do you agree with this?

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moodymare123

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This is going to annoy a lot of people, make a lot of people think and I'm sure some of you will agree. But as you know I am not exactly one to hold back.
This is two separate things I've been thinking very hard about recently and here are my end thoughts.
Basically I just want you all to think. Imagine there was no such thing as horses. What would you be doing right now? I imagine you wouldn't be sat at a laptop. Even when you aren't sat at a laptop. Horses are always on your mind, right? My point is, I've only just realized that horses changed my life and to be honest I really don't think for the better. Don't get me wrong the trust, companionship etc between a horse and rider is unbelievable, but so is friendship with a person. I've realized horses took my childhood away. I should have been enjoying myself with friends and family but instead it was spent with a mammal that doesnt even understand my words. The bitching on yards, the long hard days, the rushing after school/work, the money... just everything that comes with horses I find simply depressing. I love riding once in a while without the responsibilities. Its a completely different world and so much more rewarding.
A lot of people on youtube I have noticed claim to have depression or be feeling depressed. They get bullied at school etc etc. At first I kind of thought they were saying it for attention but ive recently realized that they are probably telling the truth. Ever studied the book 'Of Mice and Men' at school? It proves loneliness is almost an illness. Depriving yourself of human companionship in order to spend even just an hour extra of the day with an animal really is potentially dangerous. We NEED human companionship... friends.
I really cant express in words how strongly I feel about this. I've only just realized that horses drove me to want attention when I was at high school, they drove me to depression, they drove me to loneliness. I believe without them I would be living such a happier life today.
Please think on. This is not a rant, I'm just trying to get my point across in the simplest of forms.

Not written by me!, what are your views on this?
 
In my opinion - rubbish! I wish I had spent more time with ponies. My brother doesn't understand my desire to spend time with Ned when I could be traveling, but it's my life and I can spend it how I like :-)
 
Since I got back into horses ~nine months ago, I've come off the anti-depressants I've been on for six years, made new friends, have picked up a new sport (ice hockey), and am generally happier and healthier.

So, no, I don't agree. :D
 
I see the point, however, horses for me is a lifestyle & not a sport, one which has made my sister, mum and I extremly close! As well as providing me with a set of friends who understand the dedication required!

It's taught me trust, how to win, how to lose, how to play as a team, how to put others (in this case a horse's) interests before your own, i've learnt to give without expecting anything in return and lastly, it's taught me to love, no matter what happens in the sport that without loving what I do, theres no point being there!
 
Im half and half with this, yep horses can make you feel like that if you are not enjoying them to the full. If you are on the wrong yard/wrong horse it can make things feel hard. But if you are enjoying yourself and your horse you wouldnt feel like that.
 
Pippity said:
Since I got back into horses ~nine months ago, I've come off the anti-depressants I've been on for six years, made new friends, have picked up a new sport (ice hockey), and am generally happier and healthier.

So, no, I don't agree. :D
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awh that is lovely! I also disagree with this piece of text too. I for one do not have a social life outside of horses which gets me down a lot but then I realise that they aren't real friends anyway which makes me so so glad that I have finally got out of hell (high school) hehe!
 
I can't say I agree.
Firstly, I kept my pony at home so I didn't have bitchy people at my yard to contend with.
I don't feel my ponies ever stopped me socialising when I was at school, I would still go to friends houses for sleepovers or they'd come to mine.

Maybe I would have done more with my uni holidays if I hadn't had my old pony at home, but I never had money as a student to go anywhere, nor was I having to turn down invites on holiday etc.

I bought my new horse last month, aged 25. I'm doing a PhD now. I've made friends through having him and being up at the yard. It also gives me something to do with my evenings tbf, most of my friends are graduating next month so won't be around next year.

If that's not written by you then I will say...I quite want to give the author of that piece a kick up the backside. No one forces you to have horses...so why not realise they are making you miserable and quit?

No offence but I can't stand drivel like that, have some responsibility for your own bloody life and MTFU.

I suppose I am fortunate in that I've never been needy enough to need to surround myself with people all the time? Perhaps having a fairly solitary childhood (my sister and I were the only children where I live when we were growing up, and she's four years older) has given me the fortunate ability to tolerate my own company reasonably well. If I spend too much time with people then I can't wait to get home and have some time by myself.

