Do you ever get over selling a horse?

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hondatyper

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I woke up at 1.30 am and was violently sick, due to personal problems (divorce) I am having to seriously contemplate selling my horse. I have had him 5 years this summer and he is such a huge part of my life and my kids adore him. I feel terrible, hence on here at 3am!

I am wondering if you have sold a horse which has been a massive part of your life and family for a number of years how did you deal with it? Do you ever get over it? I know he hasn't gone yet but I am so worried about getting him a good home we have such a close bond. At the moment I can't imagine life without him. I feel that I would be worrying all the time about where he is and is he being looked after properly etc etc. How do you go about vetting potential purchasers?

I have looked at options to keep him and already have a couple of sharers but they dont' cover the full costs of keeping him and I know they can't afford any more than they currently contribute. It's financial and now lack of time as i have 2 young kids that I can't see any way of keeping him.
 
No, you never get over it. Put him on loan until you are in an emotional/financial place where you can cope. Sounds like you love him too much to sell and that you're just in a place where you have other priorities/responsibilties right now.

The weather lately has made a lot of us see our horses as a bit of a burden, come summer you'll need him as your emotional/stress relief.
 
I'm sorry to hear youre going through a tough time
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As Rotchana has said, put him on loan instead of selling him - then you can have him back when you're in a better position

Good luck with everything x
 
Put him on full loan. It will give you the time you need to get things together - and if you decide to sell after all, it gives you a chance to get used to being apart from him.
 
If you feel that attached to him - then no you probably won't get over selling him I am afraid. I was in a similar situation to you 15 months ago and sold a much loved horse because I thought I had no alternative. It was heartbreaking and very, very luckily I managed to buy her back last June.
As you are going through a horrible time getting divorced, you will need your horse to help you through it. If you are selling him for financial reasons and lack of time, please think about other options - could you move him to a much cheaper livery, have his shoes off for a few months, etc. We are heading towards the best time of year for keeping horses - there must be grass soon! If you do decide to go down the loan route (and I tried this and it was a complete disaster), just make sure you always have somewhere for him to come back to if it goes wrong. In six months time, when you are through the worst of your divorce, you will feel differently and want your horse!
 
I havent considered loaning as you hear so many horror stories. He is a 16.2 Irish show cob, I put a description on the other day as was asking about how to word a for sale advert, if you scroll down I posted it on the 2nd 'an extremely sad how much'.
I have fears of loaning him out and getting him back in a terrible state or lame or something.
Unfortunately I live in an expensive part of the country near London, grazing is at a premium and livery costs are very high. Turing out 24/7 is not an option round here unless it's in a field fenced with barbed wire and bordered by the M25!
Believe me I have looked at other options he only wears front shoes as it goes, lives on fresh air re food and I have sharers to help with the costs.
I think I will put up a post re loaning see if anyone has any positive experiences and the best places to advertise.
I think of all the stuff I have for him too that's taken me the last 5 years to build up, rugs, top quality tack, traveling equipment, grooming kits etc etc what do I do with all that?
 
Hi, i sold my horse last June, i had had her for nearly 4 years, i made the mistake of selling her, which now i really wished i hadn't! Ok i have another horse now, but nothing will compare to her, it is early days with my new boy at the mo and i am sure i will be fine. The trouble is, as nice as people seem ie who i sold her to, i have learnt not to trust people. I was assured she would have a home for life and 2 months later she went off on loan, i have contacted her a few times as to how my mare is as i miss her loads, i have been promised photos and the contact details of her new owners and nothing! I am really hurt by this. So do think carefully. I really sympathise with your situation, possibly loaning yours is your best option
Kate x
 
I agree with loaning him, you can't listen to all the horror stories. You would probably find for every one horror stories there are ten success stories (I'm only guessing) it's just that if anyone has a problem they shout about it so everyone knows whereas if things run smoothly you don't tend to shout about it.

I loaned my horse when things were tight and it worked out brilliantly. I found a lovely lady who took amazing care of him for three years, she loved him like her own, so much so that when it came time for me to have him back she was devastated so I agreed she could share him. He had two mum's! I would visit him every month when he was on loan and would usually try to ride him, I put it in the contract that I would be allowed to ride whenever I wanted and then verbally agreed once a month. That way you still keep up regular contact and can spot problems quickly.

