Do you ever feel disconnected from your horse?

MrsMozart

MrsMozart

Just passing through...
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This'll probably come out as a whinge(!), in which case I apologise in advance
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The Dizzy one has been having a fling with Dr Green ever since I realized something was wrong (going backwards into a van, all out hissy fit).

That was over three weeks ago
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. We had to wait for power tool work, and that meant waiting until we could get vet and dentist at the same time (Mary Kate came out on her day off, so many thankies to her; and Lizzie vet came out disgustingly early, so thankies to her too). Then I've left her for just over a week to give her mouth time to settle down, and for her to eat (and eat and eat and eat lol).

But, and here's the rub, I've left Dizz to chill because if I bring her up to the stables she gets all excited and stressy and the weight melts away
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And now I feel like I don't really have a horse
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I've found myself thinking more and more of my little mare Tiggy and crying over losing her. I've hardly thought about Dizz, other than checking she's okay, etc. I don't know if it's a defence mechanism - I spent so much of last year with Tiggy being lame or just not quite right. We should have been out and about this year.

I sometimes wonder if it's not meant to be for me, that I'll never compete properly. Many (many!) moons ago my Mum had the chance for me to compete via the PC, but I didn't know about it, and for reasons that are now boring to go into, she didn't follow it up. When I worked with horses I was the lightweight stickybummed one that went on everything that had an issue, but never got to compete more than a handful of times (was always getting horses right for the owners, who then competed them). Bought a horse twenty months ago, and lost her eight months ago. Bought another horse six months ago, and she's bobbered, don't know if she'll ever compete, or even if she'll stay sound - got to get her fit first and that seems too far away to even think about properly.

Friend offers me Big Cob, which is lovely and kind (and he puts up with my sheer incompetance in return for handfulls of Polos lol), but I want (I sound so spoilt brattish here) to compete my own; and I'm forty-five, I'm running out of time to be such a beginner, espcially when I don't know when I'l actually get to 'begin'.

Sorry, moaning minnie me. Hot choccies with choice of trimmings and Ferro Roche for all
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Can you afford another horse? If so go out and buy yourself something to compete and start enjoying, life’s to short! It doesn’t have to be a WB or TB, just get yourself something fun like Bodey/ Big Cob. I compete every weekend, doing something or other!
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This may be a rose tinted view but I’m heart rules head!!!
 
That's a thought, but not a goer at the moment
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. We have three neds and now would not be a good time to try and get another one (I think hubby would implode).

Maybe, when we get our own land (we're looking and we've found a possible!), I can have another, but that will depend on work as well.

Told you I sounded like a moaning minny.
 
I know where you're coming from. I've spent the last 15 years trying to get to a one day event while one horse after another proved not really sound, and you can't help but feel hard done by when you buy a horse to do a job and through no real fault of its own it fails to live up to your expectations.

I've actually been forced to give up trying due to my back injury which can't cope with jumping, and I can honestly say I've never been happier! I have a lovely young horse who I hope will last me longer without jumping. I've got nothing to prove and I don't let the fact I don't have a lorry full of rosettes and photos of me jumping huge fences bother me any more. I'm doing a bit of dressage and pleasure rides and just enjoying them instead of missioning through them on some sort of quest to get to an event!

You'll be riding Dizzy again soon, I'm sure, and you'll remember all the reasons you like her. Is BSJA really the be all and end all? If it is, you can probably battle your way to doing it, but you know you might need to change horses. If not, just make the most of riding and take things one day at a time. You really haven't failed because you've not jumped a course of fences at a certain height the fastest. You've found your horse shouldn't be doing that and are doing a good thing by not just swapping it in for another horse to assist your ambition.

She might still come right for you, mightn't she? I hope so, anyway, and I do understand how frustrating it is.
 
You're right Flame. The daft thing is, with Tigs I didn't care that we couldn't jump, etc. I just wanted to dance with her, but it wasn't to be.

Dizzy was bought on the rebound from that and I went all out, doubled my budget, to get a horse that 'should' (as much as any horse 'should') compete. I wouldn't sell or otherwise get rid of Dizz because she can't do what I want to, it may yet be that she can, who knows. The thing is, I want to compete. I am competitive, it is my nature. I thought I'd got over it somehow with Tiggy, but I guess not.

