Does anyone work full time, have children and a horse?

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Tilda

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Hi all

I am in a quandary at the moment and am looking for some idea of whether the above can be done with limited support.

I currently work 25 hours a week, mainly from home and get paid a very good wage to do this. However my job is dull, stressful and not at all the kind of job I enjoy and I cannot find the type of job I do enjoy on a part time basis. Yes I get to take my 5 year old son to school everyday and get to look after my horse myself (well on assisted DIY) and ride regularly but I have no energy to do anything constructive with my son because I am so miserable about my job.

So I have started to wonder whether I wouldn't be better off going back to work full time and doing something I love. It would mean putting my horse in full livery Monday to Friday (but I would still be able to ride 2 evenings and at weekends) and more worryingly for me my son having to go to before and after-school care at least 4 days a week.

Does anyone else do this? How do you manage and do you still find you get quality time with your children?

My husband is very supportive but he also has a busy job and a time consuming hobby. Am I mad and selfish to consider it?
 
I'm a single mum, so never had any choice but to work ft. I do normal m-f 40hr week. Drop daughter at school for 8.45, then she goes to after school club. Had mine on diy since before she was born, & from her being 6mnths also had the pony she rode to do a few days a week. From 2&1/2 she's always had a loan pony till she was 6, plus her own young pony from 3, so at one point I had 3 on diy. Now its just two. She's 7 & pony mad, so its not a case of fitting one round the other. I think I've missed out by having to work ft. She hasn't though, I think within reason the socializing does them a lot of good. Lots easier now she's 7, stuff like dancing, brownies, youthclub etc parents don't stay, so I get housework done then.
 
I work f-t doing shift work, have 3 teenagers, a horse on DIY and a long suffering husband who helps out enormously with school runs/checking said horse when I'm at work weekends etc.
You get into a routine of sorts, but thankfully my youngest is horse mad and does an awful lot to help out with stable duties, poo picking and the like.
 
I could never afford a horse in terms of money or time when I worked FT for an employer as a single mum.

Now I work approx 30hrs a week self employed, still as a single mum, ride out 2-3 times a week, and have time to see to the horse without rushing.. self employed is the way to go!
 
tankgirl1 said:
I could never afford a horse in terms of money or time when I worked FT for an employer as a single mum.

Now I work approx 30hrs a week self employed, still as a single mum, ride out 2-3 times a week, and have time to see to the horse without rushing.. self employed is the way to go!
Click to expand...

Edit to add I could never afford, and therefore would never consider anything but DIY.... just the fact we have a stable makes me feel posh! :o
 
I only work part time, and I find it a struggle. I'm blessed to have my own stables and land with the house, (rented), but great all the same, but as a single mother, I find it hard to keep up with everything, and it's normally the housework that suffers. However, my friend runs her own business, a bakery, works a lot, has two horses of her own and her daughters pony, karts the daughter and pony around the place for lessons and competitions etc, and has time for a social life. I obviously mis manage my time, big time, but well done to her, she seems to manage well. It can be done. x
 
Hmmm it's currently not looking like a good idea then as I would have to be out of the house 8-6 and my husband does even worse hours as he works in London 3 days a week (we live in Northamptonshire). I can't afford to go self-employed as I am not in a position to not earn any money while my business builds up. if my son was into horses it might be more doable as it is for you littlelegs but he prefers offroading with his dad!

Thanks for your input everyone I have my first interview on Monday (only started applying Thursday night) so I'll go and get a feel for how flexible the company are and that will help me decide. I think the biggest thing about my current job is it has sapped my confidence and made me forget what I am capable of which is affecting my whole life (god I sound pathetic!). It would hopefully only be a short term thing as my husband has a very good job which in 2 years once we get to the end of paying off debts accumulated over 5 years of living beyond our means will mean I can think about doing a more normal part time job.

Sorry for the waffle it is helping me get my head straight thank god for my horse I think I may have had a breakdown without him!
 
