Elderly neighbour persists in feeding the horses! WWYD?

PleaseVenus said:
I'm sort of in two minds. I partly feel sorry that he might be lonely and enjoy the attention with the horses (my Grandad used to be too embarrassed to go out for lunch or whatever by himself when my Nan died) and he probably thinks he's being useful, even though you've told him he's not. He's probably saving back/buying extra food to do something 'nice' for the horses and the grass thing sounds like he's trying to be nice just misguided.

Then again though he sounds quite grumpy. I come across a few grumpy old people at work and I'm sure he's not malicious even if he comes across that way. Though the docks thing is a bit of a cheek but hmm.

Could you maybe give him a little bit of hay or something so that he could feed them a handful each? Something that makes him feel like he's doing something nice but wont be harmful for you.

It sounds like he might be a bit rude and stubborn so you'll either have to get him on side or get really strict. I'm a wimp so would probably try not to get strict myself but if you have to then maybe your OH or your vet or his family (does he have any children?) could maybe talk to him.
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I could let him give them some hay but again that raises the problem of "treating" my horse as he gets rude when hand fed stuff. It would be ok from the ground but then what happens if he ignores me saying a handful each and gives them huge piles every day? They are a good weight atm and don't need any extra with all the grass just now and with the 2 ponies doing little to no work :/

Tbh I'm not sure about the malicious bit, he's not malicious in the way that he would purposefully do anything to harm the horses or do anything to the field but he does like to carry tales etc (again this is part of the long story I don't want to put on the main forum - it doesn't directly involve me but I am affected in a way that is more pathetic and irritating than anything else) but yes I was a bit annoyed at the dock price change as he had plenty of time after we asked before he started to decide to charge us more, it was a fit of pique thing I think :(

He never married and has no children I'm afraid :(
 
If he is in his 80s he probably remembers feeding horses back when he was young, they would have been given scraps of bread, left over veg and peelings to supplement their diet which was very basic compared to nowdays plus they actually worked hard so laminintis was not a problem.
I would take time to explain to him that things are very different now, your horses have a carefully managed diet and that bread and cakes are not part of that diet, could you them arrange for him to keep veg that is suitable and let him meet you to help feed them each day when you go down, maybe he could spend some time grooming them each day, supervised, you could do one while he does the other, or you could be poo picking, if he was more involved you may be able to make use of his spare time and get more things done.
He probably is very lonely and enjoys seeing people and the horses near his home, he just cannot grasp that it is not right to be feeding them and does not see any harm being done.
 
What would I do? I'd have a chat with him and tell him how bread could cause choke and a "friend" of mine lost a horse to choke only recently. I'd tell him that the horses absolute favourite treat is carrots. I'd even drop in a big bag of carrots to him and let him feed the horses. I'd tell him I'm glad that someone is keeping an eye on the horses for me i.e flattery! and that I can see that the horses are very fond of him now. Owning horses is a privilege and if it brings a little happiness to someone else then thats great so long as the horses safety or welfare isn't being compromised... thats what I'd do
 
I'm sorry, but if someone fed my horse carrots, I'd bloody kill them! They have no right and the sugar overload could well bring on laminitis. Since when does someone lean over the fence and feed the dog endless biscuits? Where's the difference?
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
OK so I know nothing about the situation basically, BUT its beginning to sound complicated, very much so.

Its easy to suggest this I know BUT is there another place where you could keep your horse? I'd be getting outa there pronto, it sounds like there's a very complex situation going on. Is it worth the hassle of all this???
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No, we don't want to move, it took us ages to get the field and other than the sillyness going on that I've aluded to and this guy feeding the horses everything there is as close to perfect as we could want :) If I can sort this feeding problem then I can ignore the other thing, it really is quite a petty thing at the end of the day and even though I've somehow been dragged into it by another person that I have nothing to do with it doesn't directly affect me in any way. It's sounding really complicated but basically it's just a case of tale telling (not that there is any tales to tell :rolleyes:) it affects my friend directly though and this is why my name has been dragged into it. Sorry it's really difficult to explain properly without going into it fully on the public forum :o

cinnamontoast said:
He might respond better to your OH then, bloke to bloke, professional advice from him to old bloke.
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Yes quite possibly, he is from that sort of era :o I'll give it a shot :)