I'm hoping that once The Cold has gone, and I can start work with her again, then these feelings will pass and I can build up a proper relationship with the Dizzy one. It might be that when I can, I get another neddy to go play with. Poor Dizz, she loves bouncing around and showing off, she'd love the showring
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You are in a similar situation to me - middle aged, teenager/s taking up brain space and riding time, nags that are not doing what they are supposed to do but too fond of them to sell.

I want to compete (also didn't get the chance as a child other than really local naff stuff) and I am just beginning to feel that soon it is going to be my time. My teenager is doing less and less with PC, and will be off to college in a few years, and so I am thinking of cashing in the shares (well, all £50 current worth of them!) and buying myself something decent to compete on.

My OH will definitely implode if I don't get shot of at least one aged pony first, which is the main sticking point in this plan, but hey, I've got all summer to find a home.

So hang on in there with me and I'll see you out on the circuit next spring perhaps?!
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L - we'll start a Club
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. We could even sponsor a class or two:

The Middle Aged Women on Slightly Wonky Horses Cup

I don't know about your kiddlette/s but I know mine has the practically perfect lifestyle - I'd have killed for it as a child lol (Come to think of it, I'd quite like it now
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). Ah well. She seems happy
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You must be local to me, having read the tack marking thread, and you use Mary-Kate (I don't but friends have, think OH used to use her for his horse...)

When my girl was lame, I was completely torn up about it and became quite detached, which broke my heart as I've had her so long. It was a coping mechanism - It was along the lines of 'I won't think about riding her because I don't know if I will again' and all our good times have been under saddle.

My girl wasn't even allowed to do ground work, so I spent hours grooming her, strapping her, making sure she was preened and polished despite the fact she was on box rest.

You say Dizzy gets stressy when you bring her up to the yard, could you groom and tack her up with her friends in the field, get on a ride in the field a little bit, gradually working her out of the field and pushing the boundaries of her comfort zone, alternatively you could take her in the school and immediately engage her brain with a little bit of lateral work - flexion, counter flexion, shoulder fore & leg yeild.

PM me if you like, because I'm sure I can think of an instructor or venue locally to help you.
 
Thank you hunny for your thoughts and suggestions. As soon as Dizz sees the saddle she's all 'Wahyah!', it's just her
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I'll be bringing her up on Monday and starting work again, so long as her gum has healed. I have all crossed that our relationship will return to how it was getting to be. She comes to me in the field, but I've noticed that whilst she comes to me, she follows my daughter (that hurt the first time it happened).

Dizz likes being groomed - so long as I'm doing something with her, then she's happy, but when I'm at the yard I have to balance out time with daughter and the neds she's riding. She can't do much in the school at the moment due to her wonky pelvis and lack of fitness - it will come with time
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I'm hoping my miserableness is just my cold talking, and the fact that I'm getting sick of being sat on a sofa. Blah. And whinge.
 
sorry to hear your feeling miserable. once the Dizz's mouth is better take her out for a few nice long hacks in the "sunshine" (or what ever else the british weather decides to do) and hopefully you will remember why you liked her so much.
have a hug, and a hot chocolate with marshmallows, and focus on getting rid of that cold and then hopefully all will look up.
 
Is your daughter there every day? If shes not, I bet theres an element of curiosity from Dizzy...

When horses aren't quite 'right' it can be soul destroying because we put so much into them, but they didn't break deliberately, we must remember that.

My mare is a whizzy sort, her brain just needs to be used. Even with her problems are you restricted to totally straight lines or can you use a bit of flex on a straight line?

Been there, got that T shirt...!! LOL
 
No, she's in that field less than me, so probably being nosey.

I know Dizz didn't break on purpose, but the frustration factor is so high!

