redmerl
Well-Known Member
yep, I always think how good would be be if I could actually ride
Do you ever wonder 'what if'?
- Thread starter _jetset_
- Start date
dieseldog
Well-Known Member
My horse definaltly came back better after her hind suspensory op the same one as Grace's, up until she decided to damage the front leg as well.
Before the op when I jumped her she felt flat, after the op she ballooned everything and at that point I could believe that she had jumped internationally and she had been worth the money that she had alledgley been sold for in the past.
Before the op when I jumped her she felt flat, after the op she ballooned everything and at that point I could believe that she had jumped internationally and she had been worth the money that she had alledgley been sold for in the past.
kildalton
Well-Known Member
Well said. As with everything in life you have to look forward . The past is over and we have to accept that and move on .
_jetset_
Well-Known Member
Thank you to everyone for your comments... I have just sat reading them with a lovely cup of tea and Marks and Spencer's Carrot and Walnut Cake (definitely a must... absolutely awesome!)
I gave Grace a day off today because I felt she needed it after yesterday, so will get back on tomorrow and go from there. I do think some of the tension is me, I need to start relaxing about her more and I am trying, honest
Perhaps some of the 'tense' feelings I had yesterday were because her hock has swollen but she is completely sound on it. She has not been out much, and it appeared over night when she had not been in the field for a few days
She is getting really irritated by the flies at the moment (she comes up in huge lumps) so I have a feeling she has knocked it when she has been kicking the flies away (perhaps with her other leg???) Anyway, it looks to have gone down quite a bit today, so fingers crossed that might be one less thing to panic about on Saturday
I didn't feel disappointed in just her yesterday, but in how we did as a team. I couldn't really ride her because she was being such an arse whenever I used my leg or the whip, and of course this translates from tension in me thinking, "You absolute bugger", to tension in her!
So on Saturday, I am going to be tougher with her (SAMgirl... I think you are spot on by the way about me letting her off the hook still) and not take any of this silliness. I am hoping that even if she is touchy in the Prelim, by the time I get her back out for the Novice she will have let off a bit of steam.
Watch out for the report... fingers crossed we are still in one piece as on top of everything, it is a new venue for her!
I gave Grace a day off today because I felt she needed it after yesterday, so will get back on tomorrow and go from there. I do think some of the tension is me, I need to start relaxing about her more and I am trying, honest
Perhaps some of the 'tense' feelings I had yesterday were because her hock has swollen but she is completely sound on it. She has not been out much, and it appeared over night when she had not been in the field for a few days
I didn't feel disappointed in just her yesterday, but in how we did as a team. I couldn't really ride her because she was being such an arse whenever I used my leg or the whip, and of course this translates from tension in me thinking, "You absolute bugger", to tension in her!
So on Saturday, I am going to be tougher with her (SAMgirl... I think you are spot on by the way about me letting her off the hook still) and not take any of this silliness. I am hoping that even if she is touchy in the Prelim, by the time I get her back out for the Novice she will have let off a bit of steam.
Watch out for the report... fingers crossed we are still in one piece as on top of everything, it is a new venue for her!
_jetset_
Well-Known Member
And I forgot to add, never once do I take offence at someone's reply as long as it is constructive. I ask for opinions and advice to receive just that, not some sugar coated 'oh you are both wonderful' comments
You get the gist!
You get the gist!
Bananaman
Well-Known Member
I have to say that I agree with Tarrsteps and SAMgirl completely.
I try to think of my competitions not as 'competition' but as a guide as to where we are in our training atm. Obviously stress away from home can produce tension in horse and rider, hence the reason that if you want to be seriously competitive, it is normal to compete at a level below the one you're training at at home. (I do take on board your point re the venue not holding two prelims and as long as it's not too difficult a novice that's fine ).
So rather than be despondant that you are not achieving the scores you were pre ops, think of them as training sessions. If she is more in front of your leg on Saturday then that has to be a positive thing regardless of your score.
I should try riding her more positively at home as well as away, but try really hard to make sure you are not tense, particularly in your shoulders, arms and therefore contact at the same time. Easy to say but not to do, I know!
Let her know you are pleased with any form of 'good' work too, so that her self confidence improves too.
