Difficult Pony & Disheartened Child Dilemma

You say the 12 year old 'manages to get her trotting' as though it is still quite an effort. Can the 12 year old get the pony to canter as well? Or is the best case scenario a grudging trot round the school? If so, you have to decide if that is what you want for your daughter, even if she manages to get the pony going like the 12 year old can.

You also have to decide whether your daughter has the maturity, discipline and commitment to help reschool this pony, and whether you have the time and energy to commit to this process. If not, you may be better to cut your losses and sell, perhaps to a lead rein only home. You could then investigate a share or part loan of a suitable pony to boost your daughter's confidence and prove to your husband that not all ponies are the same.
 
dianchi said:
Swap for a similar looking pony and tell OH that its the original one.

Its supposed to be fun, if she isn't having fun she will just give up.
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I LOVE this reply! It could actually work ;)
Seriously though agree husbands and ponies can be as irritating as each other cant they!
My daughters pony went though awful problems and my partner just didn't get it at all, even the why I stopped allowing her on the roads as surely they just had to get used to busy traffic!
I think for a little girl to have admitted she doesn't like her pony its pretty serious to be honest. Can you find something for her to ride or take her for lessons somewhere so your husband can see that its not her and that she enjoys and can ride but that that particular pony isn't the one for her?
 
amage said:
First and foremost search Redmone on here and go back and read all her early posts. Her daughters pony Dolly was VERY testing at first and her post was something similar to yours. Dolly is now the apple of their eye, has daughter mini Redmone more than anything and she had now moved up to a 14.2 pony that she rides beautifully. After you've read the posts...pm Redmone...I am sure she won't mind me saying but if anyone understands how you're feeling she will and I think she could probably write a book on the trials and tribulations of opinionated first ponies.

I would be wary of Natural Horsemanship/Parelli type handling lessons. A good instructor with common sense and empathy for both your daughter and the pony will be far better & probably cheaper. While I appreciate that for a small child it is difficult, it's not easy for ponies sometimes either. They have feelings/reactions too and like us all will test the boundaries. Changing pony will not necessarily get rid of the problem it could just transfer it. It is unrealistic to expect the pony to be an angel for a small child. Good behaviour in all species (humans included) is re taught/reinforced EVERY day through dealings & relationships.
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I will look up Redmone, thank you x
 
Well.

I managed to massively 'out pony' my daughter....pony is a cracker but he knew damn well that daughter did not have the strength to make him do as he was told.
Cue stopping dead, napping...wandering off for a snack.
She fell off loads of times too and totally lost her confidence.

So...back to basics. Loads of groundwork and in-hand stuff. Daughter had to get bossy with voice and aids.
Then back on board we took it slowly- little sessions concentrating on starting/stopping/turning...all in the yard.
Then hacks out on lead rein.
She progressed slowly but now she has her confidemce back and the pony is actually listening to her and doing as she tells him rather than veering off towards me all the time- she is actually riding him rather than being carted about and its lovely to see.
I wanted to sell the little git several times and OH was of the same opinion as yours...she has to stick with it and work through it.
He was right...not thast I will EVER admit that to his face lol.
 
Fides said:
Another way of looking at things? Who deals with the pony on a day to day basis? If your child does more with her on the ground they could build more of a bond that will transmit to the saddle... Does she bring her in from the field, muck out with the pony in the stable (so she has to move her round the stable to muck out), feed her, groom her, tack her up. If your daughter builds more of a bond on the ground the pony might respect her more :)
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Hmmmm, that would mainly me! So yes, getting her to do more would be beneficial.
 
Hippona said:
Well.

I managed to massively 'out pony' my daughter....pony is a cracker but he knew damn well that daughter did not have the strength to make him do as he was told.
Cue stopping dead, napping...wandering off for a snack.
She fell off loads of times too and totally lost her confidence.

So...back to basics. Loads of groundwork and in-hand stuff. Daughter had to get bossy with voice and aids.
Then back on board we took it slowly- little sessions concentrating on starting/stopping/turning...all in the yard.
Then hacks out on lead rein.
She progressed slowly but now she has her confidemce back and the pony is actually listening to her and doing as she tells him rather than veering off towards me all the time- she is actually riding him rather than being carted about and its lovely to see.
I wanted to sell the little git several times and OH was of the same opinion as yours...she has to stick with it and work through it.
He was right...not thast I will EVER admit that to his face lol.
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Ooo, this sounds positive. I like the idea of getting the daughter to do the lunging etc and then progressing to little rides. I think riding on the yard would be better too, as we have no arena so it's all on grass, which is oh so tempting to a fat piggy pony!
I'm not convinced my OH will be right, as I'm sure he never has been yet but... I'd never say it to his face either!!
 
