Done it before - why can't I make the hardest decision this time?

Nudibranch

Nudibranch

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Warning - depressing subject :-(

I have a 30 yo oldie with Cushings, who I've had since a two year old. She was doing well on pergolide until this autumn, when despite doubling her dose, she has had 3 laminitic episodes. She also has arthritis but it was controlled with Danilon and devils claw. This morning OH brought her in as she was being bullied. One horse actually knocked her to the ground playing silly b*ggers.This is the mare who has been top horse all her life, even with others twice her size. In this terrible cold, tonight she is very stiff despite her medication and a nice cosy high neck rug. She also has an odd, wet coat on the non-rugged parts.

In print, it looks like a no-brainer. So why am I paralysed by the thought of having her pts? I've had two others pts and it was hard - but not this hard. I suppose what makes it worse is that OH is a doctor and his natural instinct is to preserve life, so he keeps talking up the positives. I don't think he sees that animals can't tell us about their pain and suffering. Each time she's had an episode I have said, this time no more - but then she recovers. Maybe I'm holding on to a false hope that somehow we can cure her, or she will just be ok again. Of course she won't... but I still can't bear the idea of it. This little mare has been with me forever and came through the most awful pneumonia last Christmas, when the vet thought she wouldn't last the night. He was genuinely amazed at her. But I know this is different.

I am sure that in the morning I will be making the call, but watching her tonight munching her hay I just couldn't imagine it. Any words of wisdom anyone? I don't know what's wrong with me. I said I'd always see them at peace before they began to suffer.
 
Nightmare - thoughts are with you - and you will do what you think is best for the little horse - and maybe keeping her in until after Christmas (not turning her out with the bullies) is the short term answer, and when the Xmas thing is over and done with - you can have further reflections on what is best for her quality of life - your husband as a doctor - whilst wanting to preserve life, must also think sometimes, and at what cost, and surely has patients, who think if only I could be PTS painlessly, at a time of my choosing?
 
Really though you have made the decision, haven't you?

It is always hard, even when you know that it is the right decision, or in an emergency.
I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity and I'm sure that you agree with me that 'better a day too early than an hour too late'. I'm sure you don't want to wait until she is struggling to eat. You have done the very best you can for her all her life. Now is the time to do the last thing you can for her.
Thinking of you.
 
Its only hard tonight becasue she has asked you to let her go, in the silent way that only a loving horse owner knows.

I am so sorry for you, but you have done your best, and now you have to do your best once again.

god bless
GW
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Caught between the devil and the deep.......

Can't go out as bullied..........

Can't stay in as stiffens.........

You can see the medication is not working as it once did, and I'm sure you will make the right decision for the mare (you have proved you were willing to stand by and fight for her when she wanted to fight - awful pneumonia last Christmas), thus I have no doubt would will let her go when you see she is ready.

((hugs))

Be strong and make sure you have no regrets. xxxx
 
Gingerwitch said:
Its only hard tonight becasue she has asked you to let her go, in the silent way that only a loving horse owner knows.

I am so sorry for you, but you have done your best, and now you have to do your best once again.


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This exactly^^^

Don't plan it if its' the planning that makes it hard - see her at a bad point and call the vet there and then - you won't have time to doubt yourself (and you shouldn't) or spend days worrying. x
 
How sad :(

Our donkey went sort of like this - he went throiugh episodes of falling over and seeming to not be able to get up (we think he had some form of stroke). it happened a few times and we would help him up and for a few mins afterwards he'd seem dazed and out of sorts. He did it one final time and we knew that was it, he'd just lost the fight and it was easy to see. I think they do 'tell' you to be honest.

Also, the fact the others are bullying her is a sad but quite obvious sign things are not right - they realise a weakness in the herd. Our lot did this to our TB who had a really bad abscess one time - so much so he was on 3 legs. They all turned on him and forced him out. We had to separate him but he did recover and they accepted him back in no problems once he was fine.

I guess really it's your call and you are right, she may well perk up again but in my mind if she's starting to have these down, miserable episodes now and, with her existing medical problems I guess you have to ask whether putting her through a few more months in the cold is right? A horse with arthritis needs to be moving about, a horse should be out with their companions. If she can't do this safely then is it fair?

A horrid decision and I am dreading this with mine when the time comes but you are the one who has known her for 28 years so you will know when the time's right.
 