Good luck on Sat but most of all, have fun and enjoy having her back.
I try to think of my competitions not as 'competition' but as a guide as to where we are in our training atm. Obviously stress away from home can produce tension in horse and rider, hence the reason that if you want to be seriously competitive, it is normal to compete at a level below the one you're training at at home. (I do take on board your point re the venue not holding two prelims and as long as it's not too difficult a novice that's fine ).
So rather than be despondant that you are not achieving the scores you were pre ops, think of them as training sessions. If she is more in front of your leg on Saturday then that has to be a positive thing regardless of your score.
I should try riding her more positively at home as well as away, but try really hard to make sure you are not tense, particularly in your shoulders, arms and therefore contact at the same time. Easy to say but not to do, I know!
Let her know you are pleased with any form of 'good' work too, so that her self confidence improves too.
Good luck on Sat but most of all, have fun and enjoy having her back.
_jetset_
Well-Known Member
Thank you Bananaman... that is the attitude I am hoping to go in with tomorrow morning
It is hard because I am still worried about her breaking whenever I push her too much, but I think that is something that will improve over time, I am not expecting a miracle at the moment.
I think she needs to improve in her own self confidence because she was very nervous on Wednesday, hence the reason i would like to get her out more at competitions. She is fine when we go for lessons, so I know it is just being in 'that' atmosphere again which is causing it.
I would rather do two prelims, but there is only one venue that offers this and it is only on once a month, if not less unfortunately
So, I have decided to do the Prelim and Novice because she is capable of all the Novice criteria, I just know her medium work is not as it was because she has yet to get stronger through the hind. But it's better than Han's
I think she needs to improve in her own self confidence because she was very nervous on Wednesday, hence the reason i would like to get her out more at competitions. She is fine when we go for lessons, so I know it is just being in 'that' atmosphere again which is causing it.
I would rather do two prelims, but there is only one venue that offers this and it is only on once a month, if not less unfortunately
icestationzebra
Well-Known Member
T-S -what an interesting post. Certainly made me think about a few things differently that's for sure
KatB
Well-Known Member
Agree, TS that really has given me food for thought!! Thank you (I think!
)
_jetset_
Well-Known Member
I think we all put pressuire on ourselves to do well because most of us put our hearts and souls into our horses. I know what Tarr Steps is saying about not getting so emotionally involved with our horses, it makes perfect sense, but it is not so easy when we spend so much time and effort in preparation for those 5 short minutes of a dressage test.
I know I am extremely guilty of being emotionally entwined with Grace, and I don't think anything would ease that, not even selling her
I have been through so much heartbreak with this mare, it is hard to think of life as it was before I got her. I know that sounds extremely melodramatic, but that day when she was struggling in the GA through the colic surgery was one of the worst days of my life. Thinking about it now makes me burst into tears and feel really quite sick, and since then I have just been so emotional about her that I know it affects how I ride her.
Arghh, this isn't making any sense. I sometimes wonder whether I am going la la with all of this, before this happened I could really ride her with a lot of determination, but now I find that quite hard which is probably adding to the reasons why she is so hot headed out competing, because she knows I am not 100% committed to getting her working at full steam.
I know I am extremely guilty of being emotionally entwined with Grace, and I don't think anything would ease that, not even selling her
Arghh, this isn't making any sense. I sometimes wonder whether I am going la la with all of this, before this happened I could really ride her with a lot of determination, but now I find that quite hard which is probably adding to the reasons why she is so hot headed out competing, because she knows I am not 100% committed to getting her working at full steam.
Baydale
Well-Known Member
Great post TarrSteps, and I think it would strike a chord with most people on here. Anyone who trains/rides for other people would say that that is why it's so easy to get on someone else's horse and get a tune out of it; you have no "history" with it, no hang-ups, and v little in the way of prior knowledge or even expectations of it. If it goes badly you are unlikely to have a sleepless night worrying that you've ruined it and are the most rubbish rider that has ever got on a horse.
