Embarrased about viewing horses :(

[Siennasong]

I feel a bit ridiculous for writing this but am feeling a bit down so here it goes! I am finally in a position to buy a horse and have been searching for a while now.. I have had a very long time away from horses so my riding is not at all what it used to be. I wouldn't say i'm a good or 'beautiful' rider, although I am very confident/comfortable and also sensitive/not heavy handed. I just don't think i have any refined skill if that makes sense? Or maybe no skill? Aahhhh i dont even know what is classified as sufficient 'skill'! So i am embarrased to go to viewings because I feel the breeder will look at my riding and be turned off to sell.. I can't explain what i'm feeling exactly - i'm just embarrassed about my riding and actually have no idea what it looks like from the outside! But i have spun so much in my mindset that when I call to book a viewing I immediately panic and start babbling on about how my riding is not good anymore and that i'm just getting back into it.. Then my viewings get cancelled on me.. And now i'm just making excuses to not go to any viewings anymore and my horse owning dream is starting to slip away!! All because i cant face to do the riding infront of breeder.. Please help .. I feel silly for writing this even!
Note: if there are any breeders out there (not dealers) please can you explain what you look for in an owner when they ride your horse? Would be much appreciated! X

 

[Greylegs]

I can understand why you feel uncomfortable and also (to some extent) why your viewings get cancelled. If someone thinks you're not fully confident/competent then they might not feel inclined to sell you a horse. This just speaks of them being caring and responsible with regard tot heir horses, and not of their possible opinions of your riding. You say the "breeders" are cancelling ... are you looking at youngsters? Maybe look at a few more established horses: perhaps a youngster might not be the best option.....

Also, are you having lessons? If not, why not book a few with a good instructor and then ask said instructor to go with you to view potential purchases. If you tell people you're bringing your instructor with you and that they will be riding the horse as well, then people will maybe get a better feel for your riding and be more confident in you viewing their babies!

Good luck.

 

[Damnation]

Are you having lessons at the moment? Maybe ask your instructor to video you because I bet your riding is nowhere near as bad as you are making it out to be.

I have a picky mare, so my main concern when people ride her is "will my horse like them?" if not then it's bad news. My friend who is a phenominal rider got on her and my horse HATED her. Did everything she could to evade her. A wee 15 year old lass (who is now riding her for me) isn't the most refined rider and has rode mainly riding school types, but she is quiet and sympathetic, my sharp, quirky, sensative mare loves her.

It goes to show you its not all about riding ability although yes it does come into it, but also if you and the horse actually like eachother. Differant horses react differantly to differant riders.

Don't beat yourself up!

It also isn't unusual for people to hate being watched ridden, even the best of us can get stage fright when an owner/breeder is watching - but any half decent person will realise that this happens and will understand.

I think you are possibly selling yourself short - there is nothing wrong with telling owners you are just getting back into riding, you are looking for a quiet all rounder type to help you regain your confidence, especially if this is what the horse is adviertised.

Remember - the worst thing they can say is "no, I don't think you suit eachother.".

 

[Siennasong]

Yes I totally totally understand why they are cancelling on me! I would also.. That's why I'm so frustrated with myself. Yes i've been having private lessons for a year now so am really getting back into it.. I guess I just have no idea about what stage i need to be at to view a youngster, which is what i am doing.. I think that's why i am nervous, because they are beloved yougnsters bred with care so i feel like I really have to earn the respect of a breeder (quite understandably) and to be worthy enough to buy from them.. And this is what is putting the stress and pressure on.. I just have no idea what is expected in someones riding to be good enough to buy a well bred youngster?

 

[Palindrome]

I understand that it is stressful riding an unknown horse and being watched (plus the excitement/anticipation of making such a big commitment). However, if the horse is a good match to you, it will be pure fun and joy. If it isn't then perhaps it's not the right horse. You don't need to be the best rider IMO, just sympathetic and clic with the horse.
As an aside, you seem to be considering only breeders. Are you looking only at young horses? Don't underestinate a been there done that horse, they can be fantastic!

