Death of a horse, how long do you wait before getting a new horse?

[pocket]

I tried to ask this question the other day and was probably in the wrong frame of mind to do so (and had some wine) so a little emotional

Last weekend, a pony at my yard was put to sleep and the owners are already looking to replace him. For me I was devistated (as I was the person who found him unwell) as it brought back emotions of when my Fly died 2 years ago, he was not only a riding pony, but my best friend. So, to this date, I still get upset when I'm looking for things and come across his stuff.

I had to go back to the yard and carry on for the sake of Ralph who helped me get over Flys sudden death, he was also Ralphs best mate, so he to was bereaved.

Had I not had Ralph, I could not say how long I would have waited to get a new horse, I would imagine, it would be at least 6 months to a year, difficult to say.

As a nurse, I know all about bereavement as I deal with death on a daily basis. I was just wondering how other people deal with the loss of a horse, move on or wait?

 

[MurphysMinder]

Think this is purely a personal thing. When I lost my first old pony I got a replacement quite quickly as his companion was fretting badly, but this was purely as a companion, and I basically got the first ILPH pony that was available and suitable. When I have lost a dog it has always taken me a long time to get another, but I have never been in the situation where I have had just one dog. Don't think I could cope with an empty house so might look to getting another quite quickly. If we lost Murph I think we would need some space before considering another horse. I don't think you can just anyone harshly who gets another horse straight away, everyone copes with their loss differently.

 

[catembi]

After Cat died, it took me 3 months to get another horse, but I felt like I needed to do so to try to get some sort of normality back into my life. Also, I had to think about my old mare who was left by herself.

My head was a long way off being straight when I got A. I hoped that if I started riding again & carrying on normally, eventually I might start to *feel* more normal, and it did work.

I'd agree that it's a v personal thing & there is no 'right' or 'wrong'. Just because I'd got another horse, it didn't mean that I'd forgotten about Cat - far from it. I simply couldn't cope with having a huge Cat shaped hole in my life.

 

[piebaldsparkle]

I don't know, I don't think you can know till it happen as how you react/grieve depends on the horse and your circumstances at the time. How you react when friend/relatives die varies and your reaction to the loss of a pet is no different. Like you said you had Ralph to tend to, which no doubt helped you get over Fly. perhaps if this was their only horse they feel they need to feel the gap. I wouldn't judge anyone either way if they brought immediately or waited a while, it's up to them. I also think it depends how you lost the horse e.g. sudden death or end to long term illness, that you knew was coming.

 

[Forget_Me_Not]

When I lost Dermot last June I did start looking quite soon, I had felt Dermot was unright for quite some time although him being pts was sudden. I greavied for a few weeks, I had alot of anger more then anything, Dermot was my everything, my promise, I felt like it been snatched away meanwhile my bitch of a friend did nothing but golt of her new super showjumper. I wanted some thing positive in my life and a new horse would let me move on. I had work experience for the nex two weeks after he was put down and that really helped me take my mind off things, I was with a farrier so when I got chatting to owners it made me talk about Dermot and my plans for the future. I veiwed a few horses, but had little money (for what I wanted) as I had gambled it on vet bills thinking if Dermot recovered it'll be cheaper then a new horse. I gave up rather disheartened as when I found a perfect mare she failed her vetting. I still look back and dream of if she'd past. I was luckily to get ride of a cracking young showjumper, untill I coudln't ride due to a heart condition I was dygnoised with last summer. I brought my pride and joy, a checkly little yearlig in Augest, I now have four horses and post heart surgory. I'm one those people who keeps things locked away, I know I have blocked that hard time out my life out, and it's sad because I can barely recall Dermot anymore.

 

[jacksmum]

Hi, answered the other day but saw you had deleted so didn't push it.
I bought my new boy when i knew the end was coming for my gorgeous boy. It helped me having the new boy to focus on and although the day was the saddest thing i've ever had to do my new boy was there for me and i found it realy helped.
I think we are all different and have to do what is right for us and not feel any guilt whatever we decide x

 

[disco]

My 1st horse died after owning her for 16 years (caught in wire)

I had another 6 weeks after & it was totally the wrong thing to do. He was totally wrong for me.

I did it so quick because I was so lost without her, plus just before she died boyfriend & I had just split up so I was living on my own. (This is the same boyfriend that I'm marrying in June!)

Top & Tail of it was I was a lost soul.

 

[hadfos]

If i could afford to have another when h is semi retired then yes,however i do feel that when h has gone(god forbid hopefully got 20yrs left yet

)and i havnt got another then that would be it!!
Cant give a definate answer as this has not happened to me!!

 

[Happytohack]

I think everyone handles the death of a horse differently. In my case, I have always had other horses when I have lost one, so have never actually "replaced" a horse. When I lost my Arab after 19 years, it took me nearly 6 years to actually part with his rugs and I still can't look at his photos. I am sure if you only own one horse and lose it, there must be a huge void in your life and it is understandable that you want another horse to fill it.