be positive said:
If he is in his 80s he probably remembers feeding horses back when he was young, they would have been given scraps of bread, left over veg and peelings to supplement their diet which was very basic compared to nowdays plus they actually worked hard so laminintis was not a problem.
I would take time to explain to him that things are very different now, your horses have a carefully managed diet and that bread and cakes are not part of that diet, could you them arrange for him to keep veg that is suitable and let him meet you to help feed them each day when you go down, maybe he could spend some time grooming them each day, supervised, you could do one while he does the other, or you could be poo picking, if he was more involved you may be able to make use of his spare time and get more things done.
He probably is very lonely and enjoys seeing people and the horses near his home, he just cannot grasp that it is not right to be feeding them and does not see any harm being done.
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The problem with that is that they get no hard feed as they don't work enough for it and the grass is more than enough for them atm, I would happily suggest a small amount of hay for them when I'm there but I think he'd take it upon himself to give them big piles every day when I wasn't there too :o

He likes the horses and will give them a pat over the fence (and feed them :rolleyes:) but he has no interest in grooming them at all, like I say I have offered but he'll have none of it :/

I understand what you're saying though about him not understanding, I just need to put into practice some of the suggestions on here about educating him in a more firm manner I think :/
 
Bantry said:
What would I do? I'd have a chat with him and tell him how bread could cause choke and a "friend" of mine lost a horse to choke only recently. I'd tell him that the horses absolute favourite treat is carrots. I'd even drop in a big bag of carrots to him and let him feed the horses. I'd tell him I'm glad that someone is keeping an eye on the horses for me i.e flattery! and that I can see that the horses are very fond of him now. Owning horses is a privilege and if it brings a little happiness to someone else then thats great so long as the horses safety or welfare isn't being compromised... thats what I'd do
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cinnamontoast said:
I'm sorry, but if someone fed my horse carrots, I'd bloody kill them! They have no right and the sugar overload could well bring on laminitis. Since when does someone lean over the fence and feed the dog endless biscuits? Where's the difference?
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Yes I never thought of the choke angle, I'll try that too!
I completely agree with CT about the carrots thing though :/
And again it goes back to the whole feeding by hand thing with my horse which is non-negotiable, he gets rude, I don't like it, I don't appreciate being headbutted and pushed for treats so he does not get fed by hand. It took me until my mother almost ended up with a black eye and a bit of an argument with her to get her to stop doing it! :(

Again I also think that if I gave him or told him "safe" things to feed them he would just go completely overboard and I'd end up with fat, laminitics in the end :(
 
We came across an elderly man feeding our grain and sugar intolerant mare, when we were at livery. He was quite rude when we asked him not to feed white bread or sweets telling us he was causing no harm. He decided to stop when we became as rude as him! Sometimes it is the only way.
 
Remove one of the horses from the field, sit and wait for him, and tell him said horse is at the vets due to his feeding when he was asked not too... shock action? or is this too much of a shock to an elderly gent?
 
Im sorry..Im probably not a nice person but my patience would have run out long ago. Id be giving him a swift kick in the backside on this by whatever means necessary. ...even if it meant getting the police involved.
 
sandi_84 said:
I could let him give them some hay but again that raises the problem of "treating" my horse as he gets rude when hand fed stuff. It would be ok from the ground but then what happens if he ignores me saying a handful each and gives them huge piles every day? They are a good weight atm and don't need any extra with all the grass just now and with the 2 ponies doing little to no work :/

Tbh I'm not sure about the malicious bit, he's not malicious in the way that he would purposefully do anything to harm the horses or do anything to the field but he does like to carry tales etc (again this is part of the long story I don't want to put on the main forum - it doesn't directly involve me but I am affected in a way that is more pathetic and irritating than anything else) but yes I was a bit annoyed at the dock price change as he had plenty of time after we asked before he started to decide to charge us more, it was a fit of pique thing I think :(

He never married and has no children I'm afraid :(
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Aww no, it sounds so annoying. If he thinks he knows best etc he probably thinks he knows best regardless of what you tell him and that he actually is being helpful. Hmm I wonder if he would listen to a vet or someone with authority.

Not sure what you can do :( hopefully he'll get bored soon ans move onto something else!
 
Everyone is being very kind and considerate - I'm afraid it wouldn't matter what age he is as far as I'm concerned, he would be getting a right *******ing. You have been polite, you've explained yourself - at this point he is the one being unreasonable and I don't see why you should go out of your way to include him with your horses. The next time I caught him doing it, I would have a serious go, ending with the fact that you will call the police and/or the RSPCA if you see it happen again, and any vets bills will be his responsibility. It might just scare him enough to stop, even if you can't really follow through with it.
 
