Depression and horses?

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dark_prince

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I am a teen who has struggled with depression for a couple of years, but my family don't know.

I am starting looking to buy a horse, but can feel myself slipping into unhappiness and have a lot of doubt and uncertainties about myself. I just feel like i don't deserve it and that I won't succeed. Even though I know this is the depression talking as deep down I know I might not be amazing but I am capable, I'm worried I'm going to end up giving up horses before I buy one.

Anyway, I just wondered how many others out there suffer depression, even mild like mine, and how do you cope?

I'm normally not too bad, but I've stopped loaning recently and the lack of routine seems to have messed me up a bit.
 
l.ark said:
I am a teen who has struggled with depression for a couple of years, but my family don't know.

I am starting looking to buy a horse, but can feel myself slipping into unhappiness and have a lot of doubt and uncertainties about myself. I just feel like i don't deserve it and that I won't succeed. Even though I know this is the depression talking as deep down I know I might not be amazing but I am capable, I'm worried I'm going to end up giving up horses before I buy one.

Anyway, I just wondered how many others out there suffer depression, even mild like mine, and how do you cope?

I'm normally not too bad, but I've stopped loaning recently and the lack of routine seems to have messed me up a bit.
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OP, you don't mention (and you don't have to of course) if you have seen a GP about the way you have been feeling. It is extremely common, particularly in younger people, to experience depression to varying degrees, and your GP will have dealt with these types of low mood in people on a daily basis. I honestly would make an appointment and go and see him/her and tell them how you feel (truthfully). They won't judge you and will point you in the right direction to get yourself back to you - the most important thing!! :)

Once you have done that - then focus on where you want to go in terms of loaning again or buying your own horse. Please don't think that you will lose control or touch with being around horses - that IS the depression talking (been there!!). But to be in the best position to buy a horse, you need to be in the best position to be happy yourself - and you CAN do that.

Please don't worry about seeing your GP - it's normal and very very common (I promise you - just ask your GP how common it is!! ;) ). And don't be afraid IF need be, to try medication - again they are very common and widely taken these days - you would be surprised. They are not harmful (SSRI's) and gently bring you back to yourself and help you get back to the person you are! :)
 
Im really sorry you have to struggle with this.

I know first hand what this can be like - I've had anorexia, boarder line disorder both stem from cronic depression.

Horses got me out of both my past problems. In all seriousness without horses I probably wouldnt even be here so I guess I owe them my life.

They not only provide a shoulder to cry on and a silent friend to talk to they also from a more practical side give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I would never say to anyone to buy an animal to give them a lift, the animal will live far far long than that high will last, but, if you have loaned in the past and you managed to look after the horse day in and day out and provide the horse with the care it needed - then yes, perhaps you should look at getting yourself a friend.

I think though, being a reasonable adult now.. look at perhaps having a SOS number in case you do have a very dark day and nothing in the world can raise you from your down. Tell them how you feel and what you go through they can either convince you to go down the yard, pull yourself together and get on or if not be able to check your horse and feed and water it. (this could potentially be another person.)

Can I strongly advise you to speak to your GP too... He can advise you to whether what you are feeling is something everyone feels and help you cope -either the GP, councillor or cognitive behaviour Therapist (CBT)or perhaps suggest antidepressants. They arent the beginning of forever, they can be there for a lift over a period of time to help you get yourself together.

Hope this has sort of helped a little, Im not great at explaining things, but if you want a chat feel free to PM, dont know if I can help or not but hey I will tell you one of my fabulously rubbish jokes! :D x
 
I get depressed too and have done since I was about 14 (25 now), for a long time I stopped bothering with horses, was just trying to get through life and the social side/ever turbulent love life seemed to take over!

I am at uni now so my routine is that of a student which you'd think would be great, but when you're depressed time management can really go out of the window and I have struggled quite a lot and had to go on medication (which is really not that scary by the way and there's no shame in trying it if you think you need that lift - agreed it can make you feel like 'this is how I should have been feeling all along!').

Without being too mushy it kind of gives you something to live for having/sharing/loaning a horse! Or at least something to be motivated for. I struggle to get out of bed sometimes and want to hide away after a bad day (panic attacks often) as is typical of a depressed person but with a horse you pretty much have to do it and it all feels so much better once I've been out in the countryside. There is something especially therapeutic about being on your own but not on your own if you know what I mean...

There is also something really good about knowing I am doing what I have always wanted to do, to many people having a horse is like a dream (and I only share/loan one (well two atm)).

