down in the dumps, advice needed (long, sorry)

A

A1fie

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 October 2007
Messages
779
Visit site
I started riding 5 months ago at the age of 35 and fell in love. I have two group lessons a week and help out at another yard a couple of times a week in order to learn as much as I can about horses and their care etc.

A couple of months ago I came to a bit of a block whilst learning to canter, I found I got really scared, which made me tense up etc and I just couldn't do it.

Since then my confidence has gotten worse and worse and it got to the point today when I just burst into tears in my lesson when my horse started being silly. Am now even more fed up and don't know what to do. Giving up riding is not an option but I'm really stuck and want to move forwards. The biggest problem is I'm losing what little confidence I did have and am tense all the time and frightened on the horse and not enjoying myself.

There are only a couple of horses that I can actually ride and the one I ride the most is a cob cross who I adore (don't know why!) but is really naughty. I spent half my lesson just trying to get him moving, it was and always is a real battle. I was worn out and frustrated from trying to get him to move. I hate hate hate having to wear spurs but all the riders wear them on all the horses. There's another horse in the same lesson who always bucks and I try to avoid being behind him because I get really scared, but it's not always possible.

Every time I sit on a horse now I'm scared and can't relax and most certainly don't enjoy the experience. A lot of it is that I just don't trust my horse, but I don't know why that is because I know he is not going to gallop off with me.

Part of me thinks I should try another school but the lessons are sooo dear in proper riding schools that the cost is putting me off. Another part of me thinks that I should just stick with wher I am until it gets better after all it really doesn't feel like it can get much worse!! I went out on a hack the other week which was my favourite thing and although we were just walking and trotting I felt sick with nerves.

As I said before, I will not give up. I really want to learn to ride. I have fallen in love with horses but would just really appreciate some advice and suggestions.

Sorry it's so long!
 
Fewer lessons due to cost but at a better school will do both you and your riding more good than carrying on somewhere that is obviously not suitable for your confidence.
 
I would say most definitely change riding schools. Far better to pay more than remain stagnant or worse.

Not all riding school horses are like this - some are very well trained and forward going in a safe manner which will help you enormously in learning how to ride properly. Sitting on a plod-along that you almost have to beat to move, is NOT the way to learn to ride I'm afraid.

Have you considered going out for a trail ride/ hack? Just a slow one where you can put your knowledge into practice. Horses are generally happier out on hacks than stuck going round and round a school.
 
The problem with many horses when you ask for canter is that they are not properly balanced, and I include some riding school horses in this, so they tend to lurch forward and gather momentum in an attempt to keep their balance, thereby unsettling the rider. It can be a real confidence buster because now, of course, you are getting tight and tense with your hands and legs and making the whole situation worse.
Some options..

Forget canter for now, it will come, concentrate on properly establishing yourself in walk and trot

Ask to try canter on a more balanced horse

Find a mechanical horse in your area, so you can accustom yourself to this pace without worrying what the horse is doing - maybe a lesson on one of these would be a good Christmas present
 
hello, sorry to hear about your problem. I would suggest another school, even if you cant go so often, there isnt much point in spending money on lessons you are not enjoying. Then maybe you will start to have fun again. Maybe when you have got a bit more experience you could look for a horse to share?
 
The words that jump out at me are "a proper riding school"... now I don't think you have to be qualified to be a good rider or instructor but for a beginner, I do think it's better to start off with a reputable school and instructor, at least then you know what you are getting. I'm slightly surprised at beginners wearing spurs too, seems a bit strange to me and if a school horse bucking like that, I'd be suspicous.

I think you'd be far better off in a reputable school with maybe just one lesson a week... you will probably progress much faster with a sympathetic instructor. Why not go along and watch a lesson and see if differs dramatically from the lessons you are having, you might be surprised. Don't give up, you will crack your fears eventually and you will get there all the faster if you feel safe.

HTH

Jules x
 
Hell, I'm with Tia on this, get out hacking, it's so much easier learning to canter in a straight line on a hack. Maybe check around for residential breaks at some of the bigger schools?

