Dilemma...what to do ?

[Cobsndogs]

It's a long, and a bit complicated one, so get comfy.
Last year my friend decided to sell her horse as she wasn't getting on with him, and was going to take one of mine on loan, as we are on the same yard. Then she changed her mind about selling so I decided was going to have to put mine up for sale or get sharer. Tried both ideass, but didn't go with either, so still have him.
Then her horse went lame, and resulted in him having to be pts, while this was going on, she went back to the idea of having mine on loan, but then left yard without saying yes or no to me, but told other liveries she would not be getting another horse.
We have had text contact since she left, but no horsey talk. Then last week had text asking if I had found a sharer yet, as she would like to do it.
Then had further text saying she would like to share 3/4 days a week but would not be able to pay anything, would be happy to skip him out on her riding days but not able to turn out or get in !!
Have to say felt a bit miffed, as I would still be doing nearly all the work, paying all the money, while she just pitches up to ride him.
I have nearly caved in a bit about letting her come up, but I still think she is thinking of herself first, and I can picture myself feeling very bitter and twisted while I'm out in the hammering down rain poo picking his field etc, and she is having fun riding !

 

[Honey08]

I would avoid her like the plague! She sounds a self centred nightmare - not who you need sharing/loaning your horse. Stick out for a decent person, or sell the horse?

 

[schneeko]

If your friends then by all means let her come up and ride occasionally, but don't let her share, find someone who'll help you out with more of the work at least, if not contribute to the bills as well

 

[nikkimariet]

I would politely decline if I were you....

It doesn't seem like there is anything for you to gain from letting her ride him. Horses are hard work and they do cost money, and it sounds like she doesn't want to contribute either! xoxo

 

[SusieT]

Do you need a sharer for extra exercise? If so, she might be as good an option as any other?
If you don't need them for exercise then no..

 

[miss_bird]

I would also be of the type to avoid, what you have written above makes her sound self-centred, and very unreliable.
But you know her better then anyone on here so you will know what is the best to do, but it does sound like a arguement waiting to happen, with resentment boiling to the surface.
Had this with a friend of mine he used to just pitch up to the yard and want me to drop everything to take him riding, walk the youngsters out and then would grumble when had to help doing a barrowfull of muck.
In the end i told him straight he had 3 choices, either muck in with the work, help out with some money or go pay at a riding school

 

[Cobsndogs]

Thanks for replies. Thats what I'm worried about, that I will start to feel a bit taken for granted and then get all snarly. We have been friends for about 14yrs, and most of the time been on the same yard but with our own horses, but had times when we have ridden each others. She is very aware that time is at a premium for me, as I have 3 horses, work fuul time and my husband works away all week. Friend has her days off in week, whereas mine are at weekend, and I suppose I thought she might have offered to turn them all out on those days, as I currently pay yard to do this, and she knows I am looking for a sharer to contribute something towards costs.

 

[ofcourseyoucan]

do you want to sponsor someone else's hobby? a 2 hour accompanied hack would cost £35 upwards!!!! at a decent establishment on a decent horse. if she wants to ride yours fine, but would have to be a minimum £15 donation into the kitty for shoes, feed,hay, bedding. she obviously knows the costs as had a horse herself. dont feel pressurised into her getting to ride for free unless it suits you or you can afford to sponser her hobby.

 

[MerrySherryRider]

How rude. Basically she wants a free horse with full livery. Do you have to have your horse groomed and tacked up ready for her as well ?

 

[Booboos]

It depends what you want from a sharer, if you want a sharer at all that is. I have had sharers who only turned up to ride and muck out, but that was what I needed from them so that was the deal we had from the beginning. If you would like a sharer to contribute financially, I think it's perfectly fair to tell her that and see what she says back.

 

[Boxers]

. , and she knows I am looking for a sharer to contribute something towards costs.

Remind her of this - say that you need a sharer for financial reasons as well as time issues.

She is wanting her cake and wanting to eat it too!

 

[WeeBrown]

Just state that, as she knows, you are looking for a sharer who can contribute a bit of time and money as this is reason you were even considering selling/getting a sharer so unfortunately, unless she can provide either/both of these things then you can't offer her the share. It is up to you whether you sweeten this with the offer of the occasional ride. She sounds like a complete user to me.