I think being able to spend time on your own without ending up in a downward spiral of depression is a very important skill. Nobody likes a needy person anyway. Well, the odd person does. I don't. That's why my old housemate drove me mad.

Wow, that's an essay. Should really get a shower and head into work!
 
Isnt it about a balance I still do what I want I make my horses fit around it ( except competing which everything else has to fit around) The only thing its ever stopped me doing is travelling around the world but ill do it one holiday at a time =)The only part of this I agree with is the bitching yards and at times the lack of money but still after paying for all my horses each month I still have a at least £300 that I just waste on nothing so I think at least I still have something to show for it rather than empty bank balance
 
I was depressed in my teens without horses, drank too much and got into bad relationships. I'm much happier and rounded now I have horses back in my life, I find my time spent with my filly to be therapeutic and me time that I don't feel guilty about. If someone can't cope with the financial and time constraints why not just horse share. I don't see the issue it's not a prison sentence, we have a choice.
 
hnmisty said:
I can't say I agree..

If that's not written by you then I will say...I quite want to give the author of that piece a kick up the backside. No one forces you to have horses...so why not realise they are making you miserable and quit?

No offence but I can't stand drivel like that, have some responsibility for your own bloody life and MTFU.
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I agree with you on this and a lot of people have commented with the same responses on here, but she has never got rid of her horses so logically how can she know?
 
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Erm.... Ok and breathe :-P

I think I would be mightily depressed without my horses. Complete opposite of what you're saying really. I have human companionship and love being around friends and family but I'd be missing out if I didn't have my horses.

Maybe you need some time out, if horses are making you feel like this then what is the point?
 
Wheels said:
Erm.... Ok and breathe :-P

I think I would be mightily depressed without my horses. Complete opposite of what you're saying really. I have human companionship and love being around friends and family but I'd be missing out if I didn't have my horses.

Maybe you need some time out, if horses are making you feel like this then what is the point?
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it wasn't me who wrote it :-)
 
Perhaps it is just that having horses does not suit everyone. Simple as that.

I grew up with them; I would never consider for one moment they ruined my life. I had a good time at school, the time of my life at uni, travelled around the world, have good friends and a wonderful fiance. I also scuba dive, am secretary for our dive club, and have a decent job. The horses fit in with it all. I don't compete any more but I enjoy hacking, distance riding, and bringing on my youngster. My ambition is to do a cross country course with him one day; I lost my nerve for it years ago after a nasty accident.

However horses have mostly been my solitary activity - I have rarely been on a yard and certainly wouldn't use one now. I don't have horsey friends up here, my friends are from other areas of life. Only my best mate as a child was also horsey. Perhaps that made a difference, I don't know. But in my limited experience of yards there are a lot of difficult horsey women around who can be very unpleasant to deal with!

ETS on re-reading that piece of writing, it sounds like the person who wrote it is looking for excuses for their lack of satisfaction with their life. But to blame having horses for it sounds a bit pathetic really. Perhaps they have emotional or social issues which would be there, horses or not; it's easier not to acknowledge that though isn't it?
Why didn't they just get rid? To be honest it does come across as whiney, self indulgent and buck passing.
 
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I've certainly spent more pointless, brain eroding, heart breaking hours/years/decades :eek: with blokes than I have with horses.
 
You can have both IMO.

I go out often with my friends, some are Horsey, some aren't. On Monday I worked til 5.30, went yard and rode til 7ish. Went to my friends, went for dinner and then to the pub. Shes non Horsey. So I did both that day.

Last night I didn't go yard (a friend checked her for me as she was having a day off) I went with my mate to get her nails done and then we went for dinner with another friend (a fellow livery) so again I fit in time with friends.

I'm planning a night out on Friday too and a shopping trip on Saturday. I will be riding both these days too.

Its all about organising yourself. No reason you can't have both a social life and Horsey time.
 
LaurenBay said:
You can have both IMO.

I go out often with my friends, some are Horsey, some aren't. On Monday I worked til 5.30, went yard and rode til 7ish. Went to my friends, went for dinner and then to the pub. Shes non Horsey. So I did both that day.

Last night I didn't go yard (a friend checked her for me as she was having a day off) I went with my mate to get her nails done and then we went for dinner with another friend (a fellow livery) so again I fit in time with friends.

I'm planning a night out on Friday too and a shopping trip on Saturday. I will be riding both these days too.