 

[_jetset_]

This was something I was thinking of the other day actually

When a friend's horse died suddenly that she had owned for 14 years, a lot of people were very shocked when two weeks later she bought a young horse to bring on. But I could see that she needed something to keep her life normal, not to replace the mare she had lost. It really helped her with the grieving process, and she still has the gelding six years on and loves him dearly!

I think this is how I would deal with it too, although you never know until it happens. The one thing she did was move him into a different stable on the yard.

 

[Puppy]

When I lost my boy Willum I immediately had to borrow a pony to keep Star company and that was my first concern. If I remember correctly it was about three weeks later my mother and I had the conversation that we would definitely buy another one - although I don't think that was really in any doubt as we ride together, and of course couldn't do that with only the one.... So I started looking at ads, but how much my heart was in the search varied to great degrees - sometimes I was very keen, and I would get my heart set on one only to find it sold/not being as described, or a lot of the time I just couldn't see anything I felt could possibly full the void and I was exception picky with any ad that my mother suggested refusing to inquire further.

Willum had been a horse of a lifetime; he'd been around for a large percentage of my lifetime, and perhaps also because I lost him at a time many other aspects of my life fell apart, then his death marked a time that life became especially hard, and I mourned him for many months. Thankfully, now we can laugh and smile when we talk of him, but even last week I had a dream I was riding him and felt some sadness when I woke up

I don't however feel disloyal to him for now loving Be, but it took me time before I was ready for that, and I did of course always have Star to love and care for during this time, which kept me sane; I owe her a lot for how SHE looked after ME those miserable months instead of the other way round.

In the end, I think Believe came along at just the right time. It was 15 months later. I had been riding Star regularly all winter and re-discovered the enjoyment in it all that had deserted me for a long time around the time of Willum's death. With Spring in sight I wanted to do more of that, and could finally envisage seeing a new face in our field. It took me those 15 months to get there, but it was worth it.

Believe is a dream come true. She is so very perfect and I'm convinced we were meant to find one another, even if it meant all those months of me searching, and losing heart, and for grieving for such a long time unable to move on. If I hadn't have felt Willum's death so badly, if I hadn't separately been suffering from depression, then it wouldn't have taken me so long to make that step, but then I wouldn't have found Beanie, another horse of a lifetime - my friend reminds me of this when I worry/suffer depression as be says its a sign of fate and all things come for a reason. Whenever I am low he reminds me that this time last year I never knew that there was something to Believe in just about to come into my life. She has that name fora reason.

Once I saw her ad, I just knew with more confidence than I'd felt in my whole search, and many hours trawling ads, that I was ready to have a new four legged love and that I wanted her. I wouldn't judge anyone who buys another horse quickly. If I hadn't have had Star then I maybe would have done things differently - I maybe would have given up altogether for a bit...

I would say there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. People should just do what feels right for them.

My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a four legged friend recently though, it's just so hard to get through. I would just like to say, however hard it is to believe, that one day the happy memories will outweigh the pain of loss - and you will be able to smile not cry when you think of them - and I say that sat here with pictures of Willum all over my wall...

H xxx

 

[badgerdog]

When I unexpectedly lost my horse 9 years ago I was devastated, I had not only lost my best friend but I lost my lifestyle. He was my only horse so when I got up in the morning I had no need to go to the stables to look after him and feed him. I had many offers to ride but I didn't want to. I started looking for a horse immediately so I could get my horsey lifestyle back. I definitely wasn't trying to replace Ben because that was impossible, he was a fantastic horse and his loss had left me numb. Incredibly, I had another horse within a month. I know that I was in a state of shock when I bought the new boy but he did help me. I deliberately went out and bought a horse who was nothing like Ben and he wasn't the best of buys but I don't know how I could have got through those grief stricken days without him. We weren't entirely suited and I sold him after 3 years but we had some fun together and I'm grateful for him being there when I needed his shoulder to cry on and simply to love and look after him.
When I found myself in a situation with an older horse I knew I would have to get a youngster so I would never be in that situation again. I now have three horses so I would be unlikely to rush out and buy a horse if was to lose one.
People do cope with grief in different ways. I can understand people not wanting to try and replace their beloved horse but I never wanted to do that, I just wanted my life back.
I'm so sorry to anyone who has recently lost a horse, as Puppy says, a time will come when you think of the happy memories. I still have my pictures of Ben on the wall and now they make me smile.

 

[LCobby]

[ QUOTE ]
had to go back to the yard and carry on for the sake of Ralph who helped me get over Flys sudden death, he was also Ralphs best mate, so he to was bereaved

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe without Ralph you would have looked for another sooner, to hlep you get over it?
when we lost cats to old age, we have loked ofr another cat or kitne straight away, becasue of missing haivng one.
Those who have one horse or pony may be the same, an huge empty space to fill.

