Dying from a 'broken heart'

Ellemoo

Ellemoo

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*big deep breath*
I may live to regret this but here goes! :o
Has anyone else ever sold a horse, not known where they ended up, and pined for them ever since??
I havent really ever opened up about just how much it has affected me. I sold my girl in 2008 (to a dealer for peanuts) and ever since that day i have suffered :(
To give you a rough idea of my 'suffering':
I spent a year having 'sudo-seizures' every single night. I would become so confused after each one that i didnt even recognise my partner, to the point where i tried to jump out of a window to get away from him :eek:
I spent months being monitered by a neurologist and treated for epilepsy.
I have enough tests/scans to last a life time.
Having my first brain scan revealed a lump growing on my brain :( (great another problem all together)

I dont suppose theres anyone else out there that has experienced the same on any level? I already feel happier just for having typed this out :):o so thats something i guess!
I just feel fed up of people making me feel pathetic for missing a pony so much!

What with my health issues and the fact the pony would now be in her early 20s i just feel like theres no hope of ever finding her again.

For anyone thats seen my other posts- my palomino is the daughter of the pony i sold, a tiny reminder of her but not any kind of replacement as you can imagine :o

sorry to bore you, just wanted to get that off my chest!! :o:)

Elle xx
 
I can understand what you mean. I got my boy when i was 13 years old. i sold him when i was 18 due to circumstances beyond my control. He was 4 when i got him. I remember crying into his mane when i knew i had to sell him. i sold him to a nice girl who kept him for a few years then i managed to buy him back (this is when i was 21). I had him for a few more years and had to sell him due to being pregnant and having an abusive non working husband who refused to look after him or contribute to him. Before that i worked many part time jobs to keep him and cycled miles each day to see him. I sold him to a nice home to the farmers daughter whos field i rented. It broke my heart again i could still see him in the field but he wasnt mine!! He was in the field up until about 7 years ago (im 47 now). I miss him every day i still love him and keep a photo of him at the farm
 
Poor you...

Is it possible that you health problems were/are causing these emotions, rather than the other way round?

Just a thought x
 
I haven't had any ill effect from my worries, but I do worry a lot :(
I haven't sold any ponies, but 2 were sold from my yard and I loved them both. I wasn't told where they were going. I still really miss them and hope they're doing ok.

*hugs* I'm never sure what to say to people in tricky situation, just sending good vibes to you!
 
I sold my boy to a dealer due to difficulties and it really affected me, I could nt even look at a horse box if it drove past, nor read a horsey magazine etc. I put an advert on the net and I found him! it totally cured my heartache when I found him. I think my main problem was the guilt at having sold him to a dealer, at the time it was my only option.

Good luck, recognising the issue means your half way there to solving the problem.
 
Sidney said:
Poor you...

Is it possible that you health problems were/are causing these emotions, rather than the other way round?

Just a thought x
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Hi, def got it the right way round. It all started when i sold her. I wasnt aware that your mind is such a powerful thing! My neurologist says that it is the 'emotional trauma' of losing her that caused my body to have such an extreme reaction :( I had very similar problems as a child when my dad died...
Not many people believe/understand that this is possible :o:)
 
chestnutx said:
I sold my boy to a dealer due to difficulties and it really affected me, I could nt even look at a horse box if it drove past, nor read a horsey magazine etc. I put an advert on the net and I found him! it totally cured my heartache when I found him. I think my main problem was the guilt at having sold him to a dealer, at the time it was my only option.

Good luck, recognising the issue means your half way there to solving the problem.
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EXACTLY what happened to me! I had no other choice but to sell her to a dealer and that kills me every day. I promised her a life long home and i feel like i let her down in the worst way i could! :(
 
Do you want to try and find out where she is? If so do you know which agency she was passported with, her birth year and what name she was passported under? If so you should easily be able to find out who owns her and an address for contacting them.
 
I'm sorry it has had such an awful impact on you. I think you should try to find her if you can. It would help to give you closure if nothing else.

You might not get anywhere, but has to be worth a try? Maybe put a description and some photos on here to start with?
 
team barney said:
Do you want to try and find out where she is? If so do you know which agency she was passported with, her birth year and what name she was passported under? If so you should easily be able to find out who owns her and an address for contacting them.
Click to expand...