Holding said:
Everyone is being very kind and considerate - I'm afraid it wouldn't matter what age he is as far as I'm concerned, he would be getting a right *******ing. You have been polite, you've explained yourself - at this point he is the one being unreasonable and I don't see why you should go out of your way to include him with your horses. The next time I caught him doing it, I would have a serious go, ending with the fact that you will call the police and/or the RSPCA if you see it happen again, and any vets bills will be his responsibility. It might just scare him enough to stop, even if you can't really follow through with it.
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Agree with this basically.

Re. OP saying he "carries tales"..........not sure what this is about, but frankly you need this like an extra hole in the bum. I had a relative (not blood related, related by marriage, now deceased) who sounds very similar to this gent. He spread all sorts of false rumours around the district concerning our family and to this day there are still people who either avoid us or look at us very funny because of something he probably said years ago. You don't need this!!! If this is happening then I feel for you, BUT why TF should anyone put up with this? Hey, keeping horses should be fun!!

Personally, as well as the other issues, I would tell him straight out that if there are ANY rumours circulating about you that you will not hesitate to seek legal advice. And do it. Get a solicitor to write a letter; and you could always include the other feeding issues as well, i.e. get solicitors to include in their letter to tell him in no uncertain terms that you the owner has repeatedly made verbal requests for him to stop feeding the horses and if he continues to do so you will hold him liable for ANY vets fees incurred as a result and will if necessary make representations to the Small Claims Court for damages if this continues. The aim being to frighten him.

The "nice" approach hasn't worked, so mebbe now time to get "nasty"???
 
this would do my head in-I have had the same sort of problems with people feeding my ponies, despite the fact we live in the sticks. One woman was even feeding them mouldy blackened carrots and veg (or trying to). When I asked if she went around feeding other livestock, she said of course not-when I asked if I could go and feed her kids treats she went pale and said no, No1 son has a nut allergy. Point made there but have had others visit since with carrier bags full or apples and carrots. Bottom line is that it doesn't matter why you/I don't want them fed, they are our property and we don't have to discuss it, explain it or bargain. Send the OH round.
 
I feel your pain. Caught a certain family hanging ovr starvation paddock fence to feed little welshie once too many. Not only that- if the stallion was in there that causes all sorts of H&S hooha.

Last night I tried to explain why she shouldn't feed the pony but all she wanted to do was touch my mare I was leading and then asked 'can I ride any of them'

No! ****** off. Did tell the mum though if I caught anyone doing it again I'd call the police and that I wouldn't rock up and feed their baby some tasty steak because I heard steak was good for people...

I wouldn't be as nice as you are and I'd do what an earlier poster suggested and lock one away and pretend its been ill!
 
Holding said:
Everyone is being very kind and considerate - I'm afraid it wouldn't matter what age he is as far as I'm concerned, he would be getting a right *******ing. You have been polite, you've explained yourself - at this point he is the one being unreasonable and I don't see why you should go out of your way to include him with your horses. The next time I caught him doing it, I would have a serious go, ending with the fact that you will call the police and/or the RSPCA if you see it happen again, and any vets bills will be his responsibility. It might just scare him enough to stop, even if you can't really follow through with it.
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Ditto.
You've been polite....he knows he's doing wrong.

Get mad....blow a stack.
 
Ok mum managed to have a chat with him today, we had the vet out for jabs and teeth yesterday so she told him that the vet had said that he was giving them harful foods etc, he has agreed not to feed them anything anymore and if he has extra bread he will put it out for the birds instead. Hopefully this will finally have sorted it and he will keep to his word but I'll be keeping an eye out just in case ;)

As to the carrying tales thing it's basically that a certain person up there has him spying on us and my friend so he can tell this particular person exactly what we've been doing, who has been in the field and what times we've all been up there.
It sounds really sinister but trust me it's just a crazy lady who has been acting a bit pathetically and is a complete control freak. She's just really odd!
I don't think he would start rumours although I wouldn't put it past her to do so.

Like I say it really has no effect on me, coming from a small villiage I have delt with the rumour mill all my life and now it's water off a ducks back ;) At the end of the day the people who are important to me would never listen to rumours about me and the only person I'm friends with up there is that one other girl and she's getting it worse than me so she knows the score.

I couldn't care less whether this woman wants to know my comings, goings and inside leg mesurement because I'm doing nothing wrong and it's got no impact on my life so she can continue merrily in her strange little world and I don't have to deal with her :)

If it becomes a problem I will have no problem saying something about it, she's not elderly so a verbal butt kicking is no issue for me with her ;)
 
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