_JetSet_ maybe it'll just take you a while to get back into the groove with Grace? Think of it as re-acquainting yourself with her again rather than picking up where you left off. I was very much the same with Hector when he'd had 8 months away from competition; it took a while, but 14 months on he is just so much better than I could have hoped for. It's been a bit of a slog at times, and taken bags of patience, but his amenable/biddable nature has come through and given me the nicest horse I ever could have wished for. I hope the same will come to you.
_JetSet_ maybe it'll just take you a while to get back into the groove with Grace? Think of it as re-acquainting yourself with her again rather than picking up where you left off. I was very much the same with Hector when he'd had 8 months away from competition; it took a while, but 14 months on he is just so much better than I could have hoped for. It's been a bit of a slog at times, and taken bags of patience, but his amenable/biddable nature has come through and given me the nicest horse I ever could have wished for. I hope the same will come to you.
Halfstep
Well-Known Member
I've noticed a lot of the dressage reports in H&H say things like, "he broke a bone/did a tendon/had a life threatening illness, but has come back better than ever and we went from Prelim to PSG in two months (ok, maybe an exaggerating but you know what I mean). These reports can be very misleading (they are the extreme), and can make you expect way too much of your horse.
In my case, Oskar has actually come back better than before, but he's also older and stronger than he was, and has had a few months chill time to be a horse. The test will be when he goes back to competition in a few weeks, but anything over 50% and not bronking across the arena will be fine with me
.
In my case, Oskar has actually come back better than before, but he's also older and stronger than he was, and has had a few months chill time to be a horse. The test will be when he goes back to competition in a few weeks, but anything over 50% and not bronking across the arena will be fine with me
Governor
Well-Known Member
Thanks TS you've just halted my sulk about not having had an outing since the middle of July.
I do wonder what if too but its usually to do with a better rider as *touch wood* we've never had major injury (or claimed on insurance in 4 years...I will regret saying that).
Good luck on Sat JS.
I do wonder what if too but its usually to do with a better rider as *touch wood* we've never had major injury (or claimed on insurance in 4 years...I will regret saying that).
Good luck on Sat JS.
vanessahook
Well-Known Member
My days are filled with "what ifs"!!
I thought my girl would be a mega start when i first got her at 12 months!! I did everything myself and she was perfect to back. I moved her to Catherston Stud when i worked there and she went to Young Horse Evaluations and did really well but didn't quite qualify for the finals. But that was ok cos i wanted her to mature gradually and she was living out 24/7 so didn't look like some flashy 4 year olds who hadn't yet seen a field. I was so proud, but then i came back to London and she had time off while i settled into a different life. At this point imagine that horrible sound you get when a record gets stuck!!!
Brought her back into work and things went from bad to worse and over the last 5 years i have watched my dream disappear and now I'm sat here after finally conceeding defeat and she is out on loan as a broodmare, with no horse and no prospect of having another one.
Every day i ask what if i had stayed at Catherston? Bloody horses, who would have em?!!!!
I thought my girl would be a mega start when i first got her at 12 months!! I did everything myself and she was perfect to back. I moved her to Catherston Stud when i worked there and she went to Young Horse Evaluations and did really well but didn't quite qualify for the finals. But that was ok cos i wanted her to mature gradually and she was living out 24/7 so didn't look like some flashy 4 year olds who hadn't yet seen a field. I was so proud, but then i came back to London and she had time off while i settled into a different life. At this point imagine that horrible sound you get when a record gets stuck!!!
Brought her back into work and things went from bad to worse and over the last 5 years i have watched my dream disappear and now I'm sat here after finally conceeding defeat and she is out on loan as a broodmare, with no horse and no prospect of having another one.
Every day i ask what if i had stayed at Catherston? Bloody horses, who would have em?!!!!
TarrSteps
Well-Known Member
I was feeling guilty for coming across too harsh - glad it was taken in the spirit in which it was intended.
Oh, and Baydale, I only ride other people's horses and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying not only that I might not be doing a good job but that I'm taking their money too!
I think anyone who cares about the quality of work they do feels that way sometimes. The trick is to not have it effect the way one works with the horse or to let it become the horse's "fault".
