Depression and Riding??

I just wanted to add, if you can try an include someone who is living successfully with mental illness in your "inner circle", it's a huge comfort to be in the company of someone who understands and doesn't try and push glib simplistic answers at you. I had a wonderful GP who told me "if you have appendicitis nobody asks why, it should be the same for depression"; you need people who think like that closest to you.
 
How about doing some groundwork, instead of riding? Set up an obstacle course of cones and poles. Have a look on the internet and youtube for ideas.
Best of luck to you x
 
When I was 17 I first started to be depressed, but I was in denial for a long time and did not seek help until a good 6 months later, when I was actually suicidal.
When I was at my worse I did not want to even see a horse. It sounds crazy, but I could not stand them. But I think part of what contributed to my first break down was having to loan my horse as I was meant to go to university. He had helped me beat an eating disorder when I got him at 15, that I had been suffering with since age 12, so was very important to me. But I did not realize the impact it would have giving him up. (There were other factors too- not suggesting just loaning my horse suddenly made we have severe depression and anxiety! It did not happen over night)

I spent nearly 6 months hardly leaving the house. Then a mare was abandoned at my old yard just as I had decided to message the YO to say I wanted to visit. she was a nervous mess, having been mishandled by a bad loan home. We built a bond with ground work over 9 months. She brought me out of the depths of depression. I still have her now 7 years later.

I felt much better after 2 years of medication. 4 years later I started to get ill again while pregnant and I am now back on medication and fighting my daemons again. But i recognized it earlier this time and sort help.

I know I need a dog in my lie to get me up in the morning (Had 3 weeks without one when my darling GSD dies of cancer before a new rescue as house was too quiet) and horses to get me out of the door! I need to be out in a field. Chilling with the horses.

Riding on the other hand- when I'm feeling anxious I personally find it makes me worse, not better. I have barely ridden recently. But they are very happy being lawn mowers!

I understand due to your age a GP wont prescribe meds, and when you are ill it is hard to be pushy, but are you on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist? As the most effective way is a combination of therapy and medication. Personally I have done CBT in the past and counselling, and both were useful, as I talked to someone about feelings that I would not share with family. But both times I have found I did not truly feel myself again until I found the right level of medication. It does take weeks or even months to work though, so the sooner the better.
 
rosiesowner said:
Hello my love,

First of all, I just want to say I'm really sorry you're feeling the way you are. It's *****e, no two ways about it. Next I just wanted to share my experiences in the hope they might be able to give you something to relate to.

When I was just a couple of years younger than you, I fell badly depressed. By the time I was your age, my interest in my lovely pony had waned considerably. I loved him to the moon and back, but all my energy was drained and I had no interest in doing anything, let alone going to the social environment that was the yard. He was on full livery so there was no pressure. I just went to see him every other day. Some days I rode, some days I didn't, but I know I was always glad I did when I managed to muster up the energy. Ultimately, horses and ponies don't mind if they're being ridden to their full potential so long as they're being loved. My pony was always just happy for my company, and I'm sure the horses you spend time with are too. But as someone who knows just how toxic and crippling depression is on the things you enjoy, don't let it win-push yourself to keep going with horses. In the end I sold my pony. Partly because I was too big, partly because I had no will to go on. I grew to regret it more than anyyythinnggg and actually, the year and a bit I was horseless for was the worst of my life and I hit my lowest point-lower actually than when I was admitted to hospital as an emergency (when I still had pony). Maybe that's why I pour so much love and attention into current horse. Anyway, I'm rambling.

With regards to doctors and counselling and medication, I can only say be as open minded as you can. Because I was admitted as an emergency, I was put under child services and prescribed medication, which I have been on since the age of 14. Please talk to your doctor on how to move forward; even though it's probably the last thing you feel like being right now, the only way to kick start the recovery process is to be brave. You've gotten through this much so far, you can take this next step. There is absolutely no shame or embarrassment in it!! The right combination of therapy and medication has changed my life, and I'd hate to think that you're taking that chance away from yourself like I did when I was younger; that's why I ended up so poorly. Read all these replies, you have everyone behind you. You can do it!!

