Depression (human) and horses

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Serianas

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Hi everyone,
Just wondering if anyone else has been through this. I have just been discharged from councilling as I suffer quite badly from depression and anxiety after a great many knocks in my life… wont go into too much detail here don’t want to pass the bad feeling on J anyway long story short most of this stems from me not owning my own horse (and before anyone cries spoilt little brat let me explain…). When I was younger I loaned a fab little pony (I was 13 at the time) and during this time I lost someone very dear to me. They had raised me so it was like losing my mum basically. My parents didn’t really have time for me (Dad was ill and Mum had to look after him) so I poured my heart and soul into that amazing little rescue pony. He was my solice and confidant. So now they think that because of this I have a real problem with being horseless as I associate them with comfort and hope. Has anyone else felt so completely desperate for their own horse to the point they cry themselves to sleep? I feel like I am the most selfish person in the world for wanting something so badly, but I would never put my family in jepordy to get it.
I share a horse, and again I feel guilty for not being satisfied with him… he is gorgeous but hes not mine. He could be taken away at any time though his real mum wouldn’t do such a thing. I suppose you could call that abandonment issues… He is also about 35 mins drive away.
Also if you have made it this far… I am looking to get a better job so I can get my dreams (I took the first job going after something else that happened that basically destroyed me… nothing at all related to my degree). Im not the roll over and die kind anymore and WILL make this happen. I have been researching and saving what little I can every month so that our partnership will get off to a flying start when I do get to a better place and more money!
Thanks for reading my rant J
 
I can totally empathize with what you describe - being horseless after having such an emotional relationship (call it dependency, if one must) is cruel and unusual punishment indeed. This sorry state isn't limited to those who can't afford it; other commitments may make horse-keeping infeasible. Hopefully the condition is only temporary!
 
You don't sound selfish at all. In fact quite the opposite. Your story is sad and I can understand your need to find a soul mate to call your own. I sincerely he/she is able to come along sooner rather than later.

Good luck - it will happen!
 
OP, my cat is what your pony was to you. It's not selfish - it's just how some people deal with things. My cat is terminally ill, now and I'm terrified at how I'll cope when he's gone (I have about a month with him, depending on how his tumour develops), so your post struck a chord with me. I've suffered with depression for years but have survived without meds, so far. If you really can't afford your own horse, yet, is there a Pets as Therapy (PAT) unit near you? Perhaps you'll find it helpful to get involved. I know when I'm in a low spell, helping others really does benefit me.
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words :) Its good to know im not alone in one sense but feel for everyone going through the same thing (if that makes sense!)

Fran, I read your post about your poor kitty and I hope he doesnt go too soon to the rainbow bridge :( I have a cat who I couldnt imagine life without, even though im sure he is missing a chromosome somewhere lol (he gets scared of his own tail) Depression is a disgusting, nasty, vindictive disease that tries to take us down and sometimes its the furries (and scalies in my case) that keep us going. Ironically for me though it was trying to be a cancer researcher for me that renewed my trek down the dark path...

I will try to find a PAT place because it would be nice to help people... could even introduce them to the lizards and snakes (all rescues)!

Sorry for the discombobulation of this post but i just got home from a very long day at work lol
 
OP -really sympathise, having been a longtie sufferer from depression. A counsellor once asked me what would make me feel safe and my immediate response was "a little pony to love". So I bought one. Now he wasn't the cure, it was far more complex than that, But he helped me through so many bad times. he wa sonly samll and I couldn't ride him but just having him around was a comfort in black times.
 
I sympathize. While I have never suffered depression I got to the point of never having had my own horse and having loaned others for 2-3 years after riding / loaning on/off in my twenties, I became obsessed about getting my own. I loved my time loaning but at age 37 enough was enough and I was on a mission. Ok simply couldn't think about anything else so i changed my life to save money and while I had nowhere near when I bought scarlet a had a steady job so did the naughty thing and borrowed some off credit cards. That was 2.5 years ago and have never looked back! while I am not suggesting you do this as it was a financial mess at the beginning, maybe sometimes you can jiggle a few things around to get your dream earlier than you think. Hope you can anyway! :-)
 
OP has your therapist talked to you about attachment theory? It sounds as if your rescue pony provided a good solid attachment figure, at a time when you really needed one, because of your Dad's ill heaalth. I hope that you manage to sort it all out.
 