My friend has also put her horse out on loan last year and again it has worked out really well. So long as you have a contract drawn up, keep the horse local and visit on a regular basis you should be able to spot trouble quickly.

Good luck with what you decide.
 
Just an idea but you could consider working livery at either a GOOD riding school or an equine college.He would be safe, cared for and you could see him and ride him too.Itwould give you breathing space.
 
I echo what marragic has said - best way to go and get it in the loan contract!

Not all loaners are idiots either - I would have considered loaning a horse if my cheap soft slacker of a TB hadn't come up - I also have learnt some very hard lessons about not trusting people too but as long as you have all your backup safety checks in print (occasional ride, allowed to come up and see him fairly regularly) you should be fine. If a loanee is not happy with that I'd kinda walk away.

I'd also check out where he was going to be kept and also get in the contract cannot "cannot be moved without express permission". Really tie it down.

Of course Pirani's idea is even better
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Just an idea but you could consider working livery at either a GOOD riding school or an equine college.He would be safe, cared for and you could see him and ride him too.Itwould give you breathing space.

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This is an excellent idea. That way, if you negotiated with the riding school, you could get to ride him too.
I echo what others have said about selling a much loved horse. Although as time goes on, it does get easier, you never actually stop thinking about them.
Good luck with whatever you do. Divorces, not matter how amicable, can always be painful.
 
If he's really quiet PM me, i don't think from your description i'm too far from you and our riding school is looking for another big horse.
 
Hi, If I were you would loan him to someone, not to a riding school or college. I went to an equine college and yes they are very well cared for and well fed, But they do get worked a lot 3 - 4 times a day some days. and they rarely get turn out ( only at weekends) It also depends on your horse. if he is quite laid back he may take to being in a busy environment quite quickly, but some horses do find it distressing and then start to pick up bad habits and can become quite difficult to handle. I saw quite a few good horses get ruined whilst I was at college. Just my opinion anyway...
 
My parents went through a divorce about 11 years ago. My mum had 2 horses at the time. It was tough but she kept them both. Albeit they were not competed for a while and took a bit of a back seat.

They really helped us to keep some routine and normality in the family while everything else was going tits up. At the end of the day at least we could still go for a ride to cheer ourselves up! I was 16 at the time and doing my GCSE's when the divorce happened and honestly if it wasnt for the fact we still had the horses I prob would have had a nervous breakdown!

My mum brought a much smaller house and she looked round for cheap livery. She told me not long ago that she managed on 15k a year with no help from my dad. How she looked after 2 children and 2 horses on just that god knows but she did. She said she got into quite a bit of debt but its all paid off now and everything worked out totally fine.

Those 2 horses ended their days with us at 23 and 26 a couple of years ago, my mum kept them throughout their whole lives.
It can be done! Good luck and dont give up, it will be OK.
 
I have sold a couple of my horses that i deemed as my forever horses, one i had owned for over 6yrs but he went to a fantastic home and i have never worried about him and still hear from the owner now, thats over 8 yrs ago now!!

I also sold a youngster over a year ago due to financial reasons. I have to say i completely regret selling him and have not yet had the chance to buy him back but if he ever did come up for sale and i had the money i would buy him back. It is really pathetic as i cant look at pictures of him or even talk about him to friends and family. to me he was perfect and sadly i dont hear much from the new owners despite them promising photos and regular updates. I had owned him since he was 6 months old and went through a lot with him.

Sometimes horses are not meant to go elsewhere and you very quickly learn which ones are keepers and which are not, if you feel this strongly about your horse, dont sell him, find another alternative, he will probably be the thing which will help you through your divorve and hard times. Dont make the mistake i did by selling!

Good luck and i hope it works out for you.
 
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My parents went through a divorce about 11 years ago. My mum had 2 horses at the time. It was tough but she kept them both. Albeit they were not competed for a while and took a bit of a back seat.