I think it is very difficult to change the way we think but it's easier to control the way we behave. You may not be able to stop being worried or disappointed but you can certainly learn to control tone of voice, breathing, physical tension - all the ways we communicate with horses - and management issues like schooling plans and performance goals. It can be as simple as learning to recognise when you're getting stressed and taking a break or setting out each session with one goal (which you will reassess when you're actually on the horse) and making yourself stop when you get it, even if you've only been riding for 15 minutes. Actions like this foster an organised, reasonable attitude which matter more to the horse than what's going on in your head. (You'd also be surprised how much managing your physical reactions can change your thinking.)
We need to be polite to our horses, to treat them with respect, and to remember why we do all this. We need to not make them extensions of us and our ambitions but to remember they are their own horses, so to speak. This doesn't mean we don't ask things of them (quite the opposite - if we want them to do be athletes, or even good companions, we have to develop them that way) just that we don't set unrealistic expectations and then panic when they're not met.
Halfstep makes a very good point - we tend to hear the extraordinary stories because they ARE extraordinary. Horses that come back from major injury/illness "better than ever" are actually quite rare so they make good reading. Not to mention the human inclination to see a good outcome as worth any intervening trouble and to simplify the process in hindsight. Like any other difficult thing, it doesn't seem so difficult once it's worked out successfully!
I'm not saying a horse can't come back better but it's like those "success on a budget" stories - the reality is usually a lot more complicated than the fairy tale.
Oh, and Baydale, I only ride other people's horses and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying not only that I might not be doing a good job but that I'm taking their money too!
I think anyone who cares about the quality of work they do feels that way sometimes. The trick is to not have it effect the way one works with the horse or to let it become the horse's "fault".
I think it is very difficult to change the way we think but it's easier to control the way we behave. You may not be able to stop being worried or disappointed but you can certainly learn to control tone of voice, breathing, physical tension - all the ways we communicate with horses - and management issues like schooling plans and performance goals. It can be as simple as learning to recognise when you're getting stressed and taking a break or setting out each session with one goal (which you will reassess when you're actually on the horse) and making yourself stop when you get it, even if you've only been riding for 15 minutes. Actions like this foster an organised, reasonable attitude which matter more to the horse than what's going on in your head. (You'd also be surprised how much managing your physical reactions can change your thinking.)
We need to be polite to our horses, to treat them with respect, and to remember why we do all this. We need to not make them extensions of us and our ambitions but to remember they are their own horses, so to speak. This doesn't mean we don't ask things of them (quite the opposite - if we want them to do be athletes, or even good companions, we have to develop them that way) just that we don't set unrealistic expectations and then panic when they're not met.
Halfstep makes a very good point - we tend to hear the extraordinary stories because they ARE extraordinary. Horses that come back from major injury/illness "better than ever" are actually quite rare so they make good reading. Not to mention the human inclination to see a good outcome as worth any intervening trouble and to simplify the process in hindsight. Like any other difficult thing, it doesn't seem so difficult once it's worked out successfully!
I'm not saying a horse can't come back better but it's like those "success on a budget" stories - the reality is usually a lot more complicated than the fairy tale.
Imonone
Well-Known Member
I wonder 'what if' all the time. Especially as the top class foal that I had and spent 5 years investing all my time and money in has now been written off completely.
I think that it has made me take a long, hard look at myself and how I deal with the downs of life. This is what seems to separate the 'men from the boys' or in my case the 'women from the girls' particularly in the world of sports. Its that ability to cope with adversity, to pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again (in the words of a famous song).
Im sure that you will be back out there getting those high 60's again if you really want it and dont let self doubt, the past and disappointment get in your way, like I have.
My horse doesnt worry, shes as happy loafing in the field, as ever!
I think that it has made me take a long, hard look at myself and how I deal with the downs of life. This is what seems to separate the 'men from the boys' or in my case the 'women from the girls' particularly in the world of sports. Its that ability to cope with adversity, to pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again (in the words of a famous song).
Im sure that you will be back out there getting those high 60's again if you really want it and dont let self doubt, the past and disappointment get in your way, like I have.
My horse doesnt worry, shes as happy loafing in the field, as ever!
Baydale
Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
Oh, and Baydale, I only ride other people's horses and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying not only that I might not be doing a good job but that I'm taking their money too!