I regret not realising all this sooner to be honest (should have spent less time drinking and chasing boys), but it does depend if you can afford it, that is a big factor!

Definitely go to your GP if you haven't already and really do try to talk to family/friends. It is easy to talk about stuff like this here but you would be surprised how many people there are out there who will have similar experience from one time of life or another (you wouldn't get me piping up about my mental health history in any other public scenario!).

My biased advise is to try and get back into horses as if you are anything like me, it will do you the world of good :-)
 
I had visited the doctor about it a while back and she set me up with a councillor, and suggested medication, but after arranging a meeting with the councillor, I just never went and I felt so guilty but I couldn't bring myself to go.

As far as horses go, it sounds stupid, but the horse I did have was a reason to get on with things. I never missed a day with him unless I'd literally been at work all day, and even then I had people checking on him.

I just feel like now there isn't that reason to get on with life, I feel lost. Not suicidal, just a bit like I'm slipping back into the mess going on at home, and it's a bit too much. Thanks for the replies :)
 
l.ark said:
I had visited the doctor about it a while back and she set me up with a councillor, and suggested medication, but after arranging a meeting with the councillor, I just never went and I felt so guilty but I couldn't bring myself to go.

As far as horses go, it sounds stupid, but the horse I did have was a reason to get on with things. I never missed a day with him unless I'd literally been at work all day, and even then I had people checking on him.

I just feel like now there isn't that reason to get on with life, I feel lost. Not suicidal, just a bit like I'm slipping back into the mess going on at home, and it's a bit too much. Thanks for the replies :)
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There is no problem with you feeling you want to get another horse - in fact I think you should start by making a list of what it is that you are looking for, make a time scale of finances and what you would need or even like for that horse! Take a good deal of time to look through adverts etc and don't make any rash decisions.

But in the meantime, re-visit your GP (who sounds very good) and follow their advice to the tee. You WILL get better with their help, and by that point you will be ready to enjoy your new horse to the full and will feel so thankful you did what you could to be yourself again! ;)
 
Hi

Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. I have had recurring depression and chronic anxiety for years and my family are not aware that it comes and goes. Firsly i would say go to your GP if you havent already, as Moonmin1 said it is really very common and the sooner you start to get help the quicker and easier it is to deal with. I am very naughty and do need to go to my GP but try to deal with it by making myself stop any negative thoughts and turn them around to positive ones, breathing techniques help also.

It is the depression talking now, you are definately capable of and do deserve to own a horse or do anything else that you so wish and you need to keep saying this to yourself. Even if you have to bribe yourself, say that you will start looking properly once you have seen your GP!! I know that its hard and the first step is always the hardest but you will get there.:)

Also visit the local library, there are many self help books out there with great advice, i have several out at the mo. Horses are a great help, i find that when at the yard you can forget about problems as you are so concentrated on looking after your horse, and having one makes you get out of the house so you have to make the effort, of which it is so easy not to.

Promise me you will see your GP asap as they will really help you. Medication does work but it does take 2-3 weeks to start making a difference.

good luck and you are not alone, (((hugs))) :)

Please please visit your GP though
 
don't worry too much about missing your appointment, I did that quite a few times and they are very understanding. It is a nightmare with waiting lists and people with depression like I said can be prone to bad timekeeping, but that is the nature of the beast unfortunately. I become SO disorganised and find myself only knowing I have assignment deadlines through other people's facebook statuses :-0

Your GP sounds good, they will be glad to see you have come back (I'm sure they do worry you know) when you do start whatever course of treatment you decide on whether it is counselling or medication etc, you will be amazed that you didn't go sooner as things will quickly improve I swear.

I now find myself having days where I just feel like cleaning (NEVER happens) and getting up early just because it looks like a nice day... these are big things for me and I am so grateful to my doctor for being so great *gush*! Having horses is great because you always have somewhere to go and something to do if you want to.

Does your surgery do that phoning at 8am for appointments on the day malarkey, that's what mine does so am phoning tomorrow as your thread reminds me I need to make one too!
 
mandwhy said:
don't worry too much about missing your appointment, I did that quite a few times and they are very understanding. It is a nightmare with waiting lists and people with depression like I said can be prone to bad timekeeping, but that is the nature of the beast unfortunately. I become SO disorganised and find myself only knowing I have assignment deadlines through other people's facebook statuses :-0

Your GP sounds good, they will be glad to see you have come back (I'm sure they do worry you know) when you do start whatever course of treatment you decide on whether it is counselling or medication etc, you will be amazed that you didn't go sooner as things will quickly improve I swear.

