Does your other half take any interest in your equine hobby??

E

EJ87

Well-Known Member
Joined
2 August 2011
Messages
134
Visit site
Hi everyone I was just wondering how many of you have partners that take an interest in your equine hobby.

I have been married for over a year now and have always been interested in horses and animals and came from a family with Noahs ark. My husband eventually gave in and let me purchase a horse and im very lucky as where we live now I have an arena that I can hack to and fields to ride in in the summer but I always have to work with my horse and ride when he is working as he has no interest in my hobby at all. He works alot nights as well and I work from 9-4 weekdays and spend my spare time with my horse and my little cat who he eventually gave in to letting me have as I was so loney in the house at night when hes away working. I do everything around the house make dinners, do lunches, wash clothes etc and always try to organise something to do when we have time together. He would never ask me to go out for dinner or make my lunch but I did expect this typical mummys boy never had to lift a finger!

Well this pretty much near tipped me over the edge yesterday a little cat turned up in my haylage store obviously lost and hungrey so I gave it some food as it was a very affectionate wee thing but now its got very accustomed to me and my lil cat but unfortunately my husband does not feel the same way about abandonded hungry animals and has demanded I get rid of it or he will!! so iv been frantically trying to find someone to offer it a home and have moved it up to the farm yard thinking it may eventually find itself a new home and out of my husbands reach! I feel so bad about this its goes against everything I am I would never leave an animal to suffer and cause it came to me I cant help feel it came to me for a reason and Iv just turned my back on it like I dont care.

Does anyone else have partners that dont share there views and how do they cope or am I just being shelfish and not understanding his views that he is not an animal lover and feels his house is for the people specis only?
 
Mmmm difficult. My partner is not overly interested in the horses, he does a good impression of listening to me and daughter banging on 24/7 almost, however he is very supportive in the house, helping with repairs, loves our dog, tolerates the chickens and would probably try to put his foot down if we moved new pets in, but would give in!! I try hard not to take advantage of his good nature.

I think you need to sit downand hve a serious talk about it. You are not his mother and its wrong of him to treat you as such.
 
You've moved the cat to an unfamiliar farm yard? Is he shut in somewhere so that he won't get lost?

It does sound like you've gone against your ideals, but what kind of man feels threatened by a cat? I honestly don't know what to say, as I wouldn't get involved with such a person, but there's no way I'd tolerate threats to an innocent animal. My OH isn't horsey at all and grew up without cats, too. He accepts that they are a part of me, though and affectionately calls them 'vermin'. He feeds them if I'm late home, gives them cuddels while I'm away and this morning offered to do the ponies as he fancied a drive over the hill.

Hmm, sorry, this isn't making you feel better, is it? I think you're right in not understanding his views, but I don't understand people like that, either. That's why I'm not with one. :(
 
My OH isn't horsey, however although he blusters about and makes the 'it'll have to go'' statements when a new addition turns up, he is softer than me where animals are concerned. I think with him it is a bit of a man thing asserting his authority (don't know why we never get rid of anything!):D I just ignore him and carry on regardless. I know he would never throw anything out or heaven forbid hurt it.

We had a pregnant semi feral hanging around that was starving and in very poor condition, he didn't mind that we trapped it, raised the kittens and then kept the cat and one kitten in addition to the cat we already had and the stray we homed the year before.


In our house it tends to be the animals that come first and as long as he has his tea and the housework is done he is fine with that. I would struggle to live with anyone who wasn't animal orientated. I also think it says a lot about a person whether they have compassion for animals or not.:(
 
Hmm! Not a marriage counsellor, but I'd say you might not be married to your ideal man!! My hubby has no interest whatever in my horse but understands my passion and tolerates the time and money spent on it. He loves our dog and animals generally and wouldn't ever hurt one (even my horse!). Looks to me like you're the one making all the running in this relationship, while he lays down the law. My advice would be to have a long hard think about what you want out of your life and whether there is any room for compromise with this uncompromising person. If not, keep the cat (and the horse) and find a new man!!!!!
 
I sort of feel like you're asking two questions here:

1) Do other people's OHs support/show an interest in their horsey activities

2) Are other people's OHs animal people

I am very lucky that my husband is a laid back soul . . . so when the girls and I really wanted to get a dog he went along for the ride . . . he'd have been quite happy to be without pets (although he had them growing up), but now that we have the dogs (two now) he adores and enjoys them both. I probably wouldn't have married him if he were anti pets . . .

As for the horse, well he is very restrained . . . I think he thinks it would be cheaper and far more time-efficient to just set fire to piles of £50 pound notes, but he certainly sees how much having Kali does for me . . . that little grey horse has been hugely instrumental in hauling me out of a massive depression. I'd be a house-bound recluse without that horse . . . so OH always asks how he is and how we got on when I come home from the yard.

