Did you get another horse after losing one?

B

Blackhawk

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Those of you who have lost a horse, when did you loan/buy/get another one? Was it hard, or did you know that the new horse wasn't going to be the one you lost? Did you get another horse to retain some sort of normality in you life? Or did it feel like you were 'cheating' at first?

Sorry I'm a bit up in the air atm. There is method to my madness though.
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I hope this means you *might* be reconsidering giving horses up BH?

I have been fortunate enough not to lose a horse so can't offer any advice- just want to post and say I hope you are feeling a bit brighter, and ((hugs))
 
I already had other horses every time Ive lost one of mine so it was sort of a different scenario for me i think.

I took a few days out after each loss but found my other horses a fabulous therapy to the loss of one.

Some people dont want to be near them... for others I think being back around horses asap is one of the best ways to start to heal.

Most important thing is to not feel guilty if you do want another. For some reason, people seem to feel like they're betraying the memory of the horse they lost and that's just silly! If you've found something, then go for it. Only you know how you're feeling!

The only thing I would say is to be sure that you're not rebounding in a way. If its a horse for sale, make sure you have it vetted and all the other sensibilities that you would go through.

Hope you're starting to feel better.
 
QR to you both.


I'll had a lot of teary chats with my OH (Who has taken this quite hard too) and he pointed out that I should try to help more horses like J rather than give them up forever, try and do something good with it.

I'm not really there yet but I am considering it. My OH has been very encouraging.

I would have a horse vetted, but if it failed a vetting it wouldn't put me off. More let me know if anything may happen. Though of course we can't predict everything.

I'm just very scattered at the minute so I'm trying to get my thoughts out. I won't be jumping on board a horse anytime soon I don't think.
 
I was at uni when I lost mine so I had lots to take my mind off it and couldn't really afford to buy another one. If it were now I would get another one. All horses are different and while you can never replace an old horse, new horses offer different challenges and personalities.
 
I wasn't planning to when I lost one of mine, I was moving from Devon to Essex in 2 months time and the idea was to get to Essex, settle in and then start looking. I couldn't cope without a horse to do though, so two weeks later Cocoa arrived! 2 weeks after that I found that she was in foal so ended up having to move an in-foal mare across country! I would do it all again though!
 
A while ago a friend of mine lost her horse she had owned for 10 years. She was absolutely devastated because the illness came on so quickly and the horse died in a very painful way. She didn't come down to the yard for a week, so I cleaned all her stable out for her and tidied it up so it looked neat if she came back.

The following week she came down and confided in me that she was going to look at a new horse that week but she felt guilty that she was thinking of buying another. The horse she was looking at was a youngster and a gelding (the one she lost was a mare) so I told her that no horse would replace Polly, but she was a good person and she could give another horse a fantastic home.

She actually bought the horse she went to look at and still has him now... although she found it quite difficult owning a different horse, he soon filled her time and she loves him totally!
 
I think you should.

Each horse is different and you shouldn't think that you are "replacing" the horse you lost, just that you are starting a friendship with a new person.

My mum lost her horse in an RTA and she did find it difficult to get another, she even got into gardening for a while because there was a big gap in her life. Caffrey will never replace Paddy and we wouldn't want him to but we still love him and are so pleased he is part of our family!
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Each horse is different and you shouldn't think that you are "replacing" the horse you lost, just that you are starting a friendship with a new person.

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I totally agree with this statement.

You will fall in love with another. They will never replace the one you lost.

You're very raw at the moment, of course you aren't going to be thinking with excitement at the prospect of buying another horse.

Sending you big virtual hugs. It does get easier. I have lost a some old friends and I don't look back with sadness, I look back and smile at our good times and bad.
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If I hadn't already had another horse when I lost my first, I think I would have felt very much like you do at the moment but having the other horse really helped because (it sounds silly but) horses are really good listeners and I poured my heart out to my other horse and he was always willing with the horsy hugs - it really helped!! No one could replace the one I lost but every horse is an individual and offers you a completely different experience and the one you lost will always have that special place in your heart and sweet memories.
 
My heart goes out to you. I know what it feels like to lose a horse suddenly. My husbands horse had to be pts through colic. I had three other horses and though I found it hard to go onto the yard for a while they really helped me through the bad times. We lost our much loved Rottie last year also very suddenly and ended up rehoming a 6 month old Rottie within a few days. Different I know but she really helped us both and our other dog through the dark days. Once a horse person always a horse person. You have much to offer another horse but know it will never replace your old friend.
 
