Do your partners accompany you to the yard?

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Hilltop Munchkins

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Hi I just wanted to gauge how many of you have non horsey partners that accompany you to the stables every day whilst you do your chores (not ride)?

Basically I am renting out a stable on my smallholding (company for my horse) and the lady's husband comes with her every evening with their young child.

I know the lady brings her child with her to look after the horse every morning as he is not yet of school age, but I expected that she would come alone in the evenings when her husband is home from work. Yet he comes 6/7 evenings and just looks bored hanging around the yard looking after their son whilst she poopicks/feeds/ mucks out etc.

The lady is lovely I really get along with her so I haven't/probably wont say anything to her about husband. But I didn't realise I would have the whole family on my property every evening?

I don't know what I could say without it causing awkwardness with her? Do you think I am being unreasonable by feeling like he is here too much? The boy doesn't like being a way from his mum (he has autism which I knew about before they arrived and I am fine with) so I guess that's why the husband is here.

From my own experience my non horsey boyfriend would only come now and again if I nagged him to.

I know there are downsides to having a livery on a private yard and lots have said to not have a livery but get a second horse, and I did that for a while. But right now I cannot take on responsibility for another horse myself so having a livery here who cares (and she does v well!) for their own horse is what is needed.

thanks
 
As long as he's not peering in your windows and causing trouble, I'd leave it be. I can't imagine anything worse than a bored partner coming with me to the yard though.
 
Mine's more likely to come if I'm just doing chores rather than riding, but he often either helps me or plays with the dogs.. don't think he'd come if he was just going to stand around (unless it's sunny and he can sunbathe).

Does he need to come to help supervise with the little boy? If he's autistic, is that they find it easier with both of them around? She might not be able to do her jobs if having to concentrate 100% on the boy, and if he won't stay at home without the mum, that might be why they all come along?
 
My (non-horsey but willing to learn) OH does regularly although not every night and is very helpful, I personally wouldn't want him there if he was going to stand around looking miserable about the whole scenario though.

We have one livery on our yard who has her entire family with her, almost every day - that really does baffle me!
 
9tails - He will just sit on the yard with his son, not in the way but if I am mucking out and she is out poopicking I am conscious that he is there. I do make the occasional conversation but after being in work all day I don't really want to be entertaining someone
 
yes he is supervising the little boy. I know she is limited to what she can do in the morning with her son around but the horses are out and so she does her stable then with him there.

In the evenings she is poopicking and feeding so not even on the yard with them much. I am though as I do my stable after work.


pixie27 said:
Mine's more likely to come if I'm just doing chores rather than riding, but he often either helps me or plays with the dogs.. don't think he'd come if he was just going to stand around (unless it's sunny and he can sunbathe).

Does he need to come to help supervise with the little boy? If he's autistic, is that they find it easier with both of them around? She might not be able to do her jobs if having to concentrate 100% on the boy, and if he won't stay at home without the mum, that might be why they all come along?
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The first few days I just thought oh she is just finding her feet and maybe they accompany for bit of moral support, but its pretty much every night. My livery is great though, we have a very similar outlook on horses and riding. I just didn't realise she would be bringing her husband all the time. Hoping that she will come alone more now in summer when there is less chores to do!

AFB said:
My (non-horsey but willing to learn) OH does regularly although not every night and is very helpful, I personally wouldn't want him there if he was going to stand around looking miserable about the whole scenario though.

We have one livery on our yard who has her entire family with her, almost every day - that really does baffle me!
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It’s not an unreasonable thing to do , perhaps he just enjoys the quiet down time, it’s the price you pay for having a livery on your place and stuff like this is why I would never never have one .
 
Very rarely does my partner come. He will help me out when I have a huge task like fencing or collecting a huge paddock of grass cuttings when the paddocks been topped but other than that no. My Dad always used to help me with tasks like that, or if I was ill he'd come and help me muck out but I'm a bit stuck now.
 
Epona Elen said:
The first few days I just thought oh she is just finding her feet and maybe they accompany for bit of moral support, but its pretty much every night. My livery is great though, we have a very similar outlook on horses and riding. I just didn't realise she would be bringing her husband all the time. Hoping that she will come alone more now in summer when there is less chores to do!
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Whilst I can appreciate your viewpoint, and it’s understandable,
If you need a livery and this one is otherwise a good livery, I’d be inclined to suck it up as a minor inconvenience. Smile & say hello and then go about your evening as if he isn’t there
 
if the child is autistic and the routine is that they go to the yard together in the evenings then changing that routine for that child might be extremely difficult. I can see your POV (I would hate it) but my stepkids are both autistic so I also appreciate how difficult deviating from a routine event can be as well as how hard it can be to get some down time. As you like her and everything else is great, I'd be inclined to see if you can live with it-I am sure they really appreciate having somewhere like your place to go.
 
