Do you ever get over losing them?

[katie_southwest]

I lost my best friend in September. She was 15, the loveliest westie. I still expect to see her when I come down the stairs, or hear her jump off the sofa when I come around the corner. Do we ever actually get over losing them? I miss her so much. They leave such a void don't they

 

[Spotherisk]

Yes, we do, but we are all different.

I lost my aged whippet in Nov 2019, and vowed to never have another dog. I got my lurcher in May 2021, on a whim (it was a good decision).

I lost my 10 year old horse in Feb 2020, and I think I’m nearly okay with it, unless anyone asks me, then I still start to tear up. I lost my 31 year old in June 2023 and despite having him for 26 years am over that much more quickly because, to me, we had an amazing life together and it was his time.

So it will almost certainly get easier, with time.

Perhaps instead of thinking if the sad things, turn your thinking to what’s been good each day, even the perfect coffee at breakfast, or the bus being in time and getting a good seat. Look for the positives.

 

[SkylarkAscending]

No. I lost George on 1st December and I still cry every day about him. He was my total soul mate.

 

[poiuytrewq]

You do. I lost my absolute everything and I thought I’d never get over loosing him.

I’m ok though. I’m here, I now have two new dogs. Both of which I adore. They are different, one, being the oldest very different and he healed my heart a huge amount.
The other, he’s a relative of my old dog. Had I got him sooner it would have been too much but now I love and laugh at the similarities.

I still miss and could cry, but can also stop and smile instead about my old dog.
I think that’s the difference. One day I stopped crying and started smiling at the memories.
It’s so hard but you will get there.
Hang tight xx

 

[Spotherisk]

I found coming up to the first anniversary date of my 10 year old horse being pts was immensely stressful, I was wired.

It is completely awful to go through, but it will, with time, get easier.

 

[Jenko109]

I don't know if saying we get over losing them is the right way to phrase it.

I think we come to terms with it and learn to cope with it.

I'm not sure we ever get over it as feelings are still there and they will come back and sting all over again when you least expect it.

I lost my Jenkins (whippet) over two years ago now. I still cannot take down the rainbow bridge card that the vets gave me and the thought of doing so makes me tearful. Which is absolutely ridiculous really. It's a bloody card!

My other dog I lost about six years ago.

I still have wobbles over both of them. I can go months with nothing and then there will be a moment when I remember something specific, or see a picture that I have not seen in a long time or hear a song with particularly emotive words and it will all come flooding back.

So no. I think we move forward with life and learn to have more resilience about them, but I don't think we ever entirely get over it.

 

[scats]

I think you just learn to live without them. I’m preparing myself for the inevitable. JD is nearly 15, a big girl (Great Dane x) and has the usual arthritis associated with a large dog reaching that age. She’s in amazing shape and still loves off lead walks where she jogs along happily, but the reality is she’s probably in her final year now.
I can’t imagine life without her, but I know it will happen one day.

Do you have other dogs? We have two others so I know that I have dogs to keep me busy and that the house won’t feel empty as such, though definitely more empty without the big girl wandering around.

 

[SashaBabe]

I lost Sasha in October. I am reminded of her every time I turn on my phone or computer because her beautiful face appears, but I'm ok with that because it reminds me of how lucky I was to have her for 13 years.

 

[Sprout]

No. I lost my beautiful Swissie last Easter, she was only 4, I cry everyday.
Sending you hugs, it’s so heartbreaking. xx

 

[splashgirl45]

You never forget them but mine live in a closed off section in my heart as it’s the only way I can cope. There are certain songs that open that section and I suddenly find myself upset again. I don’t get so upset about my horses as they all lived to a good age but somehow it’s different with the dogs even though the youngest that I lost was 13. I do have dogs now and I think they help to fill the void somewhat

 

[meleeka]

I lost Sasha in October. I am reminded of her every time I turn on my phone or computer because her beautiful face appears, but I'm ok with that because it reminds me of how lucky I was to have her for 13 years.

I still can’t look at photos of my lost animals. One of them was 3 years ago now and I still can’t look at a photo it’s too upsetting.

 

[ycbm]

The really sharp, almost physical, pain fades over time, longer for some people than others. For the special animals in our lives, though, the tears are always there ready to roll, decades later, given a trigger.

I hope you find the pain fades a bit soon, KS.
.

 

[Spotherisk]

After I wrote #5 above fb reminded me that it was four years today that I lost Tinner, the chestnut skewbald in my avatar.

