help I think we'll learn togather giving each other confidence.
I would try a trainer, helps loads and pick something small to work to. Makes the bigger thing easier. x
 
I think you're doing a lovely job too.

Sounds like you are a sympathetic rider and trainer and always have the horses's best interests at heart and sound like you think things through.

I think the biggest mistakes are made by people who think they know it all, never ask for help and plough on regardless of the progress the horse is or isn't making.

Your horse will let you know if its not going well, ie refusing to walk over things, refusing to be long reined etc, and as long as you are aware of his reactions (and it sounds like you are well aware) you'll do fine.

x
 
Don't worry everyone feels like this at times, I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves. Of course a good instructor will be able to help but be careful who you choose and don't disregard your instincts. I believe we are all guilty of thinking to much rather then feeling.
If you and the horse are happy and enjoying it you can't be going far wrong.
 
I know exactly how you feel, I have a young horse that I bought with expectations of eventing her. I had her professionally backed, had lessons etc but was always a bit nervous on her although i couldnt put my finger on why. She never put a foot wrong but I think I was in awe of her talent and worried that I wasn't going to be good enough to ride her to the best of her ability. Although I started off well with her this lack of confidence was getting worse and worse to the point I was nervous even before I got on her to go for a hack and it got to the point at the end of last summer that I'd get butterflies whilst tacking her up and despite all good intentions of a blast on the moor I'd ride her for half an hour round the lanes then take her home. I have no real explanation as to why I lost my nerve with her as like I say she never put a foot wrong, and is a talented horse who when I did pluck up the courage to take her anywhere was always a star and always placed. I have another horse who I am totally confident on and I had another just backed youngster at the time who I brought on with no problems so it was only this particular horse I was nervous on. Last autumn I decided enough was enough, stopped having lessons because these made me believe I wasn't good enough for my horse, and after a break from her I have gently hunted and hacked her with no thoughts of lessons, schooling, competing etc. This has worked wonders and at last I seem to be building a bond with her and actually having some fun.

You can gain confidence again and you can get some enjoyment again, but I think you have to reach that point yourself when the time is right. In the meantime take things gently, don't give a thought to what you might be doing right or wrong and try and build a bond with your horse by taking things very slowly - everytime you get on try and reach a goal even if it's only trotting whilst out hacking, or having a small canter somewhere, or taking a particular route you both like but may be nervous about. Once you are reaching these goals regularly you will get your confidence back without even realising it. I am still 'getting there' with my girl by taking it slowly but things are definately improving so I know it can be done. I wish you all the luck in the world with this as a confidence crisis is hell, but it's worth pushing on through it when you feel you are ready. Good luck!
 
I read your post and thought I had written it!

I have a 5yr old TB who is the sweetest nicest boy in the world and he works hard and tries 100% for me but... On New Years Eve he got very excited on a hack and bucked me off. Now every time I get on him I feel very worried and so far only ride in the sand school.

I make myself ride every day when possible but only walking and trotting and nothing outside my comfort zone. I have a trainer who rides him once a week to do the more difficult stuff and he is a sweety for him and never puts a foot wrong. When I had to ride him again after the fall I got my trainer to school him for 40 minutes and then at the end of the session (when he was tired) I got on for 10 minutes.

I have had the same thoughts about giving him away or selling him but why? As someone said to me recently, in a years time he will be the horse that I always wanted but right now he is a baby and just needs to mature.

I agree that a good trainer who doesn't push you outside your comfort zone and who supports how you are feeling is the way forward.

Horses don't have any thoughts about their potential or how you might be wasting it. They are happy as long as they are fed and watered and turned out/exercised.

Having said all this if I get bucked off again I don't know what I will do and will have to think again if it happens.
 
I had lessons with a fab ride with your mind trainer last year when he was in ridden work, she really 'got' him and me and helped me with my confidence then, so maybe I should book some a lesson just for some in hand work with him (I think he will be very slow maturing - he looks like a big foal! - so I need to get some muscle over his back before I sit on him, so ridden lessons are out until I get some more long reining and walking out in hand with him)

I think you're right, I do think too much. I want to have this horse for the next 30+ years, so there's no rush. And I guess since I just want a fun horse I should really take the pressure off myself!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Everyone has phases like this, if I were you I would book a few lessons, so someone can be there on the ground giving you confidence and telling you what you're doing right.

[/ QUOTE ]

Totally second this.
Sounds like you are doing a grand job. I only hack, lots of people do and there is no shame is just doing that anyway, so stop beating yourself up
wink.gif
grin.gif
 
Nakipa- You sound exactly like me! I am just bringing my boy back into work having had stifle arthroscopies and an OCD diagnosis at the beginning of December. He is more or less sound now after box rest and cartrophen injections so the next step is to gradually bring him back into work and just see how it goes (ie if he remains sound). However, I am having a huge confidence crisis as he started to play me up just before his lameness was diagnosed which I was then able to put down to pain, but he is now taking the proverbial out of me I feel
frown.gif


His lameness was diagnosed after he bucked me off very suddenly one day, out of the blue with no warning, haver never done anything of the sort before, even after three months off over the summer with strangles. Some initial trials with bute etc brought him temporarily sound and I started to hack again but he began to nap and do small rears going up the drive. It became quickly apparent that he was lame again and so I put it down to that, but now three months on and being brought back into work he is still napping in the school, constantly threatening to buck, tossing his head around and generally 'testing' me. Everyone has told me I have to ride him myself and get him through it but it is making me really tense and I am sure that is making it worse. So today my yard manager who is also an instructor and dressage rider agreed with me that the idea that I have to do it myself is nonsense and she is going to ride him for the twenty minutes a day for the next two weeks until the vet comes back to reassess him. I feel very relieved, she rode him for the first time today and he tried it on with her- small leaps and a buck but she rode him through it and he was fine after that. She agreed with me that he is just feeling very fresh and has the definite sense of excitability when you are onboard! I hope I am doing the right thing by getting her to ride him for a fortnight, hopefully taking the edge off him and giving me more confidence to get on myself. However, as you say, if he were to buck me off again I don't know what I would do and I don't have the option of selling as we don't know if he will remain sound
frown.gif


I havent really had a crisis like this with a horse before, I feel really rubbish about it and wonder if I have over-horsed myself but there is nothing I can do except persevere with him. He was an absolute angel before, however he is rising 7 and been out of work more often than in over the last year since I have had him so I am sure his behaviour is to be expected, however I can't get that memory of being bucked off so suddenly out of my head
frown.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top