Do people not realise riding is a partnership anymore?

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Shadowdancing

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OK this might sound a bit ranty but I am seeing this more and more on my Facebook, Twitter and free horse ad pages. Main offenders are teens aged 15-19 though I am sure older people do it too.. they're good riders from what I can see but not exceptional. They want to compete. They advertise for a horse to compete with.They get a horse that looks very nice. Posts all over- look at my horse this one will take me to the top etc etc... three months later MAX horse is gone or up for sale and they want another one 'must show jump to a high standard'... what on earth?!

Does no one realise anymore that competing successfully involves schooling, fittening and getting to know your equine partner, and vice versa? That a really great rider could probably have competed the horse they've given an average of three weeks effort to to a decent standard? That maybe if they're churning through a string of at least average, some pretty nice, horses and not getting anywhere maybe it's a problem with THEM not the horses? That these things take TIME?!

I just seem to be seeing it over and over. Doesn't anyone get taught that to be successful horse and rider have to gel as a TEAM anymore? Is it just me? I've never seen so many serial owners as I'm seeing these last three years... it's a bit depressing!
 
I think a lot of people dont want to take the time that is necessary to succeed, they want quick results. They want to be Charlotte Dujardin, Scott Brash, William Fox-Pitt etc right now. They dont want to wait.
 
It is very depressing that some people regard horses as 'disposable' - if it isn't doing the job you want you simply get another one a bit like a new phone or car. The lack of introspection/self awareness of some people is also mind-boggling.

However, I've also known people who struggled for years to form a partnership with their horse but eventually give up. One person in particular found another home for her horse and bought herself a mare and is now loving riding again and has a great partnership with her new stead. The original one was simply not for her.

I guess that teenagers might be more prone to wanting instant results, but this is not always the case. My son is now 23 and has had the same horse on loan for nearly 10 years. All through his teen years he really worked at developing his own horsemanship skills and built a strong partnership with the horse through lots and lots and lots of fittening, schooling and training. They evented at CIC/CCI one-star but now just enjoy schooling and hacking. His horse is quite happy to see me or his owner, but REALLY lights up when my son is around. The horse had surgery for a fatty tumour (pedunculate lipoma) a few years ago and fortunately pulled through and returned to full fitness. However, it was touch- and-go for a while and it was absolutely heartbreaking to see my then 17 year old son having to contemplate the potential loss of his friend. Theirs really is a lifelong partnership.
 
I think good rider/horse combination looks easy, when really its takes a lot of work that most people never see, and they think they reproduce it with minim time and effort. When they do not get the results, its the horses fault. It was ever so, its just that because of social media we see more of it.
The only good thing is if the horse is in the wrong home it gets moved on and perhaps someone with more idea will buy it and and its a better home.
 
I've met these types later, in their 20's, bemoaning the loss of their much-loved childhood pony (in the days when teenagers still rode ponies) who's photo sits on their desk, and wondering where they are now. They no longer ride at all, though they claim to want to. They say they can't afford it, (though they can afford to get drunk every weekend). When I tell them how much a pony costs to keep on average they say: yes but they had to sell the pony. Not because their parents made them, or because they couldn't afford to keep it. The answer when I ask is always the same - they sold the pony because they'd taken it as far as they could competitively. The thought of keeping their pony to hack and school into old age didn't even enter their minds, it was all about the competing. It's something that's always made me very sad.
 
rachk89 said:
I think a lot of people dont want to take the time that is necessary to succeed, they want quick results. They want to be Charlotte Dujardin, Scott Brash, William Fox-Pitt etc right now. They dont want to wait.
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Couldn't have said it better myself. We are a nation who no longer have the time nor patience unforutnely.
Wouldn't we all love to be the next Charlotte Dujardin.... fact is normal people do not have time or effort to get to this level. Too many of us nowadays expect things to be given to us on a plate.
 
I really don't think people realise the time, training, expertise, dedication and talent it takes to compete at a decent level. As my trainer always says if it was easy we would all be out winning medals.
 
This will be heartening for you OP here is me age 9 on pony:

Here's me age 28 on same pony:

("Schooling" using the term loosely as we are both horrendously unfit)
And me age 12 with a pony 'for my children'
And said pony with 3 of my four children 16 years later: (she's been out on loan a lot!)