He's more than happy to come on our infrequent jaunts to various horse trials . . . say once every two or three years . . . and gets involved/shows a real interest . . . and he'll probably watch the Olympic eventing this summer (on telly - we don't have tickets) . . . and when we finally get out competing some time this summer he may come and support me, but he does have a limit. The big caveat here is that he worries about me being injured . . .

P
 
Hmm OK well I’ll also answer in two parts:

Does my husband to be get involved with the horses? Not really, I have the horses, he has the gym! He’ll occasionally come up if the weather is nice and try to lead one of them to the field for me although it usually takes twice as long as he gets dragged off in the opposite direction haha or gets trodden on!

He’s taken to my newest recruit though - he calls him ‘his horse’ and buys him lotsa of nice goddies from Robbies when we go although think its so he can winge to his friends that ‘those bloody horses cost me a fortune!’ I originally saw him on the internet then put my sad face on and explained 'if we dont buy him, nobody else will and he'll be sad/lonely in the field on his own' .... a bit of eye rolling following from him then OK when are we going to see him?? haha

What would I say to my husband if he told me to get rid of a little pussy cat Id found starving and lost?? He’d be given his soddin engagement ring back and his dinner in the dogs mouth!! Stand up for yourself and what you believe in … you talk as though ‘he let you have’ or ‘his house (not yours too?)’ things which doesn’t sound very healthy!? Stand up for yourself … if you let him walk all over you, he will do!!!
 
Last edited:
My OH isn't interested in my horses at all, but he's brilliant because he pays for them and listens to me chattering away about them 24/7. He's paid the vet bills for my boy and is now letting me send him to Rockley. Ok so I had one horse before we got together but he didn't have to buy me another one.

Oh, I should mention he had a top floor batchelor apartment with no animals when we got together, we now have a daughter, two dogs, a cat, two hamsters, a guinea pig and the two horses. I could never be with someone who wouldn't let me take in a waif and stray. I'd be sitting him down for a seriious chat about what each of you needs to be happy.
 
Greylegs said:
Hmm! Not a marriage counsellor, but I'd say you might not be married to your ideal man!! My hubby has no interest whatever in my horse but understands my passion and tolerates the time and money spent on it. He loves our dog and animals generally and wouldn't ever hurt one (even my horse!). Looks to me like you're the one making all the running in this relationship, while he lays down the law. My advice would be to have a long hard think about what you want out of your life and whether there is any room for compromise with this uncompromising person. If not, keep the cat (and the horse) and find a new man!!!!!
Click to expand...

What would I say to my husband if he told me to get rid of a little pussy cat Id found starving and lost?? He’d be given his soddin engagement ring back and his dinner in the dogs mouth!! Stand up for yourself and what you believe in … you talk as though ‘he let you have’ or ‘his house (not yours too?)’ things which doesn’t sound very healthy!? Stand up for yourself … if you let him walk all over you, he will do!!!
Click to expand...

This. Very much this! He sounds very controlling from you post, I wouldnt be happy with that at all :o

In answer to your question, yes, my OH shares my hobby. For him it was a case of if you cant beat em join em, and he did, plus interest :D
 
What my OH knows about horses can be written on the side of a fag packet. He still refers to rugs as 'coats' and thinks that when the oil runs out I'll just be able to hitch my horse to a 'cart' and life will continue as normal for us :D

He only visits the yard in summer, and then spends most of his time mooching around inspecting wild flowers and telling me what can be boiled into a tea for treating 'flu... Yeah, don't ask...

He does not accompany me out competing because he finds it stultifyingly dull, and I get restless because I feel I should be entertaining him rather than concentrating on warming up etc.

But he is very encouraging of my hobby, always asks after my horse, asks if I have had a nice ride etc, and is very enthusiastic if I bring rosettes home from shows. Without his shouldering such a huge share of the household finances, I would not be in a position to even have a horse. He also provides general medical advice with regard to various equestrian musculo-skeletal injuries, wounds, weird lumps and bumps etc, which are treated the same way in horses as humans.

So, while left to his own devices, my OH would not have anything remotely to do with horses, he embraces my hobby because he's in a relationship with me. Just the same way he would if I was into ballet, or rally-driving, or mountain biking, chess, whatever.
 
My OH is not horsey, but is very supportive of my interest (or should that be obsession?!) and actively encourages me to keep on saving up for buying my own horse when I finish with university in a couple of years time. He'll happily listen to me yak on about all things horsey, and has even said that if I ever decide I want my own transport then he'll be my official driver! (I hate parking my Ka, so goodness knows how I'd manage with a trailer or box!)

