Difficult horse & Difficult OH - need some advice (long, sorry)

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kit279

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I have a 9 year old 16.1h TB called Otto who is usually ridden by my OH. He came from a showjumping home originally but had been turned away for 2 years as owner lost interest.

OH has done a good job with him as he was very sharp when we first got him a year ago and he now schools nicely without any fuss and is a very scopey keen jumper. Whenever I ride him (when OH is busy), I always enjoy it as he's very eager and is not naughty in anyway, it never enters his head to buck or nap or rear, however, he is very forward and sensitive to the leg.

Otto is not really a novice ride as he is so forward. Out hacking, he loves to run and doesn't really listen to your 'slow down' aids. OH has quite an agressive style of riding and has really been muscling up to the horse, smacking him on the neck and shouting at him. OH is also quite insistent that the horse 'needs to be taught to obey' and I don't agree... I think that this particular horse is not the sort you can smack about, he wouldn't tolerate (or need) a whip and would get very het up about it. Saddle/back/teeth all checked, ridden in loose ring snaffle as horse is also quite sensitive in the mouth. I actually wonder whether OH is so agressive in the mouth with him that the horse runs away a bit. Sometimes Otto behaves, but mostly he prats about until you let him run.

OH and I are now at serious loggerheads over this horse! In the "discussion" that we had this morning, I was accused of taking a "Parelli" style approach and that patting him was not the way to earn his respect... This is nonsense, I will happily give the horse a boot and a smack but ONLY if they actually learn something from it and I don't think this one does. Especially since he's a full TB and our hacking is basically a gallops.

So basically (sorry this is a bit long), if you had a horse that was fundamentally decent, talented and hardworking but got very strong out hacking, what would you do? Would you lay down the law to him like my OH?
 
I wouldn't, but I expect if my hacking always involved galloping, my horse would get strong and silly! So I'd avoid getting in that position in the first place by not always doing speed work in the same place, and I often walk through woods where I know some of my friends can only go flat out.

I guess the difficulty is that he is your horse, but you aren't the main rider? If you feel strongly about this (and I guess you do) you will have to tell your OH that you're unhappy with the way he rides the horse, and risk a big argument, and him possibly refusing to ride the horse at all.

Would if help to bit the horse more strongly when hacking, ie pelham or hackamore, as a stopgap to the problem?

I do hope you get this sorted without too much grief!
 
He sounds like the wrong horse for your OH if he has that macho domineering style of riding. I'd be getting cross with OH too about the way he's treating the horse if he goes nicely for you and the way you approach things with him.

Does the horse get strong out hacking with you? I think that's your answer if he doesn't. It could well be that being held in is what's causing the problems out hacking.
 
If it's any consolation - I think you are right. I think your other half is acting like a typical man who refuses to be beaten. However, rather than using his brain - he's trying to use his brawn.

Of course the horse needs to have manners and discipline. But I suspect all your OH will succeed in doing is turn it in to a nervous wreck - and possibly a dangerous one at that.

I wouldn't allow him anywhere near a horse of mine I'm afraid. And if you own the horse - I'd tell him to keep well away from it.
 
Sounds like a very difficult situation you are in, I agree with you about how you should ride a super fast TB and I never think hiting or shouting gets far with most hot bloods when they're in 'vroom vroom' mode but at the same time if your OH is the main rider then surely it's up to him how he rides the horse.

I have never (and probably would never) be in a relationship with a man who also rides but I will pass comment on very close friends riding and maybe say 'I don't think that is working' but if they were to ignore my advice I would just have to bite my tongue and let them get on with it.

I think telling someone a definitive this is how you should be riding your horse or that is incorrect will never really get you far, it's like telling someone how to drive their own car!

Everyone rides with a different style and sometimes you just have to turn a blind eye if it's not to your taste.
 
That's the funny thing - the horse is just so much better since OH started riding him and the horse is very attached to him (not to me unless I have food). So the discipline obviously works in the school, the results really speak for themselves. Horse is strong out hacking always, with everybody. I just don't have the upper body strength to hold him back so I have to find other ways to get around the problem, mostly by doing small circles on the track which isn't ideal. I'd like my OH to carry on riding him but I dislike watching him out hacking and I don't agree with what he does
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I would prob agree with you that smacking and shouting will only serve to hot him up....a good strong seat, light hands and poss a change in bit for out hacking? Nothing too severe cos I have found that the more you try to constrain some horses, the more explosive they can get...sorry, not much help there really, but I guess I would go rather more with your approach than hubbies.
 
In all honesty though, if the horse loves your OH, goes brilliantly for him in the school and is the same with everyone out hacking whether they hit him or not, then I think you would be better off just keeping out of it, unless the horse is getting worse, or seems to be frightened.

Hitting a horse is not going to calm it down, however it depends what the horse does - if it is just excitable and on its toes then I'd suggest a stronger bit for hacking, but if it is being downright rude and naughty then personally I think a telling off is not necessarily a bad thing. Its hard to say without knowing exactly what happens.

Personally, I would tend towards the softly softly approach, sitting quietly and encouraging obedience, particularly on a nervy or very sensitive horse. However, if a horse knew perfectly well that it was being naughty and was taking the piss [ie. yanking its head about] then it would definitely get soundly told off
 
I would agree with softly softly approach.
When my mare was schooled the lad who was schooling her said she was the type of horse that hitting would be a waste of time.
Unfortunately horses and OH's don't always mix well
 
I would try lots and lots of transitions out hacking to get the horse thinking rather than just wanting to gallop.
 
Might it be possible to use a different bit out hacking, so that the problem does not arise?

My OH's horse is a bit similar: lovely in the school, worships the ground he walks on, and very soft mouthed but will take hold and go if we're cantering. OH is rougher than I would be - the horse doesn't seem to mind, but like you I don't like seeing it. OH now has a dutch gag to hack out with - same mouthpiece as the schooling bit (loose ring french link) but a bit more leverage and it does help with the excited bucks too. Since horse now doesn't go, we don't have OH getting cross!

I ride the same horse in its normal snaffle but with a martingale and a grackle for xc - possibly another option if the problem is that the horse is evading the bit action (ours would tilt head up, let bit slide back and take off!). OH doesn't like putting all that on so for him we've gone for the change of bit.

Men are rougher, but somehow the horses seem to understand. My OH and his horse have proper arguments sometimes, and he gets really cross, but the horse just seems to roll her eyes at him and that's that. Like we would do I suppose - 'Men!'
 
Anger breeds resentment! and from the sounds of it your OH's anger is making you resentful as well as Otto
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Stand infront of OH and yell in his face and then ask him how he feels, is he calm and ready to think happy thoughts lol or does he want to shout back
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then tell him thats what he's doing to Otto!
I'll bet your OH goes out on a hack ready for a fight, he's waiting for Otto to make that first ping and then thats it the gloves are off, thats what Otto expects now , perhaps to him thats what hacking is now all about, fighting with OH
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Something needs to change unless OH is happy to beat him into submission and get his co-operation that way
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(at the risk of being called nasty names involving the P word)

Who would you think the horse would be more happy to be obedient to? Person A who uses bully boy tactics to dominate, dominate dominate, makes life uncomfortable/painful for the horse and uses lots of negative reinforcement, or person B who doesn't lose their cool and calmly and skillfully deals with problems assertivley and logically?

IMO from what you say your OH is simply going to either lose the battle of strength or make the horse shut down
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There is a saying about the use of aggression; "violence happens when you have run out of tools" - i.e. that your OH doesn't know of or doesn't believe in other, better ways of dealing with the horse - and no I don't mean a 12ft line and a carrot stick!
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