Dilemma - do I tell her? Quite long, sorry!

[RachelB]

I have a dilemma here I need some advice on!
I had to take my horse to the vet on Friday, but I have no trailer and so I asked to borrow a friend's, F. F came back from holiday last weekend minus her Land Rover and unable to pick up her trailer from servicing, so we asked another friend, H, to borrow hers. We wouldn't usually ask H to borrow anything, as she can be very fussy about her stuff and likes everything just so. However she agreed (I have done favours for her recently so she was more than happy) and left me a note on how to unlock the wheel clamp, with a PS. 'please take good care of it!' as she is intending on selling the trailer and it is in nearly new condition.
Anyway, having hitched up late to get to the vets' for Maiden's appointment, my Mum and I were both in a rush and feeling very stressed and worried about it all... Mum pulled the Landy forwards up the slope towards the gate to back the trailer into the yard to load, and the trailer came off the towbar and rolled backwards towards someone else's trailer (all shiny posh Ifors by the way). I grabbed the hitch and managed to get the handbrake on before it hit anything, and there were only two other people in the yard at the time, thankfully not gossipy types, and H wasn't there, so I thought it would be ok.
Took Maiden to vet and back without a problem, H came and collected her trailer yesterday morning, I didn't tell her what had happened as nothing came of it and I knew she wouldn't trust me with anything for a long while (she can be funny like that) if I did. Let alone her trailer, which we might need again as Maiden has to go back to the vet in two weeks' time.
I got to the yard yesterday evening and found one of the gossipy girls, M, telling F about how H's trailer 'shot back halfway down the yard and nearly rammed her (M's) trailer'... she said to me, 'I hear you had trouble hitching up today?' and I replied 'no... it was fine...' as I didn't want H finding out. M was a bit miffed and persevered, saying (in her usual sarky tones) 'oh so it didn't nearly hit my trailer then...?'. I asked her who had told her, and apparently it was one of the two who witnessed the incident, who I never thought would tell anyone and I thought would have had the decency to let me tell H if I felt it necessary. I was shocked that she could have been so tactless and had been gossiping about it behind my back (very unlike her) and gave her a piece of my mind that evening. And as a result of gossip number 1 telling F, I more than likely won't be allowed to borrow her trailer any more... meaning I have no trailer to take Maiden to the vets' with again!
The dilemma is... now the gossipy lot know about what happened, do I tell H about it and hope that she isn't too annoyed (I'm quite close to her and she may well not talk to me for a month or two, and probably won't trust me again) and may let me borrow her trailer again, or do I not tell her and hope that it won't get round to her?

 

[Tia]

Tell her - she will find out!! If you dumb-it-down and just make light of it coming off the tow ball she may forgive you.

If the trailer was mine, sorry to say but I would never let you borrow it again - what if you had been towing a horse at the time

!! That would have been absolutely horrendous. One piece of good advice......never EVER move off with a trailer until you have checked and double-checked that it is hooked up properly.

 

[piebaldsparkle]

Sounds like she is going to hear anyway (if she hasn't already), so would be better getting the truth from you, than some gossips embelished version. IMO. Good luck. Plus if she is a friend she will understand, no harm was done (luckily) and accidents do happen, especially when you're stressed.

 

[rema]

Mmm a tricky one.I would have personnally told her before someone else does.People like nothing more than being the bearer of bad news of some one elses misfortune.If you tell her then she may or may not let you borrow the trailer again but now if she thinks you have been hiding something from her she probably wont let you borrow her trailer again.

 

[Sundae]

Well in my experience, things you dont want to come out inevitably do... Unfortunately now that people know, it will definately get back to H. If it takes a few months then it would be ok cos you could just laugh about it (maybe?). I think you are going to have to tell her, but lets get the facts straight- no damage was done right? Is there anyway you can tell her in a 'by the way'? From my point of view, it would be worse if something had actually happened! Does she have a sense of humour? I really dont think it is as seroius as you feel it is- you were there and saw what could have actually happened, but she wasnt so might not be as worried as you are! the truth will out i'm afraid and it will be better coming from you, otherwise she definately wont trust you if she doesnt hear it from you.... You will be fine & hey in a few months you will think it was all rather silly.

 

[Louby]

mmmm difficult one. I think if you can not look guilty I wouldnt say anything as nothing happened to the trailer and if anything got mentioned I'd really play it down. Like say 'What are they all like, it was nothing. Just shows how things get exaggerated, Mum set off before Id hitch it up, that was all' Saying that Im not good at fibbing and it would tell on my face. If you are the same then I'd still play it down and tell her as it looks like things have been exaggerated already. Sorry cant be of anymore help.

