Death of a best mate

T

TART

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 November 2010
Messages
90
Location
Cheshire
Visit site
I'm hoping for advice please - I have an 18 year old very, very Stressful mare, she's been amazing to share time with, so brave eventing but she looks like the total grumpy mare until she knows a horse then she falls in love ..... So she's in a field with an even older mare that she has been with for 10 years but the older lady has been allowed to enjoy summer but won't see winter (owner devastated) how do we do this .... My mare had a foal (at a stud farm) & unfortunately he died within 24 hours & was left with my beautiful girl for 24 hours so she understood, I was gutted but it worked for her - she moved on well, so do we let her friend be put to sleep in the field with my mare?? Will she understand better then ?? Sorry to sound naive I've been around horses for 45 years but happily never met this one before, please help as I'm more stressed than my mare at the moment - thanks in advance x
 
One of those horrible situations, I would defintely let her see her friend and give her an hour or too if she needs it to come to terms with her death. I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can xx
 
Am sorry. I wouldn't let her see the PTS but would let her say goodbye to her friend afterwards. See her and smell her etc. so she doesn't think she's just gone somewhere temporarily.
 
Awful situation, I feel for all of you. Mine and my sisters horse are a closely bonded pair and I dread the day this comes for so many reasons. Sorry I have no advice but there will hopefully be people who can share experiences
 
My sister and I had 2 elderly mares who had been together for 20 yrs, we had thought that we might have to pts at the same time, becasue we wern't sure that either of them would cope, even though we had 2 other mares with them.
Suddenly the younger mare had a stroke overnight in her stable, she was still breathing but comatose in the morning. Hunt came out to despatch and remove her. Her friend was in the next box and could see over the shared wall. Because of the logistics the healthy mare had to stay in the stable until the body had been removed.
The survivor was nowhere near as upset as we expected, just a bit quieter than normal. Then we bought another mare and that distracted her completely and gave her a new lease on life. She lived another 2 years very happily.

So, OP, in answer to your question, I would pts where the mare can see what is happening.
 
Last edited:
MargotC said:
Am sorry. I wouldn't let her see the PTS but would let her say goodbye to her friend afterwards. See her and smell her etc. so she doesn't think she's just gone somewhere temporarily.
Click to expand...

I agree. I wouldn't let her watch it happen but definitely let her see her afterwards.

Sorry that you're going through this x
 
Same as the others, don't let her see it happen but take her over for a sniff after. I lost one of mine earlier this summer (ironically not the one I was expecting) & though I wouldn't say LP was wildly fond of D, they'd been together a good while. LP sniffed her, ate the bit of carrot D dropped, & stood with her for a bit. When she went back to eating, we took her away. She was quiet & clingy for a few days, then seemed fine. She was more bothered than I'd expected, to be honest, but not in a dramatic sense, just subdued. She seemed to have understood immediately.
 
We put my ponys best friend and guardian to sleep in the field next to his, he coped fine with her being PTS by injection and was fine sniffing her afterwards. (Although very sad as he tried pulling her ears to get her to wake up). I thought it had all gone as well as possible. After an hour or so of peace the wagon came to collect her and I made the mistake of not moving him whilst they loaded her up. My poor friendly lovely horse turned into a demon, he suddenly started attacking the other horses (I mean full pelt the entire way across the field with jaws open just to get them). It was like he blamed them, he was so angry. He kept this up for about 2-3 weeks. Thankfully he has settled and is starting to accept his new companion pony and plays with the others. So next time I'd let him see the horse after but I absolutely would not let him see it being loaded and taken away.

Worth saying that my pony is a very sensitive empathetic sort. The week or so leading up to her death he didn't leave her side, even though she had been separated to another paddock. Afterwards he would spend long periods standing at the spot where she lay, just sniffing the ground and huffing to himself, and he would shove his head into her rugs when he was near them. The other horses didn't appear to notice at all and didn't even raise their heads from grazing.
 
Last edited:
Oh sad for you both.

My old mare died in the paddock which she shared with my others, one evening in May, and I couldn't do anything about moving the body until the next day. I was very worried about how my other three would cope, especially her daughter and the gelding in my avatar, who used to stress even if I took her out of the paddock.

But it wasn't an issue. I think they realised she was dead and when the body was taken away the next day none of them worried at all and I haven't had any problems. The one thing I would ask is will your remaining horse have a companion when the older one goes? It may be that a bit of forward planning and organising her a paddock mate in advance might help.

If it's any help, I went through the same struggle as you are going through now. I knew that I was going to have to make a decision about Zara (and sort the how) and I had put it off until June. In the end she took it out of my hands, but in hindsight I wish I had been braver about it, as she really wasn't very well in the last few weeks.
 
Last edited:
I absolutely believe that animals understand death better than we give them credit for. And older animals are wiser and more accepting alot of the time. My old girl lost her ancient little buddy after they had been together for about 4 years and although I wasn't there, I'm quite sure she would have witnessed the PTS as it was just a few yards from the paddock gate. I did tell her that the pony was going that day (always told her everything) but I think she already knew that there was something wrong as her little pal was severerly ataxic. When I came up in the afternoon my girl was quiet and when I fed her she ate up then, went and stood on the spot where I would feed the pony, sighed and looked very down. But the next day she went about her business with no distress because she knew the pony was gone.
 