 

[Palindrome]

Cross posted OP

 

[paddi22]

Can you bring your instructor with you and have them pop on first.

You base issue is that you don't seem to understand what level you are at, which is normal. Sometimes its takes getting out at say, riding club events, to see where you slot into things. Just ask your instructor what kind of horse would suit you. The normal answer is usually 'a nice all rounder, 7+" It's more difficult to get these at breeders. What makes you target breeders instead of dealers?

 

[chestnut cob]

I really don't mean this to sound rude but if you have such little confidence in your abilities, why are you going to view youngsters straight from the breeder? Might it be better to look at an older schoolmaster who will tolerate a less than perfect rider (which, let's face it, most of us are!!)?

 

[Damnation]

Yes just spotted the breeder bit - for your first horse after coming back into riding, don't over horse yourself. Nothing worse than having your confidence and a young horse's confidence knocked because you are both still rather "green"!

A good leg in each corner, been there done that got the t-shirt type is never to be underestimated, especially when it comes to building your riding and confidence and you both having fun!

ETA: Even something around the 7-8 mark thats been out and seen a bit may be worth looking at. From experience I wouldn't reccoment a young horse as a first one.

 

[be positive]

Unless you are looking for a very specific type that is also rare you may struggle to find one directly from a breeder apart from very young green horses so that could be an issue for someone who is nervous about buying and trying, it should not rule you out as a potential owner but your options will be rather limited before you even start looking.

As for what to do, look at the ads/ websites that tick your boxes and phone for a chat, you can tell far more about someone by speaking to them than you can by text or email, it will give you a chance to "sell" yourself as a caring owner that will be the good long term home a breeder will want for their homebred horses as well as explaining that you may want to view several times as you lack confidence when getting on a new horse, depending on their response you should be able to go with some confidence that you will not be judged or put down if nerves do get the better of you, if the initial call does not give you a warm feeling them look elsewhere as you will not feel any more comfortable if you do go in person.

I am not a breeder but I do sell a few lovely equines and am fairly fussy who they go to, a nervous person I can deal with, if they only want to walk that is fine if the horse is potentially right for them, I will leave them to ride saying nothing unless asked, always encourage a second viewing if the vibes are generally good, if the person is not going to suit I will say so, tactfully, it has upset the odd person to be told that the horse will not suit them but better before they get too involved.
What I don't appreciate is the viewer overestimating their ability by miles then trying to blame the horse when it does not go as well as they expected, I had one last week who said they needed a double to get anything on the bit, the pony is so easy to ride it does not need hauling in, they then decided that he was not schooled well enough, forgetting that it was them that couldn't ride correctly him not his lack of schooling that meant she had issues steering.

 

[Siennasong]

Thanks for all the replies - i actually replied to a few but seems to have not published! I will try to sum up what I meant to answer.. I'm not nervous at all about sitting on an unknown horse, i actually find this quite exciting. I've been riding so many different horses this year (riding school and private) that the unknown bit doesn't worry me at all.. I'm also not nervous riding.. It's literally the riding in front of breeder part! I have this thing in my mind that the breeder will want to see me leg yielding and riding in a nice outline and so on.. Walk, trot, canter, jump, change paces fine - but more refined 'professional' techniques no.. I don't think i can get on a horse and immediately get a beautiful outline, or change paces without my legs and hands visibly moving.. Things like that. Is this what is expected? I used to event as a teenager so am slowly getting back into these things with my instructor but again i am only 'getting back into it' - the skill is not there (and it is still the dressage part that lets me down!)
In answer to why i am looking at breeders/youngsters, I am looking for a companion for life. I dont want to sell on, i really want a lifetime partner where we can learn together and grow and just go through life side by side. I work from home so can dedicate as many hours every day as needed. I know i shouldn't compare to my previous horse but he was perfect and we had such a great and exciting life together! So i do have him in mind and am comparing - i really want the same type/personality/feel.. All this said however, i am always open to advice and different opinions, which is why i'm writing on here! Advice so far has been really really great

 

[ihatework]

I would not limit your search to breeders, but would seriously consider going to a reputable dealer. A good dealer will work with you to find the right horse for your standards and requirement.
What sort of age, breeding and price bracket have you been looking at and what do you ultimately wish to do with the horse?