I work 26 hours a week - all at the weekend. I am a full time student, have two teenage children, a dog, 2 cats and a horse....oh and lets not forget the OH :D

I was on DIY livery paying for 2 full livery days at the weekend, and a couple of extras here and there however, we are moving to a new yard today and will be full DIY - I have some friends who livery there and we have made an arrangement to help each other out. They will see to my boy at the weekend and I will see to their guys in the week on my days off college. I also do the turning out for 6 horses on my 2 days off college and someone else turns mine out the other days. My kids often come to the yard and my daughter will be helping break in a pony at my new yard, just handling and grooming and so on, so she will be with me. My son is 16 and at that stage where he doesn't need me so much and happily entertains himself or is out with friends.

It is perfectly doable but its hard work to start with but once you get yourself into a routine it will be fine - good luck with your interview :)
 
I don't have kids, but I'm at university every day of the week for varying lengths of time, im in my final year so have more work to do, I also work 30 hours plus each week, do extra curricular at uni and volunteer, whilst looking after my full loan and the yard owners 2 horses as she lives away... I split mornings with a friend to make it easier for us both, still fine time to ride 4-5 times per week so it is doable, just tiring but worth it.
 
Thanks both Gentle giant I commend you for working so hard but I guess my question was more about spending quality time with my son and horse than fitting it all in as I will be earning enough to put horse on full livery I used to work a busy job 4 days a week and have a horse on full DIY plus my son, husband and house but my husband had a more flexible job and could be home for 7 at the latest so I could go and ride in the evenings as part of the problem is being housebound once my son goes to bed at 7 if hubby isn't home! I'll see what happens with interviews etc.. I might not get any of these jobs yet I
 
In that case I suppose it depends how much quality inme you want to spend with your son, I have an 8 year old brother and my mother works extremely long hours - 6am - 6pm most days, she worked long hours hen I was growing up also, so I spent a lot of time with grandparents, it hasn't done me or my brother any harm so it depends whether you feel as though you will be missing out. But kids are usually adaptable and the socialisation in after school clubs will most likely make them rounder individuals in later life. At the end of the day it's about finding the work life balance that suits your family. Plus I may be at uni but still run my own home (never liked the idea of living in student accommodation and I've with my partner in non-student area) :)

Plus even if u did have kids I'd work full time, but that's just personal choice.

Plus full liberty would free up some time, but would be time you spent at work. You would just have to think whether it's worth working full time to essentially just pay full livery, I suppose it depends on how much you would be earning surplus to fll livery fees. Once again weighed up with work life balance.
 
Interesting thread. This is something I have been thinking about recently, I am on the cusp of starting my full time career, have 3 horses, and although not thinking about having kids just yet, it is defo something I want in my future. It is a commundrum (sp?) as to how to fit it all in, and the suggestions about going self employed are interesting and potentially something I could do in the future, so thanks for that...

Other than that OP, I think somethings gotta give, you don't want to spread yourself too think that you are unhappy. Good time management is key I think... Good luck whatever you decide :)
 
I work full time and have a long commute to get there, my son is nearly 2. I find it a real struggle as when I get in from work I put my son first and that means I'm riding at 7pm (when my son';s gone to bed) or not at all (which in the dark and rain when I'm knackered from work is lots of the time). I've tried to take the pressure off myself, I know my horse won't be that fit if I only wander round the school 1 or 2 evenings and hack at weekends so no competing for us for a while. But he seems happy with that level of work (gets lots of turn out).
It can be done but there are compromises! I feel guilty that some nice evenings I get in and think ohh I could just sneak out for a hack now if I raced - but I do put my son first. We are lucky that we can still enjoy horses long after our kids have left home so for me a temporary sacrifice is OK.
 