They really helped us to keep some routine and normality in the family while everything else was going tits up. At the end of the day at least we could still go for a ride to cheer ourselves up! I was 16 at the time and doing my GCSE's when the divorce happened and honestly if it wasnt for the fact we still had the horses I prob would have had a nervous breakdown!

My mum brought a much smaller house and she looked round for cheap livery. She told me not long ago that she managed on 15k a year with no help from my dad. How she looked after 2 children and 2 horses on just that god knows but she did. She said she got into quite a bit of debt but its all paid off now and everything worked out totally fine.

Those 2 horses ended their days with us at 23 and 26 a couple of years ago, my mum kept them throughout their whole lives.
It can be done! Good luck and dont give up, it will be OK.

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What a lovely post.
 
I loaned my competition horse out last year so I could go abroad for 6 months. He is a Novice event horse, and like you I agonised over it. In actual fact, she adored him, kept him brilliantly, did (almost) everything I asked and he came back perfectly well and happy to me. It can work out - you just need to find the right person. I found mine through word of mouth, and I'm afraid I probably wouldn't want to advertise/respond to an advert as if someone is known to your trainer etc then they are more likely to be trustworthy and up to the job!
 
I would see if you could loan or full loan your horse.
If your really attached to your horse then no i don't think you get over it.
I made the mistake of selling my first horse when i got a youngster and still to this day i regret selling her and wish i had of just put her out on loan. It's not ideal because as you mentioned you hear a lot of horror stories but at least you know it is still YOUR horse and if the situation changes you can have it back.
Hope things work out for you
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If there is no way you can afford to keep him even with help from your sharers then I think loaning would be a better option than selling, considering how attached you are.

Yes there are horror stories but you can always get him back, check on him regularly ect as you still have that authority once he is sold you can't do anything about they may choose not to keep in touch or to pass him on again.
 
You get horror stories from selling just as much as loaning. There are so many good genuine loaners out there wanting a horse but half of them never get a chance because of the small minority of 'bad' loaners out there that give them a hard time
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I'd say loan him out, he seems a very nice sort! There are plenty of good suitable people out there...have a look on the wanted section on horsequest and similar. Get references from various people, check out his new yard, let them have a trial with him at yours if need be until your mind is at rest. If they have other horses too, you'll get a general idea from the state of them
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Good luck and I'm sorry for you to be in this predicament. I sold my little darling last year and put my other out on loan. I needed to sell one and did put my other up for sale too, but couldn't bear to part with her fully in the end [known her years, broke her in, done everything with her etc] so ended up putting her out on loan to a lovely pony club family\mother daughter share type thing. She's happy, I regularly keep in touch with them, facebook etc. Plan on going to watch at shows at stuff too....it's quite exciting just being an 'owner' so to speak lol!

I have a new one now too though....a year on from then...and am quite happy and everthing's worked out fantastic.

The one I decided to sell ended out badly and got passed on and sold on and not sure where he is now
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So wish I'd loaned him out tbh! Feel awful for him as he was a little darling to me.
 
So sorry to hear what a rough time you are going through.
As others have suggested I would loan, yes it can be scary but there are plenty of successful loans out there, I have personally experienced bad and good.

I had to loan my mare due to financial reasons and time a few years back, there is no way I could sell her, even if she was completely fit and healthy.
I often think about others I have sold on, particularly one of my mares daughters who i had for 10years, I always regret selling her, always and I wish I had put her on loan instead, something I now have to live with.

If you can I would loan, just vet them thoroughly and visit regularly, good luck x
 
Thank you so much for putting up this thread and all the replies.
I am in a similar position (selling a much loved horse though thankfully not for the same reasons as you
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This thread has made me realise why I have been dragging myself about, not sleeping and constantly worrying....I DON'T want to sell her!
I had a bad experience with loaning already but as lots of people say it doesn't have to be bad so I am going to look for a loan home now then she can come home to retire and I know she will be safe for always.

I wish you every ounce of good luck with yours, I hope you find a solution at this awful time. I went through a divorce 9 years ago but managed to keep 2 of our horses. I know I was and have been really lucky.
 