TGM said:
You say the 12 year old 'manages to get her trotting' as though it is still quite an effort. Can the 12 year old get the pony to canter as well? Or is the best case scenario a grudging trot round the school? If so, you have to decide if that is what you want for your daughter, even if she manages to get the pony going like the 12 year old can.

You also have to decide whether your daughter has the maturity, discipline and commitment to help reschool this pony, and whether you have the time and energy to commit to this process. If not, you may be better to cut your losses and sell, perhaps to a lead rein only home. You could then investigate a share or part loan of a suitable pony to boost your daughter's confidence and prove to your husband that not all ponies are the same.
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We haven't tried cantering with the older child yet, as my daughter can't even get her walking most of the time!
The pony does seem to like jumping though, so am thinking of getting them out and about in the jumping field to see if they can have some fun and not fight. Think I need to adjust my head to think "sod the schooling, lets just get them enjoying themselves" and hence with lots of hacking too.
 
chickeninabun said:
Ooo, this sounds positive. I like the idea of getting the daughter to do the lunging etc and then progressing to little rides. I think riding on the yard would be better too, as we have no arena so it's all on grass, which is oh so tempting to a fat piggy pony!
I'm not convinced my OH will be right, as I'm sure he never has been yet but... I'd never say it to his face either!!
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Yes...I taught daughter to lunge and this was very helpful to get him listening to her...she had to really learn to use her voice as well and get him moving otherwise he was just grazing on the end of a lunge line :)

Theres was lot of me hiding in the stable ( out of view of pony) shouting 'MAKE him do it!!' So she did :)
 
I'd forget the schooling, get the pony out hacking with another confident horse and let them enjoy themselves. And get your daughters confidence up while pony is following the other horse, then work on the schooling aspect once she has gained her confidence.
 
mudmudmud said:
I'd forget the schooling, get the pony out hacking with another confident horse and let them enjoy themselves. And get your daughters confidence up while pony is following the other horse, then work on the schooling aspect once she has gained her confidence.
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This, and if it doesn't work, GET ANOTHER PONY!

I am riding instructor, and have spent many years teaching children. It never fails to amaze me what some parents expect their children to ride - and from a selfish point of view, expect me to teach. It's really the pony that teaches the child, and a forward going pony with brakes will produce a much neater, kinder rider than a pony that requires constant kicking.

It is often horses for courses - a pony that won't politely go round in a circle may well be a saint on a hack, but equally if it won't move off the leg without bucking, then why put your child on it?

When I was young I taught a friend's daughter on a really tricky, nappy, back-humping little g. i. t. and I dreaded every lesson as much as the child. Eventually the child gave up, the pony was sold to a lead-rein home, and both were much happier, although the mother still says to me that I am lucky in that my child rode but hers gave up. She still doesn't realise it was the pony that finished her child off not a lack of interest.

And ask your husband this - if the brakes on his car were sometimes a bit dodgy, if the steering wheel sometimes turned the opposite way to where he wanted to go, and if the accelerator only worked if the car was pointing home - would he keep the car and just try to drive better, or would he perhaps take it back to the dealership and ask for a more suitable one? :)
 
DuckToller said:
This, and if it doesn't work, GET ANOTHER PONY!
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Have got to agree with this! The fact that the OP's daughter has actually said that she doesn't like the pony any more really rings alarm bells for me. Often you have a problem where the child has a naughty pony but insists it shouldn't be sold because they love it so much, and then there is a good case for working through the problem. But if the child feels so anti the pony on a regular basis (rather than this being a one-off utterance of exasperation) then it does reduce the chances of success quite substantially. Yes, by all means try a variety of means to reschool the pony (being aware that 'reschooling' doesn't have to happen in a school) but set yourself a deadline to see some improvement and for your daughter to start enjoying riding more - if that doesn't happen then you have to make the decision to sell. You are not letting the pony down if this happens, as said above, it might be a lot happier in a lead rein only home.
 