Its all about organising yourself. No reason you can't have both a social life and Horsey time.
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I would love to be able to have more of a social life but I really would not like to go out and drink my life away especially at my age!
 
Horses can be a very social activity - if you want them to be!

I only want socialness on my own terms, so stable alone and spend most of my time with them alone, but like meeting up with folk out and about / at shows / watching / grooming for other people etc from time to time. They've also never stopped me from seeing folk who aren't horsey as I'm not up there 24/7.

I honestly don't know what I'd do without horses in my life, but I reckon I'd waste my life in front of a TV/laptop anyway, so I may as well waste it with my super-ponies!
 
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weebarney said:
I think without horses I would have a much more pickled liver
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Ditto this...:D

But.

I also had a talk with my husband around 18 months / 2 years ago, before my daughter took up riding. I distincly remember saying I didn't want her to have horses. I didn't want her to have to sit back while her friends go on fantastic holidays and weekends away - not able to go because she couldn't afford it as she had a horse to pay for. I wanted her to have a life, not be tied to the responsibility of every morning and every night having to go to the yard. I focussed on the negatives, not the positives.

He quite sensibly pointed out she wouldn't. She has me. I am all grown up now and need a horse. I have a family, 3 children, husband, fat labrador, but I also need a horse. I couldn't explain why if I tried. I just do. I don't massively enjoy riding, I'm more scared now than I was (understatement) but I get a huge sense on self satisfaction from coming home with all limbs in place and working. Of feeling I did that :D. I don't honestly relish the thought of turning out of a nice warm bed to trudge through snow and sleet in the early morning dark to carry masses of hay through mud, fight with and usually get zapped by electric fences and mauled by the mahoosive Warmblood fieldmate. But I do love the feeling I get when I see my horses tucking in. I love the smell of them, I love the way they come when I call. I love being around them, grooming, washing, cuddling. I love horses.

I never push my daughter to come to the yard with me. I'm more than happy to 'do' Saffs. She does it because she also loves horses. She has a great circle of friends, mostly they all ride as we are from quite a rural area. She is a well balanced, well rounded girl. The responsibility of care for her horse has made her more mature and happier than she was before. (I think). Honestly she spends more time there than I do.

I was on a big yard in Berkshire (Where I grew up) that had around 30 stables. The bitchiness was rife, mostly between the have and have nots. We had horses on their ranging from dodgy thelwell lookalikeys to some pristine polished show ponies and eventers. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't nice sometimes either. So you can be alienated within an enviroment you love. But isn't that the same anywhere?

Said too much again... Sorry :p
 
I hate humans ;-) saying that I love my horsey friends love hacking our with then, playing chase me Charlie although in usually fence builder :D I love knowing my horse is always there, love the release I get babbling all my worries to her out hacking !


I'd be a right cranky, confused mare without my ponies !
 
It can also go the other way with children with little self confidence gaining greatly from achieving with their horses. Achievement and self esteem are great resilience factors which also help against being bullied.
 
It's an interesting topic, MM.

On one hand, I do feel guilty about the time I spend with my horse, not seeing the OH enough, not being with non horsey friends enough, not working late enough (pfft), and finding it hard to balance all the things in my life. I'm also not sure what I did with my money before horses, but I spend a lot on them and not as much on me now! Gone are the weekend shopping trips unless it's to the tack shop!

But I'm also really happy, it's a great way to relax, get fresh air, exercise, really social for me and have met lots of new and different people, and lovely to have a close relationship to such a fantastic animal. I now go to Badminton, been to the Olympics, Olympia, Ireland for xc holidays, riding holidays in the UK and abroad and am loving the fact that it's a challenge, it's exciting, you're always learning and it's rewarding, even if there are low moments.

So yes I am a bit obsessive and there are downsides, but too many upsides for me to ever feel that it's not something I want in my life.
 
I think it's a load of old cobblers and that the writer didn't find the right horse.

Since owning, admittedly didn't have one as a kid but I still wasn't overrun with mates, I've made new friends, lost weight, I'm healthier and don't lie in bed with a hangover because I stopped drinking. I am a LONG way from depressed and lonely, even if I do live alone. Lonely and alone are totally different concepts, you can be surrounded by people and still lonely.
 