If at all possible let her see the body. When I had my first horse put to sleep the others came and had a look and a sniff and seemed ok with it. This time round I had to have the pony taken away and pts elsewhere and my horse screamed (almost literally) for 3 days. He kept galloping round the field and called and called for him, it was so distressing.
 
yes let her see the body but what happens to her then? does she live alone in the field or does she have a companion?

My horse and donkey were bonded. Donkey dropped down dead in the field. We left it for a few hours till horse walked away. Horse was then left alone. This was a neurotic sec D who walked through any gate, fence or door for a pastime. We put our youngster in with him. The youngster was obnoxious and bullied the distraught sec D. This carried on for 3 days and then the sec D turned round, said right I am over the donkey now and I am going to start on you, you horrible little git. The sec D became the leader with a purpose in life and they became friends.

For the 3 days of grieving there was absolutely nothing we could do, nothing a human could do helped him. It was a particularly miserable time to live through. Hope it works out for your mare.
 
OP, as others have said, if you can get a new companion added to the herd soon, then this will help.

Also, do take her to see the body if you can, straight after PTS and horse has definately stopped all movement. Don't just make it a 2 min thing & drag her away, but let her take the lead.
She may well want to sniff all over, possibly put a hoof on her to make her move. Often the understanding comes to them in minutes, sometimes it takes 20 to 30 mins or so.
Usually the 1 left behind will then turn & want to move away when they are satisfied their pal isn't ging to be getting back up.

I wish you all the best x
 
We lost my OH's TB several years ago; he'd been field mates with my ID for some years. Pad was put to sleep in his stable, but OH let Mac see and sniff him on the way to the field in the morning. Mac called once from his field and then got on with life. I think they do understand.
 
When I lost a pony suddenly his body had to be left until the following day to be collected and his companion stayed with it all night and never made a fuss or called for him when the body went. He had completely accepted and understood what had happened and was not distressed in any way.

I strongly believe that animals need to see the body of a departed companion to understand that they are dead and stop them searching and calling for them.
 
Ditto what everyone else has said.

Re. getting another companion for yours; when my old boy lost his pair-bond, I had thought (in my knowledge at that time, which was obviously flawed) that the best thing was to put another horse or horses in with him. A friend of a friend had two young Arab horses, so in they went with my old boy and in my sweet innocence I thought everything would be OK.

It wasn't, it was the biggest mistake I ever made for him in his life, poor old chap. Think (for e.g.) elderly retired sedate vicar put in a house with two young tearaways. My old boy was desperately unhappy with them in the field with him, and it somehow made him all the more unhappy because he didn't have his pair-bond to consult about it. They wanted to do rough-play all the time, and hooley around the field, naturally, and he just didn't, he was so miserable.

So you will need to give serious consideration, like NOW, as to what, if any, horse/pony you put in with yours after the loss of the other horse.
 
Both times I've PTS I've let the companions see and spend time with the body. They do understand death. As some others have said I would focus on the after care. I lost one and was left with a 19 year old. To ensure she wasn't on her own whilst I arranged to move her more permanently I put her on a friends yard for a week or so. My beautiful big top dog mare was a shadow of herself when I went to get her - terrorised by small bolshy ponies. She had made a friend in an old gelding but I still regret not thinking how a horse that was so devoted to her only companion would cope with a herd. She settled so well when I moved her to a very small yard and the owner allowed her to share with her own two very quiet mares. She never bonded the same way again though.
 
My 35 year old mare died in the field with my much younger mare standing over her. She then followed the JCB carrying the old mare with her nose resting on the body until it was put in the ground. She screamed, that is the only way I can describe the noise she made, until the body was covered over. For weeks she would just stand or lay on the grave. I thought I was going to lose her too. It was heartbreaking but really didn't expect such a reaction as the younger mare's mother had been PTS a few years before and she didn't react at all. I borrowed a friend's pony to keep her company but she was just aggressive towards her. I eventually bought my cob but it has taken her years to accept him. They are now inseparable but I also have three minis to ensure they don't become so reliable on just one companion. Minis are fantastic for keeping bigger horses company and because they are so easy to keep more than one is no trouble.
 
I agree with everyone too, let the horse see the body, I have seen this process and they do understand, two of my horses stood by the grave of their companion for three days gradually grazing further away until they moved on, was peaceful and respectful. Have seen this with cats and dogs too, they do understand and it helps them cope and helps them understand where their friend has gone.
 
Feel for you :( I lost one of mine on Friday and my other younger horse was really attached to him however I didn't let him see his mate being Pts or afterwards as he was shot and there was quite a bit of blood. I worried he would stress and get himself in a tizz
but after being subdued for a couple of days he perked back up and seems fine. Do what feels best x
 
Awful situation for you, so sorry. I just wanted to add my bit, I think letting them see their friend on the ground will help find some sort of closure. I brought home my gangly baby last April and he latched on to the elderly mare in the next paddock, screamed when she was not in her field. This went on for 11 months and he would never settle on his own if she was in her stable. Then in March she had a field accident overnight and the next day she was led to some grass where he could see her and was pts due to her injuries. He looked up at her, then went back to grazing and never called for her again. This staggered me, and made me realise that they understand far more than we give them credit for. If he hadn't seen her go I think he'd have driven himself mad looking for her x
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top