Decision to make...

Bikerchickone

Bikerchickone

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Hi All,

Some of you may remember me from my tales of woe with my wonderful cob who has just recently gone to Rockley. Well now that he's gone (and seems to be loving it) I find myself with just the one horse to talk to, my very glamorous and gorgeous youngster.

For several reasons, not the least of which is that I feel I'm too heavy for her, I don't ride her. She'll be 5 in June and is approx 16hh at the moment. I'm not after a debate about my weight as opposed to her ability to carry me as I'm decided in this and agreed with YO and instructor. I'm also making attempts to do something about the situation. However with my boy away it's really hit home that I don't have a horse to ride and I really don't have the bond with her that I have with my boy. I've had him 12 years nearly, and her since she was a yearling.

So my thoughts are;
Do I sell her and buy something that I can ride?
Do I persevere with the diet and make an effort to bond with her, knowing that it's going to be several months at least and I'm paying full exercised/schooling livery for her in the meantime?
Or are there any other suggestions?

I'm not totally heartless, I do love my mare dearly, but I feel we have more of a tolerant relationship than any kind of partnership, and I'm fully aware it's my fault. I bought her on impulse and haven't put the effort into her that I did with my boy when I got him. She's almost not really my horse, except I pay for her, which is really stupid.

I know I'm spoilt rotten and very lucky to have the two but it seems to have only just dawned on me that I actually have two horses and should be doing more with the second one. It was hubby who suggested I sell her and have something I can ride, otherwise I don't know that I'd have ever thought of it, that's how blinkered I've been about her and she really does deserve better.

Any suggestions? Please be kind, I already know I'm a very lucky stupid person at best.
 
there is nothing wrong in selling a nice healthy horse that just does not suit you for whatever reason she is as you say glamourous and you will of course be careful if you sell her carefully so she should go on to have a happy working life.

Only you can decide if you stick with the diet so you can ride her it's putting a lot of pressure on you but speaking as someone who has battled with her wieght buying a glamorous TB was the kick up the backside I needed to lose two stone and I feel so much better now .

You just need to think it through and decide and commit to the decision whichever it is and do it.

There is no point in keeping and paying for a horse you don't use if you don't have a great bond withit but I am sure if you where using her that feeling would come given time.
I hope all is going well with your boy and good luck with deciding what to do.
 
Unfortunately I'm a big softy so would keep her or fully loan her as my best option. However, with my sensible head on, you need to do what is best for you. At the end of the day, horses are generally expensive to keep and so if you are not getting any real enjoyment from her nor are you bonding enough, then I would suggest that yes, you either sell or as I mentioned previously
put her on loan

sorry its a wishy-washy answer :rolleyes:
 
I never bonded properly with one of mine. Decision to sell was hard and in fact she ended up on loan but out of sight out of mind. I have missed her far less than I expected.
 
Thank you both of you, no worries about the wishy washy answer, it seems to be a wishy washy question! Just wish I was a tad more decisive!

It's funny but I think I did more with her before she was backed. Since she's been backed it's like she's off limits because I can't ride her. Which is bizarre for me since I'm not obsessive about riding really. God only knows how I'd ever sell her, I'm so fussy I think I'd put buyers off and it isn't exactly a seller's market at the moment!

Looking through sales adverts isn't helping either, I seem to be looking for my cob :(
 
I would sell her -doesn't mean you don't love her - just that you acknowledge that she is not right for your needs. There is no shame in it. She could find the person who is perfect for her and you could find the horse who is right for what you need.
 
Not much help but, when i got my youngster i really didnt like him, i was worried id never click with him. my firt mare id had forever my second horse i had as a foal, This one i also bought as a yealing but i just didnt feel the same about him i cant say why, but now i adore him, thinking back i dont even know when that changed lol. would not part with him for the world now.
 
Oh definitely, if I were you I'd sell her. A genuine, sound, useful young horse has every chance of finding a great home and future. Someone else would really adore her and you could find something perfect for you. Go for it. :)
 
Selling does seem to be the sensible option here, but all I keep thinking about is how hard it was to sell my daughter's pony last year and how easy it is to get hoodwinked by unscrupulous sellers. I know my filly and I know there's nothing wrong with her. I just don't know if working with her would help develop a bond.


QUOTE=Charlie77;10504690]Not much help but, when i got my youngster i really didnt like him, i was worried id never click with him. my firt mare id had forever my second horse i had as a foal, This one i also bought as a yealing but i just didnt feel the same about him i cant say why, but now i adore him, thinking back i dont even know when that changed lol. would not part with him for the world now.[/QUOTE]

How long did you have your youngster before you bonded with him Charlie? For me almost 4 years seems like more than long enough to find out if you can click with a horse or not, but then I haven't given her 4 years of a fair chance to bond.

Now feeling extremely bad that such a lovely girl doesn't have her own person like my boy does. What a c0w I am for playing favourites. :(
 
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Now feeling extremely bad that such a lovely girl doesn't have her own person like my boy does. What a c0w I am for playing favourites.
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She probably doesn't give two hoots though, as long as she gets her food/water, isn't in pain, has horse friends etc...
 
Faracat said:
She probably doesn't give two hoots though, as long as she gets her food/water, isn't in pain, has horse friends etc...
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Thank you Faracat, feel a little better because she definitely does have all that she needs. She has a gorgeous chestnut boyfriend, after all only another red head could put up with her bossyness!