I now find myself having days where I just feel like cleaning (NEVER happens) and getting up early just because it looks like a nice day... these are big things for me and I am so grateful to my doctor for being so great *gush*! Having horses is great because you always have somewhere to go and something to do if you want to.

Does your surgery do that phoning at 8am for appointments on the day malarkey, that's what mine does so am phoning tomorrow as your thread reminds me I need to make one too!
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Absolutely right!! It's amazing how you turn around and become yourself again with the help of these fantastic doctors. It's easy to think that they never come across people feeling the way YOU do (this is how I felt - I thought they were going to lock me away!!) - but actually, when you speak to them - it's as simple as telling them you have a cough! They are brilliant OP and you are one in millions and millions who suffer this very common ailment, and will be one in millions and millions who are treated extremely succesfully the sooner you go back to the docs!! ;):)
 
I would not cope without my horse, some days I just go to him, stand and cuddle him for ages and he just stands there and cuddles me back. They know! My life turned upside down beginning of this year and without him I'd be completely lost. Why don't you try a loan first if you're concerned about commiting?
 
l.ark said:
As far as horses go, it sounds stupid, but the horse I did have was a reason to get on with things. I never missed a day with him unless I'd literally been at work all day, and even then I had people checking on him.
QUOTE]

This is exactly how i was. I got into a real downer on life when my horse became ill. I blamed myself (which it couldnt have been as was caused by environmental factors). He was my baby and i let him down. Talks of what may happen etc just made me spiral down. I ended up with glandular fever as got so down BUT... every day i got up and was there for my horses. It was my 2 boys which helped me get better. I did see the GP and a councillor (helped talking to some1, dont feel ashamed or guilty) GP mentioned medication but i turned it down.
Each day seeing them (and seeing my boy get better) gave me hope. I kept a diary of them and my day. Noting down all the things i did for them and how happy they were. This then on my down days i could read and realise how much they needed me and loved me.

Keep hunting for a horse. He or she is out there waiting for you to find them, and for you to love. I know it hard but keep your chin up and smile. Maybe visit your old horse just to see that love in his / her eyes for you.
best of luck (always feel free to PM if you want chat)
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I think you would be surprised at just how many people do suffer depression! I've had it for over 25 years, at first i was told it was just my teenage hormones and it would pass, didn't lol:rolleyes: now they are a lot more on the ball about it and although it can sometimes feel that you have to wait ages to see a counsellor it is worth it. Also do not feel bad if they suggest medication, as a lovely little old GP once said to me, if you had diabetes would you take insulin? to which i replied of course, well then, she said, you have a chemical imbalance which needs medicating so take the tablets;) I've been taking them now for over 10 years, have reduced my dose over the last 3 years to every other day and i function pretty much like a 'normal ' person:)
Horses can be a great help i find, they need a routine and daily care which help put some structure in your life.Even during my worst times i can't remember a day when they didn't make me feel better, just going down and having a cuddle can make even the darkest day brighter, one of mine is more sensitive to my moods than the others and he will give me the best cuddles when he feels i need it;) and he doesn't seem to mind me snivelling in his mane sometimes:o
 
Please try and talk to someone about it before it gets worse!!! I've had depression for approx. 4 years and have recently found a new GP who has changed my medication onto citalopram and i'll soon be starting therapy which (fingers crossed) will help! I struggle with it very very badly. Even getting up and having a shower is difficult for me a lot of the days and I sleep in late and go to bed early just to pass time so I don't have to deal with it, but since talking to my new GP I'm feeling so much better and a lot more supported. Please don't feel alone, it is a very common thing but I think a lot of people just don't talk about it. I find time with my horses is great for calming me down and when it's just me and them it's so lovely and peaceful. I really hope you can settle back down into a routine soon and deal with the depression :) Please talk to someone about it! :) x
 
I work with people experiencing similar problems to you & I would advise you to go back to the GP, ask for a referral to the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies service (IAPT is nationwide) where you should be offered CBT based interventions for depression. I would also not dismiss medication but sometimes it is worth trying talking therapies first as they will teach you the techniques to challenge your negative thoughts. Therapists are used to working with people who feel guilty etc so don't worry about asking for another referral - maybe last time just wasn't the right timing for you (this happens & is ok). Read up on CBT as it has the best evidence base for treating depression.

I will also pm you with a link to some online self help courses all based on CBT which are very good & in modular form so you can go at your own pace.

Getting a horse could be a good idea as it gives you something to get up for & is a very good distraction for negative thoughts (activity helps to stop you ruminating).