I really cannot advise you what to do, as I haven't been in this situation myself, and certainly can not put myself in your place. The decision is up to you, of course. But I will say that I am very pleased that you have adopted an open mind. It was a cruel and distressing thing that happened, and it is early days to be making any sort of decision. But never say never!
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Hi BH,

We've lost three horses, and have made loads of mistakes when looking for 'replacements'.
We have gone out looking for a specific colour and type to replace exactly what we lost (or so we thought), and it was a disaster, we have also rushed out too soon, and bought something for the sake of it, only to realise that we simply weren't ready.

The only advice I can give you is to take your time. Until you get that 'itch' to get another horse, there is no point even trying, and when (or if) you do start horse hunting, don't just buy anything. You have to have that feeling that it's the one - don't settle for anything less.

Best of luck to you hun, and big hugs. xxx
 
Yes I lost Higgs to GS 8.5.05. and was absolutely devastated
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I first looked for a Higgins replacement which I soon realised was the wrong thing to do as nothing could ever replace him.
It was hard looking for another horse, but they take such a big part of our lives and give so much in return that the gap was too much for me. My friend spotted a nice horse at a dealers she knew so I tried him twice and bought him. He arrived on the 27.5.05.
 
It's odd really but the death of each horse affects me differently. When some have died I have almost straight away wanted to go and buy another....but then there are some that when they have died, I have almost shrank away from anything within the horsey world.

Overall I'd say that when a beloved animal dies, it is often helpful during the grieving process to buy another very quickly afterwards. The new horse can often help ease the burden of loss and although they will never replace the old horse, they can be paramount to helping you get back on track.

Whatever you choose to do will be right. There are no wrongs or rights with how one deals with the death of an animal. Sending hugs to you though as I know just how upsetting and deflating it can all be.
 
When I lost my horse in the autumn of 1999,deep down I knew I couldn't be without another. However,I was going to take my time and wait until the following spring. I had in mind a gelding,approx 10 yo,15hh-ish. Two weeks after Ginger going,I was the proud owner of a 3yo Fell pony! I still have Rosie now and I would say she is my ideal pony.

I am currently going through the same dilemma,sadly we lost my eldest daughter's pony on Monday. I don't want to rush into anything but if the right pony comes along I think I would regret it if I don't take the opportunity. I still feel guilty though for thinking that though.
 
HI,
I lost my last horse (Cindy) in a traffic accident, she was one I had bred, so i hit me hard,
I then kept away from horses for about 2 years, then my stepdaughter bought one, and when I went to see it, that was it, I knew I had to get another,
so I bought just what I had always wanted, an appaloosa mare, she was only 5 months old, (Freckles)
I have never compared her to the other one, and my bond is so much stronger, Freckles is 8 now, and im so glad I bought he, (ive also got he son now as well)
 
I havent read all the posts but will give you my POV. I have lost 2 horses thus far. I had known the first for 10 years and was absolutely devastated and couldnt even contemplate seeing or riding another horse every again.. and I didnt - for 2 years but then something clicked and I wanted to get back into it.

Then I lost another in Aug 2005. Again I was totally devastated but I wanted to get back into horses. I didnt get Legend until Jan 06 but as soon as i saw him i knew he was the one! So all i wanted to say was give yourself some time and you will know what is best for you in time
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I thought my world had ended when I lost my girl, I'd had her from 2 days old to 21 years and just loved her sooo much, I had bred a foal from her three years before so that I would carry her on and he turned out to be her image, initially I found it incredibly hard as he has the same little mannerisms and habits which is most bizarre and even produced the same very odd mark on his shoulder in the same place, shape and colour that she had (he'd not had it previously!) but I honstly think that it helped to carry on with another ned and remember the good times and not the sad ending.
Please don't give up and as Leg end says, you'll know when it's right, just give yourself time to heal
 
When I lost my second pony, I cried for days and shut myself away in my room, refusing to go outside to the stables for weeks on end. It was an extreamely hard time for me, that pony was one in a million and tought me so much, he was 13hh and jumped round dengie with me when i was only 9, but he was old so we knew he wasnt going to be as full as life as other ponies, and eventually he went down hill and got cushings and a liver desease and had to be pts. after about a month or so i had stopped grieving, and as my best friend was horsey, she helped me through it and eventually, after about a year or so, we started looking for a new pony. It hurts, and that pony didnt replace my old one, but im glad i didnt give up totally.
 
I lost my beautiful Simon nearlly a year ago now. Like most people i had the decision taken out of my hands really. Id had him 19 years and he was my life. Id been through everything with him. I never thought i would want another pony again but i found myself at a loss as what to do with my time. Along came Inky, my miniature. I decided i could never replace Simon, and didnt want to do with another horse what i used to do with Simon. I cant bring myself to ride another horse, and dont feel as if i ever will. Thats why i got one that i could do totally different things with. I will show Inky, something i never really did with Simon and i cant ride him. I was worried at first because i couldnt bond with Inky i felt i was betraying Simon. It was so hard when i went to the stables and i had to really make myself go. I had something special with Simon that i will never have with another horse. I will never love another horse as much as i did Simon. The thing is, i will have those special times, and i will love Inky just in another special way.
I was always of the opinion that there would never be another but Simon just left too big a hole in my life and it had to be filled.
 
