divorces, families and horses and being single

T

thinlizzy

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 June 2010
Messages
766
Visit site
I'm actually separated at the moment married but separated I have a family and morgage and horses, its hard enough been a few weeks being a single mum crash course adjustment . My husband told me he's getting a flat , even though he's at his mums and its only been two weeks so I feel he's decided its permanent so I decided to go to solicetors next week to instigate divorce , and legal financial matters I am just looking for other people with similar experiances , ie did it work out good or bad , did you have to give up the horse(s) or not did you manage timewise as well ? I'm thinking it might be a bit selfish being a single parent but then I'm thinking ill have spare time when he has the children . Did you move house or away from area? :+w did it effect everyone ? Was a factor of the seperation time spent on horses ? Thanks
 
Sorry to hear you're going through the mill at the moment. I don't have any personal experience, but wanted to say that all the people I know who have been through it have come out the other side much stronger and happier.

Hope it works out okay for you.
 
I got divorced 11 years ago and although it was very tough initially, time proved to be a great healer and I came out the other side a happier person with a better life. I didn't have children and was very lucky with my horses as my parents had a yard that they could live at until I got myself sorted.

From my somewhat limited experience, my horses were my lifeline. They kept me going when I wanted to just give up, they were always pleased to see me (when lots of other people weren't) and they gave me a social life that enabled me to meet my current partner. It may seem selfish to other people but they aren't, they are no different to any other hobby (just a tad more expensive sometimes!).

The one thing I learnt was not to care what other people thought but just to do what I thought was best and follow my heart. Try and keep cheerful and I really hope it all works out ok for you.
 
Hi,

Sorry to hear it's all 'orrid for you. Bit of a similar story to the above post really, split up with the other half and went through a very acrimonious divorce. Had to sell the house and all that (we didnt have kids which was a blessing then!) and I did move out of the immediate area. My mare was my world and at the time I sacrificed a lot to keep her - worked two jobs to pay rent on new house, moved her to a rented field rather than livery to save costs there but...managed to find a fantastic sharer who was to me, a lifesaver! She helped out loads time-wise and paid half farrier/feed costs in return for as much riding as she liked (including competing).

Was a very tough couple of years but.....light at the end of the tunnel and all that, I'm so much happier all round and have a good life. I too met my current partner through horses in a round about way and we bought his horse March last year :)

You can make it work and I guess my opinion for what its worth would be to keep your horses - at the end of a really crappy day there is nothing better than that soft velvety nose nuzzling you :)

Best of luck :) x
 
RoseGrey said:
Is it true that the person who instigates the divorce is the one who will get the legal bills to pay ?:confused:
Click to expand...

No - you both pay your own legal bills. I think sometimes the court will order one party (usually the husband) to pay for the other party's solicitor if the other party has no income of his/her own but something your solicitor will advise on if it's applicable.
 
Echo Bravo said:
just make sure the horses are in your name, as they can be sold if joint property.
Click to expand...

The court isn't interested in specific assets (which horses will be classed as). They may just be used as a negotiating chip for your other half. The court will not order sale of your horses - both parties will just discuss a value to be allocated to the horses. It might just be that you get the horses and your other half gets the car (if it's agreed to be equivalent value).

Also, any assets are assets of the marriage so it doesn't really matter who bought what - the court can redistribute how it wants, it just won't. The court cares about the value of assets not actually the assets themselves. So, e.g. if no kids in the marriage, it might just decide 50:50 split in value of assets.
 
Last edited:
RoseGrey said:
Is it true that the person who instigates the divorce is the one who will get the legal bills to pay ?:confused:
Click to expand...

i think so but you both have your own solicitors bills to pay.

I was married for 24 years and at first totally devasted when he left. However within 8 or 9 months I began realising that I was far happier without him.

I had a grown up son so he didn't really figure in things.

Ex had blamed my horse as one of the main reason for his decision HOWEVER it was always something different I was doing over the years that made him unhappy, and no matter how many things I changed it was never enough. I finally stood my ground and refused to get rid of the horse!
He was sure that I spent all his money on said horse and that I would never be able to do it on my money I managed fine for 3 years on my own.

Sadly he is still unhappy despite now living with rich lady and buying what he wants when he wants

In fact he admitted the other day that he had made the mistake of thinking it was 'us' or 'me' that made him unhappy. Poor guy I do wish he could be as happy as I am


So the moral of the story is that most often given time you will be happier.
I stayed in the same area and obviously kept my horse.

Personally I think you should do everything you can to keep yours!! If you have quality ME time you will be a better mom. The last thing you need right now is to lose your horse!

I honestly don't think I could have gone through it without my horse
 
i know this wont answer your question, but i went thru a divorce about 4 yrs ago. i didnt have a horse at the time, in fact i hadn't been near a horse for 9 yrs. i gave up riding when i was pregnant with my first son and just didnt have the time, money or transport to ride again. altho HE had his hobbies etc etc, i was a stuck at home mum coz that's what he wanted - control freak.

anyway, i found it all very difficult adjusting to being a single mum. my boys had seen their father do some terrible things and were badly affected by it all. my eldest who's now 12, went through an aggressive stage, mirroring his father's behaviour. he broke so much stuff in my house through his frustrations, costing me a small fortune.

it's over 5 yrs ago now and i am as happy as i've ever been in my life. my boys have settled down really well and my eldest started secondary school last year. he's amazing and makes me so proud. he came 9th out of 240 children in his school tests.

anyway, its in this time that i bought my horse. my youngest son started full time school so i started riding again, but once a week wasnt enough. it was time for my own. i did feel guilty about it, spending all that money on myself, but after what i'd been thru, i thought i deserved it. plus my kids have got a lot of enjoyment from being around horses.

its not always easy and money is tight. i hve to constantly watch what i spend. i dont have holidays or go out much and work darned hard. but i manage, because i have to and because i have achieved my greatest dream. i'm also in a very special relationship which will go far. we've been through some tough times together, caused by ex's, but we're stronger for it.

my ex, on the other hand, shacked up with a girl half his age. had a vasectomy reversal, spawned another child and cant afford to fart. i live in silent satisfaction knowing he's struggling, and funnily enough, very much under the thumb!

anyway, my point being, divorce isnt the end of your life. its the end of an era and the start of a new one. get through the tough times with friends and family around you and you'll come out of it a stronger, happier person.

best wishes and spend as much time as you can with your horses :)
 
My parents divorced when I was 6, so although not much personal experience, enough to understand what you're going through as my mum was often exhausted. She had horses before I was born, and then gave them up as she struggled to manage two under 3's! About 2 years after my dad left, she bought us a family pony to enjoy. It really bought us together, and actually made us stronger people. Don't have an awful lot to do with my dad now.

I would do as much as poss to keep the horse/s, it will really help you to de-stress, and maybe try to get the kids involved a bit more too?

Really sorry to hear what you're going through, hope this has helped.
 
Sorry to hear :(
I know exactly what it's like...
For my mum, she couldn't let go of the horses as some kind of stabililty was needed, however we had to make big cuts in other places and when all of us kids go out mum loves playing ponies :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top