Once you start hacking you will (hopefully!) enjoy your riding again - remember' it's meant to be fun!

I'd also be rather doubtful of a school which makes all riders where spurs - you have to have a very secure leg position to use them correctly.
 
My advice is to find some old plod and go on a quiet hack in the company of an experienced rider and horse. You sound like you need to start enjoying yourself away from the school scene ,even if you have to go out on a lead rein. M.
 
I'd be alarmed that any riding school would let a rider who has been riding five months wear spurs!- no offence intended. Bit worried also they use a habitual bucker in a beginner type group lesson. Is there someone at the yard you work at that has a nice safe but obedient plod that you could gain confidence on. Maybe you would be better pooling your resources having one lesson a week at an approved riding school (assuming where you ride now is not by your post?) Could just go for a trial lesson to see if a different instructor/horses makes you feel any safer?
 
It doesn't sound like the school your going to has horses that are suitable for you and I'm surprised that they encourage novice riders to wear spurs.
I'd say try another school. Even if it means you can ride less often, a good school with more suitable horses will help you improve much quicker and give you the confidence you need. Going out for a relaxing hack on a horse you feel safe on might help you relax too. Sometimes we just try too hard and forget its meant to be fun! You will get there!
 
You would be better with one ride a fortnight with a good instructor than 2 a week with a school that is undermining your confidence. Better to go forward slowly than backwards fast.

I'd be worried about the spurs; I don't think they should be encouraging you to wear them so early in your career; until your seat is established you can't be sure of not giving your horse a jab in the ribs that will upset him, and then his reaction will upset you.

Perhaps with a few good lessons under your belt you could advertise & find someone who will give you rides on a kind, willing horse that has been outgrown in the sense of the rider going onto something more competitive, in exchange for help.
 
I hear you, you poor thing. You are being honest with your feelings. Definitely tell the people who are supposed to be teaching you (poss the new, registered school?)that you are feeling these fears.

They need to know to put you on a horse that doesn't care if you are afraid, there are many out there.

Do not worry about cantering at all, as "thewinter" says. There is no deadline.

5 months is actually a blink of an eye in learning to ride. It takes ages and ages and hours and hours to get used to all the diffeent feelings and movements let alone to become effective in making the horse do things.

You said you were on a hack and terrified the whole time, so that will be hard too, so when/if you go to another school be sure to tell them you are really scared. No cantering allowed. On a leadrope would be good for you to relax and enjoy it, that's the idea...

They should no way be putting you on a horse that bucks. And as luckybruckner says they shouldn't be putting spurs on you yet. That is something you can work towards, GRADUALLY

Spend time at the school grooming etc that will start to bring your confidence back.

Did you know that the first pony Anky Van Grunsven had was a little shetland type and for at least the first year she was afraid to get on it and she just brushed it and brushed it?

Now look at her......
 
Thank you all for your advice, it's been really helpful. I will try lessons elsewhere. I know that I shouldn't use spurs and I hate the idea of them because I know I'm incompetent and can't use them properly! I think most of the horses there are dead to the leg which is why they are used.

It is a dream of mine when I am more experienced to share a horse and then eventually one day have my own.

I WILL learn to ride and will definately not give up!

Thank you again for all your advice and care, it really has cheered me up. I was begining to feel like the I would be the only person in the whole world who could not learn to ride!!!
 
lots of people think they can do things they can't, they are the worst. Someone like you who is enthusiastic and wants to learn is a precious thing.

Don't give up.

We all, on here love the horse and value its forgiving nature and beauty, outside and inside.
 
Ok - this is where I tell you off. You are NOT incompetent - you are learning. There is a big difference. Try not to get too down on yourself and look at what you have achieved since you first sat on a horse just a short time ago.
There are enough knocks when you're around horses without putting yourself down too!