Not xpecting to loose one right now, but my old boy whos 26 has been to his last ODE last year and still occasionally hunts. My instructor suggested half way through last year to look for another one, so I could continue improving without demanding too much from him.
So I bought my new girly late last year, and Frank my older one, just loves the fact now that when we do ride, its for fun instead of working hard, best thing i ever did and i expect when he does go that she will keep me going..so my advice would be to get another one (try www.team-downs.com) they vet their horses before marketing them and i have no complaints having been and bought one off them, truly professional people work there, no cowboys!! x
 
I lost my last horse to colic and it was awful as he was in a right state and there was nothing more we could do for him. I thought the bottom of my world had dropped out and was totally destraught. I cried until I could no longer cry and my poor OH did not know what to do. He took me out walking to take my mind off things and every walk we did we would meet horses out and about...nightmare! After a couple of weeks my OH got the local paper and made me circle potential new horses and he literally dragged me out kicking and screaming to look at some. But it started to give me a focus rather than feeling at a loss. I did feel guilty, because I was worried that people around me would think me heartless looking so soon. I tried a few but they were not right at all but I quickly found my boy advertised and the lady sent me photos...it was love at first sight...I knew I wanted him before we even saw him in the flesh.
When I rode him, I could not get him to canter and when he did he put a buck in and then he spooked at a couple of things on the hack out...but I came back in histerical laughter because he was such a character and so cheeky...that was four years ago and I never forget my last horse...but my current lad is everything to me.
Just take you time and things will work out for you.
 
I lost mine in Jan last year. The plan was to save up over the summer months (ie the rent I was paying etc etc) and get one September time. That went out the window I lasted 2 weeks before I got another. Felt a bit disloyal to Margo (pony I lost) but I know that she would be happy that my love for horses continued and she had made it that way so much that I wanted to get another horse. Does that bit make sense, it does to me. You can't help comparing the new one to the old one but I know you shouldn't. I kept saying well "Margo wouldn' do that and she wouldn;t have bit me then" etc etc. But they are all different and all have different personalities. Hope it all goes well in the hunt for your new friend.
 
I had my dearly loved horse pts on 26 Feb after a long battle with Crohn's disease.

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I want another horse and sometimes I don't. I haven't ridden properly since August as that was when Cat got ill, so I'm out of the swing of it.

I looked at 6, and one of them was okay, so I wondered if I should just buy this random horse that ticked the boxes and hope that the click came in time. Then I went to see another one & clicked with him...but he failed the vet so we're back to square one. At least I now know that a post-Cat click is possible.

One thing that my o/h & I agreed on - we always referred to Cat as the 3rd member of the family, but if/when I get another horse, it will be the 4th member of the family as Cat's space will never be vacant.
 
Your stories are all so touching, and thank you. It's amazing to see that we all go through pretty much the same thing, but yet so awful that we've had to go through it. It seems a lot of people have found new friends after weeks which is hopeful.

I have to ask if I'm a terrible person for this. Since J has died I can barely look at my other horse. (He's on loan WVTB) He was J's field mate and I feel like he is a constant reminder of what happened. I do care for him, and I feel really shameful about it but we haven't really bonded in the few months that I've had him. However I found myself giving my friends mare a cuddle the other day and I was ok.
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He was taken on so I could compete this summer and reschool him and I just feel dread at the thought of it now. Which isn't fair on him.
 
I would say that you can't help your feelings.

Try to look at it from your other horse's point of view. He's lost a friend too & he must be wondering why you don't love him any more.

I still have my 34 year old mare & I'm trying to be especially kind to her as we're both grieving together.
 
I got a new horse straight away as I was at a loss without one to be honest. However, we never really clicked as I kept (very unfairly) comparing him to the horse I used to have. I sold him 6 months later and then waited for about a year until I got another. I did still have my old girl who is retired, so it wasn't like I had no horse at all. I get far too attached to my animals though, and other people may find it better to just jump straight back into things.
 
When I lost my first pony I didn't want to have anything more to do with horses, but the YO made me have a horse on loan, to begin with I hated her as she wasn't my old pony, but I ended up buying her, three and a half years ago I lost her as well (after having her 11 years) but this time I already had another horse so I didnt feel like I was betraying her as they were friends. Sadly I lost my last horse in October 2006, and so far I have decided not to get another horse, I am lucky enough to have my father in laws horses to ride, At the moment I don't think I could cope with the loss of another horse, by riding and looking after someone elses horses I feel I'm still envolved but at a distance . Sorry to waffle on
 
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