I wish, been trying to find her for a long long time! Ive already tried the passport agency, and im still down as the registered owner so it hasnt been updated by whoever has her :(
 
ghostie said:
I'm sorry it has had such an awful impact on you. I think you should try to find her if you can. It would help to give you closure if nothing else.

You might not get anywhere, but has to be worth a try? Maybe put a description and some photos on here to start with?
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One step ahead ;) There is already an advert of her posted in the tracing forum.
And on just about every other similar site i have found :p:D
I just worry that posting things like that is pointless if whoever has her isnt bothered by her past, they wont ever be looking :(
 
Ellemoo said:
One step ahead ;) There is already an advert of her posted in the tracing forum.
And on just about every other similar site i have found :p:D
I just worry that posting things like that is pointless if whoever has her isnt bothered by her past, they wont ever be looking :(
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post a link to her advert here, you never know someone on here might own her, or know who does.
 
I'm so sorry to read about your health problems and your grief at parting with your girl. :(

I think it was brave of you to post your story, and I do hope it helps you in some way. Grief is a process, it takes as long as it takes, but there is a point of acceptance in the end. Meanwhile, I hope you find her. Even if you don't, you might find you feel better for having at least tried.

((((hugs))))
 
I have been through a fairly tough time in the last week and a half and got rushed to hospital friday with a suspected stroke (whole side of my face dropped, Lost my vision) and i am 23! to say it was scary is an understatement!
Had bloods/CT/neuro/eye tests enough for a lifetime im sure!

Life is sent to test us. Just sometimes life is crueler to some than others!

Chin up!

Im also trying to find a mare that was sold to a dealer in 2008 but having no luck :(
 
I sold a horse to someone, it was a good home, but I missed the horse so much. I had another, younger horse and one had to go and the younger one had more issues than the older one!

I used to miss seeing her miserable face when I got home and her grumpyness, and her silly shying. I had invested a great deal emotionally in the horse.

In the end I did some "face tapping" after reading an article about it in a magazine. I got in touch with the author of the article and I had to pay for a personalised programme - but it did work.
 
Ellemoo said:
Hi, def got it the right way round. It all started when i sold her. I wasnt aware that your mind is such a powerful thing! My neurologist says that it is the 'emotional trauma' of losing her that caused my body to have such an extreme reaction :( I had very similar problems as a child when my dad died...
Not many people believe/understand that this is possible :o:)
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Ellemoo, I believe this, and understand this too.

Can you find help to assist in your first trauma regarding your dad, once these issues have been addressed, the ones with your horse will be eased too.

My understanding is if you had a negative reaction to a trauma or grief, especially as a child, then it becomes part of you, and stays with you as you grow. Then at a later time in life, when you feel signs of a similar coping mechanism, its because your brain is sending those signals, because thats how you coped and survived last time it did it. Its really scary addressing the fears but once you get the hang of it and can trust yourself and believe in your self, things will get better. Patterns can be broken if we are brave enough to allow the hidden feelings to come through. It doesnt have to be all that bad.

Have a look at getting help from a recommended person who possibly works on 'the inner child'.

PM me if you need to, and I will try and find someone in your area who can help. xx
 
You are doing the right things trying to trace your mare, but as someone who had a lot of ill health & trauma at once, I advise you to seek some other help.
I saw a therapist who practised Emotional Freedom Technique, the "face tapping" the previous poster refers to. It made a huge difference & turned my life around. I was very sceptical too, but I can assure you it worked for me & hopefully will do the same for you.
 
Dr_Horse said:
I have been through a fairly tough time in the last week and a half and got rushed to hospital friday with a suspected stroke (whole side of my face dropped, Lost my vision) and i am 23! to say it was scary is an understatement!
Had bloods/CT/neuro/eye tests enough for a lifetime im sure!

Life is sent to test us. Just sometimes life is crueler to some than others!

Chin up!

Im also trying to find a mare that was sold to a dealer in 2008 but having no luck :(
Click to expand...

You have my every sympathy!! How are you now?
I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, its just hard sometimes to see any good reason for things! :(
I hope you recover, and i wish you luck in finding your horse too :)
 
Is it that you are worried she may have gone to a bad home or that you have lost sight of her and just need to know she is OK or a bit of both?

Even if the new owner doesn't see your post someone on here might have seen her or been on the same yard as her. The fact that she is palomino is in her favour, they tend to stand out from the crowd.

