Diminishing desire to ride..............

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LongInTheTooth

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Hello all

I've been lurking on here a while now (C'mon Tessybear! lol). I wonder if I could ask for advice?

I've had horses all my life. Biggest passion, can't live without them etc. I suddenly find myself in a very odd situation. Keen as mustard as a youngster, riding was THE purpose of life lol Would happily hop on anyone's nutter, desperate to compete, ride ANYTHING........

I currently just have one mare who I bought as a yearling and is now almost 5. I haven't ridden much while I've been waiting for her to grow and now she's finally started work I have realised I have absolutely NO motivation or enthusiasm for getting on her, in fact I think of any excuse under the sun not to get on..... :(

I don't know where/when this happened?

I'm currently at a great yard. The owners breed and produce sport horses and all the liveries compete regularly so I'm in a busy, active environment, with good facilities......(school, xc course, off-road hacking). My little mare is (I believe) fairly well bred and has potential in the show ring and I'd love her to be getting out and about and get some miles on the clock.... for the first time though I'm really not bothered about being the one who gets on board. My mare is still very green and I've sat through some hairy rearing and bronking moments but we've worked through these and while it's still early days, she's going ok now. I'm now a grandma and whilst I'm not the rider I was, I still consider myself to be fairly capable - I'd just rather not! Anything else and I'm totally there.....even the less exciting stuff like poo-picking, cold mornings and frozen taps...all fine. I always 'do' my own horses and get up at 6 every morning, fine with that although I haven't had a lie in since last May! Love all other aspects, LOVE groundwork, LOVE this mare and am sure this mare is 100% attached to me as I am to her but she needs ridden work, she's too good just to be hanging around in field getting bored and fat.... My daughter comes and rides her sporadically as she doesn't live nearby but obviously once a week isn't enough, it's just barely keeping her ticking over :(

I guess I'm asking - Has this happened to anyone else? And do you think the passion for riding will return?

I'm sorry to make my first post such a long one but your feedback would be appreciated :D Thanks for reading.
 
Me too - am now in my 40s and while I still love horses am much less fussed about riding than I was. Have lost any need to compete although I still enjoy sponsored rides etc. I was having flatwork lessons until last autumn which I love and my mare was going really well. Instructor says I should do some dressage but I just don't have any motivation to. I have hardly ridden all winter as weather/ ground etc not good and my mare did lose weight. Now spring is finally here did think I would feel like doing more but I have only ridden once in the last two weeks. Need to get her going again so she is fitter and I can have some more lessons. I enjoy going to the yard and going to events etc just less motivated to get on board.

I am in a different situation as my mare is 22 but I am not sure I will replace her when the time comes if I still feel like this.
 
It's called getting older - trust me, I know!! I have a home bred horse with all sorts of problems, so much so that although he is a really nice sort, he would never be saleable. So I could have just let him become an early retirement paddock ornament, but I saw him as a challenge.
I know my own limitations, no more cross country or any other sort of jumping, no more mad gallops across stubble fields (yep, age again and decreasing physical suppleness) but I wanted to see how far I could take him as a schooling project. We learn classical dressage together - I don't compete, can't be bothered and the hassle of getting him to venues etc on my own is just too much trouble, but I do want to experience a well schooled well balanced and responsive horse for once in my life. That is my motivation - each session is something to learn, something to work on, something to improve. When it doesn't go so well it can be hard to get him in and tacked up but a bit like any sort of athlete, I want to get the work in so he (we) can get better and better. A trainer I know teaches gymnastic exercises for horses and says if you do them every day your horse will get lighter and more responsive over time - that's where I want us to be.
That's my motivation, I guess you need to decide what yours is.
 
Know just what you mean. My boy died nearly 6 years ago & when he went, all my passion seemed to die with him. I put it down to a combination of advancing years (mid 50's) the fact that I had only ridden him for many years, he was the love of my life (sorry, kids, OH) Oh, & he was a home bred, don't know if that really makes a difference, but I have ridden my daughters horses & ponies since & have been offered endless steeds by very kind people, but nothing seems to fill the space he left. I would ride him again in a heartbeat, but nothing else gives me the same joy, I am just now very nervous :(
I do love the whole horse routine thing still & love bringing on youngsters, I just don't want to ride again.
 
Hi Hoggedmane and thanks for that.

Not just me then? :) I'm actually finding it difficult to reconcile it all with myself. Horses/riding is what/who I am....isn't it? I think I'm feeling under huge pressure to deliver (scrutiny from yard) - been told in so many words that I shouldn't have the mare as she's 'too good for just hacking' (which is what I mostly do) but it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since I last got on her...and I'm not sure when the next time will be....

I spend a lot of time trying to evoke memories/feelings of when I used to enjoy riding - long summer hacks out, shows, nice times.... but I feel nothing. I've even wondered whether hypnosis would help! Does it bother you too or are you just happy to let things roll?

