Customer Services.

Dave's Mam

Dave's Mam

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23 July 2014
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Dear Mother Nature, I ordered a delivery of "Spring" in November, with a delivery date of mid March. My delivery has not yet arrived. I have already had to postpone a week's leave due to your non collection of "Winter."
Please could you kick your collection / delivery agents up the arse, so we can get away from the soggy mess that "Winter" is becoming after being left in use for far too long.
Many thanks in advance.

Edited to add. I have just checked the care label on "Winter". It advises that if used beyond a 3 month period, the white crispness will be lost & the product will become wet, damp & very soggy. I fear this is what has happened. Please collect your overdue "Winter" at your earliest convenience. Like tomorrow.
 
Thank you for your email about the delivery of "spring goods" and exchange for "winter goods" you expected, an attempt was made to deliver in March but a signature of the house holder and ID is required for security.
I would like to remind you that the delivery drivers are not permitted to leave or remove parcels without a counter signature.

A card was placed at this address with an unique reference number and contact details for re delivery, we look forward to hearing from you.

Mother Nature
 
Excellent!! I reckon she must be over run with returns of winter this year!
But today....

I SEE SUN!! I'm not sure if she is fooling me.. perhaps it's just a mirage? But I blooming hope not!
 
hollyandivy123 said:
Thank you for your email about the delivery of "spring goods" and exchange for "winter goods" you expected, an attempt was made to deliver in March but a signature of the house holder and ID is required for security.
I would like to remind you that the delivery drivers are not permitted to leave or remove parcels without a counter signature.

A card was placed at this address with an unique reference number and contact details for re delivery, we look forward to hearing from you.

Mother Nature
Click to expand...

Brilliant! :D
 
Lintel said:
Excellent!! I reckon she must be over run with returns of winter this year!
But today....

I SEE SUN!! I'm not sure if she is fooling me.. perhaps it's just a mirage? But I blooming hope not!
Click to expand...

This ^^

I have sun, blue skies and no windy weather today, weather forecast says it will stay all day, sorry I think I may of taken delivery of your goods DM :)
 
Brilliant!

Horses out rugless today and, given the chilly wind, not sure they would agree that the delivery has arrived yet. I'll get them to email too pronto
 
Dear Mother Nature,
Please leave the delivery on the bench by the front door. I appreciate that a signature is usually required, but the situation has become urgent in recent weeks, so I hope you can relax your stringent requirements on this one occasion.
 
Dear Valued Customer,

As a gesture of goodwill we offering you a free 24 hour sample of "Spring" today whilst we progress the delivery of the full product.

Kind regards,

Primrose Lamb
PA to Mother Nature
 
pansymouse said:
Dear Valued Customer,

As a gesture of goodwill we offering you a free 24 hour sample of "Spring" today whilst we progress the delivery of the full product.

Kind regards,

Primrose Lamb
PA to Mother Nature
Click to expand...

Oh no I thought Spring had arrived to stay. Now you tell me it is just a sample!
 
Please extend the sample of spring!!! What a joy today, I even got my washing out on the line for the first time this year (*groans* I must be getting old I sound like my lovely mother!). :)
 
Dear customer, thank you for your feedback, we value all feedback as it enables us to improve our service. We regret the fact that your service has not been satisfactory this year, but we would like to point out that we have been producing Spring for millions of years, and this is the first time we have received a complaint. Whilst we do take on board your comments, our track record is excellent and we have a 99.999999% satisfaction rating across all species. We also note that your complaint relates mainly to the water content of your Spring. Whilst water is an important component of our Spring product it is not the only ingredient, and all other ingredients are within normal tolerance ratios. Spring products do vary slightly in ingredients and customer research has shown that these differences add to the charm of this natural product. Should you wish to experience a Spring without these variances we would suggest that you try a synthetic (indoor) version made by our rivals. It is of course a very inferior product and we don't think you will like it. We do hope you will continue to purchase our Spring in future and are sending you two tickets to Malaysia during monsoon season as a goodwill gesture. Yours sincerely, Climate Inc Customer Relations Team
 
Cowpony said:
Dear customer, thank you for your feedback, we value all feedback as it enables us to improve our service. We regret the fact that your service has not been satisfactory this year, but we would like to point out that we have been producing Spring for millions of years, and this is the first time we have received a complaint. Whilst we do take on board your comments, our track record is excellent and we have a 99.999999% satisfaction rating across all species. We also note that your complaint relates mainly to the water content of your Spring. Whilst water is an important component of our Spring product it is not the only ingredient, and all other ingredients are within normal tolerance ratios. Spring products do vary slightly in ingredients and customer research has shown that these differences add to the charm of this natural product. Should you wish to experience a Spring without these variances we would suggest that you try a synthetic (indoor) version made by our rivals. It is of course a very inferior product and we don't think you will like it. We do hope you will continue to purchase our Spring in future and are sending you two tickets to Malaysia during monsoon season as a goodwill gesture. Yours sincerely, Climate Inc Customer Relations Team
Click to expand...

Brilliant!
 
:D:D:D:D excellent post Dave's Mam and to those who have responded...well done, brought some well needed chuckles, thanks guys:)
 
Dear Customer,
We regret to advise that Spring will NOT be delivered to your stated address this year.

Unfortunately, we must point out the failure on your part to meet the conditions of the contract between ourselves (Mother Nature) and yourselves (humanity).

Despite repeated and increasingly pointed demands, Nature is still being polluted and contaminated at an alarming rate. Thus you are in breach of contract of clauses 1 through 9 million. We would also like to point out that this breach is having serious and unprecedented effects on the majority of the rest of our customers (in particular animals and plants), and as such we have been obliged to impose a penalty.

We know you will be disappointed to disappointed to hear this, but Winter has volunteered to substitute for Spring until this is rectified.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A FINAL DEMAND.

Failure to rectify your situation and continued abuse of the terms of the contract will result in further punitive effects, including but not limited to withdrawal of ALL services provided by Mother Nature to the company known as humanity.

Kindest regards and best wishes,
The Easter Bunny (pp Mother Nature)
 
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It has been brought to my attention that you recently received a letter addressed "Dear Valued Customer". Please ignore this letter as you were NOT the intended recipient. Please do not enjoy the use of any bonus gifts of Spring that were mis-delivered to your address.
The letter and bonus gifts were meant to have been delivered to the Rat family (who are doing their best to clean up some of your mess but cannot recruit workers in large enough numbers and are having to breed and train more).

Please DO NOT ASSUME that our REAL valued customers will be sufficient to alleviate the issues you have created within the Earth Organisation. Although my colleague the Easter Bunny sent you a polite reminder, I would like to take this opportunity to emphasise the seriousness of your situation. If a Writ is issued against you by the Highest Court then you will NEVER see Spring or Summer again!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Please be advised that you have 11 months to respond to this notification with a satisfactory resolution.
Have a nice Winter

Signed: The Grim Reaper
Highest Court Sherrif
Universal Enforcement Office
 
Thanks! Can Dave and my Welshie RS horse join us? Don't know how they'd feel about the pizza but I know they'd like a beer. Actually Welshie would probably give it a go, his lifetime mission is to eat until he explodes:D
 
Can I join you? I work for a company that makes beer :) And the most famous stout :D

And I have the most opinionated mare ever, so I'm sure her opinions on this year's Spring match with ours!
 
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