I wonder if the author was put under preasure to compete as a child? As a life long rider and horse owner, I have a whole set of skills that Iwould not have if I hadn't ridden. I have a number of friends I wouldn't have met. Ihave better physical health than a lot of my contempories, can drive a lorry and a tractor be self reliant I am sure that the benefits outweigh the negatives for most people
 
YorksG said:
I wonder if the author was put under preasure to compete as a child?
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This is a really interesting observation. At the yard I mentioned where I grew up were two sisters, the oldest quite brave the younger not so. Their father was an ox of a man. He pushed those girls to the edge. Forcing them to jump higher, ride faster, win win win! I remember one really horrible occasion where the younger one spent an hour in the horsebox screaming and crying after knocking a jump down in the first jump off at a show. She wasn't upset she'd done it but terrified of her fathers reaction. That was the moment I became glad I was from a non-horsey family.

For some, this perhaps isn't the sport the rest of us know and love. The writer of this may well of had this background, who knows ?
 
I don't see the two as being mutually exclusive (having horses and having friends) Playing devil's advocate, who is to say that the people who feel depressed/have no friends/feel like they didn't have a childhood, wouldn't feel this way regardless of whether they had horses or not. FWIW i have had some of the best and most rewarding experiences of my life through horses, they give me a drive and determination that i don't necessarily think i would have without. I have met some of my best friends through horses and i wouldn't have my current job if it wasn't for horses (job is entirely unrelated to horses however)

I do think if someone thinks that horses are making them miserable, they should sell up or give up. They are far too precious and far too time and money consuming to want or be able to do halfheartedly.
 
LaurenBay said:
Its all about organising yourself. No reason you can't have both a social life and Horsey time.
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Totally agree! My stables is very sociable and we are all very very close, weekends are spent playing ponies, going for lunch and partying of an evening (not every weekend though ;)) ...I have non-horsey friends too whom I meet and go out with often ...week days vary as depends on my work, but most evenings are down to the stables to ride...and socialise. I'm on full livery so I guess I have more time to play around with (DIY at weekends though). As LaurenBay said, it's all about oranising yourself and finding a balance between the two... without the two I would be lost, but with just one or the other I'd also be lost, so getting the balance right is very important (for me personally anyway).
 
I dont agree with this. I for one have only been involved with horses for 5 years max. I spent most of my yound adult life working in a sports centre as a lifeguard and swimming teacher. I also worked in the gym, the sauna and taught other sports such as trampolining and high board diving. Although these other sports were interesting and took up a lot of my time I can't say they gave me the in depth satisfaction and joy that working with horses has. I am a grandmother of 3 girls. They have been with the horses at a time when they could have been hanging around the streets getting into trouble due to boredom. One grand daughter who is now 13 and half years old has stopped coming down the yard to ride and has now changed from a horse loving gentle girl into a self centred, spoilt brat that spends all her time putting on make up and talking complete rubbish about being in love with silly little boys. The other two (twins) who are 12yrs old are much more down to earth, enjoy the work and ride the horses and are much less trouble all round. I know they could change as they get older as can anyone, but I think the horses have taught them to respect so many things in life. I hope that one day the older of the three will realise what she is missing and return to horses. For myself I have met a lot of nice people, made more friends than I ever did and even though I don't get to see my OH as much as I would like I finish my day with a sense of satisfaction that nothing else has ever given me. I also work full time in an office with high stress levels so horses help me relax at the end of the day.
 
YorksG- I wondered the same re competing. Or even being made to ride when not really interested.

I come from a non horsey family (my dad is a vet but works for DEFRA and has done for about 30 years) so my drive for wanting to learn to ride was definitely from me. I was that kid who pestered and pestered and pestered until the poor beleaguered parents finally gave in lol.

I certainly saw enough pushy parents trying to live through their kids in the pony club...and often enough, the kids just weren't that bothered.
 
I didn't get my first horse until 28 although I had a pony on loan as a child. I much prefer my life now. Before I spent hundreds of pounds a month on shoes, clothes, sports car, jewellery etc. Just possessions. Now I have a muddy 4x4, I only buy horsey clothes mostly and sold all the expensive jewellery to buy a second horse. I still go out if I want, I see non horsey friends, get my hair done etc but tbh I am much happier in my jeans and jod boots mooching around up the yard with messy hair than I ever was before. My life kinda revolves around dogs and horses :)
 
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