Dilemma - sell or not? wrestling with my conscience - help!

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Tobiano

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sorry for thread number 10,000 about should I keep or sell my horse, but here it is anyway!

I've had Roo for 5 months, in that time I have had his back fixed, lots of schooling done, by me & professionals, taken him out & about, hacked him alone and in company, spook busted repeatedly, put on lots of topline & condition - & now he is obviously feeling well and comfortable he scares me!!

I am 50 and don't bounce, and I've come off him twice since having him - no lasting harm done but I dont want to come off again if I can help it! And recently every time I ride I get a couple of bucks, a couple of shys, a bit of napping, and at the weekend we went on a hound ride and he did a lot of mini-rears so I ended up having to lock into a friend's horse's bottom as brakes. Oh and he kicked out 3 times at other horses too. I am not a brilliant rider by any means but he does all the evasions with the professionals too! (though they get him through it quicker).

At 50 I dont feel I can take the risk, nor that I have the luxury of time (not to mention the skill!) to work through this lot. I really want to be able to go hunting! I did with my last horse, who I had to sell as I got too heavy for her. BUT, I know 5 months isnt very long, and I feel pathetic for giving up with him, and worry about what people at the yard will think of me if I do. He is 8 by the way.

Can I have your wise words please folks? Dont hold back with the straight talk. Thanks.
 
I dont think it would be pathetic for you to give him up - he simply is not what you are looking for and there is nothing wrong with that. You have tried everything and invested a lot into getting him comfortable and happy, but if he still isnt behaving despite there being no more pain issues then he simply requires a more experienced rider who is happy to have such a sharp horse, and dedicate a lot of time to his schooling to get him a bit more sane.

Dont worry what anyone else thinks of you, its none of their business - people at livery yards are often bitchy and will always judge but at the end of the day if you are worried for your own safety and are not enjoying your horse then the right thing to do is to sell him to someone who can enjoy him, leaving you free to find another more sensible horse who you can have fun with.

Everyone will always have an opinion on what you do, so you just have to learn to ignore it and do what is right for you, not what is right for them. I'm sure you will find a great home for Roo and he will go on to be happy with his new owner, you've done all you can with him and if there is still no progress after 5 months its unlikely its going to get much better if you left it another 5 months.

Dont be afraid to do what you think is best - he is your horse, this is your money and your life - you should be having fun not feeling scared each time you sit on him.
 
WelshD said:
five words.

Its meant to be fun
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Echo this. I think you have answered your own question.

Don't feel deflated, many people have bought horses whom haven't quite been what they have expected.

If you feel someone can provide him with a more suitable home and enjoy his quirks more, then I would sell. I am younger than yourself, but even I don't enjoy horses that rear, tank off or bronc these days (more due to my size and past horse related injuries!) and prefer a more sedate ride ;)
 
thank you all. I do actually think he would be a super horse for someone a bit more capable than me. I probably would have enjoyed him 30 years ago! I must say I did look longingly at the quiet calm cob of the other new lady at the bloodhounds at the weekend!
 
WelshD said:
five words.

Its meant to be fun
Click to expand...

This.

Honestly if the seed of doubt is there it will always be there. Its too much hard work and too expensive not to be enjoying it. So he isnt the one for you? No big deal. Some out there is just waiting for him. There is no shame in a change, its brave to admit you dont have the right horse for you.
 
Coldfeet! said:
This.

Honestly if the seed of doubt is there it will always be there. Its too much hard work and too expensive not to be enjoying it. So he isnt the one for you? No big deal. Some out there is just waiting for him. There is no shame in a change, its brave to admit you dont have the right horse for you.
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Ditto.

I'm in the same boat as you, I've tried and tried but now after 15 odd months I am also chucking the towel in on my mare. She doesn't have the naughtiness you mention, in fact if she's ridden 5 or so times a week she's good but I just can't do that, so I'm left with a prancing dancing ready to combust type I just don't enjoy. It's me!

You have so many valid reasons there you really shouldn't beat yourself up. I came to this conclusion after being repeatedly told by the others at my yard. She's a lovely horse but isn't right for me. I need to enjoy the ride, not just the returning in one piece. x
 
I would think that you are experienced enough to know by now whether he will turn into the type horse you need.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something a little steadier, especially if you want to go hunting when it is easy for them to get lit up.

Chalk it down to a nice experience, you have done the best by him sorting him out, and find him a more suitable home.
 
I have recently put an end to my same situation, it took me 8 months to get my heart to see things from my head's point of view (which probably knew all along that my horse wasn't right for me). It wasn't easy, and the prospect of letting my boy, who was supposed to be my next forever horse go, even made me physically sick. He didn't even get me off, but I just didn't trust him and our relationship was getting progressively worse. He was ruining me, and I was in turn ruining him.

I now have a wonderful, much more level headed ISH and the immediate relief that I felt once the deal was done is indescribable. I have only had my new boy a month and occasionally still get the jitters because I remember the way that my previous horse made me feel, and have to quickly remind myself that my new horse is nothing like him.