 

[Sal_E]

DEFINITELY tell her! Inevitably, she'd havce more of a problem with you for lying to her (not telling = lying), than the actual incident itself; so from a trust perspective, far better she hears it from you.

If it were me, I'd approach her urgently, tell her that you wanted to get to her first (even if you don't know if you have or not) & explain that, at the time, you forgot about it because you were right there, it rolled back a few feet & you managed to apply the handbrake - no big deal although it did momentairly give you a fright..

BUT, you've subsequently heard people have been discussing it & you were concerned that, by the time it got to her, chinese whispers may have kicked in..

 

[clipclop]

No trailers were hurt so what is there to tell?

Goodness me, anybody who has hitched and unhitched trailers enough times will indeed of had a "Oh balls, grab the handbrake"!! moment!! Unless of course you are lucky enough to always hitch up and unhitch on a level area.

I would leave it. If we told everybody all the things that nearly happened,,,,??

I know one thing for sure, you won't ever make that mistake again, will you?

C x

 

[RachelB]

That's what I thought - nothing came of it, it's not like any of the people at the yard (H and F included) haven't had accidents or near misses, and I definately will NOT be doing that again! The thing is, you could use that argument the other way - nothing came of it so I should tell her in case the gossips get there first and blow it out of all proportion. I think I'll try just mentioning it in passing and hope H doesn't notice, then at least I've told her!

I just hope I can get a trailer for when Maiden needs to go back to the vets' in a couple of weeks!

 

[flyingfeet]

And this is why I never lend anyone anything!!

Tell her - she will find out

Why ony earth hadn't you fixed the brake link to the car???
This would have put the hand brake on as soon as the trailer fell off.

I assume you haven't damaged the electrics from them being ripped out if they were plugged in? I suggest you check them if this happened.

 

[rrose]

TELL!! as she may go mad for you not telling her and you might not be able to use it again.

 

[kick_On]

If it was my trailer i would be in hyper-space

if you don't say anything about the hiccup

,
Please tell her, if it was the other way round. Would you like the yard gossip, to inform YOU??? Sorry i would say NO
She was very kind to let you take it, so can't you show her the kindness of informing her of your mishappen, that way you more likely will be able to borrow in future. If you let yard chat get there first you stand a good chance of never being able to use again.
And i sorry if it was me and you didn't say anything i would NEVER let you borrow anything thing again!!!, but if you did i would be more inclined to next time.
Sorry but please think if it was YOURS????? Wouldn't you want to know?????????????
And your friend will find out.....................

 

[RachelB]

I would edit my post but it's too late...
Post script - I realise I should have checked it was attached properly, but I didn't. That isn't the issue, I am not asking for people to tell me how stupid I am (believe me I know how stupid I am), I just want advice on whether I should tell H or not.
Thanks anyway

 

[RachelB]

Ok chill, no need to jump on me... I realise it was stupid! I just wanted some advice not a telling off!

 

[kick_On]

I'm not telling you off,
just expressing how your friend is more likely to behave, if not informed by you. And epesically (sp), how you may want to borrow trailer in a couple of weeks

 

[Weezy]

I would have told immediately - so I will say tell all - explain what happened and leave it there - you are lucky you were out of the car and close enough to pul the brake!

 

[Iestyn]

I'm sorry, but by not telling her you have made the situation worse yourself. She will now want to know why you didn't tell her sooner and is likely to not lend you her trailer for that reason and not because of what happened. At the end of the day she was doing you a favour, you and your mum weren't careful (otherwise the trailer wouldn't have come off) so have brought it on yourselves really. If I was borrowing someone else's trailer I would make damned sure it was attached to the car before moving. You obviously didn't have the safety chain on either otherwise it would only have gone so far from the car and it wouldv'e pulled the brake on. It's quite simple to check that the trailer is attached - once it's on the ball hitch you just wind the jockey wheel upwards and look to see if the trailer is attached and is lifting the car with it - if it is, then your trailer is attached. If you insist on borrowing other people's things, then you need to take care of them. Bit of a pointless whinge on your part really.

 

[filly190]

From what you have said, it sounds that you care so very much about your friendship and the trailer. It is an accident that didnt happen. The gossips in your yard have obviously enjoyed running and telling, so they could get a kick out of the reaction. That shows what sad boring little lifes they have.