[/ QUOTE ]
I didn't mean that you didn't give a s**t
, just that maybe you approach them with a different mindset. I just seem to be able to detach myself from other people's horses in a way I find nigh on impossible with my own.
It's not that I make less effort or don't care, but more that I don't get on with my brain full of "he's always been stiff to the left" or "he's always spooked at that filler", therefore it's like having a clean sheet. It might be a different case if I had someone else's horse that I rode every day and was competing, but generally it's only once a week or when they have a problem.
Oh, and Baydale, I only ride other people's horses and I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying not only that I might not be doing a good job but that I'm taking their money too!
[/ QUOTE ]
I didn't mean that you didn't give a s**t
TarrSteps
Well-Known Member
I didn't take it that way at all, Baydale. Just saying I might be more messed up than most since I routinely work myself into a frenzy over other people's horses!
I feel sometimes like I should send a letter to all the people who's horses I started/fixed when I knew a lot less apologising for doing such a crap job! But all I can do is take that knowledge and move on, which is all anyone can do.
I agree it is a lot easier to just get on a horse and make things happen, which is why one of my standard suggestions is for someone having trouble to get another rider he/she respects on the horse. It's not a function of thinking the regular rider can't cope, it's like having your work proofread - someone who hasn't seen it all along can come with a fresh view and the perspective of their own experience. It can also make the regular rider change his/her own perspective, seeing the horse from the outside and perhaps a little more realistically.
I think it's something everyone, even VERY top riders, struggles with. It's just part of the game. Seeing it that way is part of being able to relax about it, if only because the rider knows he/she isn't some freak for feeling that way in the first place!
And for all my sage words I can sulk with the best of them.
I drive myself and the people around me crazy. But I try not to drive the horses crazy. I'm very grateful that the people I worked with when I was younger would not tolerate that sort of thing and rather than telling me I was "bad" to feel upset and discouraged sometimes, encouraged me to learn to control my reactions and approach the situation as unemotionally as possible When I figure out how to get that done I'll let you know!
I feel sometimes like I should send a letter to all the people who's horses I started/fixed when I knew a lot less apologising for doing such a crap job! But all I can do is take that knowledge and move on, which is all anyone can do.
I agree it is a lot easier to just get on a horse and make things happen, which is why one of my standard suggestions is for someone having trouble to get another rider he/she respects on the horse. It's not a function of thinking the regular rider can't cope, it's like having your work proofread - someone who hasn't seen it all along can come with a fresh view and the perspective of their own experience. It can also make the regular rider change his/her own perspective, seeing the horse from the outside and perhaps a little more realistically.
I think it's something everyone, even VERY top riders, struggles with. It's just part of the game. Seeing it that way is part of being able to relax about it, if only because the rider knows he/she isn't some freak for feeling that way in the first place!
And for all my sage words I can sulk with the best of them.
TarrSteps
Well-Known Member
There is a great quote from Dick Francis about riding horses for sale in his youth. He talks about how initially he was upset when the "good ones" left, because he enjoyed them, but eventually he came to regret the ones that still needed improving leaving because he knew he could have done better. I think that's part of it, learning to make the process the important part, not just the goal.
Nels
Well-Known Member
Yes all the time. What if my boy hadn't had PSD twice in one year in the same leg? Would those paces he shows off in the field actually have meant we could have affiliated in dressage if he hadn't been injured?
I think a hard lesson that I have had to learn is that sometimes it is better to stop thinking 'what if' and learn to smile at the little things. My horse cantered on the lunge today for the first time in 5 months and I couldn't stop smiling I was so proud. Yes it isn't the medium level dressage move I had hoped for, but at least i hadn't lost him like I lost my old horse. That mare holds the biggest emotional 'what if' of my life so far....
So my advice would be stop thinking about the past...otherwise you'll forget that these big graceful animals are meant to be here to make us smile....
I think a hard lesson that I have had to learn is that sometimes it is better to stop thinking 'what if' and learn to smile at the little things. My horse cantered on the lunge today for the first time in 5 months and I couldn't stop smiling I was so proud. Yes it isn't the medium level dressage move I had hoped for, but at least i hadn't lost him like I lost my old horse. That mare holds the biggest emotional 'what if' of my life so far....
