effing horse! - alternative lesson report version 2

black_horse said:
What about a baseball cap?
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Yes I suppose if you must! At least that will provide you with some protection.. if a fly crashes into your forehead for instance. I once had a fly go into my eye whilst I was riding, and my eyeball popped out and rolled down a drain. I had to call the local council to find it for me, and the cheeky sods sent me a bill for £1.50! :eek:
 
Thats awful moomin :(

TBH though, i think my baseball isnt an equestrian brand, so i am pretty sure it is illegal for me to wear it whilst riding...

Back to the subject at hand, how should i warm dee up for my shows? Fan oven 180 degrees C? 10 minutes enough?
 
black_horse said:
Thats awful moomin :(

TBH though, i think my baseball isnt an equestrian brand, so i am pretty sure it is illegal for me to wear it whilst riding...

Back to the subject at hand, how should i warm dee up for my shows? Fan oven 180 degrees C? 10 minutes enough?
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Sounds good to me - no need to preheat if it's a fan too. Alternatively wrap a towel around a hot water bottle and sit her on it for a good half hour before the test.

Or just stand her by one of the bush fires caused by her browband!! ;)
 
My nan has a heat pad she isnt using, so she said i can use it under my saddle. Apparently its really warm! I dont know how long the extension cable needs to be for it. Do you think the judge will allow me to plug it into her hut?
 
Dave282B said:
Shouldn't you be on the show ground working in already . You obviously aren't taking this seariously!
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Dont be mean!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU BULLYING ME!!!!

U DNT NO ME!!! I have had TEN riding lessons in a BHS riding skool!!! I KNOW HOW 2 TROT!!!!! Your horse looks stoopid.
 
Dave282B said:
What about spurs - you never mentioned spurs enough. Are they the ones that jangle when you walk like the grand prix rider John Wayne used to wear ?
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Teamed up with a leather basque, hunting whip and leather thong - stop it !!! the thong goes on the whip, honestly can't take you anywhere.
 
black_horse said:
My nan has a heat pad she isnt using, so she said i can use it under my saddle. Apparently its really warm! I dont know how long the extension cable needs to be for it. Do you think the judge will allow me to plug it into her hut?
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I seriously misread that as "plug it into her butt!" :eek:

Just plug it direct into the mains that should do the trick. Nothing like an electric seat for a decent dressage test!

Don't forget to get a bottle of Evian first and tip it all over Dee's back before placing the heat pad on.
 
AdorableAlice said:
Teamed up with a leather basque, hunting whip and leather thong - stop it !!! the thong goes on the whip, honestly can't take you anywhere.
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But im wearing a leather thong.... :S p.s. dont try and clean it with saddle soap whilst sitgll wearing :S eek!

Moomin1 said:
I seriously misread that as "plug it into her butt!" :eek:

Just plug it direct into the mains that should do the trick. Nothing like an electric seat for a decent dressage test!

Don't forget to get a bottle of Evian first and tip it all over Dee's back before placing the heat pad on.
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HELP! Delicia has stopped liking evian. I am now trying red bull as it will give delicia wings.

Dave282B said:
I tried a lesson in BHS but they threw me out when the mare did a dump in the cafe
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*Sniggers*

Maybe your pony should wear one of those nappy things!
 
thats nothing! apparently if you pay over a grand for a lesson you turn into a 5* eventer in less than a hour. Of course i dont need the lesson, im already riding at badminton on my 22hh horse.
 
pixiebee said:
thats nothing! apparently if you pay over a grand for a lesson you turn into a 5* eventer in less than a hour. Of course i dont need the lesson, im already riding at badminton on my 22hh horse.
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Ahh it's you I saw on that giant horse at Badminton?!! I was right next to you in the vet exam line up - you know - the little 11.1hh and the 5'7 rider?!! That was me!! Don't know why you need a horse that big to do those tiddly jumps - you obviously can't ride properly!
 
I dont need lessons either, but i feel sorry for the poor trainers and like to pretend i cant ride. But i recently had to turn the spanish riding school down again as i dont want to ride their white stallions. I mean come on! A white horse will not be good for my complexion!
 
black_horse said:
I dont need lessons either, but i feel sorry for the poor trainers and like to pretend i cant ride. But i recently had to turn the spanish riding school down again as i dont want to ride their white stallions. I mean come on! A white horse will not be good for my complexion!
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Oh god no you couldn't have that!! I mean who on earth would ride a white horse from the Spanish Riding School! Far too damaging for the complexion and completely beneath me!

I'm even thinking of rehoming my corn snakes as they don't match the new sofa..
 
Could you not dye your snakes? Im about to go around the county and redye all the coloured, clearly their colour ran in the wash, so i am going to make them all solid colours again
 
Ooh yes - I do have some Dylon in the cupboard actually! Failing that I am just going to use them as lead ropes or lunge whips!
 
black_horse said:
orange is several seasons ago, petrol blue is so in!
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Black Horse - since you are the Queen of bling - can you recommend some nice bling for my snakes please? I have a dressage test with them next week and seriously need to up my game in order to win?
 
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Anybody know if Black_Horse has done her dressage test yet, I am looking forward to reading how the 88% was achieved, the judges comments are sure to be interesting.

Do hope she didn't suffer a 'started, farted, slipped up and fell' moment.
 
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