I would go for damage limitation. As they are known gossips, your friend will think they are hyping it up. I would play it down and say, yes it was'nt hitched up correctly and you sorted it straight away, leave it at that. The less said the better.

I think it is too late to tell the truth, ( we all know about hindsight and wish we could go back, but we cant) whats done is done. You are not the baddie, you made a mistake, you didnt kill anyone!

Be calm and wait for her to approach you, and then say to her "if what they are saying happened" dont you think I would be the first to have told you. Give a smile and a hug and leave it at that.

I think for the loan of the trailer a nice bottle of wine and choc's would be a nice touch, and then she will feel appreciated, I would clean her tack and brushes as a nice surprise.

Show the hand of friendship to her and then she will most probably offer the box for the vets run, she may even come with you.

How to deal with the gossips - be nice dont rise to their bait and if the girl that's trailer nearly got crashed into challenges you. Smile and say, I'm very responsible and had an accident have occurred I would have put it right. Leave her to think about that one. If she does it in front of your friend, laugh and say "I bet your husband likes your grasp of measurements", giving her a knowing wink and turn it into a joke.

Good luck, we have all made mistakes, thats what life is about.

 

[Tia]

[ QUOTE ]
anybody who has hitched and unhitched trailers enough times will indeed of had a "Oh balls, grab the handbrake"!! moment!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry but no I have NEVER had this happen to me once the trailer has been attached to the vehicle.....never ever! And I don't know anyone who it has happened to.

I transport all the time; hay and horses; and I attach my trailer to my truck numerous times a week and have done for years and I have never had a mis-hap like this.

Sorry Rachel for moving away from what you would prefer to hear ie. tell or not, but such is the way with threads....they do have a habit of digressing. And to be quite frank I can't believe that anyone who thinks that what happened is acceptable because nothing happened lives a very sheltered life. A horse could have died, or a dreadful collision could have occurred had you be on the open road when this happened.

 

[Weezy]

Its never happened to me either - I am absolutely ANAL when it comes to hitching, its not difficult to ascertain whether the hitching bit is snug on the ball or not!

 

[Tia]

......or to check that the breakaway wire is attached correctly! Obviously it wasn't even on the vehicle at the time otherwise the trailer would not have run off on it's own!

 

[Weezy]

OK this is how anal I am - I put the breakaway on before I hitch the ball!

 

[Tia]

OMG!!! I am anal too! PMSL!! Oh well....better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Christmas_Kate]

I would tell her in a gentle way. Say "OMG I almost forgot to tell you, but you'll never guess what happened...blah blah blah...I'm so so sorry, if there's any damage (I didnt see any) please do let me know and I'll have it fixed". That way, you'll be apologising for not saying anything sooner, and if you offer to repair any damage she will be more likely to speak to you again.

 

[Tharg]

Tell her before the gossipy ones do, she will prefer to hear from you otherwide she may feel hurt.

 

[Weezy]

LOL!!!! I line up, get myself sorted, put on the breakaway and then lift the jokey wheel and lower the trailer - I thought that was the "way" of doing it!

 

[Tia]

Over here our trailers are different and are FAR more safe if you ask me. We still have the breakaway wire which enables the brakes if it is disengaged; but we also have two HUGE chains which cross and attach to large heavy metal loops under the truck. You cannot possibly drive off without attaching these monstrous chains therefore nothing like this could ever happen here.

 

[PapaFrita]

I would tell her before someone else does, but in a sort of casual 'by the way.. ' sort of way. I don't think it's such a big deal; no horses in box, nor trailers damaged... personally I wouldn't make a fuss although I might think you were a bit silly!

 

[anniedoherty]

I think you will have to tell her as she will find out from the gossips anyway and it will sound much better coming from you than one of them.

Regarding the mistake you made - maybe there are a lot of people on here who have never made that particular mistake but I am damn sure they have made other mistakes, particularly when under pressure. I would be very suspicious of any human being who claims never to have made a mistake. There again I don't like self-righteous liars!

 

[flyingfeet]

[ QUOTE ]
There again I don't like self-righteous liars!

[/ QUOTE ]
Meow!
Don't understand why you felt the need for that comment. I don't like b*tchy people either.....

Trailers are a sensitive subject - I am very very careful with mine, because we have had a horse killed through no fault of our own (Ifor Williams floor failure on 2 yr old trailer). However it makes me VERY paranoid and double check everything.