Dear Mrs Mozart

MrsElle

MrsElle

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Dear Mrs Mozart

I am looking forward to my visit tomorrow, thank you for confirming.

I do have a few requirements when visiting friends. They are as follows:

Dress - I shall be wearing my dove silk gown and do expect you to be suitably dressed for receiving guests. I intend to make and effort and it is only fitting that you show your respect by dressing in an appropriate way.

Lunch - I enjoy a cup of tea. Earl Grey, served in a china cup with a saucer. I take a drop of milk but no sugar as I am already sweet enough.

If cook is preparing sandwiches for lunch, please inform her that I must have the crusts cut off. I just cannot eat a sandwich with crust intact. Acceptable fillings are cucumber, salmon or prawns. Following sandwiches fancies served on a cake stand will suffice. I don't want to put cook out.

Conversation: Should be polite and any activities should be genteel and suitable for ladies of our breeding and age. Tapestry, drawing, reading or playing pianoforte should suffice.

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, my carriage should arrive at Mozart Mansions at approximately 11am.

Yours sincerely

Mrs Elle

(If you wish to disregard the above do feel free - I will be turning up in jeans in my battered Mondeo and eat anything!)

Looking forward to it though
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My Dearest Mrs Elle,

Whilst I appreciate your sweet felicitations, may I most humbly propose that the grey silk really isn't the most suitable when one is hoisting oneself across the fields in search of an audience with The Dizzy One?

As to luncheon my dearest MrsE, Cook says we may have what we are given and be thankful. Having tasted Cook's offerings more than once I somehow doubt that there will be any thankfulness. Ah well, these little trials and tribulations are sent to try us, though in Cook's case 'little' is not a word we would usually use.

I shall not repeat Cook's response with regard to the 'fancies'. I feel her comments totally inappropriate and have asked Bertie the Butler to take her to task over the matter: as he is seven stone wet through, I fear he may not be up to the task, but what does not kill us will make us stronger my Mother always said, so there is hope that given time he will recover.

Please ensure that your arrival is prompt. I have arranged for a small game of whist, where we can fleece the neighbours of their goods and chattels. I always fancied a good chattel and feel your visit is most opportune in this matter.

The order of the day will be tailored to making you feel at your most comfortable and relaxed, though it you could refrain from drooling on the antimacassars it would be eternally appreciated.

The jaunt into the country to see the horses will, I trust, meet with your approval. I asked that they be brought up so that you may pat their gentle noses and feed their great gobs with carrots. A wipe will be provided at appropriate intervals.

My most heartfelt thanks for your kind attendance on the morrow's morn. I can hardly believe that I will sleep for the excitement of it all.

Kindest and warmest thoughts,

Yours, most delightfully,

Mrs Mozart


Rough translation: look forward to you getting your ar%e herem'duck. We'll get chippies from t'shop and then haul butt down t'yard. Neds'll be out but that's reet, we'll just hollar and look out for the stampede. I'll be in m'baggy tracky bottoms on the grounds that I can't get m'ar$e into a pair of jeans
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I think someone or two someones are aving an overdose of Austen somehow.

I would alos like to point out that a HHOer with a name like DArcyLu may find herself in a bit of a predicament responding to posts of this nature.
 
My Dear Mrs Mozart,

Thank you for your rapid response to my earlier communication. I take on board your thoughts on my choice of attire and will ask Agnes, my ladies maid to pick out something more suitable.

I understand that we may have to eat what Cook serves up. I was initially shocked that Cook had been so forward as to speak to you in such an ill manner. In years gone by such rudeness would have lead to instant dismissal. It is so difficult to find staff nowadays, however, that the Help do get away with things that would make my poor departed Papa turn in his grave.

I wholely approve of your choice of entertainment. Whist is such an enjoyable game and I am sure that between us we can indeed fleece the local gentry of goods and chattels.

I thank you in advance for your making my visit such an enjoyable event. I can assure you that your antimacassors will remain unsoiled. I find a dab with a lace handkerchief sufficient when the age related problem of drooling rears its ugly head.

I look forward to the tour of your parkland and stables, and to meeting your noble beasts, who I am sure will be very gentle and will refrain from dribbling down my (appropriate) dress.

Until the morrow, my dear Mrs Mozart

Your dear friend,

Mrs Elle

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PS Chips sound fab!!!!
 
My most sisterly MrsElle,

I thought a short note might suffice. I write of course in reference to your mention of age related problems. Please be assured that I have instructed the parlour maid to ensure that each chamber is suitably stocked with packets of Tena Ladies.

I trust that you will find this to your liking, I know my antimacassars will.

Please be assured that the household will be sweetness and light on your visit. I find a good dose of rum in the morning's break fast works a treat. It may have the added advantage of improving the fare.

Until tomorrow then.

Wamest lightness,

MrsM
 
Dear Mrs M,

Far be it from I, a humble stranger, to bring this to your attention but I fear that your relationship with your butler may be in jeopardy. It is generally accepted that butlers are addressed by their surname only and I am concerned that a lack of the respect due to you by the aformentioned manservant may be compromised should you continue to address "Bertie" by his given name (I am assuming this is his given name?). Humblest apologies for drawing attention to this breach of etiquette but I find it is best to put relationships with servants on the correct footing, or trouble invariably ensues!!

Your humblest servant

Camilla4
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