 

[Paddy Irish]

As your ' friend ' wouldn't be making any financial commitment to your horses welfare , she'd be more likely to pick him up and drop him on a whim , which wouldn't be good for him , at least if she paid for his shoes she'd have an incentive to do more for him. Although on the other side of the coin she might feel that she has the right to make decisions about how he's kept , since she's contributing financially - tread carefully.

 

[peedoff1]

I am in a bit of a dilemma............... how would you react if you came across, by chance, a thread from one of your oldest and closest friends which is misleading and hurtful.

After unfortunatley having my horse pts earlier this year i was not in a financial position to take on a full time share/loan of said horse. I acquired a lot of vets bills leading up to losing my horse and had to get myself straight. My 'friend' was well aware of my situation and had over the last 12 months been more than happy to ask me to exercise and compete her horse whilst her husband was away during the week and unable to help which we had always done over the years.

I should also mention that the last 12 months or more leading up to my horse being pts, on one of my 2 days off i have a week as i work full time i would turn all 3 of her horses out, muck all 3 out, hay and water all 3 and then get all 3 horses back in again in the afternoon as well as doing my own. This was in return for her turning out and skipping out my 1 horse on a saturday whilst i was working.

I did offer to share said horse, earlier this year but i couldn't offer a financial contribution (which i was very honest about) so said i would obviously muck out the days i rode, also on my day off i would again turn out, muck out and bring in all 3 horses as well as poo picking the fields, with the idea that eventually when i was financially more stable i could offer a financial contribution also.

The share situation never materialised but funnily enough the last few months over the summer i have been exercising said horse and another one of theres whilst they have both been up for sale to keep them fit for perspective buyers. Every time i have gone up during the week i have poo picked the fields before riding etc. It was my 'friend' who approached me to come up and ride her horses. On one occasion i received a message to say that she could not get up to the yard one evening so not to bother going up. Being such the terrible friend that i am i went up to the yard, without being asked, and poo picked both fields, groomed 2 of the horses and checked them all over etc so my friend new they had been checked and were okso she didnt have to worry.

I feel very saddened that i have had to respond in this way to this thread, but it was also very hurtful reading the responses about me from people who do not know me.
I would just like to say to people that every story has 2 sides, and sometimes information is incorrect and misleading.

 

[AmyMay]

I don't think you need to feel miffed. Just let her know that it's not an arrangement that would suit you.

 

[MerrySherryRider]

Oh dear. I do understand how you feel, the account you give and the orginal poster's account are very different.
Yes, I'd be peedoff too, but as you two have been good friends, it might be worth talking about how you both see things.
Don't take the criticism in the responses personally, answers were based on the situation described. I've been in the recieving end of a 'loaner' who's idea of a full loan was that I paid the costs, mucked out and basically looked after the horse while she rode it. Gobsmackingly cheeky, but it does happen.

 

[Laura1234]

Oh dear peedoff1! This is always an issue of putting personal things on forums, when the person you are talking about reads your post - which is why I don't do it. I hope you and your friend are still friends now, i don't think she meant anything by it, but maybe wanted to ask for advice from others because you are a friend and did not know how to handle the situation. Also, it must be hurtful to read replies from people that don't know you and don't have the full information, people on forums can often jump to conclusions, which is easy to do sat behind a pc. Chin up.

 

[SonnysHumanSlave]

oops

 

[missyme10]

This is exactly why I never ask for advice where people are concerned and stick to just asking about horses.
Anyone who reads a thread like this about themseles has every right to be peed off, the OP should have just talked to her friend. FFS 14 years friendship and she had to read this?

 

[xspiralx]

For what its worth, even before reading the reply of 'peedoff1' I didn't see what the 'friend' had done so terribly wrong.

If you (the OP) are very short of time, then having someone you trust to exercise and muck out one of your horses a few days a week would be helpful - financial contribution or not. You obviously don't have to accept, but its hardly an outrageously cheeky offer.

Plenty of people pay to have their horses mucked out and exercised for them - you have someone willing to do it for free.

I think you probably owe your friend an apology for posting this about her. That's the thing with forums, you never know who is watching!