If the horse is on full livery then it shouldn't make any difference whether son's horsey or not. If he's in bed at 7, could you find a trustworthy older teen to come & babysit after he's asleep & ride then? Although depending where you live I'd say try to find something closer, meaning you aren't out 8-6. Depends on employer, but once started some can be flexible on hours. Eg I skip a lunch break, in order to start later & finish earlier. Eg I should start at 9, depending on traffic its 9.15 sometimes, but that is pre arranged to come off my lunchbreak. Rather than me dropping daughter at breakfast club every day to ensure I'm in for 9.
 
I'm a single parent and work 45 hours a week. I have two horses on DIY livery about 2 miles from where I live. I have no car so walk to do my horses unless I'm lucky enough to scrounge a lift from someone. It's hard but it's definitely do-able.

My daughter has her own horse so she comes with me to the stables every day to see to her own horse. This is the way it's been for the last 8 years.

Sometimes it feels like my life is passing me by in a blur but I wouldn't have it any other way. When I'm feeling a little fed up of the constant 'work, home, horses and bed' routine, my daughter often reminds me that the only thing I'm missing out on is evening tv! No great shakes really! :rolleyes:
 
I have a really good job, a three year old son, two dogs, one horse, one pony (and my OH!) to look after. I have been lucky in that although I am out of the house 8 - 6 Monday to Thursday I get a lunchime finish on a Friday. I also do a lot of travel with work (UK wide HR Manager) and manage my own diary so some days I manage to sneak a cheeky morning/evening/lunchtime ride. My horses are kept at home but I have limited facilities so at this time of year most of my riding is concentrated on Friday afternoons and at the weekend. In summer it is easier as I will ride after my son is in bed or if he is having some 'daddy time'.

It is hard going as I also attempt to compete - and son has also started some showing on pony. I have started booking the odd holiday during the week as I like to get to some BS and it is always quieter during the week. It is a balancing act and my little boy will always come first but at the moment he is mad keen on riding which does make life easier. I also compete about once a month at weekends and have 1/2 lessons a month. I just make sure that the time I spend with my son is quality and he is a very happy little boy so guess I am managing the balancing act OK. It is normally about 9pm before I manage to sit down most nights but I wouldn't change anything (apart from having my own heated indoor school at this time of year :D )

It is do-able.
 
OP - i agree with Cazzah, it is possible.

In fact i couldnt cope without mine, they are my stress release from my job.

I have 6 horses, 1 dog, 2 kids a full time job and do my husbands books/invoicing. I dont sit down until 9pm at night, but wouldnt change a thing.

My neddies are on my own yard, so have to do everything myself, although my daughter rides, and does help when she can.

My son, isnt interested, when he was younger he did have a pony , but soon found the football/rugby and x box are much more interesting. We spend most time together at the weekend, as while im doing the horses in the week, hes doing homework.

I imagine that when your in a job you enjoy, you will get much more energy and be able to tackle everything
 
To be a good parent you need to be happy, no point in doing a job that is making you depressed. I work from home part-time (10-15 hours a week) and although it is a very basic job, far from the responsibility and money that I was earning before children, it means I can care for my children myself which I personally love. But what suits me doesn't suit another mum. Despite that, something for me had to give and that was the horse, he was old so retirement was fine for him. My life has changed dramatically in five years from earning bundles of cash, riding every day and generally living the high life to nappies, school run and endless child psychology to keep them on the straight and narrow! But quite honestly I love it. Do what makes you happy I say and don't feel guilty. If your child is the kind that thrives on school and the after school clubs then go for it, my son wouldn't cope. Whereas my daughter I'm pretty sure would love it!
 
I work full time 8 - 4.30 and every other sat as well.

Have 6 horses and a son and I'm a single mum.

My day starts at 5am and I get home at around 8pm.

Bloody hard work but I wouldn't change it for the world.
 