They tell you,dont they. I know when I feel poorly I would be happy to drift away . Unfortunately this doesnt happen to us they keep us alive when maybe we would like to go to sleep permanently. We dont get the choice but your lovely girl will have that final gift.Love until the end and a peaceful sleep with no more pain.
You will know because you love her
 
Oh bless her...Im not particularly good with this sort of thing and can only imagine the awful dilemma you are in. I think if I was you I would take this as a sign that she is telling you shes had enough...a proud alpha mare shouldnt be allowed to have her dignity taken by the herd like that and as a herd animal it is interesting that they are 'bullying' her like this...I am very pro life but I honestly think the time has come to let her go...its heartbreakng but at least you can give her a dignified end to a wonderful life
 
If you think her days tomorrows aren't going to be better than her todays, then it's time to let her go.

She's been lucky having such a lovely owner and a lovely life and whatever decision you make will be the right one.
 
Thank you all for your kind words of support. It really makes a difference, in fact they are so kind they've brought tears to my eyes - but it helps. I've just been out to check her and top up hay, it's beautiful out there, the snow has started falling and everything is silent and white. But the cold really is awful, it's given me cramp in my calf muscles even under thick woolly socks and neoprene muck boots so I can only guess what it does to arthritic bones.

Thanks everyone.
 
Nudibranch said:
Warning - depressing subject :-(

I have a 30 yo oldie with Cushings, who I've had since a two year old. She was doing well on pergolide until this autumn, when despite doubling her dose, she has had 3 laminitic episodes. She also has arthritis but it was controlled with Danilon and devils claw. This morning OH brought her in as she was being bullied. One horse actually knocked her to the ground playing silly b*ggers.This is the mare who has been top horse all her life, even with others twice her size. In this terrible cold, tonight she is very stiff despite her medication and a nice cosy high neck rug. She also has an odd, wet coat on the non-rugged parts.

In print, it looks like a no-brainer. So why am I paralysed by the thought of having her pts? I've had two others pts and it was hard - but not this hard. I suppose what makes it worse is that OH is a doctor and his natural instinct is to preserve life, so he keeps talking up the positives. I don't think he sees that animals can't tell us about their pain and suffering. Each time she's had an episode I have said, this time no more - but then she recovers. Maybe I'm holding on to a false hope that somehow we can cure her, or she will just be ok again. Of course she won't... but I still can't bear the idea of it. This little mare has been with me forever and came through the most awful pneumonia last Christmas, when the vet thought she wouldn't last the night. He was genuinely amazed at her. But I know this is different.

I am sure that in the morning I will be making the call, but watching her tonight munching her hay I just couldn't imagine it. Any words of wisdom anyone? I don't know what's wrong with me. I said I'd always see them at peace before they began to suffer.
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I feel for you I am in similar thing

Diamond i have had since 15 months old. she survived laminitis results = sinking twice rotation twice abscess septic pedal osteitis. Now she started to improve then suddenly bad xray showed infection of pedal bone.

As per other post i am heart broken, all my gal has got through only to be pipped. So the love of my life for 22 1/2 years cannot fight this last battle. . I am not sure i can survive without her. .


These horses come into our lives give so much love loyalty etc, then leave us heart broken. Why do we do it????? well we love them.:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
 
paddi22 said:
If you think her days tomorrows aren't going to be better than her todays, then it's time to let her go.
QUOTE]

What very wise words.

I truly believe that they have no concept of 'tomorrow is my last day' and that they know nothing but "Oh goody...oats ......"

Thinking of you.
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Nudibranch said:
Thank you all for your kind words of support. It really makes a difference, in fact they are so kind they've brought tears to my eyes - but it helps. I've just been out to check her and top up hay, it's beautiful out there, the snow has started falling and everything is silent and white. But the cold really is awful, it's given me cramp in my calf muscles even under thick woolly socks and neoprene muck boots so I can only guess what it does to arthritic bones.

Thanks everyone.
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You KNOW what you have to do FOR her......I am sure we have all been there - I know I have! And we are all sending you, and her, cyber hugs. But fgs please do it......There is a saying that I adhere by - better a week too early than an hour too late. How would you feel if you got up on Christmas morning and found her down and you had to get the vet out for that awful deed.....and how would his Christmas be? Also think about the best way of having the deed done. We are lucky in that our vet is a great shot and my ponies have gone over the rainbow bridge with their heads in a bucket of feed and not known anything ...... sometimes the injection way can be very traumatic.... but please do the right thing for her....
 
You sound like a very caring and loving owner. You'll do the right thing. Whatever decision that might be. If she bounces back later today then today is not that day. Tomorrow may be. My thoughts are with you and your beloved mare.
 