I realised that I didn't have the time, the experience or the money to bring out the best in my previous horse and that he would get on far better with someone that did.

It is far more admirable to face up to reality and do something about it than to bury one's head in the sand and pretend that everything is ok.

Best of luck :)
 
WelshD said:
five words.

Its meant to be fun
Click to expand...

Absolutely true and I think so many people forget this!

Sell him and get the nice sensible cob you desire and can enjoy without the constant battle and stress. He'll be happier lunaticing around with someone who enjoys that and you'll be happy with your far more sensible new steed. Win win situation!
 
Sell the horse to someone who is better matched and you go out and find yourself another horse that suits you. You spend the same amount of money keeping a horse who doesn't fit, as you would do a horse who's your perfect soulmate.
 
I am in exactly the same situation!

My husband bought me the horse of my dreams for my 40th bday in March - on paper it was the perfect horse, but sadly reality has turned out very differently.

Like you, I have spent money on its schooling, gone a few steps forward, then to go straight back again, and after a disastrous fun ride a few weeks ago, decided to call it a day.

He is off to his new home tonight. When the girl tried him him threw everything at her, and even tanked off around the arena with her (something he had never done with me)! The girl got off grinning her head off and said she 'loved' the way he went.........if that had been me I would have got off at the first opportunity and headed to the nearest pub for a stiff drink!

Having had a few bad experiences with horses, it is easy to forget that just like people, we don't get on with every horse we ride. The important thing is to recognise when it is not working, and not to blame yourself - just put it down to another learning experience and find a more suitable one.

Good luck!
 
Gosh guys thank you all so much. Reading this I am having a little weep ( inconvenient as in a cafe surrounded by people). You are so kind and I know what I need to do hence the tears. Baaaawl!! X x
 
absolutely agree. You have nothing to prove. Its not much fun tacking up with shaking fingers because you have to get on the beast and the thought scares you silly!
 
Sidney said:
He is off to his new home tonight. When the girl tried him him threw everything at her, and even tanked off around the arena with her (something he had never done with me)! The girl got off grinning her head off and said she 'loved' the way he went.........if that had been me I would have got off at the first opportunity and headed to the nearest pub for a stiff drink!

QUOTE]

Hehe this made me chuckle - I've been that girl, and now I'm older and breakable and more like the OP. I sold my lad because he scared the cr*p out of me, and the thought of loading him up, going somewhere or even hacking out with friends was terrifying. He's hacking out on his own 1 month after I sold him, for hours and hours and having a great time; he may even go on to great things in Endurance as his new owner is an expert at it. I'm going to see a sensible mare tomorrow and am really excited about going to the beach, or going to the gallops, or just popping out for a ride without hyperventilating. I used to have to plan how I was going to get on! Life's too short. The phrase 'horses for courses' is really very true! Good luck.
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You've brought him on, he's not what you want, he will be what someone else wants, sell him and buy something you do want. Life is too short to be scared of your horse.
 
Your decision to get rid is 100% correct. You know exactly what you need and that is a horse that is totally controllable in all situations, will stand still when you want him to and will go first or last and will definately never kick ou in the hunting field
 
Too many people hang on in there for months and months, but TBH, if he isn`t what you want or need, the chances are you aren`t what he needs either ;) .... It costs too much money to keep them and be unhappy, it`s supposed to be a hobby, and something we enjoy. Find him a home that works for him, and find yourself a chilled out wee coblet who will make you feel safe and happy :) x
 
Echo what the others say... I have been there too. You are making the right decision for him too, not just you, so don't feel bad. Good luck. X
 
I'm echoing what's been said before, but horses are an expensive hobby, you've got to enjoy it else what's the point? You are making the right decision, you've given him the chance and he's not the horse for you. I know its easier said than done but you owe it to yourself to be excited and happy to go riding, to go hunting and to do all the things you want to do with your horse. Life is too short! Good luck :)
 
Am similar age to you - if you have to ask the question, then you already know the answer :wink3:

I know what I would 'wish to have' but currently have what I 'ought to have' - there is a vast difference, but having just got back from hols, I am totally confident that I can fish my ride out of the field - and hack out safely on my own, take her out in the box - and plan autumn hunting next week :)

In the spring, I had what you have currently got, gave myself a bloody big reality check, decided I was supposed to be enjoying myself & packed him off to big boys school to find a good home.

Good luck whatever you decide :)
 
I haven't read all the replies but even the sanest horse can get excited by hounds and hunting so don't put too much weight on what happened the other weekend. Are the problems only recent? The change in weather is turning a lot of horses nutty.
 
Couldn't agree more with all the replies you've had. Its very difficult. I did it- finally after years of the wrong horse (but one I loved very much). I now have a horse who's far far from perfect but I feel safe enough to enjoy. Its such a relief when you realise your riding because you want to rather than because the horse needs it. x
 
Just to echo everyone I am 52 at our age we have to get on and do what we want to do now , sell this horse to someone he will suits and buy a made hunter who suits you.
 
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