JACQSZOO
Well-Known Member
Dear Horse (author unknown)
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I
would never wish to criticize you in any way. However, there are a few
trivial details regarding our relationship that I think might bear
your consideration.
First of all, I am already aware that horses can run faster than I
can. I do not need you to demonstrate that fact each time I come to
get you in from the field.
Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep
you in the style to which you have become accustomed. In return, I
think you should at least pretend to be glad to see me, even when I'm
carrying a bridle instead of a bucket of feed.
It should be fairly obvious to you that I am a human being who walks
on only two legs. I do not resemble a scratching post. Do not think
that, when you rub your head against me with 1,000 pounds of force
behind it, I believe that it wasn't your intention to send me flying.
I am also aware that stomping on my toes while you are pushing me
around is nothing but adding injury to insult.
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze,
but it would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of
dirt and manure prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt.
Also, if you have recently filled your mouth with water you do not
intend to drink, please let it all dribble from your mouth BEFORE you
put your head on my shoulder. In addition, while I know you despise
your worming medication, my intentions in giving it to you are good,
and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit half
of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the
appropriate roles you should play in various situations. One small bit
of advice: Your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your
speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not
vice versa.
Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavor.
By "mutual", I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together.
You were purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of
your head, but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you,
and I have every intention of protecting that investment.
Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the
appropriate behavior for a particular situation:
When I put your halter on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the
halter, and tie the other end of the lead rope to a post or ring or
whatever, I am indicating a desire for you to remain in that locale. I
would also like the halter, lead rope, post, etc., to remain intact.
While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I
do not consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly snapping
expensive new lead ropes (or halters or posts) so that you can run
madly around the yard creating havoc in your wake. Such behavior is
not conducive to achieving that important goal that I know we both
share --- decreasing the number of times the veterinarian comes out to
visit you.
By the same token, the barn aisle was not designed for the running of
the Derby and is not meant to serve as a racetrack. Dragging me down
the aisle in leaps and bounds is not how "leading" is supposed to
work, even if someone happens to drop a saddle on the floor as we're
passing. Pulling loose and running off is also discouraged (although I
admit it does allow you to run faster).
I assure you that blowing pieces of paper do not eat horses. While I
realize you are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your
ability to jump 25 feet sideways from a standing start while swapping
ends in midair, nor am I interested in your ability to emulate both a
racehorse and a bucking bronco while escaping said piece of paper.
Also, if the paper were truly a danger, it would be the height of
unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a sacrificial
offering to expedite your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that
said stream does not contain crocodiles, sharks, or piranhas, nor will
it be likely to drown you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I
know it can be done.) I expect you to be prepared to comply with the
occasional request to wade across some small body of water. Since I
would like to be dry when we reach the other side of the stream,
deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged behavior.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate
means of transportation for distances too long for walking. It is not
a lion's den or a dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into
such. It is made for horses, and I promise you that you will indeed
fit into your assigned space. Please also bear in mind that I
generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I would
really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren,
friendless existence. If I put you in a turn-out paddock, I promise
that no predators will eat you, and I will come back in due time to
return you to your stable. It is not necessary to run in circles,
whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the fence, or paw at the gate.
Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the premises. The other
horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks amply demonstrate that
it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to
point out that, whatever might happen between horses and their people,
we humans will always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help
create new bonds among ourselves, even with total strangers. Wherever
there are horses, there will be "horse people", and for the blessings
you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Your Adoring Owner
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I
would never wish to criticize you in any way. However, there are a few
trivial details regarding our relationship that I think might bear
your consideration.
First of all, I am already aware that horses can run faster than I
can. I do not need you to demonstrate that fact each time I come to
get you in from the field.
Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep
you in the style to which you have become accustomed. In return, I
think you should at least pretend to be glad to see me, even when I'm
carrying a bridle instead of a bucket of feed.
It should be fairly obvious to you that I am a human being who walks
on only two legs. I do not resemble a scratching post. Do not think
that, when you rub your head against me with 1,000 pounds of force
behind it, I believe that it wasn't your intention to send me flying.
I am also aware that stomping on my toes while you are pushing me
around is nothing but adding injury to insult.
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze,
but it would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of
dirt and manure prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt.
Also, if you have recently filled your mouth with water you do not
intend to drink, please let it all dribble from your mouth BEFORE you
put your head on my shoulder. In addition, while I know you despise
your worming medication, my intentions in giving it to you are good,
and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit half
of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the
appropriate roles you should play in various situations. One small bit
of advice: Your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your
speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not
vice versa.
Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavor.
By "mutual", I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together.
You were purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of
your head, but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you,
and I have every intention of protecting that investment.
Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the
appropriate behavior for a particular situation:
When I put your halter on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the
halter, and tie the other end of the lead rope to a post or ring or
whatever, I am indicating a desire for you to remain in that locale. I
would also like the halter, lead rope, post, etc., to remain intact.
While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I
do not consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly snapping
expensive new lead ropes (or halters or posts) so that you can run
madly around the yard creating havoc in your wake. Such behavior is
not conducive to achieving that important goal that I know we both
share --- decreasing the number of times the veterinarian comes out to
visit you.
By the same token, the barn aisle was not designed for the running of
the Derby and is not meant to serve as a racetrack. Dragging me down
the aisle in leaps and bounds is not how "leading" is supposed to
work, even if someone happens to drop a saddle on the floor as we're
passing. Pulling loose and running off is also discouraged (although I
admit it does allow you to run faster).
I assure you that blowing pieces of paper do not eat horses. While I
realize you are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your
ability to jump 25 feet sideways from a standing start while swapping
ends in midair, nor am I interested in your ability to emulate both a
racehorse and a bucking bronco while escaping said piece of paper.
Also, if the paper were truly a danger, it would be the height of
unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a sacrificial
offering to expedite your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that
said stream does not contain crocodiles, sharks, or piranhas, nor will
it be likely to drown you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I
know it can be done.) I expect you to be prepared to comply with the
occasional request to wade across some small body of water. Since I
would like to be dry when we reach the other side of the stream,
deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged behavior.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate
means of transportation for distances too long for walking. It is not
a lion's den or a dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into
such. It is made for horses, and I promise you that you will indeed
fit into your assigned space. Please also bear in mind that I
generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I would
really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren,
friendless existence. If I put you in a turn-out paddock, I promise
that no predators will eat you, and I will come back in due time to
return you to your stable. It is not necessary to run in circles,
whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the fence, or paw at the gate.
Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the premises. The other
horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks amply demonstrate that
it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to
point out that, whatever might happen between horses and their people,
we humans will always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help
create new bonds among ourselves, even with total strangers. Wherever
there are horses, there will be "horse people", and for the blessings
you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Your Adoring Owner