It works both way with us though, he supports me with my hobbies and I support him with his. :)

PLEASE don't think that you are being selfish, you are merely showing some compassion for another living being; in your post you say that the stray cat only turned up yesterday. Even if your OH didn't want it joining your household as a permanent addition it seems rather unreasonable to expect you to be able to find a new home for the cat immediately. From what you've told us on here it certainly isn't you who is being selfish.

Maybe have a talk with your OH explaining how you feel about the situation, whilst relationships often require compromise, in my opinion a compromise should not leave one party feeling awful about the decision reached.

All the best :)
 
OH has a major allergy to tree pollen that only goes away for about 8 weeks of the year and only really likes dogs,even then only now and again :p so he is most defiantly NOT a horse husband :D

He is very supportive though, he will let be prattle on about my horse obsessions and has learned a fair bit over the years and comes along to horsey things with out too much protesting when asked :p
He does not ever moan about the cost either,if we can afford something I want/extra lessons ect it is mine :)
It is a two way street , he supports and encourages me in my hobbies and I the same for him.


As for you situation OP, I would echo laura_lor's post above- very good advice!
 
The bit I find odd is he let you have a horse and let you have a cat. You are an adult and do not have to ask permission to have things!! Sorry just make it sound like he treats you like a child. I ride my horse when I want for how long I want. My OH understands my horse makes me happy and is very supportive. He has his hobbies and I have mine. He does come to the stables an help out thou and he drives me about in the lorry :) I think your OH should let you be you as that it what makes you happy :)
 
The extent of my Hubby's interest in horses is to, every so often, tell me that he is a better rider than me as he as never fallen off!! He does like horse, and most other animals, and any horse I get has to be big enough for him to have a trot on every once in a while, in exchange for this he'll do a bit of mucking out/poo picking for me!!

He's also a sucker for a sad animal/rescue as well so if another animal "turned up" at home, all I'd have to say is "well, if it didn't come here it would be put down" and we'd gain another pet!!!

I consider myself very very lucky at times!

Oh, he's also not bad looking, very good at fixing cars and towing trailers!!! LOL!!!!
 
My OH was brought up on a farm and even had a horse when he was little so he is quite happy to be around my horses.

However, he's lost interest since he had an argument with Doris about getting out of a trailer. (She doesn't like going backwards down the ramp). She headbutted him and broke his nose.

Apparently, I've got to unload her by myself from now on. :D
 
Copperpot said:
The bit I find odd is he let you have a horse and let you have a cat. You are an adult and do not have to ask permission to have things!! Sorry just make it sound like he treats you like a child.
Click to expand...

Yes and no :p
Once you are a couple, you must make decision that affect you as a couple together.
I would cheerfully say OH let me have my cat.
He really hates and despises them, but knows I adore them - it was a big concession on his part and I would never have brought an animals that he would have to live with and contribute towards home without his consent.
 
My OH is not interested at all and doesn't really listen to me when i go on about them. He never sees the horses but he does all the house work including washing etc. I don't do any! and he treats me to meals (i'm very lucky) and he did help me buy one of them even though he said he didn't want me to have her.
 
hmmmm I'm perhaps not the best person to answer this.....

My husband is horsey, we met through riding and bought our horse to share. He is soft as grease about her, worries about her no end, spoils her rotten with treats whenever my back is turned and loves riding her.

He likes other animals too, although the horse is the only animal he has ever owned. He's quite interested in getting a dog, and nearly ended up adopting a cat last winter....

He is obsessive about feeding the birds in the garden (running out of birdseed is a more serious problem than running out of bread or milk), and knows the different ones that come to the garden. He has also put out food for a baby hedgehog, helped catch a stray rabbit etc. He won't even kill spiders, he picks them up and moves them if I ask him to but otherwise they stay where they have set up home and end up with a name.........
 
Onyxia said:
Yes and no :p
Once you are a couple, you must make decision that affect you as a couple together.
I would cheerfully say OH let me have my cat.
He really hates and despises them, but knows I adore them - it was a big concession on his part and I would never have brought an animals that he would have to live with and contribute towards home without his consent.
Click to expand...

I can understand what you mean. I had 2 cats when OH moved in but I discussed with him getting a dog, and I got his approval before I bought my horses because its a big financial commitment and that affects both of us - in fact he paid for my first horse for me :D

He comes and takes piccies for me at competitions and holds the horse when I need to visit the ladies room - he cheers when I do well and listens intently when I talk "horse" (or hes got really good at sleeping with is eyes open :D) - other than that hes not interested in the slightest which is how I like it - I dont want to share my pony
 
My OH had a horse of his own when I met him. He had had cats before, but never dogs, but was converted when he met mine :)

We now have 3 dogs and 3 horses (and a cat!) and we both share the care and enjoyment of them.