Thank you!
 
Yep me, I love being with horses and adore looking after them but not interested in riding anymore. Couldn't really tell you why TBH xxx
 
who says you HAVE to ride, i am a very mature rider(pensioner) and went through a time where although i loved looking after my mare and doing lots of groundwork, i made every excuse not to ride. she was very fit and quite hot to ride and i lost confidence.....since moving to a yard with no school and lots of turnout my mare has chilled out a bit and i now ride roughly 4 times a week as she has cushings and some soundness issues if the ground is hard, however i would be happy to ride everyday if i had a younger horse.. it could be a confidence issue with you even if you dont think it is...im sure your horse doesnt feel wasted especially as she is loved and looked after....if you really want her to do something why not do some in hand showing to get her out and about and this will give you a bit of fun without the pressure of riding...or there may be someone like me who has an older horse who now cant do much and would love to help you with yours...good luck
 
I think with me it was loosing my last horse and also my best friend having to stop riding also. I only ever felt happy riding with her xx
 
Could the "competitive yard" be putting you off? Other people's expectations of what you should or shouldn't do? I keep my horse at my own place and although I miss someone to chat to I don't miss the opinions of other people! :rolleyes:
 
Hi Jill A and longdog *waves*

Mmmm interesting you found a focus Jill. Dressage has never really floated my boat but I'm in awe of those who do it and do it well. I bought this mare with the intention of her being my last one, who would become a great allrounder and on whom I would achieve great success at TREC ;):) but I guess I need to actually get my backside in the saddle to do any of that..... Thank you for your reply, I wish you continued success and enjoyment with your dressage!

longdog - I'm sorry to hear that. We lost a youngster last year...I'm still very raw about that :( Also sorry to hear you fell in a rut riding wise.... part of riding is 'sharing the journey' with a trusted four hoofed friend isn't it? I think you've actually made me realise I've never enjoyed riding since I sold my 14.2......... and that's a while ago. I think I've just been going through the motions siince then..... Thank you for that - I hope you find your riding mojo somewhere too :)
 
If you really don't feel like riding anymore then don't. If your horse needs to be in work the try to find a rider for her. At least that way you still get to have the enjoyment of owning and looking after her and she will get the work she needs.
It has took me a while to enjoy riding again after i had a big break(8 years) while having my kids ad doing lots of thigs with them. I was the same i loved looking after my horses but couldn't be bothered with riding.
 
Same thing happened to my mum. We have always been a hunting/showing family. Had 4 horses between us. She became a grandma and although still loves being around them/looking after them her desire to ride just vanished. We laugh now as she has moved to the "owned by" bit of the catalogue rather than the "ridden by".
 
I lost my first girl 8yrs ago, and whilst initially I wanted desperately to find something, anything to ride and drive, every time I was offered a pony/horse I would lose the enthusiasm very quickly. It wasn't the same when it wasn't my own.

I now have 2 babies, rising two, and I love having them around and just being with them. They will be ride and drive, but for me I have ponies because I love having them and being around them, not for the hour's ride or drive I can get each day. People don't have dogs purely to look forward to the walk each day, so why should we only enjoy horses for the ride that they give us? Why is there this pressure of "has so much potential wasted" - potential for what? It shouldn't matter to anyone else why you have a horse, and what you want and need from it, and I think if you can let go of the pressure that others put on you, then you will start enjoy being around her again, and finding your own path and relationship.

If you enjoy groundwork, then just do groundwork! Take that as far as you can! I bet all those competing people can't do the same from the ground. One of my ambitions is to be able to do as much from the ground as I can on top or behind, because that is as much if not more of my relationship.

If you feel she would like to be ridden more, or YOU would like to see her ridden and competed, then why not look around for a nice sharer who can't afford to ride, offer them a chance to become a friend and part of the experience? Otherwise I would stop worrying about what others think, and just enjoy your horse for who she is and who you are. Then one day you might just find yourself looking at a wonderful piaffe from the ground and wondering what it might feel like from on top!
 
Oooh you're all being very kind bothering to post. I'm grateful.

Sorry to hear you lost your horse Supertrooper :( Splashgirl - glad you found a solution and are enjoying it again! That gives me hope. Hornby....er yeah :)... I think I do feel under pressure and I never do things in a rush - she's only 4! We've just moved to new area and I don't know many people here yet. I've been thinking that moving her somewhere a bit less 'competitive' may be the answer so I'm going to see a woman in the village on Tuesday about some grazing...... it's not exactly next to the house so I could end up riding her twice a day - from the house to the field and back again....... reading spalshgirl's post made me think that might work better :D

Thank you!
 