It has been straight lines to date, but as she's not going lame I'm going to work on getting her fit (long slow hacks twice a week and Pessoa three times), then introduce Bends! We get as far as a bit of leg yield when we're out and about
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[ QUOTE ]
L - we'll start a Club
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. We could even sponsor a class or two:

The Middle Aged Women on Slightly Wonky Horses Cup

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.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have already told you, I am the Queen of the Crocks, so stands to reason I Shall Win. After all, I have plenty of time to polish silverware since I only possess 3-legged horses
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Prob off the mark - I found it took me ages to bond with Adrian cos I'd been completely floored by losing Catembi. It can be harder to connect & easier to disconnect if you've lost your horse's predecessor.
 
MrsM - have a chocolate eclair
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- I diagnose post cold blues and remote horse syndrome!
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I find when I have a break from riding (whatever the reason) I really have to give myself a kick up the butt to make the effort and spend time with my neds and nag myself into riding - after the first couple of days I get the 'bug' back and its all forgotten - a good lesson or nice little tootle round the lanes and 'the smile' comes back and all is right with the world again - that and obviously I get to air some of the more colourful words in my vocabulary!!
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Best stress reliever in the world - you just need that first ride reminder!!!
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I know the Dizzy one isn't up to a full on lesson but can you find a sympathetic instructor to have a short lesson with - just walk and trot - to give you a bit of inspiration ? I always find a lesson - no matter how short gives me a boost. When Inca first came back into work from lami I had a couple of half hour lessons which helped confirmed that my assessment was right - ie stiff as a board through her neck!! and some new ideas on excercises to do in the school that weren't to difficult for her or on to small a circle. It also helped me realise how much she could do - I was concerned as you are that I would ask for to much and break her.

Strap on that parachute and have a trundle!!
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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
L - we'll start a Club
smile.gif
. We could even sponsor a class or two:

The Middle Aged Women on Slightly Wonky Horses Cup

grin.gif
.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have already told you, I am the Queen of the Crocks, so stands to reason I Shall Win. After all, I have plenty of time to polish silverware since I only possess 3-legged horses
smirk.gif
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[/ QUOTE ]

Ah but, I've had two in a row, so I must be allowed at least a rub
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. Maybe we'll be able to get a whole and working one between them all?
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A cut-and-shut horsey?!
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One of mine has a very attractive tail we could use, and the other one has rather fetching dapples. Neither have very many working parts though
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I understand what you mean completely. I was lucky in that I had two really good years competing Sammy before we lost him due to an injury. It broke my heart as he was my horse of a lifetime. We had a lot of plans that never got completed. We were out eventing at British Novice level and I planned to do more. Jesper was bought after we lost Sammy. We couldn't afford to buy something out there doing it so bought a 4yr old with promise and talent. Sadly he proved not only to have a huge dislike for jumping and very little talent but also to be accident prone. Again I was lucky that he turned his hand to dressage. He was just starting to compete at Elementary and had qualified for the regionals three times in a row. We had plans. As you know he retired suddenly. We can't afford a replacement hence the new youngster.
The frustration is huge but when Jesper retired to hacking last year I just kept reminding myself that at least I had him to ride and I didn't have to make the awful decision to call it a day. Sometimes it can be so hard to appreciate what you have, when what you wanted was so much more, but I think given time you'll learn to accept whatever Dizzy can do and be hugely thankful for it. Now I'd do anything to be able to ride Jesper even if it was only for a stroll, but I'm still glad for every day we have him as he always brings a smile to my face as I'm sure your girl does to yours.
 
((hugs))

I know exactly what you mean. I spent all of last summer with a lame horse who has now been retired. Have a new(ish) horse who I spent the winter really getting somewhere with, had a busy summer of shows planned...went lame a month ago and now being slowly brought back in to work...

Horses seem to be one step forwards and three back
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Hope things start to improve for you. No words of wisdom, just hope things are on the up soon xx
 
QR.. hugs mrs m! you are always so positive and its just all getting to you i think? i'm not suprised! i'd be so gutted if i'd had the run of bad luck that you'd had...not read all the replies but could you maybe get a loan horse to compete for the summer? there's loads of nice ones available as everyone is so skint at the moment....
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Thank you DB
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I think The Cold and Life in General combined to put a half-Nelson on me
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. Ah well. All will get better with time and wotsit.

Ta for the loan thought - I think that if I got so much as a rocking horse I'd end up in the divorce courts lol
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