When you are forced to do something by circumstances out of your control it is an open door for regrets, guilt and angst because you might not have been able to things the way you wanted or planned.

I understand exactly how you feel, I suffered panic attacks when my lovely old stallion died, my hair fell out, I collapsed against the front door knocking myself out. All a physical response to grief I think.

Good luck in your search.
 
RebelRebel said:
Is it that you are worried she may have gone to a bad home or that you have lost sight of her and just need to know she is OK or a bit of both?

Even if the new owner doesn't see your post someone on here might have seen her or been on the same yard as her. The fact that she is palomino is in her favour, they tend to stand out from the crowd.

When you are forced to do something by circumstances out of your control it is an open door for regrets, guilt and angst because you might not have been able to things the way you wanted or planned.

I understand exactly how you feel, I suffered panic attacks when my lovely old stallion died, my hair fell out, I collapsed against the front door knocking myself out. All a physical response to grief I think.

Good luck in your search.
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I think the main thing that bothers me is the 'not knowing' part. I can torture myself with all of the different 'what if' scenarios (sp?) Imagining that she has been neglected/abused/beaten etc etc.
Im trying to tell myself it is most likely she has found a lovely home somewhere and that she is looked after and loved- but it would just be lovely to know for sure/have proof of it!
If the possiblitly came about to have her back i would have her in a heartbeat- i have her daughter with me still and i would love nothing more than to have them back together :)
 
Massive massive (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) I know how you feel.

I had a young cob quite afew years back who I broke in. I was out hacking on him one day when he got spooked by some cows reared up and came over backwards. I ended up with a broken hip and wrist. :( I planned to keep him and ride him again but I was a live in groom at the time and my boss wasn't happy that I couldn't work and was angry at poor little Jo as he was the one who hurt me. She turned round one day and said if he wasn't gone in 3 days she would get the hunt to shoot him :eek: :( I haistly found him a loan home, it was so rushed I wasn't able to vet the home properly and it was miles away. A friend and I dropped him off and I wish I'd never left him there :( It was all fine for afew months. Then one day the loanee phoned me up and said Jo was dangourous and had attacked another horse on the yard and if he wasn't gone in 3 days he would be shot :eek: :( :( I ended up having to give him away. My life was a mess at the time due to so much other stuff going on and I lost contact with the home he went to.
There's not a day that goes by when I don't feel guilty about what happened to my sweet little Jo. I just hope he is in a good home now being loved and looked after as well as he deserves. I let him down and that upsets me. Even 4 years later.

I hope you manage to find your girl and that she is ok and you manage to make peace with what happened so you can start feeling better. If you ever need someone to talk to or just someone to listen feel free to PM me anytime. I know you don't know me but I will try to help if I can or just listen if thats what you need. But it sometimes helps just to talk about it. xx
 
Have you tried using Facebook to trace her? If you started a "Find Candy" page, and posted her photo then made links with every horsey Facebook group and page, and asked everybody to post her photo and details on their walls and play detective, so many people would eventually see her that she could be recognised.

If you don't use Facebook and aren't confident about it, I'll do it for you. Just let me know if you'd like me to. xx
 
Goodness that sounds so swful you poor thing. You need to some how let it go as you can't change anything now. The chances are she had a nice life, luckily there are more people who love and look after their horses then there are people that don't.
I started getting panick attacks after my mare died. I didn't know where the hell they were coming from at first but they were becoming relentless. I know now that it is down to the sense of loss and the lack of control, having something I love just dissapear.
It is a hideous feeling, so horrible. I hope you can get better soon xx.
 
I really feel for you :(

I looked after a pony for years. He came to us as a foal. I broke him in to ride and drive we had a great bond and had many happy years together. 8 years later his owner randomly phoned and said she wanted him back. Within a week he was gone :( I was absolutely gutted.

I posted on here a few years ago asking if anyone had seen him and just pure luck someone did know him and told me where I might find him :) a few weeks later I got to see him the best day ever :) I feel like I can let him go now, knowing he is healthy and happy :)

I hope u find your girl. The heart ache is horrible xxxx
 
Don't lose hope. A few weeks ago I found a pony that I sold 19 years ago when he was 10. I had moved round the country several times and have ended up living only 8 miles from where he is now. I went to see him and saw he was well looked after and happy, but walked away without seeing the current owner. He had hardly changed. So you never know - you may still be in luck.
 
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