Do I give up ?

Bedford Joy

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I am at the point of giving up with horses altogether ... I am on a yard that I'm not terribly happy with but I get a fabulous rate on my livery, so moving would mean selling one or two of my horses to keep paying the same. I don't feel like I fit in and I'm hardly seeing my horses at all at the moment partly due to work/ family but also partly because my horses paddocks are a 5 minute walk from the yard and I often have my toddler with me. I am struggling financially but I can't find another yard locally that fits my needs so I'm kind of stuck. I also have to give 3 months notice and the yo did me a deal over winter provided mine went out 24/7 over summer so she will be cross I'm leaving before she has chance to make up what she lost over winter .. I'm stressing about my horses every day and am not enjoying having them at all right now. I don't know what to do for the best, hand in my notice and spend the next few months looking for somewhere else or stick it out and hope things improve. I've been there 4 years x
 

WelshD

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Provided they are sellable I think I would sell one if your horses and move if you are that unhappy

It's supposed to be fun after all

The YO should be fine, after all your three months notice will effectively be the summer
 

Booboos

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Can you find some childcare for your toddler that will allow you some free time? MiniBoo is going to nursery 1.5 hours three mornings a week and it makes a huge difference (if I run I can bring in 4, ride one, feed and turn out before she gets back!).
 

horsesatemymoney

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This probably not what you want to hear but I think the solution might be to downsize numbers. If they're out 24/7 it will be easier now but I think you'll find the same time problem anywhere unless it's assisted livery but if you're saying there's a financial worry there too that's another reason to sell or even loan some out- how many do you have?
 

Bedford Joy

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My toddler starts nursery 3 mornings a week in September so I will have more time.
I have 3 and I suggested to my yo about selling 1 of them but she talked me out if it saying I'd regret it, and it wouldn't be fair on the horse as I'd not had her long.
I don't want to sell any of them as I love them dearly but I don't have time for 1 let alone 3 right now as my business is growing really fast and taking up a lot of my time . I mainly don't ride due to having my toddler with me all the time and losing my nerve recently.
Hubby will look after toddler once a week if I'm lucky so I guess I ride once maybe twice a week if I'm lucky ...
 

niagaraduval

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I would sell one of the horses or find sharers for both which would 1) Help big time financially and 2) Help you out time wise in the fact you can spend more time with your young family and the horses needs will still be met.
 

Bedford Joy

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They are on 7 day part livery but I do what I can when I can, YO has told me to skip out paddock once a week now due to having 3 in one paddock as we can't seperate them so time I may have spent riding is now spent poo picking. Lol x
 

Shay

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To be honest the yard seems to restrictive. If your YO tries to persuade you not to sell but then won't let you have a share or part loan to healp then frankly - what can she expect?!

Next to the needs of your toddler. who obviously comes first, are the needs of the horses. Are you being fair to them? I know it is rotton but if they are saleable might one be better off with someone who can do a bit more with them? I really don't mean to make you feel bad - you are a good mum to both child and horses because you are asking yourself the tough questions.

Your heart will tell you what you need to do - no matter what anyone says! Go with it!
 

niagaraduval

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To be honest the yard seems to restrictive. If your YO tries to persuade you not to sell but then won't let you have a share or part loan to healp then frankly - what can she expect?!

Next to the needs of your toddler. who obviously comes first, are the needs of the horses. Are you being fair to them? I know it is rotton but if they are saleable might one be better off with someone who can do a bit more with them? I really don't mean to make you feel bad - you are a good mum to both child and horses because you are asking yourself the tough questions.

Your heart will tell you what you need to do - no matter what anyone says! Go with it!

I agree. Why aren't you allowed a sharer ? even just at week ends of a few mornings a week. Can the YO really stop you ? Surely as long as you look after the place and pay your livery bill each month she can't say nothing ?

Obviously she doesn't want you to sell one, she would loose a livery.
 

Polos Mum

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If your not happy then it's probably best to try and change something.

With a toddler it might be 2/3 years before they are in school and you'll have enough time to ride three each day. So for me cutting numbers would be well worth considering. I have gone from 5 to 2 at home since my son was born 2 years ago - sad but realistic and that was really just time not a money consideration.

If you had one the work to do would be dramaticallly reduced, and one would cope with being ridden 3/4 times a week. When your toddler turns 3 they get 15 hours free nursery a week in term time so there is three rides for you plus the day your OH looks after.
 

