Dilemma :(

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GrumpyHero

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urgh so i have a pretty big dilemma on my hands!! :confused:

ive part loaned a lovely 15 year old tb mare for nearly a year now, and her owner has come to the decision to sell her at the end of summer after owning her for 10 years.
she's offered her to me + the other sharer for a bargain price of £500 including everything, and i really really want to buy her. moneys not the object as she's said i can pay whenever i want, even if its just £10 a week until its paid off. i don't think other sharer wants to buy her due to her age (though she's fit healthy and sound).

i've got a real bond with her and i am so tempted to buy her, she's not perfect but i love her anyway. the only thing stopping me is uni :(
im meant to be starting in september, even though i dont even want to go, im only going to keep my mum happy. ill be staying at home whilst im there to reduce costs. i have a part time job and currently pay my half of the bill without worry every month.

i really dont know what to do :( i know i'll regret it if i don't buy her but at the same time i dont think i could handle a horse + job + uni :/
arrrrghhhhhh i just dont know what to do :(

what would you do? considering i dont even wanna go uni :(
 
I would have a heart to heart with your mum about uni and you not wanting to go.

If you really dont want to go you wont enjoy it and the chances are you wont stick it out.

Worry about the horse issue when you have this sorted. This is more important at the moment.
 
This may sound harsh but don't do it! You will be left with a retired horse that costs you £30+ a month, vets bills when she gets older and you can spend the same money on a younger horse that may be able to offer you more and in a few years after uni when you have more time and money you will be able to enjoy it more.

Sorry! But I'm trying to help you see it from another angle without the heart strings attached.
 
It is a tricky one , Uni is really important as , getting a good education is hopefully the start to getting a good job and good pay , which then enables you to be-able to afford some nice things in life i.e a horse. If I were you i would buy the horse and maybe try to find someone else to help you out with her , there are plenty of people looking to share and if you really love her then don't let her go . Uni wont be forever , even if you just get someone to keep her ticking over until your studies end..
 
jess_ said:
urgh so i have a pretty big dilemma on my hands!! :confused:

ive part loaned a lovely 15 year old tb mare for nearly a year now, and her owner has come to the decision to sell her at the end of summer after owning her for 10 years.
she's offered her to me + the other sharer for a bargain price of £500 including everything, and i really really want to buy her. moneys not the object as she's said i can pay whenever i want, even if its just £10 a week until its paid off. i don't think other sharer wants to buy her due to her age (though she's fit healthy and sound).

i've got a real bond with her and i am so tempted to buy her, she's not perfect but i love her anyway. the only thing stopping me is uni :(
im meant to be starting in september, even though i dont even want to go, im only going to keep my mum happy. ill be staying at home whilst im there to reduce costs. i have a part time job and currently pay my half of the bill without worry every month.

i really dont know what to do :( i know i'll regret it if i don't buy her but at the same time i dont think i could handle a horse + job + uni :/
arrrrghhhhhh i just dont know what to do :(

what would you do? considering i dont even wanna go uni :(
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I feel for you Jess... but it's amazing how we manage to get around things that seem so complicated at the time. Just stop, take a deep breath and try and think about it rationally :)

Why don't you consider buying her and continue to share her - that would seem like a sensible option; even if your current sharer isn't interested I bet you could find someone else that would like to share?

I didn't go to University, so I never had that sort of dilemma, but I do work full-time and have two horses that I have at home, and although I have my other half who helps me out with stuff, I always manage to find time for my ponies!!!!!!

Good luck, I'm sure you'll work something out :)
 
I'm now in my 3rd of 4 years at uni, having had my horse throughout. I've loved having him (I've always worked too) with me at uni, but it does get really stressful at times, and social life gets a lower priority. If she's your 'one in a million' then go for it.

On the other hand, financially I am constanty in my overdrafts and using credit cards, mind you I have always rented accomodation. Had I been able to stay at home this would have been better financially. I put my horse out on loan but couldn't handle it (there were other issues), so after 2 months he's coming back next month. I've always told my best friend, who desperately wanted a horse through uni, to wait - and now she's finishing she's glad she did. I've been quite ill with stress the last year (migraines) and now on constant medication to keep them under control.

If your passion isn't in it, uni will be really, really tough. I changed degrees because I hated my first one, and my love for my degree subject and my horse have been the only things that kept me going through the really hard times (think deadlines and bills coming out of your ears).

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble - only you can really make the decision. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.
 
Yes, definitely buy the horse. She is 15 years old and who knows where she will end up? Could your sharer not do a little bit more whilst you are at uni? I agree with the others though, you should not HAVE to go to uni. Why dodn't you suggest a gap year to your Mum? I didn't want to go either. All I wanted to do was work with horses. But then after working six and a half days per week at the yard for virtually no money for a year, I decided uni was not so bad after all. I have never regretted going.
 