(I'm not being lazy sitting there I had my leg in plaster!)
Hopefully this gives you some hope us twenty somethings don't all cast off our childhood ponies for something whizzier. :-)
 
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silv said:
I really don't think people realise the time, training, expertise, dedication and talent it takes to compete at a decent level. As my trainer always says if it was easy we would all be out winning medals.
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Exactly this.
And most teenagers just don't have the maturity to appreciate this.
However Mummy & Daddy have a role to play in this too, and that does not involve just buying the next model up on a whim.
 
Yes, completely agree you with OP. It's very sad. I think more organisations, clubs and societies might help, particularly if targeted at the 15-25 age group.
 
ihatework said:
However Mummy & Daddy have a role to play in this too, and that does not involve just buying the next model up on a whim.
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I think this might be the essence of it.

Luckily I can't think of anyone on my yard like this. But I can imagine the teenagers where mummy and daddy gave them everything whenever they asked, and never taught them to work for something would be like this.

If a child is given everything on a plate then they will expect to click their fingers and have the next Valegro, if that one isn't good enough then they will get given a better 'model'.
 
I learnt an awful lot about becoming a good rider by getting hurt and my parents had the balls to let me ride without intervention even when I broke bits of myself. They didn't have the inclination to buy short cuts so I had to work it out with my pony. As a result at 54 I'm a far bolder rider than any teen I know but I spend a lot on physiotherapy for my legacy injuries.

My current horse and I have a great partnership - we have a combined age of 77 and share a keen interest in going fast and growing old disgracefully.
 
Got my first horse at 30 he was 14 he is now 24 a very happy lawn mower that is spoilt rotten. He taught me to ride to stay on and to love something other than myself. A partnership that even when I brought my new horse to carry on competing when the old fella couldn't can't be broken.
 
Goodness, I read these posts and feel so sorry that you all seem to meet such horrible spoiled children with idiot parents. Tbh I know lots of children who are not like this at all, of course, there's a few but I'm sure it's in all areas of life not just equestrianism. We sold a couple of ponies on, not because they were not competitive enough but because daughter was just too big for them, she brought them on from rising 6's, got them going really nicely (and competitively) then outgrew them and they were sold with many tears to lovely families. We sold her first horse when she went to uni as he was too much for me to ride and she was going to a uni 3 hours drive away. Again, we all shed buckets of tears, it was not an easy decision but it was for the best. I know lots of children like this, they are the norm for me.
 
Surely the best thing about horses IS the partnership and progression? It's still early days, but my new boy is so sweet and if we work well together then he'll be with me 'til death regardless of all else and we will progress and go as far as we can together and enjoy the journey. In the future when his body begins to fail him through old age or illness, he'll become the most loved pasture pet around. Horsemanship =/= throwaway "loved" horses. If you simply want an athletic partner and not a pet, thats your choice but don't proclaim that it's "my world <3 xoxoxox" then chuck it away next week.
 
SaddleUpSin said:
Surely the best thing about horses IS the partnership and progression? It's still early days, but my new boy is so sweet and if we work well together then he'll be with me 'til death regardless of all else and we will progress and go as far as we can together and enjoy the journey. In the future when his body begins to fail him through old age or illness, he'll become the most loved pasture pet around. Horsemanship =/= throwaway "loved" horses. If you simply want an athletic partner and not a pet, thats your choice but don't proclaim that it's "my world <3 xoxoxox" then chuck it away next week.
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And sometimes making the decision to rehome a much loved horse is one of the most painful you can make.
 
Casey76 said:
And sometimes making the decision to rehome a much loved horse is one of the most painful you can make.
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I can imagine :( I had a friend give me a lovely welsh baby a few years back but was really not in a position to have him :( I was at college full time, parents couldn't afford him (they really tried) and I was walking 8 miles a day on top of a full day of equine college to look after him and making myself ill. I gave him to my cousin, nearly three years ago, she put him out on loan to someone I know, so I've known where and how he is for the past 3 years and it STILL hurts. I can't even fathom why it hurts. I only had him 2 months but I love him so much still :(
 
One of the characteristics of Millennials (the generation born between 1980 and 2000) is impatience. They are also known as the 'We want it now' generation expecting instant gratification, instant answers and instant services. Also known for having a short attention span of 8 seconds. These characteristics coupled with also being confident and results orientated may explain why they quickly want to move on to the next horse if they're not getting the results they want. I would also like to say that this is a sweeping generalisation and I'm sure there are exceptions.
 
