Difficult situation

[LizzieTrippin]

Huge, massive long story short...
My mum sold my soul mate. I'm 31 and could have easily bought her if i'd; 1. Had the chance and 2. Thought for a second mum would part with her. It happened when i was on holiday. To my best friend. I was obviously really upset with my mum but in her defence it all appeared to be the perfect home, my friend had been riding the pony for 6 months prior to buying her. Really shit. I accepted it and swallowed my pride etc etc. Came round to the idea of it.
Pony has completely changed character in new home. She's been gone four months. Oldest story in the book i think... over fed her, didn't give her time to settle, became scared = massive bolting issue all het up and anxious. Was a dream for me for five years. Best friend wants me to buy her back. I've taken her today to go and chill out in a horse haven field owned by my mum with 9 acres of hill land a spring and some woods. Its always seemed to solve issues like this in the past. Problem. Friend doesn't seem to have any time and wants her money back asap. Has said if she is assured I will deffo buy her back she could wait a couple of months for her money. Problem. I do not have the money atm. Problem. Shes now all stressed and not the same pony I had - I'm sure i could get her back but very upsetting. I don't want to fall out with friend over it. Alternative for my friend is to send her to a sales livery. I hate this idea - i think pony will be misunderstood - i dont even recognise her myself right now but have personal faith in her to return to normal with me. Friend doesnt realise a sales livery could take months and still not sell therefore loosing all her money. Won't seem to consider the idea that all pony needs is some time off and then brought back into work. So sad - I never wanted this to happen, i never wanted to part with this girl in the first place and now this. What the heck do I do. Have asked mum if she will go halves with me but mum doesn't have the funds (not that i do) but half is a lot more realistic with my financial situation at the moment. Mum agrees pony needs some time off and space from my friend, she also feels confident we can untagle the issue, mum also thinks friend is being unrealistic about the whole thing. So scared to fall out with my friend incase she takes pony away to a sales livery where she will probably bolt off and upset everyone - how unnecessary is all of this when for five years she consistently shone - a proper good egg who tried her very best in all she did. What has happened? What can I do? So heartbroken...

 

[Tiddlypom]

What sort of money are you talking about to buy back the pony?

 

[LizzieTrippin]

What sort of money are you talking about to buy back the pony?

We sold her for £3000 for 'good will' so that I could afford to buy her back if ever she wanted to sell her. At the time she said this was so unlikely but its all gone to s##t. Mum has backed out so on my own. I do not have anywhere near £3000 and have my own horse already.

 

[Spottyappy]

Can I just ask why your mum sold her, when you are 31?
I would have expected a parent to do that if you were under 18, maybe. But, probably not without good reason.
But, not without telling you at your age.
what happened to the funds from the original sale?
If they are spent, can you get a bank loan, or overdraft?

 

[Dexter]

Get a loan or cash back from an interest free credit card, or accept the pony is gone. Find a good sales livery who will straighten her out and ask to keep in touch with the new owners. Shes easily worth that in the current climate sadly, even though she shouldnt be.

 

[SusieT]

Put it on an interest free credit card if you really want the horse back.
It may be you are better cutting the strings though as if at 31 you are relying on your mum funding your equine hobbies, and you cant afford e.g. to run the costs of this pony , livery yard etc then it may be better not to buy her- what if your mum decides she doesnt want her on her field?
You could offer friend half what she bought her for, but only if you can genuinely care for the pony. I dont understand why if she was your pony your mum sold her - I assume whats actually the case is your mum bought and paid for pony and decided it was time to move her on and maybe expects that now you are an adult you sort out any horse ownership yourself?

 

[SusieT]

If you'r friend likes her, why not offer to either provide schoooling so she can hopefuly be the horse she wanted, or be a 'sales livery' for your friend so you can ensure she is presented well for sale to get best chance of good home?

 

[PSD]

If she’s your best friend surely she will come to some arrangement with you?