I'd sort the uni thing out and have a chat with your mum. I woulnd't bring the horse into the conversation at that point (as maybe your mum would see this as an 'excuse'.

Once you've made the decision re uni then you'll be in a better position to make a decision about the horse.

What are you going to be studing and where are you going? I know quite a few people who have managed horses / job / uni so it's not impossible but you need to make sure you are happy with what you are doing cos you don't want to be miserable for years.
 
I think if you are living at home and can afford to keep the horse then I would buy her to be honest. 15 is not really that old at all for all someone said you can get a younger horse later on. Younger doesn't mean it will be any better! I think you definitely need to sort out the uni thing though - do you really not want to go? If not then you definitely need to speak to your mum about this as no point going if you are just going to resent it.

To be honest, unless you are wanting to go down a specific career route then uni is not the be all and end all. I went (just to an agricultural college) and I did love it but more for the friends I met and the social life when I was there. I guess what I am saying is think hard about what you actually want to do.

I was lucky our horses are kept on our own land, my sister rode mine whilst I was away as did my mum and I wasn't paying to keep them. I think if you really feel you want tp buy this horse then you should - you can always loan her if needs be or continue with the sharer you already share her with. We once said no to buying a pony i had on loan many years ago. I still regret that decision to this day so if I was in the position again then I certainly would do things differently.

Remember yu only live once and you can't live your life doing what other want you to do just to keep them happy. No point if you're not going to be happy is there!
 
thanks for the opinions guys :)

i really am so confused about uni - some days i want to go but most of the time i don't want to go - no specific reason, i just don't feel like it, blah.

i suppose i could take a gap year, but then if i decide to go i'll get hit by the fees increase :| owch.
 
Deff go to uni, ul regret not going! I am now (at 21) doing an open university degree, working full time, have 2horses and a bf that works away so have to see him at weekends! i wish id gone to uni from school, it opens up so many doors and opportunities! buy the horse, keep the sharer, where coming into the summer when everything gets easier, in the winter if it means missing the odd lecture now and again, dont worry! hehe!
 
I sold my horses to go to uni, which I regretted all the way through. On the other hand, I did enjoy uni and it opened the doors for me to get a good job and be able to afford a horse now - I'm 24, paying rent on a house and livery for Monty (who I bought straight out, no installments) and am still getting by comfortably (touch wood!). Not many of my mates who are the same age can say that.

But I know that, as much as I would have loved to have had even one horse all the way through uni, I couldn't have managed it... last year when I was doing my MA (which was only 2 or 3 days a week) I was also working and I was constantly exhausted... even taking out the financial element, timewise I definitely wouldn't have been able to cope on the MA, let alone my BA - which was 5 days a week and they were long days too.

Now obviously every course is different and without knowing what you're heading to do it's difficult to advise. I'm just telling you my experience. One thing I will say is that now (first year not being a student and just working full time) I appreciate having Monty so much, and am glad that I can have him and enjoy him without worrying about whether I have time to see him every day or whether I'll be able to pay the livery next month etc.

On the plus side for you, you don't have to pay rent and can keep horsey costs down with hopefully finding a sharer. Plus uni is only for a small part of the year, when you add up the big long holidays. BUT again consider your course carefully - some courses require you to go out on placements for several weeks/months at a time.

Sorry that's probably no help, oops!! Best of luck with whatever you decide anyways. I'll shut up now :D
 
I do feel for you. There is absolutley no point in starting a course at uni if your heart isn't in it. You'll just end up as one of the 25 per cent plus of freshers who give up their course before the end of the first year. Think very carefullly about the alternatives, try to decide what your aims are and what you need to do to achieve them.

Either way, I'd be inclined to keep the horse. You'll manage it if you want to and you'll be very unhappy if you let her go. You can always get a sharer to help with the costs.
 
Hi

Just my two pence worth but I managed to keep my horse when I was at uni (but long time ago so didn't occur any fees/loans), my part time job paid for my horse on diy and my mum helped out when neccessary.

As for the horse, I also currently part loan a 15yo horse and I would buy him in a heartbeat if his owner decided to sell up and price was right. Think 15 is still a good age as long as 'low milage' model! I have learnt the hard way not to let the good ones go!;)

Good luck whatever you decide :)
 
Another factor to consider is that a horse can tie you down whenever (with/without uni) you start work. You won't (espec. without a graduate job) be able to afford to live in a large city and keep a horse on livery easily.

I used to share a horse that had been kept fine through uni with owner's parents' help but was becoming a real struggle for owner later when she had different lifestyle and career expectations.

