Don't know what to do.. long sorry!

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charliep

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I am in a really difficult situation. Last saturday my permanent loan horse arrived. He is 17 and has been with his previous owner since he was 3. He is a 16.2 warmblood x. He was a bit of a nutter when he arrived and was rearing,spinning and bucking around in the field. He suffers really badly with separation anxiety and whenever any of the other horses at the yard a brought in he starts stressing. He gets all sweated up and goes mental. He does the same in the stable if the ponies are turned out. It doesn't even matter if there are some ponies left in. He just stresses at everything. He has got slightly better this week, but he still frightens the life out of me at times and I am really not enjoying having him at the moment. The reason I am concerned is that I just don't feel he is the right horse for me. I haven't got years and years of experience and my gut is telling me that I would be much better off with a cobby type, more laid back happy hacker. The previous owners said they would have to have him PTS if they didn't find a home for him. I feel a bit like I was guilted in to it really. I just don't know what to do. I feel sure he will be PTS if I send him back. Should I be more patient and give him more time or should I follow my instinct and call the owner?
 
Oh dear, how horrible for you, but honestly you really shouldn't put your safety after his.
They must know he has a problem before you took him on if they are threatening to PTS, so you cannot blame yourself if he is too much for you and you have to return him - he sounds like he would be too much of a handful for many of us.
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It's a difficult one- if you don't follow your gut feeling and something bad happens you won't forgive yourself, equally, it sounds like he's has a lot of upheaval the last week and if he's showing any signs of chilling out, I'd be pleased with that! Not any help I know, I had a similar situation like this with an ex racehorse and I did send him back eventually but I did give him a few months. Sorry, it's a horrible situation to be in!
 
I think you have to give it a bit longer; i can understand why you feel like you do but if he has had the same home for such a long time, he is bound to take a while to settle down. Maybe he was in a really quiet yard before? He doesn't sound ideal but i would hang on a few weeks if you can. Why was the owner going to have him put down? Perhaps someone else would take him on if it doesn't work out for you? Don't give up, i've been there too but it can only get better!
 
I think, be more patient. As its a loan you have the option to call it a day and send him back any time. If you had bought him, I'd say send him back now as the quicker you act the better the chance of getting a refund, but as things stand you have all the time you want to give him a fair chance at settling. I'd give it a month tbh, then if things aren't improving, at least you tried.
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I'm sorry you feel in a guilt-laden position - not very fair on you
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If it were me, I'd give him more time and see how he settles. Work on building up a bond with him - he's been with his past owner for 14 years and all of a sudden there's a whole load of new people, new horses, new buildings etc. See things from his perspective and work on settling him in before you make any decision
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It'd be interesting to know why his previous owners suggested PTS.

If you definitely feel over-horsed after a few weeks, then make a decision, but give him time. He's probably clinging onto other horses because they give him some slight sense of security with so much change going on. Could you ask a more confident friend to help settle him with you? Given enough time he may well turn out to be a thoroughly loyal, confidence-giving best friend.

HTH
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Got a friend who can get on him and give you an unbiased opinion? Or do you live near to any seasoned HHOer's who'd come and have a look?
If you're not very experienced, you may be just expecting too much too soon. On the other hand, lets not have you break your neck finding out!
 
TBH a warmblood isn't really a beginners horse
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You'd be better off with a cob type
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Give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a couple more weeks, but if you dont feel 100% dont do it. You will never feel 100%
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Good luck and hugs
x
 
Being totally fair to the horse, one week is no time at all. He has barely had a chance to take in the new surroundings, let alone had time to settle in.
He needs routine (he may have had a rigid routine for the last 14 yrs and now its all changed) and it needs sticking to so he knows what to expect and when.
It took one of ours 5 months to settle when we moved, and she behaved very much like you describe. Once she had established her place in the herd, and found herself a special friend, her behaviour started to change.
Maybe a calmer as a temp measure would help (I was reccomended "serenity" and can rate it!)
Before you get on him, spend time working on the ground, so he has some trust in you before you climb aboard.
And lunge, to take the fizz out of him before you risk life and limb.
And as an after thought, what are you feeding him?
 
send him back if the owners want to pts him thats their choice its not fair on you to have a horse that scares you and that you do not feel safe around you'd be better with something chilled out
 
[ QUOTE ]
TBH a warmblood isn't really a beginners horse
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You'd be better off with a cob type
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Give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a couple more weeks, but if you dont feel 100% dont do it. You will never feel 100%
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Good luck and hugs
x

[/ QUOTE ]

^^^^^

I definitely ditto this. 100% agree.
 
I totally agree that a WB isn't the right horse for me. Before I took him on, I had been looking for a cob type as I adore them. The only reason he is with me is because of his situation. I am too much of a softie and wouldn't see any horse or other animal for that matter being PTS who is healthy. The reason the last owners where going to PTS is that they were desperate to find him a good home. They are divorcing and everything is being sold. They said they would sooner PTS than see him at a dealers yard. I really appreciate all your honest opinions. I just feel stuck as I know if it doesn't work out with me, he is likely to end up in the big stable in the sky
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I will give him another few weeks and pray for an improvement. I am very lucky that I have great people at the yard that help me out no end. Without them I think I would have cracked up by now. They help me catch him and bring him in if he is acting up and they make sure I am safe with him in the stable. He is on top spec calmer at the moment. I will try serenity as suggested above. Thanks everyone! x
 
Yep, just keep safe, but don't take on responsibility for someone else's problem. If you need to send him back and get a cob, do it. Just don't assume all cobs are the laid back plods that many think they are, so choose carefully.
Good luck.
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Take notice of your gut feeling, it's usually right. There are plenty of nice, sensible horses out there so please dont keep this one just because you'd feel bad if you sent him back. What is he like to ride? If he is that anxious I would think he will be a challenge for you if all you really want is a quiet, happy hacker. I hope things go well but please dont put yourself in danger.
 
I'm sorry but why did you take him on knowing you really wanted a cob type. If he's been in the same home for upmteen years of cause he'd be stressed out big time and the owners should perhaps think more about their horse than they have done.
 
I would let the people you are loaning him from know what is going on. it is their horse after all and they need to know he is putting himself at risk. But I would also give him more time tbh.
 
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