 

[Ratface]

And I'm also in floods of tears, having been reminded of Bebe The Grippet, who was pts at least ten years ago. Last dog. Best dog.

 

[MurphysMinder]

It gets easier, but there will always be moments when it hits you again. I have lost many dogs over the years, each one is still a precious memory, the ones I have lost more recently I still cry about sometimes. I rarely look at fb memories because they are often too painful.

 

[blackcob]

I don't think you get over it but you learn to live alongside the grief, and it gets a little easier with time.

FB memories are such a mixed bag, I find comfort in some and then got tagged in one yesterday from 10 years ago that floored me.

 

[Cortez]

No, but you get used to it in time. Every one I’ve ever loved (and even some I haven’t) will stay in my heart forever.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I was absolutely devastated to lose Jake, one of our first pair, to cancer. With Brig, it was his time, he was 15, he’d had a brilliant life and he was getting decrepit. Zak half killed us both, another lost too early to cancer. He was very special and went downhill quite quickly. I look at the current youngsters and can’t imagine losing them, they are integral to our lives, the reason for getting up in the morning.

I‘m not hard enough to say ‘Never again’. I need dogs in my life. I don’t think you get over losing those who went too soon, at least for me, that’s so unfair and hurt more than those who have a long life. It’s always horrific to lose them, they’re so embedded in your heart.

 

[Landcruiser]

I think HOW you lose them has a big influence. We lost our young JRT when he escaped through the hedge onto the road and was killed instantly. We were working outside and he was with us, but then he wasn't. It's about 8 years ago now but I still can't talk about him without crying, and I'll never not blame myself...

I think when they are old, or very ill, you reconcile a lot easier, as you know it's just the natural course of things. But when you are questioning yourself, or you know there's a way you could have helped them or changed things...that stays with you.

 

[SO1]

Loosing a beloved pet is so hard and it feels empty without them especially if they are an only pet. I still feel sad about Homey even though I have Bert now to keep me busy.

I found the Blue Cross Pet bereavement support service very good and really helpful when I was going through grief. Grief is not linear and there is no timeframes or normality. When I was speaking to BC on a regular basis one of the volunteers said to me I might never get over loosing Homey but that I might have room in my heart to get another new forest. At the time I felt it be unfaithful to Homey's memory to get another horse and I was scared that I would forget about how it felt to be with Homey as the years passed but at the same time I was so lonely without a horse.

I got Bert just over a year after I lost Homey and he is really sweet. I don't love him in the same way as I did Homey but I ask Homey to look after Bert and make sure he is ok. It is hard getting to know a new horse after 15 years of having Homey. I just have to remind myself that Bert and I need to get to know each other it is a change for him and me. I am sure he misses his old owner and home.

 

[Moobli]

Much as others have said, you learn to live without them. I have had dogs for 30 years now and so have lost a few. When they go before their time I find it harder to deal with as I feel cheated, there’s often a sense of shock and unfairness about it. When I’ve had my old dogs pts peacefully at home, it being their time to go, I cope better. I still miss them like crazy of course but it feels a more natural order of things and I also feel privileged to have shared so many years with them.
Dogs are my life. I could never be without them.

 

[misst]

The awfulness fades but the memories stay. I was a bit teary reading this. One thing I allowed myself when we lost one of our horses very young was an hour or so a week when no one was around to look at photos and cry and be sad. I learned to shut it away for the rest of the time. I can still get tearful about him and it was many years ago. The others I accepted more easily. I still miss my first little JRT - she was my shadow. I got Ruby 4 months later and I suddenly realised that she was helping the pain. She didn't replace Tilly, but I realised how old and frail she had been and that it had been her "time". It made me grateful for the years I had with her.
I'm sure you will get better but it takes time and everyone is different.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I got shocked this week when my FB post about mine popped up.
I’ve been teary since, it will stop and I’ll return to normal.
It’s so awful isn’t it.
However the great times they give has to be worth it in the end.

 

[katie_southwest]

Thanks everybody,

I guess it's the routine of so many years suddenly gone as well. You don't realise how your life revolves around them until they aren't there anymore.
I don't have any other dogs so it is very quiet in the house, sometimes for a second I forget she's gone and think I hear her little gruffle
I suppose it has only been a few months.
Hugs to us all, how lucky we were to have animals that we miss so much

 

[oldandgold]

So sorry for your loss, personally I don't think we get over the loss but we do get a bit better at dealing/coping with the loss.

Take care