I really couldn't share my life with a man who didn't love animals.
 
My OH comes to watch me at competitions, even when he is hungover.. :D
Other than that, he doesn't really show an interest, but he's their to give me cuddles when horsey issues upset me.
 
Your post made me feel like I want to ring his mum and tell her he's being a bad boy!

It's just a cat. Well, I suppose it needs feeding, insuring etc when you adopt it... Vets fees.... Neutering cost if it isn't already done etc. I can see his POV.

Sit down and talk about it. I am sure you both will come to a sensible conclusion.

A cat turned up on my doorstep recently and OH wasn't overly keen but it was injured and he does have a soft side and has now decided to adopt it. It's tail fell off on Saturday!

Maybe he will change his mind too.... Some men just *think* they are in control... Pull yourself together woman and sort him out!!! :)
 
My hubby is an animal person, and rode before he met me. When we got engaged I bought him a horse in return for my ring. He doesn't compete, but always comes to all shows and events with me, even taking time off work if the ODEs are mid week. He is the best groom ever! Even though he is very much an animal person he does roll his eyes at me as I'm slowly turning the place into Noah's ark. I fancy getting some pigs and he is 50/50 at the moment. I got him a Keeping Pigs book for Xmas - it made him laugh!

We used to have a livery like you OP, who had to justify everything to her non-horsey husband, and hide everything that she bought. I thought it was a funny relationship. If she wasn't home at five he was on the phone grumbling. In their relationship he was a big earner, and I think that was why she scurried around bowing down to him - again, not my ideal relationship..

I would have stood my ground over the cat, and if he had done anything to the cat it would seriously be grounds for seperation!
 
My OH is an animal person but not when it comes to horses. He has no interest which is nice because it is my hobby and it is my total relaxation but I wish he asked me about it occasionally. He'll say when are you going up to the stables and have fun but he'll never ask me what I've been up to when I get back or if I had a nice ride and I do get cross with him about this as I always ask him with his hobbies, even though they don't interest me. He's very self centred though and he hasn't changed yet :-(
 
when i started riding again a couple of years ago, my partner started to learn, he was able to trot, canter and even pop a small cross.
This was great, he used to ride my horse who at the time was a plod......... unfortunately she came down with colic............ recovered well and changed from a plod to a nutter, he got on her and she did a nice wall of death and chucked him! unfortunately that was the end of their relationship!! she calls her the devil now oooooooooops!!
 
ooohh no! Thats awful! My husband is not horsey what so ever. But he's brilliant and has learnt to catch my horse and bring him in. He can also change rugs, ed him and groom. He even drove the horselorry (hired) to collect my horse when i brought him. He comes to watch me ride about once a month too and will cycle on his bike with me on a hack!
 
My OH isn't horsey at all, but I'm very lucky in that he will happily spend a few hours at the yard with me, fixing fencing, building xc jumps, walking the dog down in the big meadow (maybe I should say 'walking the youngster...' as Dex always tags along, following like a puppy). He had ponies forced on him when he was tiny, and didn't enjoy riding, so he won't get on any of mine but helps me out if I need a hand. He hasn't got a lot of horse-sense, bless him, but he tries because he knows it means a lot to me.
Equally, he wasn't keen on the idea of a dog in the first place, but he knows I am a dedicated dog person (he's a cat person. How we make it work I'll never know!). I talked him round, as it were, and now he couldn't be without the pup, they're totally inseparable - the other day I heard him upstairs, on the bed, talking "puppy talk" to the dog. "Who's a good boy? Yes! You are! Whos-a-weally-good-boy? Yous-a-weally-good-boy! Yesyouare, a-yesyouare, your such a good boy!" This is the man who said in no uncertain terms, the dog is not getting on the sofas or the bed, he's not allowed upstairs even! (*looks over to OH sat cuddling with dog on the sofa*). He says its ok though, cos the dog is a pointer, and that makes him a "mans" dog!
I can honestly say I could not share my life or my home with someone who could not compromise on things that bring me so much happiness, especially when, if he doesn't want to have anything to do with the horses, by all means stay indoors. I work hard to afford my horses, in the same way as he works hard to afford his annual golf membership. I don't like golf, so I don't go with him. Simple.
Its possible to be in a relationship but still be your own person.
 
I am not saying I would not discuss things with my OH but I don't need his "permission" to spend my own money on what I want to be that a horse or anything else. On the other hand he is free to spend his money and time on the things he enjoys.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top