I now have a 7 month old baby son. I am a teacher in a very small school (so more like a deputy head without the extra money). I am back at work 3 days a week which is about 27 hours, and I usually enjoy my job. I moved my horse to a farm nearer to my house so on my days off I can get to him quickly, though obviously no riding on days off as I have baby to look after! My husband surfs and also works fulltime as a teacher (head of department) and he works late on my days off. Baby is with my parents while I work and husband leaves work early-ish and picks him up - giving me time to have 3 evenings a week with the horse. If the surf is good I have to let husband go - meaning I miss my riding that day.
On a weekend I get up very early so I can ride first thing and be home by 10.30. then if the surfs up husband goes off out - otherwise we do family stuff. At present as it's winter and we have no lights at the yard I am just riding weekends but that's fine with me.

Could you somehow both work with a bit of flexibilty about what time you leave? As we are teachers there are days when we can go in early and get out early, so we seem to be able to juggle both our hobbies without neglecting baby.
However on my work days I DO feel like I haven't seen baby very much and I miss him terribly. I intend to go back to work full time when he's at school.
 
I work full time, have a horse and 2 young kids, plus a long suffering husband!

It is tough, and Ive had to move the horse from DIY to grass livery (couldnt afford part/full livery).

That said it is do-able. My 6 year old is starting to get into horses and can be quite helpful around the farm. It can be a bit of a nightmare to get much done with the baby in tow though so at weekends , and sometimes during the week on nice evenings in the summer my husband sorts them out and I go riding.

In winter I dont tend to get much riding (horse is injured and will be off work for winter anyways this year so solves the guilt of not riding him enough this year!)

So it is perfectly managable, even if the odd change needs to be made.

Re quality time, I often feel abit guilty about not spending enough time with both kids and horse, but neither seem bothered. My eldest daughter has always loved childcare and is very outward going and friendly, so think its done her good, and horse seems quite happy doing his own thing in field and not getting quite as much fuss as he used to...
 
I work full time (36 - 48 hours a week), two horses on DIY, a teenager and hubby.

I don't get any help at the yard from my family - but I have a retired lady who helps in return for riding my old boy. She's been with us for 11 years :o.

I also have a mutual help thing going with a fellow livery who works......I'll turn out and she'll bring in etc.

Otherwise it's a case of being prepared (easy bedding, water carriers filled up, haynets filled etc) and having a routine. I couldn't survive on a yard that doesn't do winter turnout though.

Winter is the bind and that's only a few months ;)
 
Single mum, work full time, have a daughter and 3 ponies, she's never known any different so it's normal for her as started riding before she could walk and has always been up the yard with me.

She's never been to any after school clubs or anything like that, nanny & grandad have been her childcare. I've never felt guilty about not sitting down with her and playing much as our hobby means she has been with me 99% of the time anyway.
 
Yes always done it with horses on livery at first and now at home for past 18 years.

When my daughter was very young with horses on livery at an amazing competition yard with 2 indoor schools, an outdoor and forest on the doorstep, I used to get to the yard at 8.30pm and start riding at 9pm in the week and yard was a good 30 minute drive from house so usually home about 11pm. I did this every day as there was no turn out at that yard (I know, I know...). I was knackered and moved my horses after a year to a yard with great turnout, but no school so only rode at weekends in the winter - it was also further away. This was in Belgium so great childcare from 7am to 6pm both pre & during school as about 90% of women in Belgium work full-time after children and all child care is tax deductible - great country!

Just make sure that you move your horse to somewhere that has a) excellent facilities and b) is really flexible. There's nothing worse than needing to spend time with your horse and the yard closes at stupid o'clock in the evening so you can't.

Good luck :)
 
Hi all

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Cazzah the job I hope to return to is very similar to yours which means a lot of travel regionally so no chance of having shorter lunch breaks to cut the hours as we don't really get one anyway!

I think it is doable and my son absolutely thrives jn a school environment so would be more than happy at after school clubs.

I think I am settling more and more on the idea I just need to be organised. My yard is great and has all the facilities and flexibility so no problems there! Thanks again all it's been really helpful x
 
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