My previous yard was and still is a prime example of what you're describing . It is competitive based and it's who's got the 'best' or 'prettiest' pony . Most of them get replaced each season. The thing is I don't even think it's the kids , it's the parents , or should I say the mummies who sit on the side line and want their child to be pretty and be the best in the pony club .

A very interesting example was one livery who turned up with a plod of a highland pony and their daughter . They loved the pony to bits (I genuinely thought they did ) not even the whole riding part but the grooming and mucking out too , they spent hours with him and claimed he was a big family pet . After 2 months at the yard he was up for sale with a day's thought and gone . A more able type who was thankfully sweet was bought and the girl got on well with a multitude of lessons . I left the yard and then heard that horse was for sale and a larger 17hh version had been bought which was 'very capable ' . The long shot of it is that the parents are s*it scared of it and the daughter can't ride it . Shame really.

I've had my boy for 12 years now. He's 15 this year . There is a sense of pride with every aspect that I do with him as I know that it's the trust and partnership between us that allows him to be who he is today .
 
holeymoley said:
My previous yard was and still is a prime example of what you're describing . It is competitive based and it's who's got the 'best' or 'prettiest' pony . Most of them get replaced each season. The thing is I don't even think it's the kids , it's the parents , or should I say the mummies who sit on the side line and want their child to be pretty and be the best in the pony club .

A very interesting example was one livery who turned up with a plod of a highland pony and their daughter . They loved the pony to bits (I genuinely thought they did ) not even the whole riding part but the grooming and mucking out too , they spent hours with him and claimed he was a big family pet . After 2 months at the yard he was up for sale with a day's thought and gone . A more able type who was thankfully sweet was bought and the girl got on well with a multitude of lessons . I left the yard and then heard that horse was for sale and a larger 17hh version had been bought which was 'very capable ' . The long shot of it is that the parents are s*it scared of it and the daughter can't ride it . Shame really.

I've had my boy for 12 years now. He's 15 this year . There is a sense of pride with every aspect that I do with him as I know that it's the trust and partnership between us that allows him to be who he is today .
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It is a partnership sport. But you do need the right partner. Sometimes you can build that sometimes you cant. Sometimes your hopes and dreams change as part of the partnership, sometimes they don’t. I also think it takes years to build a good bond with a horse, and the horses you have owned a long time have a different connection to those that you’ve owned a shorter time.

There is nothing wrong with a reflective adult moving on a partnership that isn’t working. Nothing worse than trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole for horse or rider. But equally nothing wrong with changing your goals to fit with the partnership. Some of the more challenging horses to produce can be the most satisfying.

A good horse and rider partnership brings joy. Horses deserve to be loved. If your horse has a viable future, and doesn’t make your heart sing, most of the time, then if you can find an alternative good home, see nothing wrong with this. Horses are too expensive to keep as pets if you don’t adore them. Selling isn’t wrong or bad if circumstances change or your don’t make a good partnership. Different morally if horse is injured or older, a horse with good prospects that you don’t enjoy, selling can enable the horse you sell to be someone else’s horse of a life time.
 
As someone who is part of the generation you are talking about here (I'm 21) I have to say I have seen a lot of people who do exactly that, replace ponies and horses the moment it's not going how they want. For me the biggest thing is the partnership, I sold my pony I had from about age 10 because we didn't suit each other and neither of us were happy or enjoying it. My next horse I produced myself from very green and jumping 70cm badly to eventing successfully to BE100 with potential to go further and an all round great horse for me. I fully planned to keep her for the rest of her life, however long that was. Unfortunately I lost her unexpectedly recently which broke my heart. I now have a youngster who I plan to produce and keep for myself for the rest of his life.
 