 

[Micropony]

If you're feeling rusty and not confident about your riding then perhaps a young horse from a breeder isn't the right choice for you right now? I say this as someone with more confidence than ability (!) who is a couple of years into a relationship with my now 5yo. He is utterly saintly but has tested my confidence in my riding ability hugely. I don't mean that from a safety perspective, he's safe as houses, but from the point of view of constantly double thinking whether I am being clear, fair and consistent in what I ask of him. If you don't have the sort of relationship with your trainer where they are advising you on a purchase and coming to viewings with you, I would also wonder whether you have the support you're going to need to cope with the inevitable bumps along the road that are part of the whole young horse experience?

If I have misunderstood, apologies. But if this is how you're feeling now I wonder if you wouldn't be better with a more 'been there done it' type, perhaps even on loan, while you get properly back into the groove and just have some fun!

 

[Antw23uk]

From what you've said I cant help think that your not actually ready for your own horse ... And i know that sounds rough and I know Damnation and whatever the other one is called will continue to tell me I'm horrible and why do I post such negative stuff blah blah blah ... but hear me out .... You seem to be looking for a particular horse, from a breeder, a youngster and you need to be to a certain level (I think so anyway) to ride a young horse and I dont think you are there yet from the sound of your posts.

Have you thought about being a sharer for someone to gain more riding hours perhaps? or looking at the older horse that will itself have more experience and give you lots of confidence?

I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I came back to riding after a twenty year break, got a TB on a private yard just hacking out and happily plodding along and then I moved to a big livery yard which really highlighted how much of a novice I was so when he was sadly pts and I was looking for another horse the yard groom came with me and rode him first and jumped him etc and then I got on and red faced and hugely embarrassed gave him a little walk and trot round and got off quickly. He was word of mouth so the yard knew the seller and I trusted the groom who rode him and he felt right for me and ticked the boxes so I brought him and once home I did my own thing, he allowed me to gain trust and confidence in my riding and most importantly he was VERY forgiving of my riding ability which a young horse isnt and now we are a cracking team and I dont care who see's me ride so maybe some more riding hours under your belt first or an older more experienced horse?

Good luck, nerves are a horrible thing to overcome and I feel for you.

 

[Damnation]

I would rather that someone rode my horse sympathetically and softly (even if their head was in the air) then get on and demand an immidiate outline - especially a baby horse who probably doesn't yet have the muscle of education to maintain a shape.

If you can bring your instructor too to potentially hop on first, assess if the horse is suitable for you and for a bit of moral support

 

[paddi22]

In answer to why i am looking at breeders/youngsters, I am looking for a companion for life. I dont want to sell on, i really want a lifetime partner where we can learn together and grow and just go through life side by side

I always just facepalm and cringe when people say this. Whoever started this fantasy of a 'we can grow and learn together' should be shot.


If you don't speak french and you're friend doesn't speak french, you aren;t going to teach eachother french.

I've just seen SOOO many youngsters confused and mistrained so many times by people with this fantasy. Of course, the majority do get there in the end, because they love the horse and put the work in - but they get there a lot slower and with exactly the same bond as someone who bought a more established horse. Youngster need training with someone who is experienced with youngsters. It's a whole different skillset needed to ride a youngster. And the fact that you are worried about how you ride in front of someone, and think someone is expecting you to get a beautiful outline on a youngster, shows that you don;t really understand what's involved and what you need to do on the horse you are on.

why on earth wouldn't you get an older horse you can have fun with and push your riding forward on.I'm sorry to sound harsh, and i don't mean to. But just saw a guy here recently (who is a good enough rider) get a four year old with the best of intentions for it that came out of the breeders a sweet little thing, and is now rearing and just looking completely confused when it's ridden because he hasn't experience with youngsters. And i've seen it happen so many many times in the past. Why not get something even a few years old that you can event again and have fun with?

