Does anyone else's horse not love them at all??

catembi

catembi

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As you may or may not know, I lost Cat (in my avatar) after 4 1/2 happy years in Feb 2007. When I first got him, he was very aloof & didn't want anything to do with me. He'd look away from me if I tried to stroke him & didn't want to interact. I persisted with him, and in the end I had the closest bond with him that I've ever had with any horse. He still wasn't wildly demonstrative, but we loved each other. When I went to see him when I got home, he'd smell my face or hair to say hello & I'd breathe back at him. He'd run his chin down my arm or tug at my sleeve - just little things but they meant a lot coming from him. He'd neigh to me - a very quiet, private neigh just to me, so that his nose vibrated but no sound came out.

I got Adrian in May 2007 & I can honestly say that I've tried my hardest to treat him *exactly* the same as Cat. I talk to him, scratch him where he likes to be scratched, make a fuss of him - but he's only interested in me when I've got food. The only time he gets excited is when I've gone into the house to change my boots as he knows I'll have a polo for him.

He was puppy farmed - bred in Ireland, shipped over to a dealer, backed, turned away & then schooled to sell, so I'm not sure if this is why he's not in the slightest bit interested in bonding.

I have tried & tried to get him to like me - but he simply doesn't.
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Is anyone else's horse indifferent to them or is it just mine? It sounds really stupid, but it really is concerning me.
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It will get better, but some horses are just naturally aloof
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My old cob was completely desensitized to people as I think he was prob passed around a bit. He did get better but still wasnt overl bothered to be honest. G horse on the other hand is the most annoyingly attention seeking clingy horse out!!
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He will get better I'm sure.
 
No, mine is indifferent to me as well, but I reckon it may be for a similar reason. Now tell me if I am way way off the mark here, but I loved and adored my old mare, and when I replaced her I was wary of getting attached to a new horse because it broke my heart when I got rid of her. I was pretty detached form mine in case he didn't do the job I wanted and i had to sell him. This year, 2.5 yrs on, I have become properly attached to him, and though he'll never be affectionate, he is a bit nicer to me. He'll never be a 'pet' because that's not his way, but he will huff in my hair occasionally!! I think I'd never let myself get attached in case it all went wrong again - now I'm confident he's right for me, we are getting on better!
 
I don't think he 'doesn't like you' he probably just doesn't know how to interact in the way you want him too. Some horses are just like that - a bit aloof and stand offish, it's just the way they are. He is probably completely happy in your company and enjoys being with you - he just doesn't know how to show it or even that he needs to be showing it. My last horse was stand offish, didn't particuarly enjoy being groomed or fussed but loved to work and enjoyed his hacking especially. My mare is an attention seeker, loves a fuss and being groomed... but to be honest probably happy with whoever does it as long as they are paying her attention
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I've had mine eleven years, and whilst we get on fine, he isn't demonstrative, he's just not that way. I can't get near him when he's lying down in the field, he's up and ready to meet you. Tolerates a cuddle but prefers it when it's over! I am his second (proper!) owner, I bought him as a five year old, and the lady that had him originally bought him wild off the moor as a yearling. I think his aloofness could be down to his spending his first year on the moors with no humans.
 
I've had one of mine nearly 18 years and she still makes faces when I go to pat her! She just likes her own space. Her daughter on the other hand wickers whenever she sees me and is quite happy to be made a fuss of.
 
i agree with icestationzebra

he probably shows affection in a different or subtler way than your old horse. Im sure he loves you but food is probably very high in his priority list too though not as high as you!
 
My mare was completely shut down when I got her and showed no interest in people at all. She had been passed from dealer to dealer and treated badly so you can't really blame her. She would turn her back in the stable, bite when groomed, walk away when you went to catch her. If you stroked her over her stable door she would pull a face and back away.

I never thought we had a bond until i wandered over to catch her about a month ago. As i went across the field something spooked the horses and they all bombed off up the field. Autumn followed, got about 10 metres past me then thought better of it turned round and cantered back to me looking sheepish!! Since then she has been a lot more affectionate and really enjoys being groomed. When I moved yards she was completely stressed out and the only way I could calm her down was tack her up and take her for a hack.

Sooner or later you will probably have a turning point and realise he did like you all along.

Incidentally, SpottedCat, I spent the first 8 months of owning her wondering if I'd made the right decision about buying her because I found her so difficult. Then we made a few breakthroughs with our schooling and I began to really enjoy riding her despite dodging her teeth when tacking up! Then, all of a sudden she decided she liked me. In hindsight I'm sure something in the way I'd handled her must have changed.
 
I've had my horse for 8 years and like others got her after the traumatic loss of my previous horse. It took a while for me to be able to bond as well as I was frightened of something happening to her and she wasn't the most demonstrative of horses unlike my previous. I was really surprised as I got a call one day to say that another horse had had a go at her in the field and that she was injured but nobody could catch her. As soon as I got up she whinied to me and limped over, it broke my heart and we now have an understanding that I don't over do it on the cuddles and kissing front but I am her mum and she lets me know that she loves me in her own little subtle ways. I now worry when she is sukey as it might mean something is wrong
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Buster will roll over 4 any one! he is a big time attention seeker
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with my previous horse it took along time. he'd had quite a few homes before i had him and eventually we built the most fantastic bond. He was still with me when i got buster. i had got Buster as altough joe was my superstar he wasnt going to go as far as i wanted. when i got buster i obviously spent a lot of time with him and looking back i had inadvertantly pushed joe to one side. eventually i put joe out on loan to a wonderful home but that bond has gone. in the end i sold him to that home (where he still is now) but i will never forgive myself as i promised him i never would. Has me in tears just writing this down
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I am quite glad I read this post, as I thought it was only me. Sometimes it seems K doesn't really like me and isn't really that bothered.