Sugar_and_Spice said:
I've met these types later, in their 20's, bemoaning the loss of their much-loved childhood pony (in the days when teenagers still rode ponies) who's photo sits on their desk, and wondering where they are now. They no longer ride at all, though they claim to want to. They say they can't afford it, (though they can afford to get drunk every weekend). When I tell them how much a pony costs to keep on average they say: yes but they had to sell the pony. Not because their parents made them, or because they couldn't afford to keep it. The answer when I ask is always the same - they sold the pony because they'd taken it as far as they could competitively. The thought of keeping their pony to hack and school into old age didn't even enter their minds, it was all about the competing. It's something that's always made me very sad.
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Getting drunk at the weekend doesn't come with unexpected vets bills ;) part of me thinks it is the sensible thing to do not to have one when you are younger, my heart has over ruled my head on that one but I might have more house deposit if it hadn't.
 
ester said:
Getting drunk at the weekend doesn't come with unexpected vets bills ;) part of me thinks it is the sensible thing to do not to have one when you are younger, my heart has over ruled my head on that one but I might have more house deposit if it hadn't.
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Ahh but neither does riding lessons ;)
Life's too short to ignore your heart, would you be content if you died next week with the deposit for a house in your pocket, or have lived a wonderful horsey life!
 
I always say a horse/rider combination is like a husband/wife relationship...

You need to work hard, compromise and forgive - to make it work.

Sometimes - you need to just get divorced!
 
If everyone kept good horses to hack and school into old age, then there would be no good, broke horses on the market for other people who wanted to hack and school.

I would also say that what makes an appropriate, safe first horse for a kid does not necessarily make a good competitive horse when a rider develops and wants to move up the levels in their chosen discipline. You might get the rare beast that's steady enough for the novice, but athletic and forward enough for the more ambitious rider, but those horses are like gold dust. My trainer was very honest with me and my parents, saying look for the horse I needed now (when I was 13), not the horse I would want in four, five, six, ten or whatever years. I might well develop as a rider beyond that horse, which might entail selling it eventually, but she thought it was more important that we got a kid safe horse I could handle at the time instead of a fire-breathing dragon who could do medium dressage later.

I sold that first steady eddy Quarter horse when I was 17 and bought the current Shire-TB cross, who has been a fabulous horse (which is why I still have her) but she would have been too much for a 13-year old. At 17 I could deal with her; at 13, I think I would have been overhorsed.

There are many ways to look at this.
 
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The vast majority of kids on my yard are pretty good and want a bond with their ponies. They still gallop them around more than I think they should - but I think I was as bad when I was young!

There is one girl who is constantly moaning that she doesn't have a good relationship with her horse. It never comes to her in the field and or sees her as 'her human'. A few of the more experienced riders have suggested she do some ground work with the mare to build up a bond - but she just isn't interested. I have a sneaky suspicion she doesn't actually like the horse and I know it terrifies her out hacking. Its fabulous looking though and having persuaded her parents to buy it for her I don't think she wants to say it just isn't working. Sad really because with the right horse I think she'd have a lot more enjoyment.
 
I know a few people like this....and not all young either! Rather than work with a tricky (not difficult) horse or pony, it will be gone and the next one in their place. I love the challenge and reward of building a relationship with my horses! The fact that one will now walk beside me, listen to me and go into their stable without any contact is amazing. My other mare however....that one has an attitude (well she tries to) and will often act like a small child and walk away from the gate when I try to retrieve her from the field. Not too far....just on the other side of the mud!
 
the problem as I see it is that competition allows kids to move onto horses too quickly. it is surely best if kids had to compete ponies there is a pony for any size child so there is no need to buy horses for under 18s. Pony club should be for ponies but it has gone mad as now theyre shoved onto 16.2 at 12 most of which have to be swapped about as the kids dont have the necessary skills to bring them on
 
SaddleUpSin said:
Ahh but neither does riding lessons ;)
Life's too short to ignore your heart, would you be content if you died next week with the deposit for a house in your pocket, or have lived a wonderful horsey life!
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But I was responding to young people selling their horses when people think they should be able to afford them, I don't think going out on a weekend is comparable finance wise or an implication they could afford them if they tried.

There's a load of posts about them being a want it now generation yet those that decide not to keep funding such an expensive hobby are wrong too?
 
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