I havent ridden for months whilst the weather has been bad, and it was becoming very easy to get to the yard, turn out, muck out, bring in, well i rode this morning and hey ho it was only for half an hour but feel so exhilarated i cant believe i havent done it for so long, just take each day as it comes, and dont push yourself with aiming for big heights, just enjoy.
 
:D:D:D

To think I was hesitant about posting on here....you've made me feel a whole lot better!

Thank you Micki, twobearsarthur, dollyanna and putasocinit. (Sorry you lost a horse dollyanna:( your post contains a lot of sense - thank you)

Ok. I'm going to cut myself some slack! I too shall be 'owned by' (good one twobearsarthur :)) I had previosuly thought about a sharer for a nanosecond but I don't share well :rolleyes: Struggle to share facilties never mind my precious girl lol. But that said, I'm sure there might be a nice jockey out there somewhere who would appreciate the chance to enjoy her.

Thank you!
 
Why don't you sell this little mare and buy something more suitable as a pet/odd hack. Seems a bit of a waste as she could be giving someone else competitive pleasure and it's only
putting pressure on you.
It sounds like she's not the right horse for you. Besides nothing wrong with not having the enthusiasm to ride.. With warmer weather and an older, more established happy hacker type you might find yourself wanting to go on those long summer hacks ;). If you dont..just go to the yard and give the ned a nice brush instead :).
 
Just as an alternative to a sharer for a youngster is there anywhere locally you could go on grass livery for a few months or even the equivalent of retirement livery where they will check on her every day for you?
At her age even six months off I wouldn't have thought would do any harm at all, if you don't go and see her for a month you'll either get your mojo back big time or realise it's time to do something different with your time.

Oh and horses don't care two hoots what they are 'doing' if your yard is so unsupportive I'd certainly move to a better one! If she's fed and cared for she'll never care at all if all she ever does is hack three times a week in nice weather - your horse, your choice how/if/ when to ride!!

This winter has been terrible and put off a lot of hard core horse lovers like no other winter I can think of, so you're certainly not alone.
When I've lost enthusiasm I've often found a proper break makes me miss it terribly.
 
Hi Firewell and thanks for your post.

Yep *nods* I think if I read a similar thread, I'd probably be saying the same as you. Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind :)

The thing is, she's a bit special to me. She had a hard time in someone elses hands and I've worked her through some issues she really shouldn't have had to deal with and I've watched her grow up for so long...... too attached for me to consider that right now. Maybe if someone came and shared her, and if I was happy that she was happy I wouldn't be selfish enough to prevent it :)

Thank you!
 
i'm sure horses don't stay awake at night wishing to br transported to a strange venue and competed...

if you and your horse are happy it doesn't matter what other people say, and a well looked after horse is never "wasted".

I've now got a 31yo and a 19yo, ten years ago, I was out competing, i worked them 6 days a week, now, I tend to lunge or loose school, I do ride when I want to, and enjoy it when I do, my horses are happy, so am I and that's what matters :-)
 
I belong to the same club. I didn't go near a horse for five years after my mare died after 25 years of being the centre of my life. And I had worked with horses for twenty years. When I eventually came round and desperately wanted a horse again, and OH started riding and proved to be a natural, we bought what we were told was a quiet hack, only to find he has major behavioural problems, but we worked on him very hard, and enjoyed him so much. I was desperate to get on him, but it would have been silly, and the urge passed. I did get on a friend's horse, who had a very uncomfortable saddle on an uncomfortable horse, and rising trot was agony for my knees.....but it felt soooo good, she was very safe.

We have been very lucky to find our lad a home with someone we know, with their own land, who are happy to have him do whatever he is comfortable with, as we are moving abroad. But how I miss the day-to-day chores and cuddles, and the sense of achievement when something goes right. I know I will never ride again, but given the chance, I would love to own again.

So enjoy what you can, and don't be pressured into going too fast, or even ride at all. Unlike some people, I don't believe a horse kept as a pet or light hack is a waste, it is your choice what you do, and a more laid back yard, maybe with older happy hackers would take the pressure off you to do what you don't want to.
 
Hi Polosmum and thank you.

I'm not sure about grass/retirement-ish livery options. Grazing round here is like gold dust even though we're rural. Unbelieveable!

Anyway - a compete break? :eek: :) Ooooh not sure if could actually cope with that lol. I get a bit, er, down in the dumps if I don't have horse interaction on a daily basis and I enjoy it - even the crappy bits lol - it's just the ridden bits that I'm not feeling anymore. I understand what you mean though about it giving me time and space to re-evaluate - that could be useful...if I could stand it lol.

And yeah.....it's a great yard but I don't think it's where I need to be right now (will miss the use of the school tho....)

Thank you!
 
I too am losing the desire to ride. I am nearly 40 (my 40th birthday is this Wednesday!) and I have noticed that I am not so keen to ride anymore. I put it down to rotten weather over the winter, but was offered a hack yesterday in lovely weather but turned it down. I annoy myself sometimes!