 

[LizzieTrippin]

Put it on an interest free credit card if you really want the horse back.
It may be you are better cutting the strings though as if at 31 you are relying on your mum funding your equine hobbies, and you cant afford e.g. to run the costs of this pony , livery yard etc then it may be better not to buy her- what if your mum decides she doesnt want her on her field?
You could offer friend half what she bought her for, but only if you can genuinely care for the pony. I dont understand why if she was your pony your mum sold her - I assume whats actually the case is your mum bought and paid for pony and decided it was time to move her on and maybe expects that now you are an adult you sort out any horse ownership yourself?

I probably should have explained more. Me and my mum rescued her. I already have a horse that I pay for independently. She became our horse if that makes sense. I had said so many times we mustn't ever sell her (even though my mum used to be a dealer) that she was special and I'd buy her if anyone ever offered her. I was in holiday and my friend who had been riding her over the summer said she was interested in her. It's a really shit situ and I was v upset with my mum.

 

[LizzieTrippin]

Can I just ask why your mum sold her, when you are 31?
I would have expected a parent to do that if you were under 18, maybe. But, probably not without good reason.
But, not without telling you at your age.
what happened to the funds from the original sale?
If they are spent, can you get a bank loan, or overdraft?

She was a rescue that both me and mum took on together. I did most of the riding and bringing on over the five years. My mum was a dealer for years so we've had lots of ponies come and go my whole life. She had the money and it's now gone. I already have my own horse I've had four years and before that I kept my childhood pony until she died last year. I support myself and my horse. Pippy was 'our' pony. I told her endlessly how much she meant to me, we had a strong bond and she went very well for me. It was massively shit when I found out my friend was buying her, I had to save face as my friend was so in love with her and excited to own her. I just gradually accepted it was probably for the best it was just sad how my mum went about it. And now this! The last thing I wanted to happen - think I always feared her being sold on because despite me saying she was brilliant I felt she always had a potential to be misunderstood. I guess I'm just a very calm rider and we just jelled

 

[Vodkagirly]

What money can you get together? I would offer your friend that and see if she will accept for a stress free sale.
Fingers crossed for you and her

 

[LizzieTrippin]

If she’s your best friend surely she will come to some arrangement with you?

You'd think.. She is quite a highly strung person and very anxious and worrying she won't get her money back.

What money can you get together? I would offer your friend that and see if she will accept for a stress free sale.
Fingers crossed for you and her

I've just asked a family member for a loan. Very stressed ?? one in a million this pony - she just needs to have a break and then have some fun with me

 

[Lois Lame]

Why not have a calm and friendly talk with your friend about how you'd really like to buy the horse. Give your friend some breathing space and let her think about it for a while.

I know it's hard when you desperately want something. It's also hard when one desperately doesn't want something. (Your friend is possibly in the latter situation.)

It's important to be calm during this time. If you want things to go the way you would like, let things be and sort themselves out after the (calm) conversation with your friend.

 

[Spottyappy]

Am so sorry about the circumstances that led to your mum moving her on.
i hope the family member can help you, but if not have a conversation with the friend without getting too emotional, and see if you can both sort something to help the horse who is the innocent party in all of this.

 

[LizzieTrippin]

Why not have a calm and friendly talk with your friend about how you'd really like to buy the horse. Give your friend some breathing space and let her think about it for a while.

I know it's hard when you desperately want something. It's also hard when one desperately doesn't want something. (Your friend is possibly in the latter situation.)

It's important to be calm during this time. If you want things to go the way you would like, let things be and sort themselves out after the (calm) conversation with her friend.

Thankyou, I really will follow this advice as so far loosing sleep and not eating is not getting me anywhere. I had a calm chat with my mum tonight who I think genuinely feels really bad about what has happened and feels guilty as I really didn't want the sale to go ahead in first place. I am going to approach this in a calm manner tomorrow as panicking really isn't going to help! X

 

[LizzieTrippin]

Am so sorry about the circumstances that led to your mum moving her on.
i hope the family member can help you, but if not have a conversation with the friend without getting too emotional, and see if you can both sort something to help the horse who is the innocent party in all of this.

Yes I agree. I can understand she doesn't want to loose her money but I am more concerned about pippy's future and well being. I may have to cut my own losses and just raise the money somehow.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Struggling to understand........