So my advice would be stop thinking about the past...otherwise you'll forget that these big graceful animals are meant to be here to make us smile....
cobden99
Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
I was feeling guilty for coming across too harsh - glad it was taken in the spirit in which it was intended.
[/ QUOTE ]
Not at all - I found it a very pragmatic post. Certainly gave me something to think about. Thank you TS
I was feeling guilty for coming across too harsh - glad it was taken in the spirit in which it was intended.
[/ QUOTE ]
Not at all - I found it a very pragmatic post. Certainly gave me something to think about. Thank you TS
Scarlett
Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
Just saying I might be more messed up than most since I routinely work myself into a frenzy over other people's horses!
[/ QUOTE ]
As someone who's horses have benefitted - as have I - from your expertise I really hope thats not true..! I can't imagine you getting into a frenzy over any horse, or ever being in a situation where a horse can get the better of you and get you into a frenzy!
Re the original post - Sometimes we all get too caught up in the 'what if's', and thats not a bad thing if it helps to keep you motivated to do more/better - but when it starts to affect your enjoyment then its time to really sit down and have a think about what you want from your horse and what your getting - sometimes its a sign to move on, sometimes a sign to try harder, sometimes its a sign to try less.
Every horse has potential in something, but it doesn't mean they will fulfil it. They don't care what level they get too, or how high they jump and its wrong of us to place so much pressure on them when the don't have the ability to understand what and where and why.
Sometimes I like the fact I'm not really all that ambitious or competative, sometimes its a bad thing as I probably could do better - but I always have fun and always enjoy having my horses, and I feel sorry for those who get to the point where they dont, its supposed to be fun.....
Just saying I might be more messed up than most since I routinely work myself into a frenzy over other people's horses!
[/ QUOTE ]
As someone who's horses have benefitted - as have I - from your expertise I really hope thats not true..! I can't imagine you getting into a frenzy over any horse, or ever being in a situation where a horse can get the better of you and get you into a frenzy!
Re the original post - Sometimes we all get too caught up in the 'what if's', and thats not a bad thing if it helps to keep you motivated to do more/better - but when it starts to affect your enjoyment then its time to really sit down and have a think about what you want from your horse and what your getting - sometimes its a sign to move on, sometimes a sign to try harder, sometimes its a sign to try less.
Every horse has potential in something, but it doesn't mean they will fulfil it. They don't care what level they get too, or how high they jump and its wrong of us to place so much pressure on them when the don't have the ability to understand what and where and why.
Sometimes I like the fact I'm not really all that ambitious or competative, sometimes its a bad thing as I probably could do better - but I always have fun and always enjoy having my horses, and I feel sorry for those who get to the point where they dont, its supposed to be fun.....
TarrSteps
Well-Known Member
Aw, how nice of you - I guess I hide it well.
See, I think people who want to ride well and have their horses go better ARE ambitious, but in a much more sensible "horse friendly" way than people who make showing results or even gaining particular skills on a particular schedule the goal.
I just finished an article on the Equine Pathway and every one I talked to - competitive successes, every one - said some variation of "if the horse is good enough, it will be on the list." Most also warned against chopping and changing and panicking to try to get some external result, as it only ends in un-needed pressure and disappointment.
It's human nature though, to some extent. I remember reading a good analogy in a golf book (I don't golf but a lot of golf stuff is very pertinent to riding) about the mindset of shooting a particular score. Most people think a bad score is some sort of anomaly, the result of not doing well enough, or some outside influence or special circumstance. But they rarely think the same about a good score - the second they do extremely well that become the new "norm" and nothing else is good enough, ever again. So every time they don't then get that score they are disappointed.
But the good scores come from a collection of factors just as much as the bad ones do. What you have to do is make all the little pieces as good as you can and not expect huge successes until the pieces are in place. If your horse is stiff at home it isn't going to be magically less so at a show. So make the goal getting it more supple at home. Enjoy THAT process. Then it will happen at a show. Then you can move on to the next thing. Perfection isn't a goal, it's a measure. Improvement is the goal.
Wanting to get better and enjoy the journey IS ambitious. It's also the healthiest and ultimately most productive path.
Or so I believe.