I have varying temperaments of horses to ride, a forward going but well behaved hano with no brakes, a complete kick along plod of a cob, and a show cob somewhere between the two (also a retired oldenburg but that doesn't count as he's not ridden anymore). All experienced, nice sensible types, but I'm finding any excuse not to ride.

I keep looking on ebay, to try and revamp my riding wardrobe, new jodhs, new martingale, new bridle etc to try and get me enthusiastic again, but its not working. OP - I am the same as you and it is not a nice place to be!

I feel you may regret selling your mare, as some others have suggested. I think you will always regret it and feel it is your fault. You may one day get your 'riding mojo' back, and may forever regret parting with your mare who you so fondly type about. What if you find a nice rider for her and you supervise the riding, polework etc. then maybe you would feel still in charge of her development and training and you can do the groundwork as you say, and then maybe in the summer you might relish riding again. Dunno, just my thoughts, but I am in the same boat as you. (although my horses are already 'done' if you know what I mean, and I have no excuse really! lol)

All the best OP.
 
Oh this is so not like other forums where you wait a week for a response lol!

Thank you too Equinus and ApacheWarlord!

Yep I'm sure she's not aspiring to win at the Royal Welsh... :rolleyes: I think it's because she's a youngster that I'm feeling the angst.... like I should really have a monthly plan and training schedule to adhere to....:(

Sorry you lost your horse too Equinus :( I hope you get some more daytoday chores heading your way soon :)

Thank you!
 
I don't have much desire to ride these days either. I think it started when I really lost any competitive desire I had and I started to question why I was actually riding. After all there was no need to keep the boy racing fit anymore. So I ride if I feel like it and I am fortunate because if I didn't get on my chap for a year he wouldn't care if I then fancied a Sunday afternoon stroll. So this is pretty much what we do now and my horse couldn't give a jot. I have sold my youngster on as there was no way I had the motivation to get him going.

So don't worry about it I still enjoy looking after our 2 old boys in their advancing years and that is enough now in my advancing years.
 
I have an idea of exactly where you're coming from OP.
Similar thing happened to me - so now I just do as I please. If I don't want to ride I don't.

Can't say the thought of getting up early to travel miles to trot round inside a big shed for 5 minutes excites me any longer - so we don't do dressage competitions any more though competing was my passion for many decades. I still love the buzz of a day out at a big agricultural show, luckily my little Welshie agrees it's grand day out, so we are now just doing the odd bit of showing and spend the rest of our time mooching about the neighbourhood. Nowt wrong with having a good-looking and well-bred horse just for this - they don't care as long as they are well looked after and are having fun.

Your little horse is only 5 - she's still maturing, a break from riding will do no harm at all - in fact you may find that it does you more good than struggling on. Horses know when your heart's not in it. Many horses enjoy good groundwork immensely.

For what it's worth, I've had my mare since she was a baby, backed her myself and we both ended up being out of action for most of her 5th year through injury. A couple of years on down the line the spark of passion for riding is well and truly back, and the break did the horse good mentally - I now can't wait to take her out every morning. The difference? we now do stuff on our terms, what we, as a horse-and-rider team, want to do and I no longer waste energy and brainpower on worritting what others think of us.
 
Ah what a lovely post myhorsefred! Thank you.

And Happy Birthday for Wednesday! :D

Yeah lol - I've tried that strategy (new hat...oh new boots too? go on then lol) She's actually got three different saddles..... :rolleyes:

Thank you for saying I should keep her. I don't actually think, if asked, she would opt for a new mum - but I have a duty of care to her too that if, god forbid, I NEED to sell her, she has a good chance of getting a good new home. I'm going to slack off a bit and relax - now I've been given permission. I've been wanting to get her out in-hand, although I've never done i before :eek: so I'll probably be on here again asking for yet more help!

Thank you - I hope you find your riding mojo too - your noble steeds sound lovely!
 
Oh lordy can't type fast enough!!! :D

Thanks Suelin and catkin - worritting! lol I only learned this word the other day :D

Suelin - you're lucky to have a boy like that, who you can just pull in now and then. Bliss! Catkin - which 'flavour' welshies do you have? This is the first one I've owned, had an Arab before her :rolleyes: Yeah I think we need to show..... there's a small local one next Sunday... I was going to say hell with it! let's just go but I'm thinking I should actually go and watch what happens first lol - can just see her hooning round the ring with me chasing after her lol. I've only ever jumped/xc competitively before so it's all new to me. There's a bigger one in June that the yard owners are keen I take her to..... :eek: :D
 
Longinthetooth: my boy is an Arab. Very forward going but we know each other so well now after being together for 12 years that he knows when a quiet bimble is required.
 
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