Lecture over - go find a good school and enjoy!
laugh.gif
 
Alfiesmum, stop beating yourself up hun. So, you have now discovered your true love for horses and riding and you soooooooo want it now
mad.gif
Thats normal and healthy and gives you the drive and determination to achieve your goals.

I agree with everyone on here. Mortified about the spurs, not a proper riding school (hope you arn't paying), providing unsuitable horses for beginners. However, if you have to stay where you are, ask for the next lesson to be private and on the lunge with no canter involved. If you can find a reputable and recommended RS, give them a ring and tell them about yourself.

Losing your confidence is so easy and takes a long while to come back. Just remember not to perch, sit tall and relax. Sing if that helps.

Im helping one of the girls on the yard atm. She is 27 and lost her confidence completely for no apparent reason apart from having a long break from riding due to work commitments. For the first 5 mins she is visibly shaking and as white as a sheet and of course this goes through to her horse who is a micky taker anyway (CBx). I lead her for a few minutes until she feels more confident, then I walk with her a while longer. She hasnt been out of walk in 3 weeks which is great as she isnt in competition with anyone, and only she puts herself under pressure. In walk she has began to learn lateral work like leg yielding and shoulder in, doing serpentines by steering only with her hips and legs. When she does feel the confidence to trot - all this time in walk will have set her up.

I truely hope that you get this sorted as it sounds like you have had a bad start. There are many people on the forum from your neck of the woods so why dont you start a new thread looking for people from W Sussex!
 
Hi
I came back into riding aged 28/29 and im 32 now, hadn't ridden since i was 12 and i was SO scared of canter! But i can honestly say that the best way is to experience canter is on a hack, up a slight slope so you can raise a bit out of the saddle. This is how i over came my fear and once you experience the amazing feeling you'll want to do it everytime you hack out!
Don't over face yourself! Riding is fun so take your time and you'll get there...
x
 
Hi, I'm sorry to hear whats happened to you. I know just where you're coming from, until October I hadn't ridden regularly for almost 30 years! Like the others have said, change the riding school, go for less lessons, ideally have one on one lessons instead, you'll learn so much more, honestly! The going out for a hack idea is a brilliant one, I love hacking out and am happy to canter along out there, I hate to canter in a school, there just doesn't seem to be much space! Hope you get happier soon, I'm sure you will.
 
Please, please don't give up! You will get there I promise. It only seems like 5 mins ago (actually 4 years) that I was beating myself up about not being able to canter. Now 4 years on my dreams have come true, I have my own pony and I would canter everywhere if I could
grin.gif


I agree with everything that everyone else has said - I definately suggest changing riding schools - I'm amazed that you have to wear spurs. Go and watch some other lessons and see what their horses are like. Have some private lessons too. Different instructors will have different ideas and one of them is bound to work! My first proper canter (i.e more than one long side) was out on a hack from the riding school and it was so much easier. And don't worry about being nervous out on a hack, you are learning something new, it's natural to be nervous, these fears will go away the more you do it.

However, as I found, not all riding school horses will go in to canter easily and one of the reasons I fell for Chum was that he was so responsive - it was a bit of a novelty getting canter at the first time of asking and always on the correct lead - so there are horses out there that will be good for you to learn on.

You are doing the right thing by helping out at the stables etc - there is a lifetime of learning with horses and being able to canter is just a very small part of it.

And I too felt like crying on my lesson last week - I couldn't ride for toffee and Chum was taking the p*ss but I've been on two great hacks today so feel on top of the world - horses make you feel very up and down
grin.gif


Please let us know how you get on
smile.gif
 
I started riding in my 40s, and recognise everything you say. I had a crap teacher then, which didn't help, especially as I knew so little I didn't realise it. What you need is a really good sympathetic teacher, even if it costs. I agree with those above that the occasional good lesson is worth every penny. Absolutely no point in letting your confidence dwindle further. If cantering is alarming, don't do it for now. Stick with something unfrightening. It is more difficult if you are older (no offence) but we just don't bounce like the kids. If you happen to be in N. Devon I'll recommend a brilliant teacher.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top