My waffle is over now, and I hope you haven't minded me speaking so candidly on your post. If you ever want to have a chat, just send me a message. I'm through the worst of it now, several years later.

So much love

Harriet and Chilli xx
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Thankyou so much for your reply, I really appreciate you being so open about your depression, I can completely relate to it.

I think rather than saying I'm going to have a complete breaking from riding, I'll just ride if and when I want to. And if I don't want to ride then I won't, then atleast I'm giving myself the option to ride if I want to. I really miss riding but when I do ride I don't enjoy it.... I know that might sound crazy. I don't know if I'd enjoy it more if I could go for a canter or pop a jump (which is what I used to enjoy doing) but with my horses (one semi-retired and one youngster) I can't do that... it's so hard to know what I should do, thankyou for reading all this ramble ;) xx
 
pansymouse said:
I just wanted to add, if you can try an include someone who is living successfully with mental illness in your "inner circle", it's a huge comfort to be in the company of someone who understands and doesn't try and push glib simplistic answers at you. I had a wonderful GP who told me "if you have appendicitis nobody asks why, it should be the same for depression"; you need people who think like that closest to you.
Click to expand...

Thankyou for your reply.... most over my family have got depression- my mum, grandparents, aunties and cousins have all got it... it seems to be a thing in my family but it means I'm not short of support in my family. But the few friends I have told always just ask me 'why?' So I've given up speaking to them about it x
 
pippixox said:
When I was 17 I first started to be depressed, but I was in denial for a long time and did not seek help until a good 6 months later, when I was actually suicidal.
When I was at my worse I did not want to even see a horse. It sounds crazy, but I could not stand them. But I think part of what contributed to my first break down was having to loan my horse as I was meant to go to university. He had helped me beat an eating disorder when I got him at 15, that I had been suffering with since age 12, so was very important to me. But I did not realize the impact it would have giving him up. (There were other factors too- not suggesting just loaning my horse suddenly made we have severe depression and anxiety! It did not happen over night)

I spent nearly 6 months hardly leaving the house. Then a mare was abandoned at my old yard just as I had decided to message the YO to say I wanted to visit. she was a nervous mess, having been mishandled by a bad loan home. We built a bond with ground work over 9 months. She brought me out of the depths of depression. I still have her now 7 years later.

I felt much better after 2 years of medication. 4 years later I started to get ill again while pregnant and I am now back on medication and fighting my daemons again. But i recognized it earlier this time and sort help.

I know I need a dog in my lie to get me up in the morning (Had 3 weeks without one when my darling GSD dies of cancer before a new rescue as house was too quiet) and horses to get me out of the door! I need to be out in a field. Chilling with the horses.

Riding on the other hand- when I'm feeling anxious I personally find it makes me worse, not better. I have barely ridden recently. But they are very happy being lawn mowers!

I understand due to your age a GP wont prescribe meds, and when you are ill it is hard to be pushy, but are you on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist? As the most effective way is a combination of therapy and medication. Personally I have done CBT in the past and counselling, and both were useful, as I talked to someone about feelings that I would not share with family. But both times I have found I did not truly feel myself again until I found the right level of medication. It does take weeks or even months to work though, so the sooner the better.
Click to expand...


Thankyou for replying and telling me about your depression. I first started feeling depressed shortly after giving up one of my ponies - she was 13.1hh and I'm 5ft8 so I kept riding her until I had completely outgrown her. I didn't realise how much that must've had an affect on me until you said about you giving up your pony to go uni. I didn't go to the doctors until 6 months after giving up my pony- things gradually got worse until I couldn't cope anymore. I wouldn't say I was suicidal but I definitely saw no light at the end of the tunnel; similarly to now.

My doctor has only given me the option of counselling. I had a phone call from the doctors a month or two ago saying I needed to go in and pick a leaflet up and it was about another type of counselling it. It was for children going through bereavement, bullying and if your parents have mental health issues. I still don't know why I was given it as it's not really relevant to me. My mum has depression she always has done but I didn't go to the doctors because I couldn't cope with her depression, obviously :/

What is the difference between counselling and CBT? Xx
 
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