You're not to young to commit to a potential 15-20yrs of horse ownership but it is a big decision that will limit your choices later unless you're prepared to consider selling on.

Good luck.
 
Hi, I deffinately think that having a horse whilst being at Uni and working is perfectly possible, particularly if you're living at home. I managed 4 years at uni with a job and a horse, and am now a teacher. Lots of my friends also had horses, and even a couple who only came home at weekends managed to keep their horses with share/ help arrangements.

I say go for it- buy her. You'll certainly be busy, and time for riding may be limited, but uni is a means to an end and you'll have more time for riding in the hols and when you leave.
 
I think you need to have a good think and weigh up all the options.

I shared my horse after I finished uni and bought her 6 months later at the age of ten. If I hadn't fallen for her I would of bought a much younger horse and probably a different breed but although we've had our ups and downs (she's now nearly 16) I don't regret buying her, I'm glad I did. She still suits me and is still fit and raring to go.

Six years later I'm going back to uni to do my PGCE this September (currently working full time and doing postgrad course part time at moment). I've got a sharer though to help me financially and time wise, hopefully she'll stay with me. I suppose you need to think how much time and money you'll have and whether its definately the right horse for you. If so like everyone else said try and have a sharer to help you.

As for uni it's quite different to college and unless your motivated to do it and get a good grade I wouln't go as it's such an expense. It's very different to college where people check up on you and help you, you have to do everything for yourself. I had lots of free time in the first year, less in 2nd and none in 3rd year.
 
ellie_e said:
Deff go to uni, ul regret not going! I am now (at 21) doing an open university degree, working full time, have 2horses and a bf that works away so have to see him at weekends! i wish id gone to uni from school, it opens up so many doors and opportunities! buy the horse, keep the sharer, where coming into the summer when everything gets easier, in the winter if it means missing the odd lecture now and again, dont worry! hehe!
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Firstly- uni is not for everyone. I tried it twice and regret the time I wasted as I could be a qualified accountant now instead of still being a trainee. Too much emphasis is placed on university now and people are not well educated enough on the alternatives that are available. Hate to say it but parents and schools are sometimes the worst offenders- I felt pressure from my parents to go to uni and they were very disappointed when I left....twice!! Before starting, I was very excited to move away and go to uni so I would imagine if someone's heart isn't in it they wont stick at it/ get the most out of the experience.

Secondly, I know it is only a joke but encouraging people to skip lectures is very irresponsible and encourages the impression people have of students being lazy and not there to get a good education!

OP- I think you need to make your decision re: uni without considering whether or not to buy the pony. If you are determined to do both then you'll find a way to make it work. Speak to your parents, careers advisor in school and Connexions to make an informed decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
 
I bought my first horse during a gap year (third year) and now have a second (end of my fourth year). I love it as I have time off in the day to sort the horses but social life and money is a squeeze.
 
I think you need to really think about what you want to do and consider your options. There is no point going to uni just to keep your mum happy and if your heart is not really in it. Have you considered other further education such as apprenticeships, further college courses etc?

With regards to having the time, When I was at uni I had 2 part-time jobs, work experience to do in my own time, OH was miles away at another uni so had to make time for him....and I also had a 5 year old on loan that I rode nearly every day. It was hard at times, particularly in the winter....but so long as you manage your time it can be done (also me and my friend sometimes shared duties if one of us was in a lecture etc), I also think going out for a hack helped to relax me after a hard day :)
 
I had my horse from the age of 14 until I was 46!! That included all the time I was at uni!
Firstly, Uni was a brilliant time of my life and I never regret going. It is a fantastic time in your life and makes a big difference to your job prospects. I earnt a good salary even when I went part time after having my children because of the skills I learnt at Uni - compared to some of my friends who were either working in shops or trying to combine study with babies because they hadn't bothered with their education when they were young.

Secondly, horses are a tie, they will stop you being mobile in the job market, or moving overseas. Owning a horse definitely stops you doing stuff. However, I don't regret a minute spent with my horse. She meant the world to me and I knew we would never be separated.

Think with your head, not your heart before you make a decision. If you are still determined to buy the horse then do so, but be prepared to make sacrifices throughout your life for that horse. You are lucky to be able to go to Uni and still live at home, it will give you more flexibility and money and horse time. Your university years will go by very quickly. Once you get a full time job life with a horse gets a lot harder, unless you are on full livery. You have less time and more demands made on you. In Carpentry they say, "measure twice; cut once" I would say "think twice; buy horse once!!"
 
Have you ever told your mum how you feel about uni? Uni IS hard work!!! If your hearts not in then surely you won't put the effort in and won't do well, waste three years of you life and rack up what...£15,000 worth of debt. Expensive thing to go through to please your mum. Surely she would understand? Uni is not for everyone, and many, many people do fantastically well in life without having a degree....I believe Sir Alan Sugar is one of these ;)
Have a chat with her, do you know what you actually want to do instead of uni?