 

[Equi]

Take a step back! Get a lesson or two and then make a meeting with someone to see a horse and turn your phone off! It's all just nerves and excitement nothing to do with your riding.

 

[Damnation]

and I know Damnation and whatever the other one is called will continue to tell me I'm horrible

I think that on the thread you are referring to you were insensative and misguided. I also think you went out of your way to wind certain people up and you lacked any form of tact or empathy.

That does not mean that opinion translates onto your reply here as I am an adult with the ability to let things go and move on with my life. But please, instead of dragging it up on this posters thread send me a PM to air your grievances in an adult manner.

 

[ester]

The thing is with good breeders too, it matters to them what their youngstock go and do, because they in turn advertise the rest of their stock. My YO has recently been looking for a 4/5yo and several have been keen she has one of theirs because they know it will be taken on correctly and competed (dressage) at a reasonable level and get a record.

Re. the keeping for life I totally understand but this is also totally possible with an older horse, we have 2 (Mum and I) and both are now having a quieter life hacking, one was bought at 5, the other at 12, the 12 year old actually kept competing/hunting etc for 3 years after the younger one was able to (he is now 23) and because of his type likely to outlive her too!

I too wonder if getting share for the winter would help, it would mean a bit more independent riding without your instructor there all the time and just get you some more miles on the clock and I wouldn't restrict myself to breeders when looking because of what I said above. Also I would never consider myself good enough to bring on a proper baby and having experienced how much you can improve an older horse anyway, we were just learning half pass together before he had to semi-retire, could go right, not left I don't see the point, I need something that can help me out a bit with the bits I am missing or at least be patient with me while we work it out. When getting one for 'life' really there is little difference between a 4/5yo and an 8yo other than you can probably screw up the 8yo less.

 

[Annagain]

I have this thing in my mind that the breeder will want to see me leg yielding and riding in a nice outline and so on.. Walk, trot, canter, jump, change paces fine - but more refined 'professional' techniques no..

If you're looking at youngsters the chances are THEY can't do the things you're talking about so whether you can do it in front of the breeder is irrelevant. I wouldn't be expecting a newly broken (I'm assuming they are if they're still with breeders) 4/5 yr old to be going in an outline and leg yielding for me the first time I rode it.

In answer to why i am looking at breeders/youngsters, I am looking for a companion for life. I dont want to sell on, i really want a lifetime partner where we can learn together and grow and just go through life side by side.

You could easily buy a 6-8yr old and still have plenty of years of doing that.

 

[Antw23uk]

I think that on the thread you are referring to you were insensative and misguided. I also think you went out of your way to wind certain people up and you lacked any form of tact or empathy.

That does not mean that opinion translates onto your reply here as I am an adult with the ability to let things go and move on with my life. But please, instead of dragging it up on this posters thread send me a PM to air your grievances in an adult manner.

Bless you, stop making this about me

 

[Regandal]

You haven't mentioned any input/support from your instructor.
A good one will advise and accompany you to viewings (you may have to pay them for their time). Any sellers I've encountered don't mind a friend/instructor giving you reassurance whilst you're riding.
I'd also look for an established horse.

 

[Siennasong]

Thanks for all your advice,, to the poster who said they hope they are not being harsh - of course you are not being harsh, i wrote on this forum for honest advice and so i'm prepared to hear anything. I've decided on two things: 1. Postpone buying for one year and just ride and ride and ride till then.. 2. Expand my searches and also look for older and more established! Thank you for replying

 

[SpringArising]

I don't think i can get on a horse and immediately get a beautiful outline, or change paces without my legs and hands visibly moving.. Things like that.

I think you're thinking more of the horse's head position when you say that as opposed to the way it's working. Horses should be able to warm up slowly and freely and I'd much rather see that than see someone immediately fixated on what the horse's neck and head is doing. Also, if you can't go through the transitions without your legs and hands 'visibly' moving then it sounds like you could do with a bit more practice before taking on a youngster.