He cantered over to see me when we moved to the new yard, which I thought was a real breakthrough (I got him in Feb) but since then he seems only interested when I have food.

I am going to hope it gets better as I love him dearly and can't bear the thought of anything happening to him. I guess I will have to wait and see, after all, 3 months isn't that long. I am just glad it isn't just me that worries about things like this.
 
Thank you people...lots of different answers. Soooo pleased that I'm not out of the ordinary for feeling like this.

SpottedCat - I had the attachment fears just as you've described for the first few months, but Adrian's got such a sweet little face that I couldn't bear to think that I might be being distant towards him because of what happened with Cat, so I made a huge effort not to push him away emotionally.

Minkymoo - not glad that you're in the same boat but glad that I'm not in the boat by myself, if you see what I mean...

Catembi looked like a very bold alpha male, but underneath he was v sensitive & anxious, & used to look to me for reassurance. Riding or on the ground, I'd often be telling him not to worry etc. He also (I think) had a v close bond with his last owner who was killed in a car accident, so he was used to being reliant. Adrian on the other hand is very self contained/self sufficient, maybe because he didn't have individual attention as a youngster? When he's with me, he usually looks bored/fed up with his ears 1/2 back...unless I've got food...

Buster123, I'm weepy too, thinking about Cat. It's over 15 months now, & it feels like it could have been yesterday sometimes. There is nothing I wouldn't do to see him again.
 
My TB hates me!!!! He whickers when I arrive at the yard and as soon as I go to say hello, its teeth grinding, head chucking and generally demonstrating Alpha tendencies.... We do have some nice moments tho (not often) whereas the other one would jump on you and hug you to death if he could!!!!
 
I have a very similar issue with my big horse. He is very very grumpy and really really doesn't like people............. He has manners whilst doing jobs BUT in no way would i ever describe him as cuddly to me. At yard he's know as the ASBO kid........ , BUT when he's been very ill and needed a vet he's almost been nice.......... I know it's not personnel, BUT it can feel like it............ but he can have moments of being sweet (totally prefers men and weirdly no horsey men!!!) BUT something which is most important to me is, when riding him he looks after me.......... which in my book is more important.............
Best way i've found to cope with him, is to keep him in very very strict routine......... and very very occasionally he's almost sweet...........BUT them his goes NO I'M MR GRUMPY


But did find out from breeder that he's always been a grumpy horse and was alot worst before he arrived with me........ and plus he's very good at getting rid of yard gossip from your personnel space..........
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Where as my little one is very very sweet and loves attention and defo make ups for 'grumpy bags'........
 
I am not Robins' favourite person right now.
After sticking needles in her for five days, then making her take nasty food she was going off me, now when it involves long gloves and topical application of a-b's twice daily she has really gone off me. She doesn't know quite which end of herself to keep furthest away from me, bless her.
 
My mare was happy to see me if I was bearing food, or treats, if I had tack or a grooming hit in my hands she'd go to the back of the box and sulk. Occasionally when I was grooming her she'd fart as I was working near her rear end and once she tried crapping when I was picking out her back feet LOL she'd never let me catch her, but anyone else could walk into the field and put her headcollar on no probs...

I found out she'd been badly treated by her previous owner, so she probably had "issues". I mostly thought she was a right comedienne!
 
It sounds simple to say but horses have personalities, just like people - some are affectionate, some not so much. I'm not sure how much it has to do with upbringing because I've found it to be just as true in large groups of young horses brought up together.

Some horses are just really snuggly and outgoing - often towards anyone that's nice to them! They can be great fun and it's nice to see a smiling face at the end of the day. Some seem like they not only don't like people all that much, but don't even need them. I know this type can be tough if you really want a lot interaction with your horse but on the other hand you can see any sign of affection as a great honour. I always feel really good about it when a horse that naturally doesn't usually feel he has to put himself out makes any effort to connect - I feel like I've really earned something.
 
My two are totally different. My chestnut had only one home before he came to me and he is very very loving and affectionate with people in general. My grey had lots of different homes before me and is not very trusting at all and not demonstrative in the slightest. Except when you have food and then you can't get him off you... I really think that the more homes the horse has had, the less they get attached to people. Waaaiit... maybe my grey had lots of homes because the owners couldn't stand having such a snooty little gelding!
 
I know exactly what you mean. I recently sold an AngloArab mare for precisely that reason. She did not relate to me at all, completely indifferent to my existence. I had her for two years during which time I bred from her and she was a really nice mare but her total lack of repsonse to me meant that I completely lost interest in her.
 
Hi, I feel sad reading these posts as this is what i come across alot, and you would not believe the emotional baggage that horses carry. if you can imagine, loving someone, then being sold, then again, etc. some in the end will not let themselves "go", like as humans can do when several loving relationships have ended, you can become sour. There is a horse on my website testimonials that the lady could not cuddle or be affectionate to, he was so emotionally shut down, that his way was to warn and walk away. he is now a diff horse, and whinnies to her when she comes to the yard and yes, she can cuddle him, actually he cuddles her!! Even without using people like me, horses do understand what you say, sometimes if you could explain things to them and also say sorry if you have made a mistake, it does go a long way, although most husbands have yet to learn that one!! As another lady said, they have personalities like people, and also they are very deep but most of all, 99 percent will try to make things better if they are allowed to.
 
I honestly dont think Spooks would notuce if I didn't turn up one day and someone else took over his care!! He is not interested in being stroked - especially his face, he will stand if being groomed.....if he is tied up!! He will mug me for an apple though!!

I like to think that he shows his affection of me by being so totally accepting of everything that i ask of him - never a buck, rear, spin or refusal, always ears forward, forward going and safe!
 
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