Like others have said, with organisation and good time management its suprising what you can fit in, but it won't be an easy/smooth ride.

Good luck xx
 
I'd have a chat with your mum about Uni and about why you don't want to go.

Remember however, that next September is when tuition fees go up, so that needs to be part of your decision making. It can make a huge difference! So if you are 100% sure you don't want to go, that makes things easier - but taking a gap year to think it through has more implications this year.

Good luck with your decision.
 
Queenbee87 said:
Firstly- uni is not for everyone. I tried it twice and regret the time I wasted as I could be a qualified accountant now instead of still being a trainee. Too much emphasis is placed on university now and people are not well educated enough on the alternatives that are available. Hate to say it but parents and schools are sometimes the worst offenders- I felt pressure from my parents to go to uni and they were very disappointed when I left....twice!! Before starting, I was very excited to move away and go to uni so I would imagine if someone's heart isn't in it they wont stick at it/ get the most out of the experience.

Secondly, I know it is only a joke but encouraging people to skip lectures is very irresponsible and encourages the impression people have of students being lazy and not there to get a good education!

OP- I think you need to make your decision re: uni without considering whether or not to buy the pony. If you are determined to do both then you'll find a way to make it work. Speak to your parents, careers advisor in school and Connexions to make an informed decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
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I agree with this. A degree can be a useful way to open doors, but it isn't the only option.
The starting point for you should be to think about what you want to do then look at whether you need a degree or whether it will be helpful to you. Queenbee is right, there are plenty of alternatives to uni.

I've worked in graduate recruitment for a large company and I saw countless numbers of graduates who had just drifted along and hadn't a clue what they wanted to do. Competition is fierce and a degree alone is no guarantee of a good job - you need to have the drive and focus to go with it. If your heart isn't in it, will you have this?

I'm not trying to put you off - I just think you need to take a long hard look before you make a decision. I went to uni (many years ago now) and loved every minute of it. It did open doors for me, but I'm sure I could still have got to where I am today without a degree. My OH went straight from 6th form college to work and has worked his way up within a large organisation. He now earns nearly twice as much as me. So its not the only way to be successful.

Remember that most of us manage to upset or disappoint our parents at some stage in our lives (I'm still doing it at nearly 50!) so don't let that be a key factor in your decision making. This is about your life, not your mother's.

My recommendation would be take the horse out of the equation for now and get some careers advice. Once you've decided what you want to do you'll be better placed to decide about the horse.
 
It can be done but you have to really want the horse and possibly be prepared to have less of a social life. This wouldn't be a problem for me as horses have always been my priority in life and I organise everything else round them. I wouldn't have it any other way but it's very tying.

Often, I'm too tired to think straight but I love them to bits and the thought of letting any of them go for any reason fills me with dread.
 
I have to agree with the others, the uni question is the more important one at the moment. If you are not interested in your subject do not go to uni. Too much emphasis is being placed on a uni education when there are many other ways to educate yourself and many other paths to a fulfilling career...and I say that as a Uni lecturer! There is nothing more dispiriting for me than students who do not share my passion for my subject and are just going through the motions to get a degree.

Regarding time for the horse, it depends on what kind of degree you are doing. Humanities degrees tend to have fewer contact hours and more flexible styles of learning which would leave you more time for a part time job and the horse. With a science degree you may struggle to fit it all in. On the other hand, you may experience the same problems with a full time 9-5 job, especially in the winter. I would imagine the horse's owner will struggle to sell a 15 year old at the end of the summer, especially if she has any concerns about the horse's welfare, so I would wait until then, let her realise this and offer to continue with the share/loan.
 
thanks for all your advice :)
i think im just gonna have a think about it over the summer and figure out what i really want to do, then come to a decision at the time she's being sold.

ive just applied for my uni finance and accepted my offers so im thinking of giving uni a go for a year and if i dont like it i can always drop out but at least i can say i tried it!
 
Hi, I'm a teacher.

Uni is good it means that you to stand to earn more when you finish, it's fun, it's hard work but should be doing something you enjoy because you picked it! It is however not the only route you can take. Can I also point out that modern courses, even at degree do not take up the whole week, plenty of time to do a job and ride. How about an apprentership? ( sorry have degree, can't spell!!!!)

15 is NOT old, there are still horses going around Badmington at 19, my pony was 31 when he was pts and I was riding him the week before. My mare I retired at 29. Yet my 13 year old has ringbone, as does my sisters 7 year old, so as she is fit now she could go on for years.
 
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