How about seeing if the horse could go to someone on some sort of managed grass livery? We sent Little Lad to someone last Saturday - it's hard not having him around, but it's the right thing for us/for now. He's gone to someone who used to be on here (JM07) and I trust her implicity with him. We've done all we can to make him safe (he's microchipped, freeze marked, and with someone we trust) and we know it's not forever.
 
Thanks for all your lovely replies! At least I am not alone in feeling this way and am not going completely round the bend! I have tried to put some pics of him on here today but they are on my phone and it won't "talk" to my computer!!
TOWERHAMLETS although he is a cob I wouldn't say he is a riding school type and not quiet, he is not a novice ride or a first horse vet thinks he is crossed with a warmblood or TB, so you see what I mean!

FIREWELL, that's a lovely post makes me realise that it's happening everywhere, I didn't want this to happen in my life and I don't want it (the divorce) to unsettle the kids too much, I agree the routine of going to the yard etc keeps me sane and although I am not from a horsey family I would like my daughter to keep interested.

BINKY01 You talk a lot of sense! I can't think straight at the moment. He really would be OK to loan in that I have looked at others on HorseQuest this morning and most are either old or have specific requirements like must go to eventing/showing/hunting homes. He could be a happy hack for a more experienced rider or do well showing or make a fantastic hunter, he has exceptional conformation and the judges always love him as soon as he enters the ring! He is green jumping just coz I don't like it, but will jump anything and really enjoys it so I think he would be a fairly good prospect to loan.

Need to find out about loan agreements, who does it and how they are drawn up etc any advice on that would be lovely, or I will just do a new post about it!
X
 
The BHS site has an example loan agreement. You can tweak it to make it right for you/your horse/the loanee.

Just make sure you get references from the loanee's farrier, vet, dentist, and that you get copies of the loanee's utility bills, etc.
 
Think very carefully... I had to sell my 2nd horse about 9 years ago which was something I vowed never to do but circumstances meant I had no choice. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it still makes me sad but at the time, it was the only thing I could do. If you do decide to sell your horse, just try to at least keep in touch with the owners for a while and I'm sure that if they know your circumstances, they'd be happy to let you know how things are going. At the end of the day though, you just have to do what's best at the time - even if that means selling. Good luck - I hope it all goes well for you both.
 
If it is a beloved horse or pony I don't think you do get over it.

I had to sell my pony when I went to Uni and decided I would not get another one until I knew I could save enough to ensure the next one would be with me till the end.

I would look at loaning out - perhaps contact your local Riding Club and see if there is anyone there who is interested as if you horse loaned out locally you might be able to put a clause in the contract which gave you "visiting rights" once a month so you could go and check up on him. If he is a nice horse there will be people queing up to loan him and hopefully you should find someone who will love him as much as you do.
 
I remember selling my second pony, the first horse I owned, it wasn't so bad selling her, 'cause I can see her if I wanted to.
But my second pony, he would bite, not the best temperment but I loved him.
We gave him away, I needed to move on, but my dad says if my grandad would let us have more than 1 horse we would've kept him and got another.
I was later told, later,later, that he is now a companion horse for a mare who's foal weaned, and asked/told other stuff.
I have never gotten over him.
I have another horse now, who I have to sell, she isn't right for me.

Even knowing my last pony is safe I still miss him.
And it will be worse with my current horse.

Good luck. ;)
 
MrsMozart said:
The BHS site has an example loan agreement. You can tweak it to make it right for you/your horse/the loanee.

Just make sure you get references from the loanee's farrier, vet, dentist, and that you get copies of the loanee's utility bills, etc.
Click to expand...

Even Solicitor has been caught out with a bad loan it was stipulated the horse went out at all times with grazing muzzle in spring/summer due to known colic

Did they do this NO! Phone call at work horse collapsed at vets died in absolute agony!
What happened let out with out muzzle onto lush grass...........even with a loan agreement not watertight and this is from someone that is in law! So you must be 200% sure and if you also can visit horse during loan too for check..at the end of the day you still own it.

Saying all that I was looking at a lovely loan horse and would genuinely have looked after her as if she was my own as I love animals but went to a nearer home. But I hope you get some good advice on here with some ideas too good luck.
 
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