I have an oldie of rising 31........whilst he doesn't have any specific health issues, he does get stiff.
A horses lower leg has a poor blood supply so in the winter when he is in, his lower leg is wrapped up in duvet type leg warmers which I made. Laminitis horses suffer with blood being trapped in the foot as well, which is painful.........keeping the leg really warm hepls prevent this as blood continues to flow normally.
Curiously, using the leg warmers, he is hardly stiff in the morningnwhen turned out !!
Mybe something like this could be useful.

Also we dont turn the oldie out with the others all the time,,,, he gets the choice to wander around at will.
Think about , would you put an old person in a playground with kids !!
 
I had the same with my old girl and I was terrified I'd get the timing wrong as she'd rallied so often in the past. She was cushingoid too and they are so up and down aren't they. In the end she did tell me and I am so thankful for that.

Maybe have a chat with your vet?
 
I think the herd leaders are hard to let go, they have that indomitable spirit that keeps them coming back for more, they are in charge and that is what is so great about them. There comes a time though when even they cannot out run old age and there are no more tricks up a sleeve.

I don't think the right time is just one day, it can span quite a long period but there definitely is a time when it is too late. You know your horse like the back of your hand, you'll not let her face a catastrophe.

If it helps, I was in the same position with my 36 year old hard hitting herd leading gelding. He didn't have any health issues other than 36 years of living on the edge, the decision was hard but a long time beforehand I had drawn a line in the sand balancing the risk of him not coping against his indomitable spirit. The day he crossed it was the day I put him down.

My thoughts are with you and Leviathan and your lovely horses.
 
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if you are agonising about it, you know that you have really made the decision, and you are just coming to terms with it.The winter is only going to get worse. You have done everything for her. If it helps, this is what my vet said to me 3 weeks ago when he pts my horse. "You have looked after him for 17 years, and you are carrying on that process of looking after him now." It really helped me. It's horrible, but you have to think of the suffering she faces. Hugs to you both.
 
Ah it can be a hard decision and having a crystal ball would be good but I go on gut instinct and if you can choose a day rather than it end up an emergency or suffering I would get it done sooner than later(I agree with day too early etc). Mine was still eating and neighing at me on the day and boy did I feel so guilty but then I looked at the clicky stiff legs(a newly dragging hind, bute not working and didnt want to find him down so had to remind myself why I was doing it). Do feel for you but do whats best for the horse. My OH was offering to pay to get my horse resurrected(bless him kind to me) but I knew age, arthritis etc was never going to mend and odds were more stacked up against horse and he was only going to get worse. Wanted my horse to go out feeling a bit good, not sad or sorry. Easy to advise. You will make right decision but its hard one always.
 
Hello. So sorry you are in this sad place. You know what now needs to happen to keep your beloved old horse safe and painfree, with her dignity and power intact. I was in the same place two years ago with my beloved old horse, a very opinionated, proud horse who I had for years. Horse of a lifetime. He had arthritis which was no longer safely manageable with Danilon, reiki, magnetic boots/rugs, physio, vet support, gentle excercise, supplements in feed, etc. He went "a day too early . ." but the day after might have been the dreaded "day too late" as it snowed heavily overnight.
I felt a great sense of relief for him and overwhelming sadness and loss for me. Those feelings, two years on, have not changed other than I now remember some of the more outlandish behaviour he treated us to, with a fond giggle!
Strength and courage, much love.
 
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Oh I am so sorry for you. I think probably in your heart of hearts you know what is right, but I know how hard than can be, especially as the horse obviously means so much to you.
We have just lost, on Wednesday, from our little yard, a little pony, aged 33 years, who also had cushings, and laminitis, and really wouldn't have stood another winter. His owners have had him all his life, and found it hard to let go, but they eventually found the courage to do it. I'm sure you will be as brave and strong for your lovely old mare. I really feel for you, and I am thinking of you . x
 
I feel for you , my old boy was field boss when he lost his position he lost his sparkle and when dull and had a leaden feel about him and I knew ,he was so lovely I loved him but I knew it was time and did it in the summer my thoughts are with you.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Its only hard tonight becasue she has asked you to let her go, in the silent way that only a loving horse owner knows.

I am so sorry for you, but you have done your best, and now you have to do your best once again.

god bless
GW
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This says it all to me.

So very sorry for OP, i dread the day when i am faced with this too.

Be strong, and do the right thing by her.

My thoughts are with you xxx
 
So sorry for the hardest act you will have to do. I don't say hardest decision because you love your horse and have already made the decision. It is finally doing it that is so hard. I've just gone through the same thing myself 4 weeks ago, and if there is any 'upside' to losing your horse, it's when the weather turns so bitterly cold as it is now, frost or snow on the ground, and you know your horse will never have to struggle with their pain again. It must be so much harder when they have the sun on their back... big hugs, be strong for her sake.
 
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