do you think my horse may be grieving??

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horsedreams

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ok maybe quite long so apologies to begin with and it will probably not read in some parts sensible as trying to keep breif but to a point of what i'm trying to ask -- (oh god i'm rambling already!)

owned horses all my life ,different breeds and sizes but know there is always something new to learn about them

my question is as in title and need some advice if anyone as ever found this with their horses or similar

the last eighteen months have been a rollercoaster with one thing or another
if you have read some of my previous posts

i lost a very sick horse to colic feb 2010

my 15hh intermediate had been on lease and came back with all sorts of problems (still going on) from oct 2010

then to cap it all i lost my 19yr old connie to a strangulation colic in April this year

the horse i'm having the problem with now is a TB ex racehorse had her 2 years and she as been a dream up until a few weeks ago (she was the connies feild companion )

as never refused to walk on wagon up until at a show the other week she would not go on point blank --eventually got her on after 2 hours of messing --once on she does not panic just stands and eats her net --never had a travel issue

started to nap if asked to go away from yard on her own for a hack she will spin, buck and rear anything to get back to the others again never done this before

went to show last sunday --again would not load striaght away to set off
30 mins this time once on fine --arrived calm no sweat very relaxed
perfect manners in class of over 30 all going round together --no hassle at all

got back to wagon --would not go on if fact she was so wound up about going on she reared and tipped herself over--ouch

moved wagon to road where there was less going on around after another 30 mins walked on with long lines and pressure halter

again good to travel home no panic--vet straight out to see her just in case

she has been very lucky to have not done some damage to herself no lameness just a small swelling on wither area --(will be xrayed when swelling comes down for peace of mind)

now she is on box rest with my intermediate but they are not next to each other though they can see each other--when other horses go out in feild she creates and winds herself up to the point of sweating up and barging the door so now put intermediate next to her while others are out and she is all calm again as though nothing is wrong

bloods have been done for almost everything i could think of --all clear

how do i go about rebuilding her confidence again that all is ok to go out alone and to leave the others before her fall last sunday i started ground work with her --taking little walks away from yard though she was not happy one little bit but i thought the more i can get her away again on her own the better she'll become or do i leave her to her own timings??

is this greif or anxiety ??

all suggestions very welcome or related stories you yourselves have been through and how you coped with as i don't want to give up on her
thankyou
 
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I would think its anxiety more than grief.
My ex racer will not stay in alone, he weaves and calls and sweats up and paces around his box all night.
Out in a field he is fine, even alone, as long as other horses are near by. Racers are used to having alot of company and i guess with losing her companion, its made her stress out.
I have bought a mirror for my TB to try and keep him calm by making him think he has company. Maybe that will work when she has to be in alone?
 
To answer your title - yes. Horses are so much more sensitive than we realise, and yours has had a lot to cope with so will be feeling very insecure!

I know someone who has a stable in which the previous owner lost his rag with a horse one day, dragged it into the stable and shot it. The new owner's horses would freak out in that stable whenever they were left in it, but fine in all the others - they could sense something awful happened without having to be told.

When my horse was put down, the first time we turned out her fieldmate she trotted round the field sniffing all the places my horse had rolled in the last 2 weeks. They were best friends, and her fieldmate was used to her going off competing, but again that day she just knew her friend wasn't coming back.

My new horse and I had a horrible time getting going, largely because I got him too soon after losing my mare and was continually comparing him to her and thinking how much worse he was. One day I went into his stable and told him all about her, and I have no idea if it helped him but it certainly helped me, and we got going after that.

The usual suggestions of lots of groundwork, spend time with your horse, cuddle her lots, keep her to a routine etc might all help but tbh I would go out to the stable, sit down with her and tell her everything, and explain what happened, and tell her you need her! You'll feel like a nutter (as I did) and sceptics among us will tell you it won't make any difference, but it certainly won't do any harm and maybe it'll give you some relief :)
 
Hi,

I had two horses, a 24 year old I bred and a foal I bought when he was 20. I moved the foal from the breeders place to my yard as a yearling and they were boxed next to each other. They developed a very strong bond. I lost my old chap this year and she def. grieved. She was very sad in herself, if she could have burst into tears when another horse was put in his stable she would have. Her face was heart renching. She got quite insecure and wanted to make new friends very quickly. She seamed to think that any horse being put in his old stable was going to be in "our gang" and concentrated on those horses. She was a nightmare if left on her own. I moved her to a different yard where she is now part of a herd. At first the insecurity was almost unmanagable. I basically would go up and bring her in every day for an hour or so, giving her loads of attention and then turn her back out. As time went on she seamed to realize that being away from the others was only a temp. thing and nothing to get upset about. I would say give it some time and yes horses grieve. But it's just an opinion.
 