DuckToller said:
This, and if it doesn't work, GET ANOTHER PONY!

I am riding instructor, and have spent many years teaching children. It never fails to amaze me what some parents expect their children to ride - and from a selfish point of view, expect me to teach. It's really the pony that teaches the child, and a forward going pony with brakes will produce a much neater, kinder rider than a pony that requires constant kicking.

It is often horses for courses - a pony that won't politely go round in a circle may well be a saint on a hack, but equally if it won't move off the leg without bucking, then why put your child on it?

When I was young I taught a friend's daughter on a really tricky, nappy, back-humping little g. i. t. and I dreaded every lesson as much as the child. Eventually the child gave up, the pony was sold to a lead-rein home, and both were much happier, although the mother still says to me that I am lucky in that my child rode but hers gave up. She still doesn't realise it was the pony that finished her child off not a lack of interest.

And ask your husband this - if the brakes on his car were sometimes a bit dodgy, if the steering wheel sometimes turned the opposite way to where he wanted to go, and if the accelerator only worked if the car was pointing home - would he keep the car and just try to drive better, or would he perhaps take it back to the dealership and ask for a more suitable one? :)
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A point very well taken. Thank you. And the last bit, well that is just genius! I'll be using that one ASAP! Thank you x
 
TGM said:
Have got to agree with this! The fact that the OP's daughter has actually said that she doesn't like the pony any more really rings alarm bells for me. Often you have a problem where the child has a naughty pony but insists it shouldn't be sold because they love it so much, and then there is a good case for working through the problem. But if the child feels so anti the pony on a regular basis (rather than this being a one-off utterance of exasperation) then it does reduce the chances of success quite substantially. Yes, by all means try a variety of means to reschool the pony (being aware that 'reschooling' doesn't have to happen in a school) but set yourself a deadline to see some improvement and for your daughter to start enjoying riding more - if that doesn't happen then you have to make the decision to sell. You are not letting the pony down if this happens, as said above, it might be a lot happier in a lead rein only home.
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Thank you. Yes this sounds like the best way to tackle this.

Thank you everyone, you've been great and really really helpful. I'll try and let you know how we all get on. xx
 
We made the mistake of getting the wrong pony for our son years ago. He said he didn't want to ride any more so we bit the bullet and sold the pony. After around 3 months son came to us and said he wanted to ride but that it was that pony he didn't like. After a search we found a cracking pony for him and never looked back. It is far better imho to listen to your child ( and ignore the OH) lol
 
amage said:
First and foremost search Redmone on here and go back and read all her early posts. Her daughters pony Dolly was VERY testing at first and her post was something similar to yours. Dolly is now the apple of their eye, has daughter mini Redmone more than anything and she had now moved up to a 14.2 pony that she rides beautifully. After you've read the posts...pm Redmone...I am sure she won't mind me saying but if anyone understands how you're feeling she will and I think she could probably write a book on the trials and tribulations of opinionated first ponies.
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Thank you Amage, what a lovely thing to say!

I've replied to OP's PM with my basic pearl's of "wisdom" for what they're worth!!

These little pony's are something else aren't they! One of daughter's instructors once said that if they made ponies in horse size, no one would ever ride!

What I will say, is that in our case, we taught the child - not the pony. And those techniques can then be transferred onto whatever pony they ride next.

Firm consistent handling, patience, determination and lots of wine are the tools needed I think!!

OP - if I were you I'd remind the children why they love this pony (and they do love her!) lots of ground work, pampering sessions for pony and lots of grown up jobs for the children. Then I'd start from scratch, really slowly. Big praise for little un's when they get the slightest achievement out of the pony. Even just making her move a few steps. It was slow going in the early days for us, but once daughter got Dolly going, the point was proved and progress was quicker then.

I'd make them always carry a whip, but not use it. Take the whip off daughter and Dolly used to tune out completely. Didn't have to use it much, but it did make a difference being there.

Dad - well just tell him that all blokes are the same too, interchangeable if the one you have doesn't perform correctly ;-)

Good luck, and keep in touch!

xxxx
 
OP, I feel your pain but imo its quite easy…. sell the pony as a lead rein pony as this is the job he enjoys and can do ! Many years ago I bought a 11.2 Section A as my daughter's 1st pony, she was then 7 and ridden since the age of 2 and was a confident and good little rider used to naughty ponies. But Liam was a git off the lead rein when he had enough that was it he stopped… anywhere.. I used to hack out with her on my guy and when Liam stopped I'd hook him up to a lunge line but the little git would just plant and refuse to move.