Are you going to be able to sit quietly without being slammed around if they throw in a buck, or several? If they spook at something?

ETA - just seen your update. I think you're making a good choice

 

[Micropony]

I always just facepalm and cringe when people say this. Whoever started this fantasy of a 'we can grow and learn together' should be shot.


If you don't speak french and you're friend doesn't speak french, you aren;t going to teach eachother french.

I've just seen SOOO many youngsters confused and mistrained so many times by people with this fantasy. Of course, the majority do get there in the end, because they love the horse and put the work in - but they get there a lot slower and with exactly the same bond as someone who bought a more established horse. Youngster need training with someone who is experienced with youngsters. It's a whole different skillset needed to ride a youngster. And the fact that you are worried about how you ride in front of someone, and think someone is expecting you to get a beautiful outline on a youngster, shows that you don;t really understand what's involved and what you need to do on the horse you are on.

why on earth wouldn't you get an older horse you can have fun with and push your riding forward on.I'm sorry to sound harsh, and i don't mean to. But just saw a guy here recently (who is a good enough rider) get a four year old with the best of intentions for it that came out of the breeders a sweet little thing, and is now rearing and just looking completely confused when it's ridden because he hasn't experience with youngsters. And i've seen it happen so many many times in the past. Why not get something even a few years old that you can event again and have fun with?

This is spot on. I am only getting away with it because the horse is exceptional, I have bags of support and am lucky to have the money to pay for as much training for me and the horse as has been necessary at any point. No question, no compromise. Underestimate what's involved at your peril, or more to the point, at the horse's peril.

I am not questioning your commitment or your genuine concern for the wellbeing of any horse you buy, just be aware that if it goes wrong rather than a companion for life you could just as easily end up with a messed up horse you can't or don't enjoy riding, and for whom it could prove tricky to find a good home even at a huge financial loss.

You have probably thought all this through carefully, and discussed it with your trainer at length?

 

[Siennasong]

This is spot on...

You have probably thought all this through carefully, and discussed it with your trainer at length?

Yes we have spoken and I also have the money to provide as much training as needed etc.. And loads of support at the new place.. But reading over my posts and replies i'm pretty much thinking to postpone because i don't want to go into this when i am unsure about something, anything., i want to be so sure and so certain that i wouldn't even need to write on a forum, i think these replies are exactly what i needed. I don't want to rule out a youngster for later, but i also want to expand my search to older and more established

 

[conniegirl]

Sorry but I realy realy dont think you are ready for a youngster!
The work and schooling involved is imense and no reputable breeder will sell a decent youngster to a novice as it is a bad advert for thier stock when the horse goes out and does badly.

 

[Siennasong]

Sorry but I realy realy dont think you are ready for a youngster!
The work and schooling involved is imense and no reputable breeder will sell a decent youngster to a novice as it is a bad advert for thier stock when the horse goes out and does badly.

Yes i agree, i replied to say i ruled out a youngster and maybe in the future but not now

 

[paddi22]

You sound like you've a good head on your shoulders so i wouldn't postpone the horse search completely. You sound like you've a good support network so why not get horse a year or two older that has a bit more mileage? You'd still have it for donkeys years, the only difference is that it would have the basics well established. If you volunteer at your local riding club you might meet up with people selling exactly the kind of horse you need. You sound like you've experience, so i wouldn't put off buying at all, i just wouldn;t buy a youngster. Get something you can be out having fun on.

 

[Micropony]

Yes we have spoken and I also have the money to provide as much training as needed etc.. And loads of support at the new place.. But reading over my posts and replies i'm pretty much thinking to postpone because i don't want to go into this when i am unsure about something, anything., i want to be so sure and so certain that i wouldn't even need to write on a forum, i think these replies are exactly what i needed. I don't want to rule out a youngster for later, but i also want to expand my search to older and more established

I think that's a great plan. Best of luck in the meantime!