Do you defend having a horse to relatives?

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DD265

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The situation is being a horse owner is knocking about £50k off the size of mortgage I could apply for. It also impacts how quickly I can save money, how much disposable income I have etc. My horse is older, retired and has very mild wobblers. He is happy, generally well (barring a recent accident plus arthritis) and has a good quality of life. Even if I could rehome him it would break my heart and I absolutely will not have him PTS under these circumstances.

Part of me thinks I should not need to defend this but then I know the relatives are only trying to help. How on earth am I going to keep my cool?
 
Sorry to hear about your situation bit I think you just need to be firm. I adore mine... Really does affects the disposal income but where as other people would like a drink, like to smoke, like sky TV o have time for none of these because I have him :)

Just put your foot down all the best!!!
 
MY OH reminds me on a regular basis that what I spend on the horse we could have a bigger mortgage and house. I remind him on a regular basis that he wouldn't want to live with me in that bigger house as I'd be so flipping miserable.
 
Never ever would I defend my spending to anyone.
Why would I?
I earn my money and I spend it how I please.
Don't understand what it would have to do with anyone else what I chose to spend my hard earned cash on.
The whole point of "disposable income" is that it's disposable.
What else would I dispose of it on if not a horse lol.
My husband and I both have expensive hobbies and that's how we like it.
If it takes a little longer to save or the house you buy is a little smaller so what. As someone has already said would you prefer to have a bigger house and get to sit in it all day long as you can't afford anything but the mortgage?
 
I am currently buying a house with my OH.

Even the mortgage advisor had a dig at me about how much I spend on my horse. I was furious. It's nobody's business, you work and earn your money, it's your choice what to spend it on.

He even tried to accuse me of not caring very much about him when I said I would sell him if I lost my job and there was no other way to pay for his upkeep (would of course be last resort, but if I had to, of course I would). He said he has dogs and he would absolutely not, ever, get rid of his dogs if he lost his job etc.

I then had to explain to him the difference between keeping a horse and a dog.

Stupid man. I eagerly anticipate the day we no longer have to deal with him and his dirty, unkept fingernails.
 
I don't defend my reasons against my relatives as they don't know. :D

Nearly four years into horse owning and only my daughter knows I have one. :D
 
My mother was not a country girl. She was always telling me to get rid of the horse and not spend money on riding. But I always replied with what would I spend my money on? Clothes, holidays, things for the house?
 
I get grief from friends and family and I kindly point out, I don't want children, yet if I had them they'd cost a damn site more than my horse, yet I would get support financially and physically from everyone, my mum would love to baby sit but should I be so badly injured that I need crutches she wouldn't dream of fetching my horse in from the field lol or providing me with any kind of assistance which is fine but not when you give me grief about refusing to provide grand children and moaning at me because am tired as I have chosen to work 2 jobs so I can pay for my horse and never ask them for any kind of help for myself or my horse I just expect them to be a little more understanding when I cant show up to social things at a time that suits them because I have to work or see to my horse.
I also don't drink much have never smoked and don't buy pointless elaborate things and most of my friends and family would spend more per week on these things than my horse costs me to keep per week but when you point this out too them they really don't like it lol
I like to point out to my parents I took a job at 12 which kept me out the house and out of there way, I moved out at 18 bought my own home, car and horse without any assistance in my early 20's and have been struggling away on my own for some years now so they got off very lightly on the parental responsibility side of things so why do they feel the need to make me feel crap for succeeding in all this on my own instead of being proud of me
The simple answer is be proud of yourself do what makes you happy and ignore everyone else just do what keeps you happy and relatively sane :-)
 
Embo said:
I am currently buying a house with my OH.

Even the mortgage advisor had a dig at me about how much I spend on my horse. I was furious. It's nobody's business, you work and earn your money, it's your choice what to spend it on.

He even tried to accuse me of not caring very much about him when I said I would sell him if I lost my job and there was no other way to pay for his upkeep (would of course be last resort, but if I had to, of course I would). He said he has dogs and he would absolutely not, ever, get rid of his dogs if he lost his job etc.

I then had to explain to him the difference between keeping a horse and a dog.

Stupid man. I eagerly anticipate the day we no longer have to deal with him and his dirty, unkept fingernails.
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I get that people don't understand how you could sell a horse and compare them to dogs.
My dad used to question that when mum or I put a horse up for sale.
People who don't have horses don't get it, it's as simple as that.
As for the mortgage advisor. I would have gone to town on him.
I did have one come to my house once and question the size of my sofa?!?!? Big room big sofa. To this day don't know what he was on about.
 
i don't drink or smoke and i buy clothes on e-bay , i also work really hard but my mother- in -law blames firstly dogs and cats and then the horses for me not producing a grandchild for her and sometimes being a bit strapped for cash, i told her it was none of her business and when she persisted in being unpleasant i stopped talking to her
 
I understand where you are coming from OP.

My older sister can be a bit judgemental about me having a horse. I'm not allowed to moan about lack of dosh because I have a horse. I've not told her I bought a horsebox as she would purse her lips at that! :rolleyes3:

Whereas her bearing the costs of raising two children is a perfectly acceptable reason to moan about money. Now they are all grown up and left home she can moan because her and her husband are retiring this year so their income will fall (she is a lot older than me). I'm sooo sad you can afford to retire at 60yrs have enough to buy a flat to rent out and get a good pension - not! (I keep that to myself :) )

I spend loads on having a horse (mine is 20 this year and still I manage to spend an awful lot) and could do tonnes of other things without one and yes sometimes I like to have a whinge about it but I still wouldn't get rid of him. However I have decided I will have a break when he goes so that I can do some other stuff that I can't do at the moment. I'm not sure how long that decision would last though :D.
 