FestiveFuzz

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I'm intrigued to know the rationale behind YO not allowing you to part loan your horse on the yard.

Anyway, if you can't take on sharers for one or two of your horses and can't bear the thought of selling any of them could you not find someone to take one on full loan instead?
 

DixieMare

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I am at the point of giving up with horses altogether ... I am on a yard that I'm not terribly happy with but I get a fabulous rate on my livery, so moving would mean selling one or two of my horses to keep paying the same. I don't feel like I fit in and I'm hardly seeing my horses at all at the moment partly due to work/ family but also partly because my horses paddocks are a 5 minute walk from the yard and I often have my toddler with me. I am struggling financially but I can't find another yard locally that fits my needs so I'm kind of stuck. I also have to give 3 months notice and the yo did me a deal over winter provided mine went out 24/7 over summer so she will be cross I'm leaving before she has chance to make up what she lost over winter .. I'm stressing about my horses every day and am not enjoying having them at all right now. I don't know what to do for the best, hand in my notice and spend the next few months looking for somewhere else or stick it out and hope things improve. I've been there 4 years x

Cant you full/part loan a couple of your horses out?
I made the biggest mistake by selling Dixie when my circumstances changed. I had tried to part loan her out at the time. But looking back I should have tried to have full loaned her out, I think I might have had more chance to loaning her out that way.
In saying that, with every one keeping a close eye on their money these days, part loaning might work out too?

Good luck
 

Bedford Joy

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It's a professional competition yard and insurance won't cover sharers plus they like to keep people on the yard to a minimum so don't allow sharers or loaners unless the are already liveries on the yard. What I want to do is sell 2 and move to another local yard where I can afford to have one on full livery. But if I did this I'd chose to keep my 8 year old polo pony who needs dental surgery, but I would then be faced with the horrible task of splitting up my other 2 mares who adore each other and one of them is 20 who needs quite a lot of extra care ..
 

Polos Mum

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What you suggest sounds like a very sensible plan - if the only thing holding you back is what your YO will think then either 1) she is a friend and will understand how unhappy the current situation is making you and will support you or 2) she isn't a friend so her opinion doesn't really matter anyway.

It's perfectly possible to full loan out a 20 year old, I have one on loan currently, with the summer coming up it might be an ideal time to find someone for her - maybe you could think about contributing to some of her unusual care costs to make it more appealing for a loaner - but still lots cheaper for you and no time commitment. Selling might be difficult.
 

SatansLittleHelper

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I agree with PolosMum.
Those who mind dont matter and rhose who matter dont mind.

I would personally put the two girls out on full loan and move your boy. Its supposed to be fun and you just seem to be having a miserable time of it :(
 

Goldenstar

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If you have too many horses to enjoy downsize at one point I had eleven and I thought one day why am I doing this .
We went down to five now four and life is fun.
 

AmyMay

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Id get off the part livery and move to a diy that offers assistance when required. Im afraid id only give 1 months notice, and I would sell the horse that is sellable.
 

Bedford Joy

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Also I had the opportunity to have back a mare I sold 3 years ago and massively regretted, a foolish decision perhaps but I just couldn't let her go again, it broke my heart last time .... Call me stupid :)
 

WandaMare

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The insurance thing sounds a bit odd doesn't it? I haven't heard of insurance not covering loaners or sharers, I had a livery yard and there was no distinction between livery owners or helpers / sharers etc. You have to have public liability insurance which I would have thought would have covered all visitors caring for the horses, what would happen if one of the livery owners fell ill.....freelance grooms, family members etc.

I would go back to YO and explain your situation and your options and see if she can see her way to be a little more flexible to help you. Once she knows one option is to sell she might open up to the loaning idea...I think its worth a go. She would have to be very harsh not to understand the difficult situation you are in..and as its likely to be temporary while your priority is looking after your toddler, it would make sense for her to help you rather than risk losing a good livery.
 

Adopter

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You are in a difficult place but life moves on and things will change. You may want a pony for your toddler before long. Why not put the two mares on loan, even though they are great friends they will adjust. At least if you loan you have the option of having them back in the future if you find you have the time. There are good loan homes around you just need to have a good contract and make the effort to check on them at agreed intervals. I hope you can find a solution you are happy with.
 