Hope this is helpful

Emma:)
 
hi ,
i have bi polar disoder (manic depression ) i,ve been hospitalised several times in recent years and the anxiety is mostly crippling , i take huge amounts of drugs to stay reasonably sane lol , well mostly sane , well maybe a little bit sane on most days !!! anyways , i have one thing that makes me get up in the morning and that is my gelding danny , we have two others but its danny i ride , we tootle around the woods and occasionally trot a few circles in the school , hes my lifeline , hes calm , donkey like to ride and stands patiently at times while i summon up the courage to get on him , all this and hes a tb that raced for 4 years before we bought him , he events at be novice level with my better half
so , in a nutshell , dont let the depression beat you , get a sympathetic doc , the right meds and a horse
tracy x
 
All the advice above about GPs, therapy and medication is sound, but having been through them all I know I wouldn't be here because of my horses and nothing else. With the nags around, there's a routine and a commitment and I found that it didn't matter what I thought I deserved or what other %$£! the depression was telling me: the horses deserved attention, time, and care, so I HAD to get up, get on, and see to them. Owning them was the critical thing for me, too, as those times when there really didn't seem to be anything left worth fighting or even surviving for, they were still there and, if I was going to do something stupid, fine, but I had to find them homes and a safe future first. Even making the plans for that was enough to pull me back.

I'd always encourage someone with the love and commitment to these creatures to stick with it or get back into it when times are hard: whether it's just getting through the day or getting a hug and a laugh and a lift from them when you need it, they're amazing at making you feel better. Just make a promise to yourself that you'll make sure you get/stay in medical treatment too - the nag will need you to be able to function at the very least and will be there to literally let you ride the high when you do start to feel better. Good luck!
 
I would echo the advice of another poster... don't just buy a horse as a "pick me up". Go to riding lessons, offer to help out at stables, maybe a share/loan. If you go for the first two, if you are feeling ill, you don't have to worry about a horse.
 
Hi there, new here but have been a lurker for a while but felt compelled to comment on your thread. I've suffered mild depression and anxiety/panic attacks for a few years now, and have only recently started to feel better after a period of feeling extremely low (not wanting to do anything/talk to anyone - pretty much stayed in my bed and felt like running away). I am currently studying psychology at uni and have vague ideas of being a councillor when I graduate, and although many people on here have suggested going to your GP and to perhaps even take 'anti-depressants', that wouldn't be what I would suggest. GP's look at the medical model of depression, and believe that it is a 'chemical imbalance' and whilst this is true for some people, it is actually a very small percentage of people who's depression is caused by this. By taking medication for depression from a young age (you say you're in your teens?) this will in turn cause your body - and mind - to become almost reliant on the medication to make you feel 'okay'. Not good. GPs may also refer you to a cognitive behaviour therapist - this is where they the therapist will try you change the way you think, turning the negatives into positives. Whilst this therapy is good in essence, it's very difficult to do with people who are 'depressed' who find it difficult to see the 'positives'. It works better when trying to conquer phobias and the likes.

I'm 20 and find myself on a downwards spiral almost every year. I become self destructive too, and push people, such as my OH and my sister and some friends, away from me so I can 'drown in my misery' myself. I have learnt that speaking to people - and in particularly strangers, has been the most effective way for me to get over the low periods. There has been no 'proven' cause for depression - just theories. There are many organisations and helplines which have experienced councillors on the other end who are there to help you. You can tell a person as little or as much as you'd like, and no-one will push you at all. Telling your parents (if you feel comfortable with them) may also be an option, or even telling a friend. I told my mum, who's a nurse who automatically started worrying and blaming herself, but then I mentioned it to a friend at work that I felt low, and turns out she had felt the same at points. This helped both of us realise that we weren't the only people in the world to feel like that and we were actually normal! I personally have also found that sitting wallowing to myself doesn't help anyone. I recently got back into horses after a 3 year break after falling off and fracturing my hip - losing all my confidence. I have found myself most happy round the yard, as horses really do have a spiritual and theraputic side to them which for reasons unexplained, helps us much more than we can imagine. So please don't give up on your dream of horse ownership. You can tell a horse something and he'll never repeat it to anyone ;). Everyone's 'depression' is different, and we find different coping mechanisms and treatments to help us. Keeping your mind busy and TALKING to someone is a good base point to start with. Remember there are many many different types of councilling out there, not all of them are the typical psychoanalic freudian type which we all think of lol.