Mine comes with me sometimes - but I usually get him to fix electric fencing, poo pick and fill water buckets, so that puts him off coming too regularly.

I did use to keep my horses at a riding school which specialised in autistic children and routine is so, so important to a lot of them. If their routine has always been accompanying mum to the stables in the evening, then I imagine changing it would lead to a lot of stress. It doesn't sound like hubby WANTS to be there, so I suspect he NEEDS to be there.
 
So...

You were only prepared to rent the smallholding out to one single person only, who would never have people come with them?

If I was the person renting from you and you approached me to say that I wasn't allowed to bring my OH with me, I'd be giving you notice next day...
 
I don't in general have a problem with partner or family coming but perhaps she could have mentioned beforehand that they will accompany her EVERY evening! Maybe I should have asked beforehand if she usually comes alone or if her husband joins her every day. After all it is my home.

SpringArising said:
So...

You were only prepared to rent the smallholding out to one single person only, who would never have people come with them?

If I was the person renting from you and you approached me to say that I wasn't allowed to bring my OH with me, I'd be giving you notice next day...
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Epona Elen said:
I don't in general have a problem with partner or family coming but perhaps she could have mentioned beforehand that they will accompany her EVERY evening! Maybe I should have asked beforehand if she usually comes alone or if her husband joins her every day. After all it is my home.
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And this kind of thing is why many of us said "Don't do it!". But I don't think you should mention it to your livery, if she was on a bigger yard, it would cause no problem.
 
My husband rarely came to the yard but they’re at home now so he’s often pottering about with them! If you have a livery then you need to accept they will bring friends/family etc. Unless you said you only wanted her there then I think you need to suck it up and I wouldn’t say anything unless you want to lose her.
 
While I completely understand the OP valuing their privacy and personal space, and potentially feeling awkward at the expectation that they entertain / converse with the bored partner, I think this is a situation that requires a bit of empathy.

Mother needs and wants to look after her neddy.
Son needs and wants to be with mum, and since he is autistic, disrupting his routine may be challenging and counterproductive.
Partner needs to be there when mum is sorting her horse to look after son and keep him safe in a yard which will be full of hazards for a small person with no sense of danger and poor impulse control (that doesn't just apply to children with ASD, but is particularly relevant to those who do have ASD.)
 
There's a few ladies at my yard who bring non-horsey OH's with them, sometimes OH's walk dog alongside livery whilst riding ( nice way to ease into lone riding probably) sometimes they help with poo picking, ragworting, chores or make small repairs. Sometimes I wish my OH would come to the yard but sometimes I am glad to have it as "my" place. He is not horsey and I think he finds them a bit intimidating, in the earlier years of our relationship he resented them but now he is very supportive in his own way, picks up the slack in the house/garden and generally looks after me, so it works for us.

In your particular situation, if you like everything else about this livery and the OH isn't causing a specific issue, I wouldn't say anything. It could be that she feels more secure if he's there with the child rather than home with the child for some reason, I have known a few people like that too.
 
Put in a nice, comfortable bench or picnic table that faces away from your house, and encourage the hubby and son to sit there and play/read/watch the livery riding. It will give them an area that they feel welcome and comfortable sitting in, and it will make you feel that they have their eyes away from the house. It will be a way of accepting them at the yard, but on your terms. Win win.
 
It's rather strange that it offends you that she brings her husband and son with her every evening? Do you only allow females on your property?
 
I have had issues in the past with the partner of another livery on a yard - to the point of stalking me, even outside of the yard. It was a terrible experience and one I wish I never had to repeat.
He had no interest in horses and took my number out of the other liveries phone to get in touch with me, and would log into her FB account to stalk me and show up at events I was attending.
He would show up randomly by himself to the yard and start spreading nasty rumours about everyone and complaining loudly and repeatedly about his partner to all and sundry - then followed me round like a lost puppy while being nasty about me and my friends behind our backs and being generally very creepy and horrible.

Complained to the yard owner and they refused to remove him.

But geniunely, if the partner is not causing any issues and the livery herself is good I wouldn't complain. The above example is extreme!
 
HeyMich said:
Put in a nice, comfortable bench or picnic table that faces away from your house, and encourage the hubby and son to sit there and play/read/watch the livery riding. It will give them an area that they feel welcome and comfortable sitting in, and it will make you feel that they have their eyes away from the house. It will be a way of accepting them at the yard, but on your terms. Win win.
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Super idea.....

Fiona
 
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