Aarrghimpossiblepony

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OP. I think you need to sort out the fact that you are in an abusive relationship with three children to think about, before worrying about being unhappy at the yard you keep the horses on.
 

micki

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I was in the same predicament recently. I'm not on a livery yard, i keep them at home, but i had 4 horses to do everyday and i wasn't getting the chance to ride my youngest horse and i didn't enjoy riding my biggest horse, who is a fantastic horse but a bit much for me to ride as he needs regular work, ie everyday. I really didn't want to sell him as i love him to bits but i really needed him in work or he gets naughty. I have loaned him out to a lovely lass who has the confidence to ride him through his tantrums and will be rewarded with a really good horse once she has put the work into him.
I am now happy again as i don't spend so long mucking out and muck picking and i actually get to ride my youngster.
I would seriously consider loaning your 2 mares out. They will get used to not being together as my horse that is out on loan was very attached to my oldest girl but he is fine, in fact it has done him good to be taken away from her. Also if you aren't happy o the yard you are on now then find one that you will be and ask if they do assisted DIY livery. When your toddler starts nursery in September you will be surprised just how much you can get while he is there. It freed up alot of time for me when my kids started nursery.
If you loan your mares have a watertight contract and check on them both with the loaner knowing and turn up unannounced ocassionally
 

Equilibrium Ireland

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I've tried 3 times to answer this post. But not just this one, also the others that crop up in the same vein. And or the aftermath of advice threads. Such as loan didn't work and I can't take them back.

None of us has a crystal ball. So we have to be realistic and make choices as they happen. You clearly have too much on your plate without the horses. So realistically what are the best options.

You have a 20 year old mare that by your own words needs lots of extra care. Anyone on here advising loaning would you pay all the extra costs or would you find a more suitable loan horse. Say a 20 yo without the extra upkeep. This is the real world. Things aren't that great at the moment for lots of horses. Iron clad contracts sound great. They are not the protection people think but it sounds good. Keeping a close eye will work if they're close but probably a new set of pressures as well. I'm not saying loaning isn't a great thing but the thing in my mind with loaning is expect horse back at anytime. So if you can't handle that then selling or PTS are your options. I'm sure people are trying to reach out and punch me right now for the PTS option. As always there are worse things than death. We have the emotions on death not horses. They can though understand neglect and suffering.

As far as YO. Yeah she sounds a little difficult. However, she did give you a break on fees over the winter. So in all honesty even if you sell than make good on your promises. Give her money owed before you leave. I don't own a yard but have given people a break on training fees for something in exchange because I wanted to be the good guy. I also got burned enough to know you just don't give breaks to people. So just honor your commiments. You got a break. Don't make her regret it.

Life is hard. Horses are big expensive creatures. It has to be somewhat fun or what's the point? I know my advice is a bit harsh but think of it all from every angle.

Terri
 

Equilibrium Ireland

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Also what are the points of regret. Even if you get said mare back you totally regretted selling, how does that change your current situation? You'd have her and the others to try and sort out. It's not working now. Just concentrate on making your life more workable and then deal with what comes.

Terri
 

Amy567

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As for the 20 yo mare, I can put a little insight from my own experiences.

I currently have a 16yo TB show jumper with an old injury. I'm now too heavy so she's being shared by a girl from the village. This horse was bred to jump and loves her job, she will hack, but she doesn't love it and she can be difficult. She also ties up and has very sensitive feet so has concussion pads, more expense. She's also a VERY poor doer, we have always felt (ever since her injury and tying up issues) that we couldn't, sell her or put her on loan, as she's a very expensive horse, feel she costs too much to just 'palm off' to someone. And so, we have said that after her share falls through, finishes etc, and we can't afford to keep her (possibility of loosing land this year - added expense) then she would be PTS. It's the fair thing to do fir her as she doesn't deserve to be passed from pillar to post.

I only say this to back Terri. I am in no way saying that you are palming your mare off, or that you should PTS, or that you're being nasty by not wanting to and wanting to loan her/sell her instead :)
 

Equilibrium Ireland

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So a good situation. But OP needs to think more like you. It's a loan that when it ends mare will be PTS. She won't come back to you. A good situation. Hopefully OP can find the same. But why only share one side of a difficult situation? There are pros and cons with everything. In all honesty younger and less issue horses are always easier to place. I just happen to be the only one to say as much. Makes me the bad guy.

Terri
 
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