Op, I dont have much to say other than I know how you feel. I've suffered mental health problems for years and my horse was the one constant in my life. I recently lost him and even tho I have other horses to ride its not the same, in the same way having a share horse is for you. All I can say is keep your chin up, its great you have a share horse for now and that youre taking positive steps forward to change your situation. I hope you find a new job soon. Youre not selfish wanting this, and you seem to be going about things in the right way, which is great. I would just say as a word of caution have other coping mechanisms in place too, because, as youll know with horses, things aren't always plain sailing and I've learnt it's foolish to pin or measure happiness on one thing. By all means message me if you want to talk further.
 
Well OP I don't know your job situation and I wouldn't want to get your hopes up unnecessarily but I have similar issues, am a student and have my own horse (and a little loan pony). You might be surprised how cheaply you can do it if you find the right place to keep your horse. I rent my own land and have been very fortunate to get it. I could not afford even DIY livery really especially with the extra hay and bedding on top, my horses live out, are good doers and I am able to meet all their needs happily for about 100 a month inc insurance. I used to go out drinking and such every week, now I couldn't and don't want to because my money goes on the horses and that's the way I like it. I was working full time before and lamented how I couldn't afford it, I just mourn the loss of all that money I spent on trivial stuff back then haha! I basically hardly ever buy clothes that aren't wellies or serve a purpose but I'm pretty happy overall and it gets me out of the house when nothing els would. I thought I would find the mornings really hard but as I'm just popping in to feed and maybe rug, its not that bad.

I hope you are able to do something to make your dream come true, it's not spoilt or anything in my eyes, and no one else has the right to decide what can be important to you in YOUR life. It can often seem like our problems are silly compared to other people's but that is self defeating... Only you know what you need.
 
I have seen a similar situation when a friend was depressed for many years after a lot of difficult circumstances. She kept horses for her children but didn't have her own. She took my horse on loan when I was struggling with two, and fell in love with him - after a couple of months he made her so much happier that she stopped the anti-depressants and had something to look forward to every day. After a few months she bought him from me - there was no way he was going anywhere.

Hope you get what you want OP. With only the tiniest word of caution that - as of course you know - a horse isn't a life-partner and won't be with you forever, sadly. Wish they could be. xxx
 
Always amazes (and comforts) me to see how many people come out of the woodwork to say "Me too" when someone says they have mental health problems. Makes you realise you are relatively normal after all.
 
Oh my I think I have something in my eye... I never expected such a heartwarming response :) thanks everyone for yor support and suggestions!

As per the attachment issues, we have and part of it stems from the fact that pony was taken away very suddenly... he was a loan and my instructor sold him while i was on a school trip. I have tried to track him a few times with no luck :(

I want to make my family more comfortable because I dont want to feel guilty for spending all my money on my Poppo. I want the highs and the lows without a taint of guilt (again this is a massive issue). This comes from being bullied out of my doctorate and getting a minimum wage job just to feed my family.feels like being trapped in a path i didnt choose with no way of getting anything i wanted ever... but we have been working on this :)

I am intrigued as to the lowest wage people earn and still have a horse of their own? I am in the fortunate position of being a little bit... diminutive so I would probably go for a pony which i understand can be cheaper!

Also to lighten the tone a little... while my other half is not horsey at all, he tries very hard... he asked if we could get a baby horse and let it grow up... then shows me a pic of a shetland and goes 'like this one!' Bless him!
 
I hope you find the happiness im sure you deserve. I have suffered mental health problems for many years seen a number of people etc and can honestly say if it wasnt for my horse i wouldnt be here, he is my lifeline and has seen me through many hard times best counciller i have ever had. I can not contemplate my life without him. He is especially important to me as i have been single for many years with no children and looks as if thats how its going to be. I have recently changed jobs and have taken a £5k paycut so earn about £13k, it is very tough now but i just about manage by cutting out stuff, cheaper bedding etc so it is managable and if thinks got really bad i would get a second job. So dont despair you never know whats round the corner...
 
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