Doubts

Serephin

Serephin

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I am having doubts about everything to do with horses at the moment. My TB has chipped away at my confidence just through being a nervy type - he doesn't do anything major, we just are not suited to each other, or so i thought anyway. I have been looking for another horse and have found a nice 17 year old 16.2 IDX, but I am still doubting - he is sensible, a bit bigger than I am used to and a bit chunkier than I am used to - but if he can restore my confidence he would be worth it.

But I am torturing myself with doubting thoughts - whether I should just pull myself together with my own horse and get to grips with him despite not really wanting to ride too far (its been nearly two years now) - I think I am afraid that I am going to make another mistake, I seem to have lost my nerve a little and think that it is all going to go wrong again. I have been trying lots of different horses and after my initial nerves with the first one have been cantering, jumping and hacking out on horses I don't know, which leads me to think that I have mostly lost my confidence with my own horse and not horses in general.

but do I take a chance on this new horse - despite having doubts, which TBH are probably unfounded - he has been in a riding school for the past year and did xc and sj before that - hacked out lovely, great in traffic, bored stiff of the school though. Or do I wait for the feeling when you know the horse is 'the one'? or am I being unrealistic wanting angels to sing and to feel like a giddy teenager so I know that I have made the right choice?

argh!! I am driving myself nuts!! I have the vetting tomorrow and I am wondering whether to just cancel and give up.
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cookies for anyone who got this far.
 
Do you think the owners of the new horse would let you have him on trial for a month or loan for 6 months? That way you could be a bit more certain before you go ahead and buy him.

It doesn't sound as if you are really enthusiastic about this one maybe something a bit smaller might come along.

Whateve you decide to do - I hope it works out well.
 
thanks.

no trial unfortunately, I did ask - which is a shame, cos I would much rather be able to trial something.
 
You sound like me!! Sidney totally destroyed my confidence just by being a very big spooky bugger. We tried for ages but my nerve was just gone. Luckily he and my husband bonded well - which made me feel like even more of a failure.
I said for ages i wanted my own horse but never really "actively" looked. I'd look on horsemart and make enquiries but I didn't want to actually have to face riding something else.
Hubby in the end forced me and I hacked out, cantered and generally rode anything i went to look at despite pooing myself. Hubby couldn't understand how i could do that but not ride Sidney.
In the end I've bought everything they tell you not to - a newly broken 4 year old! Even with him I didn't have an "angles singing" moment but I had a gut feeling about him.
He's everything Sidney wasn't and we're starting to gain a real bond. I will always love Sid and one day I might trust him and me to ride again but the thought of it makes me feel ill. In the mean time Hovis and I are learning together.
 
thats really cool - I am glad you have found your ideal neddy.

I don't think I have a gut feeling about this one, I have become very apathetic and indifferent about it all really. I have passed up on a couple of nice horses just because I couldn't get enthusiastic about them.

It might be easier if I didn't have my own, I feel so bad about wanting to get rid of him and I think it stands in the way a little.

My mum says, if in doubt, do nothing. But I am not sure that is good advice or not!
 
But it sound slike you've really tried with your current horse? If you'd only had him a while then maybe you are being hasty but if you have really tried to click then maybe its not meant to be.
I faced the fact that if hubby hadn't have clicked with Sid we were going to have to sell him. Riding is supposed to be fun and it wasn't. I was terrified.
Maybe this one isn't the "one" but maybe you're questioning your own judgement a bit too much? He sounds wonderful and calm.
Is there anyway you could put your current horse on loan or something so that you've not totally cutting off all ties?
A lady at our yard went through three horses before she found her ideal match. It broke her heart everytime but all went on to homes who could appreciate them for what they were and who clicked with the horse in ways she didn't. She now had an 18 year old ID mare and has never looked back.
 
I think you are right, I am questioning myself too much - its like running around in circles in my head!

This one is really lovely, but I can't seem to get past the size thing, he is a big lad - mine is 16.1 but no where near as imposing as this one! He probably would be a great horse, but I have decided to back off a bit for a while and try to relax about it all and focus on finding someone for my horse first.

I am considering loaning mine out - then I am not breaking all the ties. It is just so disappointing after all this time to still not click with each other. And it does make me wonder if I ever will find the 'one' - but I am certainly not having any fun thats for sure!
 
I'm sure the right horse is out there for you. I just learnt a lesson in that they might not look like it at first! Sidney is a big powerful stunning looking Hanoverian. Hovis is a big goofy Cylesdale X with feet the size of soup plates and eyes like a donkey. But maybe he's my ideal match - only time will tell.
Don't beat yourself up about not clicking with this one though -you've obviously tried - and it doesn't mean you won't find the 'one'. This partnership might not have been meant but it just means another one will be.
Maybe by finding yourself someone to take on your horse, and knowing he's now happy it will free you up to look at other horses without feeling a subconcious (sp?) guilt.
 
i mite not be the oldest or wisest to comment here. however when i was 13 i started looking for a horse and i got a 14.2hh highland to start with who was the best natured horse ever howver riding wise we just were'nt suited the next horse i went to see was a flighty 15.2 arab chesnut mare being a young teenager i just wanted a horse and was so excited i thought yes i want her but thank goodness i didnt take her it would have been the biggest mistake ever. she would have completely wrecked my confidence.

almost a year after i first started looking i came across a 14.3 4 year old fellxdale he was novicey but together we have learnt lots i've had him for 4years now and have a great relationship i wouldnt change him for the world. i guess what i'm trying to say is you dont always get that feeling and things might not run smoothly at the start but dont give up it just takes some patience.

sorry if that didnt help atall
 
I am in the same boat as you! I have had two horses that i have now lost my nerve on, and sadly had to sell. I'm desperate to find one I do bond with and give me my confidence back but am extremely nervous of it going wrong again! (and i dont want to let my husband down too as its his money as well adn we lost loads on the two before
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And as a horse can pick up on your nerves I am thinking its never going to work.

I dont have the answer as I'm still looking for my ideal match but i would say maybe look for a smaller horse? I know i would feel overhorsed on a larger horse and i am 5ft 8.

Good luck
 
I think it is completely acceptable to be waiting for "the one" I have so far spent the last 3 months searching for the perfect horse and have turned down a good few just on a gut feeling that we just didn't "click". Maybe this is unrealistic especially after riding a horse just once or twice but I have in the past had some dream horses that I have instantly felt were right for me and I think I would prefer to wait than take on something that I was having doubts about. I also don't think I'd feel comfortable if I weren't able to trial the horse as I would wonder if they were trying to hide something although I'm sure that is not necessarily the case, thats just how i'd feel.
 
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