Of course I could have my boy come back from Rockley happily rock crunching (as Nic calls it) and then I'll have him to ride again so it won't seem so bad. Anyone else as feeble as me in that it doesn't matter how much you ride all the time you know you can, but when you can't you really, really want to? I even considered crashing my daughter's riding lesson tonight! :eek:
 
I understand totally about the riding thing. I've had nothing to ride for nearly a year, but soon I should have two to ride. When my mare was in work I was worried about having two to ride, but at the moment - I can hardly wait! :D We'll see if I change my mind when it's a reality. ;)
 
I've had Jas since she was born, she's now 5, and although I 'loved' her, we didn't have the same bond as Blaze and I do. I was even considering selling her this year but all of a sudden, as I am doing more with her, that bond has come. Now I can't imagine life without her.
 
Maybe that's my answer then, do a bit more with her and see what comes of it. It's stupid but I am wary of her and she's not done anything to deserve it, in fact has actually been amazing about everything she's asked to do. More so than I ever thought she would be. I think I'm biased against posh horses and don't think I'm good enough to own her.

Can someone please administer a swift kick up the behind?
 
Only you know what's right so I won't advise what to do, but in my experience it often takes longer to bond with a mare than a gelding. I've had my mare 15yrs and love and adore her, but she's not anywhere near as affectionate or attached to me as any of the three geldings I have had during that time. I think what I'm trying to say is don't blame yourself, some horses are simply more "self sufficient" and not as human orientated as others, therefore your bond with them is different.
 
I can't help but think that if you haven't bonded with her yet, then it isn't going to happen...and the downside is that if you do manage to lose enough weight to ride her, you are going to have that weight battle for the rest of your time with her. Not a bad thing for your health, but could be bad for the moods!! If you can bear to part with her, then you're doing nothing wrong - sounds like she could be someone elses best friend. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
 
Emma that made me lol!! I plan on keeping on with the diet, wasn't fat until about 5 years ago when we moved out of Kent and I got a bit down. Having said that I think being overweight is something you always fight if you're stupid enough to let yourself get there in the first place.

I think the mares being different point is a good one too, but didn't have any problem bonding with daughter's pony. I was more upset than she was when we had to sell her!

Confusion is now rapidly giving me a headache! :confused:
 
do you think perhaps you haven't bonded with her because you don't ride her? I struggled to really bond with my gelding, i loved him but because he was unbacked at the time i didn't feel the same way about him as i did about the big girl. which considering he is the cuddly one and she's a grumpy mare is quite odd lol! now i have started riding him and we've had to put our trust in eachother i feel different about him, we have a relationship which we didn't have before.

If you sold your mare do you honestly think you would ever find something that compared to your boy? i think probably not;) he is special to you and that's fine, but perhaps give your girl a chance to show you her real self too, enjoy her for what she is and stop feeling guilty:)
 
I'd be tempted to turn her away for a bit while you diet if its beginning to annoy you paying out for one you can't ride. I do think the bond you have with a mare is different tho so perhaps its just less obvious than the bond with your boy. Or maybe you've always known deep down she's not for you & the lack of a bond is a sub-conscious way of keeping your distance?
 
Sorry, going to be the coldhearted one here and say not all horses suit all people, and if you don't like her, send her on and find something you get on with better. She doesn't give a hoot as long as she is well looked after. How come we can change husbands, but are stuck with horses we don't get on with?
 
So many really good points, I especially like the one about the husbands lol!

I think not riding her does have a lot to do with it, and I have many days where I really do want to ride her, then other days I think there's no way on earth I'll ever get on her! Not even her fault either, just after having the boy for so many years and him being the only one I ride I think I feel more comfortable with him and she's slightly outside my comfort zone being a posh horse.

I think the thread has answered my questions, and thank you all for helping me put it into perspective. For now I think I'm going to persevere with the diet and whilst the lad is out of the way make a real effort to spend some quality time doing things with her too. If it doesn't work out then at least I'll have tried and if she does end up being sold it'll be a better time to do it in May than it is now.

Giving up on her after 4 years without giving her a chance just doesn't seem fair. So, I have two horses and I'm going to get to know the second one now! Thank you all for the very kind and understanding responses. I'll see if I can bung some pics on if anyone wants to take a look. :)
 
Good luck. :)

Pics please.

i think that you have come to a sensible decision. If it doesn't work out - you wont feel guilty selling her as you will have given her a chance. :D
 
OK, assuming I've done this right, pics following. She's going to be 5 in June, first pic was taken the day I got her.

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What do you think?
 
bikerchickone said:
OK, assuming I've done this right, pics following. She's going to be 5 in June, first pic was taken the day I got her.

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What do you think?
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I can't see the photos. :(

I can see the IMG code when I quoted your post, but I can't get them to work. Have you tried uploading the photos from your computer onto photobucket, then post the IMG codes from there?
 
Faracat said:
I can't see the photos. :(

I can see the IMG code when I quoted your post, but I can't get them to work. Have you tried uploading the photos from your computer onto photobucket, then post the IMG codes from there?
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Oh dear! That's strange. I uploaded them to my albums here and then put in the URL with the Add image box. They show on my phone too, how strange!!

Don't have photobucket unfortunately, will have to sign up!
 
Or you could put them in an album on your profile and we could look at them there. :)

Just a thought - have you got your settings set to 'private'?
 
Faracat said:
Or you could put them in an album on your profile and we could look at them there. :)

Just a thought - have you got your settings set to 'private'?
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I'm such an idiot!! Settings locked to private although god knows why lol!! Have adjusted settings so you should be able to see them now. Not entirely sure how I managed to make it private anyway! Whoops!!
 
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