This was your soul mate, but your mother didn’t know that?

Who owned the horse and was paying for its upkeep prior to its sale to your friend?

You were on holiday? Was it a long holiday and were you somewhere that your mother couldn’t contact you? Haven’t there been travel restrictions due to Covid just about everywhere in the world for the past 12 months? Do you live in Brazil perhaps?

At 31 I would expect you to be financially independent but giving you benefit of doubt that you may have been impacted by Covid. However, you could afford a holiday?

If this genuine, find the money, buy the horse and get your soul mate back. Make sure you are the registered owner and then you have control of any future outcomes.

 

[LizzieTrippin]

I have replied to two similar questions explaining the situation, we rescued her together 5 years ago. I already have my own horse. I was on holiday and was told by my friend that my mum had offered pippy to her. I asked mum what she was playing as I'd said I never wanted to sell pippy. She said pippy was hers she had been kept on mums land all these years. It's really shit, I'm asking for opinions and advice though on what to do next as I've now accepted it all but now she's wanting to return pippy. Pippy is now unrecognisable with head thrashing, bolting and anxiousness. I went on holiday to Turkey legally last August just before it was put onto tbe restrictions list. Yeah I regret it now but didn't think mum would make a decision like this without me. I could have said no to my friend but it seemed like a done deal and didn't want to loose my friend. Hope this makes more sense. I've since decided I am going to ask my brother for a loan today and just get her back. I've told my mum and she feels bad about selling her in the first place now as mum only sold her to my friend thinking it was a forever home and that we would have first refusal to buy back. We've been offered that first refusal but mum has no money and I'm not in a place financially where I can do this on my own.

 

[Kaylum]

Take the pony back on loan until you get the money together.

 

[greenbean10]

Struggling to understand........

This was your soul mate, but your mother didn’t know that?

Who owned the horse and was paying for its upkeep prior to its sale to your friend?

You were on holiday? Was it a long holiday and were you somewhere that your mother couldn’t contact you? Haven’t there been travel restrictions due to Covid just about everywhere in the world for the past 12 months? Do you live in Brazil perhaps?

At 31 I would expect you to be financially independent but giving you benefit of doubt that you may have been impacted by Covid. However, you could afford a holiday?

If this genuine, find the money, buy the horse and get your soul mate back. Make sure you are the registered owner and then you have control of any future outcomes.

Just because she went on holiday last year (holidays were also very cheap last year) doesn’t mean she can afford to buy back a £3000 pony?

That seems quite a strange thing to pick up on or am I just not understanding where you’re coming from?

 

[Keith_Beef]

If you'r friend likes her, why not offer to either provide schoooling so she can hopefuly be the horse she wanted, or be a 'sales livery' for your friend so you can ensure she is presented well for sale to get best chance of good home?

If you take back the pony and retrain it so that your friend can ride it, then your friend will owe you an enormous favour. But if she just spoils it again, you'll be back at square one.

 

[Widgeon]

If you have a good relationship with your brother I would take the loan from him and buy the pony back. Or on a 0% loan if you're not 100% certain of the relationship with your brother. Then sling pony out in a field as you're suggesting, let her settle and then start getting her back to where she was. Assuming that's possible, and it sounds like you think it should be, you'd be in a good position to find her a suitable home for (given the current climate and horse prices) probably more than £3000. You say your friend is a worrier - which makes me think she probably wasn't an ideal match for this pony.

Sorry this has happened to you - it's so difficult when money and emotions are both involved. At least it sounds like you haven't fallen out with your mum over it - that's something. And however this turns out you're doing the best you can by the pony.

 

[Gingerwitch]

I suggest you remove the photo as if I was in your social real life group this thread could easily be shown to your best friend and that may not be the best way forward.

 

[Chinchilla]

If I were you, I'd get a Credit card and get her back like that, and sod the friendship. But I'm like that.... Financially irresponsible and much prefer pets to people.

Hope you can get her back anyway.
Ditto @Gingerwitch 's advice on removing both the photo and the pony's name and potentially changing your username too - it would be way too easy for someone irl to find you as is.