Does it get better?

[doodle]

People say when you loose a horse it gets better. I'm not sure it does. It is different I think but not better. I lost Minto 3 years ago today. I still find myself going over what happened. I can now think of him and smile but it still hurts. I hate that there are new people in my life who never knew him. His bridle still hangs on a door in my sitting room. I can't bare to put it away. I am with crisis team and today said I should be finding it easier by now but they said not necessarily.

 

[Annagain]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Yes it does get better, but there's no set timescale or pattern to it. Some people are fine after a matter of days, others take weeks, months, or years. The way you feel is the way you feel. Putting pressure on yourself not to feel like that or worrying that you should be over it is probably more damaging in the long term than allowing yourself to go through it. If it bothers you though, it may be worth getting some help specifically for that. Can the crisis team point you towards some grief counselling? It might help with the loss of your horse and more generally?

 

[TheOldTrout]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Yes it does get better, but there's no set timescale or pattern to it. Some people are fine after a matter of days, others take weeks, months, or years. The way you feel is the way you feel. Putting pressure on yourself not to feel like that or worrying that you should be over it is probably more damaging in the long term than allowing yourself to go through it. If it bothers you though, it may be worth getting some help specifically for that. Can the crisis team point you towards some grief counselling? It might help with the loss of your horse and more generally?

This. Everybody grieves differently, and anniversaries are especially difficult (and nobody warns you of that!). Just get through one day at a time. Essential oil of rose is good for grief (and other bad emotions). Spoil yourself at regular intervals too with little treats, just to lift your mood a little.

 

[Wimbles]

It very much comes and goes for me and the loss of my lovely Monty. Sometimes it really breaks me when a memory takes me by surprise.

Let yourself feel sad, it's a very real event and a very real emotion. Whether you feel it more than another person is not important.

I'm struggling at present as the 4 year anniversary of my Dad's death is coming up. Like you said the feeling is different but I couldn't actually say it's better. More time has passed and I just miss him more.

Sending you big hugs x

 

[ElectricChampagne]

I lost my horse in a million 4 years ago. It still hurts because I had an unreal bond with him, he looked after me, knew my every move and I knew his. People used to comment all the time on how bonded we were, and how we obviously adored each other.

I have his saddle still all zipped up in his cover with a piece of his tail in with it. I can't bear to get rid of the saddle and it fits nothing else I have.

I have found it gets easier with time, but sometimes, particularly on the aniversary I do shed a tear, or two or three.

A good friend gifted me a painting she had made of him back when we were having fun together recently, and oh my god the tears! its proudly hanging in my house and I see it every day. She said he had to send it home with me, and she knew I would treasure it as much as I treasured him.

I treasure the memories of him, and yep it still is hard.

Everyone grieves differently, and as they say its better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

Give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself, sometimes just embracing the moment let the emotion roll over you and then take a breath and move on is a good thing. Bottling things up because you think you should doesn't help. Its ok to be sad. But do remember to move on from the moment, and be happy too, the smiles will help you through.

 

[Doris68]

I lost my mare aged 29 - I'd had her since she was a 4yo. This was just over 2 years ago and it doesn't hurt quite as much, but there are moments when I get very emotional. Grief has no set time table so be kind to yourself. Treasure all those wonderful memories. I have my horse's ashes in a casket, I also have some of her tail and her shoes. I'm going to have a bracelet made from her tail, but it's only recently that I've felt able to do that. Time, only time.... Take care.

 

[chaps89]

Another experience here to hopefully help show how different people feel and handle grief. I knew when I retired my horse he wasn't likely to have a long retirement and I spent most of his last summer stressed and dreading the final day. Actually when it came it was a relief knowing it was done - which in turn I felt guilty about. It took 3 years (last summer) before I cried properly over him and it came completely out of the blue. That said I've never been able to part with his saddle even though it doesn't fit my new mare and I didn't really cut enough of his tail before he went to have anything made with it so that's all wrapped up in a nice box instead. So after 3 years please don't be beating yourself up for how you feel.

 

[doodle]

I still have his shoes and tail along with solis (who I lost 7 months after Minto) tail and shoe. I keep thinking I should do something with them but can't find what. Minto a saddle is now on robin and solos dressage saddle has been adjusted to try and get it to fit! I have lots of photos about my house.

His ashes are buried in his field beside his pair bond sultan, it seemed like the only place he should be and I do take comfort that they are back together, sultan died 2 years earlier. I wasn't sure I would want them sat in my house. I am still sad as I didn't specify to vet about solis ashes and so they didn't come back.

I guess it does get better in that I don't have that crippling panicy sobbing where you can't breath. I miss just sitting in his stable doing nothing. It is hard to repeat that when you are in a livery yard. But I can look at the pictures and smile at how wonderful they were.

 

[windand rain]

I think it does change you start to forget for a while but certain things will trigger a memory which will either make you smile or cry. One of my deepest sorrows is my mum never got to meet her grandsons She adored boys they were her reason for living and she only had living daughters. Her love of boys was legendary. She now has quite a few great grandsons too. She died far too young when I was in my early 20s nearly 40 years ago now. Whatever anyone says pets are almost as if not nearer to you than adult family because they are so totally dependant on you

 

[TheOldTrout]

A friend shared this on facebook. I think there's a lot of truth in it - I especially liked the phrase 'constant pinpricks' - very apt.
http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/03/11/acknowledging-our-grief-anniversaries/