Another thing I would suggest, is perhaps investing in a light box or an ionizer. A light box is supposed to help those who suffer from depression due to the bad weather and lack of vitamin D from the sun (seasonal affective disorder). And ionizers are now being used in all Swedish hospitals ( so im told) to alleviate patients of depression. Not sure how well either of these work but it's an alternative to taking medication :)

Do a bit of research yourself and maybe invest in some self help books, as the best person to help you is yourself! But just remember you are not alone and there are many other people out there who feel the same as you and who want to help you! :)

I hope you feel better soon and get your lovely horsey! You can pm me any time also if you want to talk xx
 
wench said:
don't just buy a horse as a "pick me up"
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I would never buy a horse as a pick me up. It's not something I want to do on a whim, it's something I've loved doing for years and have been planning for years. I don't think you quite understand where I'm coming from :(

Thanks to everyone else, though. I am feeling a bit better today after looking at lots of adverts and planning a bit more. Even though I have been sat inside all day...:rolleyes:
 
l.ark said:
Thanks to everyone else, though. I am feeling a bit better today after looking at lots of adverts and planning a bit more. Even though I have been sat inside all day...:rolleyes:
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but you've been inside doing something constructive so that's a good thing;) set yourself a goal of turning at least one negative thought into a positive every day, it is so easy to keep letting the negatives rule without even realising that you're doing it. :)
So did you see anything exciting in the adverts?:)
 
It will give you something to plan for and get excited about :-) its pretty obvious you already know what a big commitment it is!

By the way I don't agree that going onto antidepressants will make you reliant on them or anything like that. SSRIs are serotonin reuptake inhibitors, serotonin being the hormone you produce when you feel happy, so the drug stops you from reabsorbing it and feeling sad again - but you do have to produce the serotonin in the first place by doing exercise, getting out in the sunshine or as we know just being near a horse! Some people reabsorb it more quickly than others.

I had a lot of the more traditional talking therapy with a psychotherapist. Personally I think it made me feel more confused because my depression was not really caused by an event or any trigger. Of course I had trouble at school etc but didn't everyone? I think taking medication to give you the lift in mood so that you actually know what it feels like to be functioning 'normally' and going about daily life without it being a struggle or a chore can be of massive benefit.

I think it is something to do with conditioning yourself and the way you live and respond to situations (which is also how CBT works and the two can work well together) When depressed you might fail and exam and feel it is because you are a failure, full stop. When on medication you could fail and think 'well I didn't revise very much so I should do that next time, but it really doesn't reflect on me as a person' and hopefully carry that more positive way of thinking through when not on medication.

Obviously I'm not knocking anyone else's opinion and completely understand why some choose to avoid that path, but for me it is the only thing that has worked and I have only ever taken them for quite short periods until I feel I can go without.
 
mandwhy said:
By the way I don't agree that going onto antidepressants will make you reliant on them or anything like that. SSRIs are serotonin reuptake inhibitors, serotonin being the hormone you produce when you feel happy, so the drug stops you from reabsorbing it and feeling sad again - but you do have to produce the serotonin in the first place by doing exercise, getting out in the sunshine or as we know just being near a horse! Some people reabsorb it more quickly than others.
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Sorry but serotonin regulates mood,it's not something that is produced by being happy. SSRI's work by stopping the receptors absorbing it too quickly, thus leaving it in your central nervous system longer to keep sending out it's happy message (in real non scientific language lol) if you tell a depressed person that they have to produce serotonin to be happy you run the risk of them thinking they can't produce any and spiraling downwards in mood because they feel they have failed, serotonin production is not something we control, if it was they could have taught my body how to produce enough;)
 
Ibblebibble said:
but you've been inside doing something constructive so that's a good thing;) set yourself a goal of turning at least one negative thought into a positive every day, it is so easy to keep letting the negatives rule without even realising that you're doing it. :)
So did you see anything exciting in the adverts?:)
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I know what you mean. I don't even realise I'm doing it...

I have actually found quite a lot. I'm not being too picky though, because of my budget I am aware that whatever I get he/she won't be free from vices or whatever, but as long as they aren't dangerous it isn't anything I can't straighten out/deal with.
 
l.ark said:
I know what you mean. I don't even realise I'm doing it...

I have actually found quite a lot. I'm not being too picky though, because of my budget I am aware that whatever I get he/she won't be free from vices or whatever, but as long as they aren't dangerous it isn't anything I can't straighten out/deal with.
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I've had years of practice of being a negative nelly;)
if you don't have a huge budget have you looked at ex racers? i picked up a lovely one for £800 in feb, of course winter is the best time to look i think if you're on a tight budget, you can find a bargain purely because the market is a bit slower:)
 
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