I was made redundant a few years back and my FIL put huge pressure on us regarding the smallholding land we rent and the animals we have there. We weren't even asking him to help us financially. I found a job within a few weeks and am so relieved that I didn't panic and sell the animals like he suggested.

The smallholding does divide our families - some see it was wonderful and others don't see how we could spend so much on our way of living and go without holidays etc and see the whole thing as a waste of money (they all appear when the weather dries up and lambs are in the field though!)
 
Unless the person is helping you financially its none of there business. However that also means that you aren't allowed to complain to them about it!
 
I know that if I didn't have my horse my OH & I would have more available money to spend on better cars / holidays etc. However, we do ok, and don't really 'want' for anything, but could have 'more', I suppose.

But my OH knows without my horse I would be utterly miserable and my OH loves me so that is that. With regards to relatives, none of thier business and I would be telling them that.
 
My mom used to point out to people that she spends on her horse what some people spend on golf, fishing, nails, alcohol, clothes, or cars (separately, not altogether). That usually shut people right up. Mostly the reaction I've gotten is "gosh you're so lucky" or "how could you possibly afford that" to which I point out that this is what is important to me so I work hard to afford it.

I just don't discuss it with strangers though. Not their business how I spend my money.

I know my mom's in-laws have given her crap about having the horses when she and my step-dad were struggling a bit. She was rightfully pissed, it's none of their business and she told them so. My ex said something to me about it once. But I pointed out that he got involved with me knowing about the horses and until he started making as much as I did he could just shove it. He's an ex for a reason :)
 
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I can still remember my aunt telling me "you can't marry a horse you know".
It really stung at the time.
I do have a lovely horse tolerant hubby now.
 
Shady said:
i don't drink or smoke and i buy clothes on e-bay , i also work really hard but my mother- in -law blames firstly dogs and cats and then the horses for me not producing a grandchild for her and sometimes being a bit strapped for cash, i told her it was none of her business and when she persisted in being unpleasant i stopped talking to her
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I'd tell her they are her grandchildren, so she ought to buy them presents!!! That ought to shut her up!
 
Well if people didn't have kids they would be able to afford a bigger mortgage too ! As long as you are paying your way it's no one's business but yours
 
I spent a lot on my 3 horses, I also work extremely hard full time 5 days a week and do my horses and all the animals on top. It's my money, my life and i will always do what i like with it. If people don't like it then i've no room for them in my small- animal orientated life :)
 
I long ago developed a scorched earth policy with my relatives over a wide variety of subjects, like my job, how I raise the kids and on keeping a pony. If they are not helping me to do any of these things in any way, its not their business. If I didn't ask for an opinion, I don't want one, no matter how generous they are feeling! :D Basically, I am a dragon lady so people find it best to keep their mouths shut. Proper order as well, people should spend less time going about how others choose to live their lives and put that energy into genuine problems. The world would be a much better place. The only time some one dared query my pony was another bank employee - I can't remember over what. I was delighted when my non-horsey husband said, "We can afford him, so it is nothing to do with you." This is why I married him!
 
My MIL once said to OH that if I didn't have a horse, we could afford a bigger mortgage and have a nicer house. Ouch. Where do you even start with the inappropriateness of that comment??!
Fortunately OH put her very squarely back in her box before he even mentioned the comment to me. It was prefaced with 'Dont worry, I've dealt with her, but my mother said...'
Now, every time I see her, I make a big deal of the fact that I not only have a horse but actually pay other people a lot of money to look after him very well, so I also have a life! Am I pure evil?
And our house is perfectly nice and perfectly adequate for two people plus cats :)
 
MY MUM rubbed her hands with glee when i gave up horses.its always been hum drummed into me that they are a 'waste of money'.but she goes abroad 3 times a year and lives in a 750 grand house on her own and kept by my dad who is now with another lady!now i breed dogs and have a liscense and she moans about that.inactual fact she moans about everything....
 
Walrus said:
MY OH reminds me on a regular basis that what I spend on the horse we could have a bigger mortgage and house. I remind him on a regular basis that he wouldn't want to live with me in that bigger house as I'd be so flipping miserable.
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Haha, excellent!
 
I can distinctly remember my grandmother telling me, when I was a teenager, that I shouldn't be wasting money on horses and that I'd grow out of them.
That was 25 years ago....
 
Jazzy B said:
My husband had a problem with how much money I spent on my horse with my money... My horse and I are very happy now.
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LOL!

What I do with my my money is my business. If we were in financial difficulty (hubby did lose his job a few years ago) then yes, I would think about cutting back but we are fine at present. A friend recently suggested that I'd have time for shopping if I gave up the ponies. What? 1. Why would want to go shopping? 2. Why would I want to sell any of my ponies?
 
Peregrine Falcon said:
LOL!

What I do with my my money is my business. If we were in financial difficulty (hubby did lose his job a few years ago) then yes, I would think about cutting back but we are fine at present. A friend recently suggested that I'd have time for shopping if I gave up the ponies. What? 1. Why would want to go shopping? 2. Why would I want to sell any of my ponies?
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3. What would you be going shopping for if you didn't have ponies lol?
 
Where family is concerned, I take the policy of tell them nothing about anything and listen politely to them being right. Cuts out a lot of potential stress for everyone involved.
 
Absolutely no one in my life would comment on how I spend my wages and recently my horse died leaving a 1k vet bill for one day of hospital care (fruitless). My parents said they would pay it. I then sold a horse and bought another horse and said no way could I let them pay it. They still did.

My ex grudged every penny of my money I spent on my horses - he didn't mind sponging off me and never contributing to his own child. Hence "ex" :D
 
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