See, I think people who want to ride well and have their horses go better ARE ambitious, but in a much more sensible "horse friendly" way than people who make showing results or even gaining particular skills on a particular schedule the goal.
I just finished an article on the Equine Pathway and every one I talked to - competitive successes, every one - said some variation of "if the horse is good enough, it will be on the list." Most also warned against chopping and changing and panicking to try to get some external result, as it only ends in un-needed pressure and disappointment.
It's human nature though, to some extent. I remember reading a good analogy in a golf book (I don't golf but a lot of golf stuff is very pertinent to riding) about the mindset of shooting a particular score. Most people think a bad score is some sort of anomaly, the result of not doing well enough, or some outside influence or special circumstance. But they rarely think the same about a good score - the second they do extremely well that become the new "norm" and nothing else is good enough, ever again. So every time they don't then get that score they are disappointed.
But the good scores come from a collection of factors just as much as the bad ones do. What you have to do is make all the little pieces as good as you can and not expect huge successes until the pieces are in place. If your horse is stiff at home it isn't going to be magically less so at a show. So make the goal getting it more supple at home. Enjoy THAT process. Then it will happen at a show. Then you can move on to the next thing. Perfection isn't a goal, it's a measure. Improvement is the goal.
Wanting to get better and enjoy the journey IS ambitious. It's also the healthiest and ultimately most productive path.
Or so I believe.
Doublethyme
Well-Known Member
QR.
"What ifs" - yes I've had a few - what if my previous mare hadn't broke her leg at 10....., what if my current mare wasn't on extended (possibly permanent) pasture leave at 13......but I COMPLETELY agree with TarrStep - its all pointless and out of my control and most definitely neither of my mares fault.
I think TarrStep's post was extremely articulate and to the point, we all too often put our own baggage and expectations on to our horses (course we do we are human), but they just live for now, not yesterday or tomorrow.
Jet_Set - to be honest, I think you should be hugely thankful for all you have - two gorgeous mares, particularly Grace who has survived through so much trauma, a gorgeous youngster for the future and to be frank stop moaning, stop stressing and just get on with enjoying them in the best way you can.
Dressage scores are not the key to a happy life......!
"What ifs" - yes I've had a few - what if my previous mare hadn't broke her leg at 10....., what if my current mare wasn't on extended (possibly permanent) pasture leave at 13......but I COMPLETELY agree with TarrStep - its all pointless and out of my control and most definitely neither of my mares fault.
I think TarrStep's post was extremely articulate and to the point, we all too often put our own baggage and expectations on to our horses (course we do we are human), but they just live for now, not yesterday or tomorrow.
Jet_Set - to be honest, I think you should be hugely thankful for all you have - two gorgeous mares, particularly Grace who has survived through so much trauma, a gorgeous youngster for the future and to be frank stop moaning, stop stressing and just get on with enjoying them in the best way you can.
Dressage scores are not the key to a happy life......!
TableDancer
Well-Known Member
Just wanted to say I've only just caught up with this thread but have really enjoyed it/got a lot out of it. I lost an Advanced horse for whom I had very high hopes last year and I've been guilty of occasional "what if" moments, although I realise it's self-indulgent, pointless and futile.
THanks a lot to J_S for the original post which has provoked such an interesting debate and to Tarr Steps for the lovely insights and reminders - we should all know these things but it's very easy to forget
THanks a lot to J_S for the original post which has provoked such an interesting debate and to Tarr Steps for the lovely insights and reminders - we should all know these things but it's very easy to forget
TarrSteps
Well-Known Member
Thanks to the people who said I'm not out in left field somewhere, knitting yoghurt.
I came by the insight honestly. My "first" (not really but first but first good one) competition horse turned out to be MUCH nicer than originally thought. Sometimes a difficult horse to deal with but immensely talented. I took a lot of grief from people who thought I wasn't doing him justice and couldn't "properly" develop his talents, to the point where I had upper level riders "offering" to take him off my hands and Team people calling to see if I'd donate him for tax relief. (As if I made enough money to need that!