 

[Leg_end]

After my very first pont dies I swore I would never ride again and I didn't for about 3 years, then I got a job in the states and started riding again but it wasn't a massive part of my life, just a hobby. I then had a share and it became more of my life again. When that lad died horribly and suddenly it took me about 6 months until I found my boy. As other have said he came along at the right moment. I had looked at one, decided she wasnt right and had decided to wait. Then Mr Leg came along

And as everyone else has said, he helped me through some tough times and helped me regain my confidence again

I owe him alot. TBH I dont think I would get another when he passes on.. hopefully ti'll be years and years away

 

[Nickijem]

When I lost Jake last year I was devastated and thought I'd have a year off horses. However I did find myself just looking to see what was about. A friend of a friend had this beautiful Trakehner gelding for sale and I was put in touch with her. I did buy him only 3 months after losing Jake. I couldn't love him instantly though as I still loved Jake. It took me another 5 months to bond with Jerry but now he is my best mate!
I think it's a very personal thing but I think a new horse does help you get over losing the old one. There is no point in living in the past - the world keeps turning!

 

[amberbayo]

i waited two years but i did have my previous mare for 15 years and i knew i would not find another one like her but i work with horses so its not as if i wasnt around them at all and the break gave me time so save money and do some traveling

 

[Donkeymad]

I haven't voted - I don't think you can. It will vary between every person and every horse for any one person.

 

[LeneHorse]

I knew straight away that I would get another horse. It was so much a part of my life I couldn't cope with having so much empty time on my hands. I had to wait 3 months until the insurance money came through and I was an emotional wreck during this time, but when I got my new horse it gave me something to focus on and I felt 'normal' again. I still miss my first horse and feel sad she was taken before her time (she was only 13) and in such a painful way (she had cushings related laminitis. It took ages for the Cushings to be diagnosed because the vet thought she was too young to have it). My new horse (which I have had 5 years now) is completely different in appearance and character. I didn't want to get something too similar.

 

[burtondog]

I lost my first horse after 8 years and I decided to take the a year out to go travelling while i didn't have the tie of paying livery. Got a new horse about 6 months after I got back to UK. So 18 month gap in total for me. I'm glad a had a break because even after 18months I was still comparing my new horse to my old 'fantastic' one as were all my friends but then my first horse was irreplacable.

 

[6103claire]

I lost my mare (bay in pics) and old pony in july 2006 (lightening). I suppose the first few days you dont really think straight if you have lost them unexpectedly. I think i knew from the night we found them in the field i would get another. I started looking within a couple if days but not seriously just by chance that there would be something suitable. After a couple of weeks i started looking properly - theres nothing to do without horses - you dont realise till they've gone! After some serious searching and travelling to unsuitable and wrongly described horses i found the one ive got now whos great (chestnut). I still think about my mare i lost every day. I think you dont know what you would do until it happened to you.

 

[Pidge]

me personally, had Higgs PTS as he had Grass Sickness on the 8th May, and Pidge arrived with me on the 27th May

That's after 2 visits to look at him, vetting etc. I felt totally lost after losing Higgs and was absolutely devastated too

but it was the right thing to do in looking for another horse and it helped me tremendously cope with losing Higgs as Pidge was in sore need of some tlc.
ETS: when I was first looking for another horse I was picking spitting images of Higgs

then friend had a chat and said "you can't replace him, but there will be another horse out there waiting for some tlc" and hey presto there was Pidge and yes I believe it was fate as he is so right for me (despite the bad moments!) and has a huge personality so so so so much like Higgs did

 

[dozzie]

I would wait a while as i think it would be easy to make a big mistake and buy the first one you see just to fill the gap. But i have several to fill that gap! Maybe if i only had the one I would be different! Although if I only had one left and I lost that one, after 30 years of owning horses i think I would enjoy the break!

For a week or so..........

 

[mandy4727]

That is a toughy. I lost my pony of 27 years on 8th Jan 2006. The plan was to wait until about September time. Save up some decent money, that I wasn't paying for rent, hay etc etc and have a good look round to find something both me and my daugther really liked. We couldn't agree on anything!!! We lasted 2 weeks. Kept looking on the internet at "types" we would go to look at. Had to be right height, colour, breed, local cos i don't do motorways. Saw a youngster that fell into all the catagories mentioned 2 weeks after loosing Margo. Went to see the filly and bought her there and then. She will never replace Margo and I never expected her to. But hope that Margo taught me and my daughter our love for horses that we wanted another. Hope this makes sense.

 

[TGM]

I've always overlapped horses exactly so I don't have this problem. If I had been in a situation where I lost a horse suddenly and I had no other horse, I think I would be searching for another very quickly. Like others have said, not only have you lost a friend, but you would end up with huge amounts of empty time in which to brood about it.