Does it ever get better?

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SouthWestWhippet

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I'm so feeble.

I'm a freelance instructor and a BHSAI. I like to think I have a decent seat, am pretty competant and can deal with a reasonable level of naughtiness in a horse. I'm not amazing, I have my faults but I have plenty of experience with problem horses, youngster etc and I would class myself as a capable rider.

So why is it that I STILL turn into a nervous wreck at the prospect of getting on a horse for the first time? Particuarly if it is a youngster or 'unknown' horse.

About 8 years ago, I carefully swung my leg over the back of a 'breaker' (with assistance of very experienced boss and after 3 months of groundwork). As I lowered myself gently into the saddle, horse completely panicked, dragged lungerein out of bosses hand (taking most of his skin with it), and set off across the areana in a blind run, propping violently to dislodge me. I came off pretty hard and fractured my spine.

The thing is, I KNOW this was a one-off freak accident. I've never sat on anything like this horse before or since - he was running totaly blind and terrified - it turned out he'd been messed up before and I think he was put down after as he just couldn't cope with ridden work.

But today I got up on a new youngster at the yard. We'd lunged her, she was quiet but very green. The girl lunging her didn't want to ride (nervous) so I said I would. But I was SHAKING. Logically I knew the horse was going to fine, she has a nice temperament and had given all the good signs. But I was so tense I thought I was going to puke and found it almost impossible to sit easy in the saddle.

As it happens, she was good as gold, I relaxed and we had a lovely ride. But I was so wound up about it... and a more sensitive horse would have been upset by me.

Has anyone got past issues like this? How did you do it? Logic tells me I am more the capable of handling a situation like today, as does previous experience. But i can't let go of the crippling fear and i know that the tension I'm carrying is more likely to cause problems than the horse.

any thoughts? I'm an instructor FFS, I feel so ashamed of myself. I let myself down getting so wound up about things like this and it makes me feel as if I have no right to teach people when I get like this about trotting a perfectly nice baby round an indoor school. Help and cookies.
 
Not everyone is good at or enjoys everything. If you don't like doing babies then don't do them.

I have a friend who really doesn't like doing youngsters. So she doesn't. She rides loads better than me but she just doesn't enjoy it and it worries her. She'll get on anything once it is five but I have to ride the four year olds.

I don't think it's in any way a black mark against you that you don't like backing. Do you really feel like you want to be happy doing it or just that you should?
 
What an awful experience, no wonder it is always in the back of your mind. We are all different and react in different ways. I think you are very brave to have another try, but you may always have the worry at the back of your mind and prefer schooling a little more advanced horses rather than being the one to sit on horses for the first time.

I was injured on a horse that bolted and turned over as it jumpred a fence 40years ago and I still remember it clearly, I did eventually get my nerve back enough to enjoy dressage, but never again enjoyed jumping.
 
You could try hypnotherapy. It is particularly good when you have had a specific traumatic injury - it helps to put the event into prospective and make it less inhibiting.

No shame in it .... My horsey hypnotherepist has jockeys and show jumpers on her books who looks at it as an efficient way of moving on after a bad experience.
 
This might sound utterly ridiculous, but would you consider hypnotism? I had a very nasty accident a free years ago and as a result became very phobic. Tried everything but nothing worked. In sheer desparation I tried it when a friend insisted and to my surprise three sessions all but cure me!
 
I don't think you are feeble at all and it will give you empathy with your more nervous pupils. Also I know a fantastic instructor who competes at high level but doesn't ride pupil's horses as she doesn't want to risk injury. As for getting better, it can.
 
What would I say to someone who came to me with this problem? I guess I would say 'Don't do it'. And if they said they wanted to, we would work through it bit by bit. I try to do this for myself but i seem to hit a brick wall now and again and it makes me really sad.

The horse was 5 yrs old but very very green, had never been in a school before and only at the yard about a week. It was the unknown aspect of her - I was the first to sit on her - *coupled* with the greeness that really set me off. Usually i can deal with my nerves with either one or the other but the combination of both felt like too much.

Thing is, it was the right time to ride her. She was nicely settled after being lunged and the arena was quiet. There was no-one else to do it as the other member of staff is very inexperienced and nervous. I knew that my worries were all ridiculous and I felt I would be letting myself down if I didn't get up there.
 
Had not thought of hypnotism, would be amazing if it works. My friend tried it following a very traumatic childbirth as she was terrified when pregnant again. It worked for her, hadn't occured to me it might work for me in this situation.

I think i might look into it. thank you!
 
I had issues post breaking my leg getting landed on by a baby at work. I was fine on my own horses, who aren't quiet but got a bit funny riding other peoples. I have always been the first to get on anything looney, and have never cared at all. What did it for me was working for a trainer who I rode loads of different horses for, and rode a lot of work. It is a case of just getting back into the swing of riding horses you don't know, and telling yourself you can do it. It took me quite a while!!
 
Just read your post and I tell you I could have written the exact same thing word for word (except for the broken back, luckily so far I have only ever had minor breaks - arms and legs and the like). The way I cope with it is because I have to, I am the YO so if I can't ride the horse how can I expect my clients to? I get myself properly suited and booted - covered head to toe, proper boots, leather chaps, full seat jods (god send!), jacket and jumper (whatever the weather), gloves, hat and as I will be soon be backing and breaking more often I am going to invest in a good body protector (the kan one looks ideal as is not bulky, but I have not tried it) then I just get one with it. Like you say once you're on it's OK. I just concentrate on the here and now and make sure I am looking out for any signs the horse is going to be difficult and most importantly, breathe!! And for what it's worth, you have every right to teach people as you ARE doing it, not everyone has the ability to start a horse off well, if you can it's a talent you should be proud of.
 
Thank you Scrooge. i am sorry that you feel the same way but selfishly it is good not to be the only one who knows what it is like to grit your teeth and get on with it even though you are scared.

Breathing is the key LOL I just feel so furious with myself because the mare was a sweetheart and even if she had been silly I'm sure I would have been fine. I might even have come off but SO WHAT, it usually isn't the end of the world!
 
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