)
Then he got hurt and although he came back okay we never really figured out what happened and I never felt he was 100% so I retired him from upper level eventing. He went on to be a good jumper, win in dressage and then be leased out for people doing their coaching tests (because he could do both the dressage and jumping - most people had to take 2 horses to have them working at a sufficiently high level). After that he was a schoolmaster, including taking a student of mine from never having done dressage to winning at about Elementary in a season. He brought so much to so many people. Now he's 25, still healthy and sound, "given" to a friend of mine to hack. He's been loved, wanted, sound and relatively happy every day of the last 20 years. He's showed a lot (raced as a young horse) so he's hardly sat about but I always tried very hard to always make sure I was doing my best by him, even when people kept telling me "my" best wasn't the right thing. And mostly I really ENJOYED having him. Every day. Even when he was trying to kill me in front of Lucinda Green and standing vertical in the start box and jumping out of his field, terrorising the other horses.
There was another similar horse competing at the same level at the same time who then came to the UK to do Young Riders and went on with a top pro to the next Olympics. She definitely fulfilled her potential. Eighteen months later she was broken and disappeared.
So who had a better life?
I AGONISED over the "what ifs" of my old horse. I cried that I had not done enough and I should have sold him to one of the "better" people who wanted him. Sometimes I agonised that I asked too much of him and got him hurt. But as I got older and realised he was actually a pretty complicated horse I realised I'd done my best, I'd given him a good home, I'd tried to use him for what he was for and make him a good athlete but at the same time I'd tried to look after him. Maybe someone else could have done a better job but he was stuck with me.
I was never proud of the complicated bits of him - my only regret was that I wish I'd known then what I know now about making horses better adjusted and behaved - but I was always proud of him.
I did my best. That's it. I made my peace with it. The horse taught me an immense amount, mostly that he's his own horse and I was just along for the ride. He taught me to respect my horses for what they are and try to make their lives better, giving them chances to work and stretch and improve, but trying always to not let it become all about me - otherwise, what's the point?
Eeek. Going back to my g&t now . . .
I came by the insight honestly. My "first" (not really but first but first good one) competition horse turned out to be MUCH nicer than originally thought. Sometimes a difficult horse to deal with but immensely talented. I took a lot of grief from people who thought I wasn't doing him justice and couldn't "properly" develop his talents, to the point where I had upper level riders "offering" to take him off my hands and Team people calling to see if I'd donate him for tax relief. (As if I made enough money to need that!
Then he got hurt and although he came back okay we never really figured out what happened and I never felt he was 100% so I retired him from upper level eventing. He went on to be a good jumper, win in dressage and then be leased out for people doing their coaching tests (because he could do both the dressage and jumping - most people had to take 2 horses to have them working at a sufficiently high level). After that he was a schoolmaster, including taking a student of mine from never having done dressage to winning at about Elementary in a season. He brought so much to so many people. Now he's 25, still healthy and sound, "given" to a friend of mine to hack. He's been loved, wanted, sound and relatively happy every day of the last 20 years. He's showed a lot (raced as a young horse) so he's hardly sat about but I always tried very hard to always make sure I was doing my best by him, even when people kept telling me "my" best wasn't the right thing. And mostly I really ENJOYED having him. Every day. Even when he was trying to kill me in front of Lucinda Green and standing vertical in the start box and jumping out of his field, terrorising the other horses.
There was another similar horse competing at the same level at the same time who then came to the UK to do Young Riders and went on with a top pro to the next Olympics. She definitely fulfilled her potential. Eighteen months later she was broken and disappeared.
So who had a better life?
I AGONISED over the "what ifs" of my old horse. I cried that I had not done enough and I should have sold him to one of the "better" people who wanted him. Sometimes I agonised that I asked too much of him and got him hurt. But as I got older and realised he was actually a pretty complicated horse I realised I'd done my best, I'd given him a good home, I'd tried to use him for what he was for and make him a good athlete but at the same time I'd tried to look after him. Maybe someone else could have done a better job but he was stuck with me.
I did my best. That's it. I made my peace with it. The horse taught me an immense amount, mostly that he's his own horse and I was just along for the ride. He taught me to respect my horses for what they are and try to make their lives better, giving them chances to work and stretch and improve, but trying always to not let it become all about me - otherwise, what's the point?
Eeek. Going back to my g&t now . . .