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thankyou for your replies they are very helpful

they have made me realise i'm not going mad thinking she is grieving

thinking back now my little connie was loaded on the horsebox to take to horsepital and never returned

although she still as company she is obviously distressed that her feild companion is no longer with us

when i tried to explain why i thought her behaviour had changed all of a sudden to people they looked at me as though i was trying to make excuses for her --(deep down i now realise i had answered my own question if that makes sense)
 
I know my horse was greiving when he stood and watched my mare by the fence as we waited for the vet to come, my other horse was grazing happily away oblivious to the plight of my injured mare but Moose just stood there, watching, when she didn't come home from the vets I moved all her bedding into his stable, and for a week he would not walk on the bedding, all his poo's and wee were at the front on the 3 foot of bare rubber, he was solemn and dower and it was not until I put 2 more fresh bales of chips on his bed that he started to use it. I had not realised how much he felt for her, they were never in a field together and only hacked a few times together in their lives, but she was beautiful and he respected her greatly, it was hard dealing with my own grief but his sad face for about 6 weeks was unbearable, he is still not as he usually is and yet he has plenty of company and fuss, I guess he will cheer up when I eventually get another mare.
 
Sorry to hear of your problems. Overnight one of my ponies collapsed and was pts when the vet got to us (liver problems from poisoning before i got him), by the time the vet arrived one of my other ponies was near to collapse. I thought that I was going to lose them both. The little mare saw so much distress from Sam and myself and was there when he was pts and I dont think she could cope. She wouldnt eat for 8 hours and just stood with her nose resting on the floor. Eventually she accepted a carrot and picked up over the next few days. The vet was a regular visitor and could find nothing wrong with her. It took a while and she is fine now, the other pony in the field with them, although disturbed, never really reacted much to the loss.
It took trixie a while to cope though so I hope things improve. Is it possible for your next journey to borrow or share transport ?
 
It was not applicable in your case because your connie had been taken off to horspital, but our vet has always told me that horses should see, and be allowed to smell and touch, their dead companions. I have had 2 horses of my own put down in the last 10 years and 3 livery horses. In each case but the last the surviving companions have been allowed to do as the vet suggested.

A fortnight ago one of my old liveries broke a leg. I found him at 1a.m, but his owner couldn't be contacted until 6 a.m. When he was finally down she was very fraught, and wanted hime covered up with a tarpaulin immediately "in case people see him". My mare, who was on yard rest, witnessed it all (I stood by her and comfortd her as I was not needed for the poor old boy). But the other livery, a very solid little citizen, was grazing at the far end of the field and so didn't see what had happened. She is the one who was really distressed, and I don't think is over it yet.

I think your mare probably is feeling bereaved, and being a sensitive type it's going to take time, and a lot of kindess and patience, to get her right. What will be ideal is if she pals up closely with your other horse, or indeed another horse on the yard. A new close friendship will heal her sorrows. Some horses are much more horse-dependent than others, and I think you have got one of them.
 
I 100% say horses grieve, my mare foaled last september, when her foal Pride was 5 weeks old i had to pop them in the stable whilst the haylage was delivered, and sola(Prides mum) stood on ler leg and broke it.
With every avenue tried Pride was pts 2 days later, sola gadually went down hill, gradually losing weight, even thought i was upping her food, full chck over from the vet and nothing.
2 months later she laid down in her stable where Pride had been pts in the same spot and would not get up, hours with the vets trying everything till i accepted that she had just given up and had laid down to died.
I took the brave decision (had the pleasure of sola being in my life 20 yrs) to have her pts and let her be with Pride.
I was devestated but decided that sola wanted to be with Pride and Pride wanted her mum.
Yes probably overly sentimental, but it poved to me that horses do grieve loads more than we give them credit for.
 
rosefolly and miss bird-- so so sorry for your losses its heartbreaking having to go through losses

rosefolly --i think you are correct in saying they need to see what is happening as the one i lost feb 2010 was at home (it was to dangerous to try and even load him)and all of them saw what was going on and watched every move --as it was the middle of the night we had to wait for him to be collected the next morning but all the horses were absolutly fine as they had seen and understood --if that makes sense they had said their goodbyes as with my little connie they had not had the chance to do that
and yes she is a very sensitive mare even though she was out in the feilds with all of them it was my little connie she favoured out of them all
 
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