One day whilst I was long reining him up the lane I was stopped by a lady who asked if I knew of anyone looking for a loan pony of the same size… long story short daughter tried this pony and he moved in and stayed for 7 years teaching all 3 kids to ride. He was fast but with some brakes and looked after them all… most of the time ! But on the ground he was very nippy and had a real bite on him but we adored him.

You have bought your daughter a pony to ride and have fun, ponies are cheeky enough but it does sound as if your guy doesn't enjoy his job but would enjoy the job of lead rein pony. Would you keep on eventing a horse who point blank refused water or ditches ? Tell OH it costs exactly the same to keep a wrong pony than it does a right pony. There is plenty of time for your daughter to learn but your very first pony should be fun even if naughty and she should love him. She's telling you something here. How ever thats my opinion. Good luck. PS we sold our devil to a small riding school as a lead pony and he was very good and very happy ;)
 
morrismob said:
OP, I feel your pain but imo its quite easy…. sell the pony as a lead rein pony as this is the job he enjoys and can do ! Many years ago I bought a 11.2 Section A as my daughter's 1st pony, she was then 7 and ridden since the age of 2 and was a confident and good little rider used to naughty ponies. But Liam was a git off the lead rein when he had enough that was it he stopped… anywhere.. I used to hack out with her on my guy and when Liam stopped I'd hook him up to a lunge line but the little git would just plant and refuse to move.

One day whilst I was long reining him up the lane I was stopped by a lady who asked if I knew of anyone looking for a loan pony of the same size… long story short daughter tried this pony and he moved in and stayed for 7 years teaching all 3 kids to ride. He was fast but with some brakes and looked after them all… most of the time ! But on the ground he was very nippy and had a real bite on him but we adored him.

You have bought your daughter a pony to ride and have fun, ponies are cheeky enough but it does sound as if your guy doesn't enjoy his job but would enjoy the job of lead rein pony. Would you keep on eventing a horse who point blank refused water or ditches ? Tell OH it costs exactly the same to keep a wrong pony than it does a right pony. There is plenty of time for your daughter to learn but your very first pony should be fun even if naughty and she should love him. She's telling you something here. How ever thats my opinion. Good luck. PS we sold our devil to a small riding school as a lead pony and he was very good and very happy ;)
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Sound advice... at the time it seems you can work through problems with the 'wrong' pony but actually when you see others all having fun and then you do finally have the right pony you wonder what on earth you were doing with the wrong pony trying to make it right... if you see what I mean!!

Most of all, it IS meant to be fun and a hobby for all concerned...
 
chickeninabun said:
We haven't tried cantering with the older child yet, as my daughter can't even get her walking most of the time!
The pony does seem to like jumping though, so am thinking of getting them out and about in the jumping field to see if they can have some fun and not fight. Think I need to adjust my head to think "sod the schooling, lets just get them enjoying themselves" and hence with lots of hacking too.
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how about introducing some trotting poles, tiny jumps even cones to bend around to give pony andchild to focus on and ride for?
 
I've taught plenty of young children on crafty ponies and the first thing they learn to do is develop a loud voice! I get them to walk down to the other side of the paddock/arena and shout "ruff" (like a dog) in the loudest voice they can. If I can't hear them properly they do it again until I can. Once they get over their natural shyness it is surprising what they can produce! Now apply that at the same volume while you are sitting in the saddle and see the pony jump to attention. Another trick is to do a few gymkhana games - if the child thinks it is in a race they can find an extra 20% of effort with voice and legs without any problem. Once they have got the pony going a few times they both know that the rules have changed! I believe that the voice is the most underused aid there is. My horse was a loon who zoomed off at the slightest shift in the saddle and loved to take the bit down to ground level. Get hold of the reins and you had pretty well had it. So she learned to start and stop on voice command and I can truthfully say that I could pull her up from a full gallop to walk just be saying "and walk". I used to do dressage tests with apparently a big smile on my face but actually was squeezing out a few "terrots and steadies" through gritted teeth and under my breath :)
 
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