End of my tether...

S14Tobin

S14Tobin

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Well, I'm still new on here, posted recently about some issues I'm having with my gekding since some kids decided to try and ride him etc... \i've found him a place on a decent yard, where I know this can't happen, and I can finally get him into a decent routine, hopefully start to work him starting from scratch and maybe get somewhere. I've not ridden him more than 2 times in the last 6 months due to one thing and another and TBH he walks all over me, and I admit I am scared of him ow, which is a big issue! However, quitting is not an option, and I don't want to give up when I know I can unlock the door into something better for both of us. Anyway, after the trouble Ive had after the kids caused the trouble, I've not tried too much with him, fussed him in the field, bought a Dually halter, and took my time last night putting it on, and brought him out the field, led him round for a very short time, then put him back out on a positive note. Tonight was dreadful, Halter on no problem at all, but then my knees started shaking, and I really strugled to convince myself to move. Called OH who came across the field and started leading him with me - and Oh god... after, maybe 20 paces, P started getting slightly shirty, more in body language than action, and ended up doing the same ting again, barges infront and across your path, and breaking free. OH actually managed to run with him this time, and narrowly managed missing hooves he swears aimed at him this time. He caught him again no problem, and same thing happened although he managed to run with him and bring him rounf to face him. Ended up bringing him back to the gate whereby P turned to barge, ended up nearly running OH over as he was barging/trotting with OH against his chest, terrified me, hurt OH etc... we tried again, walked him few steps and took halter off on the best note I thought we could get.... wits end. I love my boy, he's my best friend, but I can't do this - thought of anything is upsetting right now. Tomorrow plan to get him into the small paddock my stable, will be another horse the other side of the fence to him, but wqnt to put him in paddock on his own incase he has bonded more strongly than I thought with the 3 he is turned out with now. I plan to be there all day tomorrow around him in some way (packing his stuff up to move). Just wish I could find someone to help who wants to ride him for free, but to hget him going so I can get some confidence back - god knows I dont have much free time to ride, so happy for someone to ride him for free whenever they like!! If wishes were horses.... Another thing thats really got me down is he's piled the weight on in the last few weeks since this all started so totally ashamed of both me and him... Dont want to give up but even so... almost feel close to it ...
 
You sound stressed! My advice is get some professional help right now. A few sessions with you and your horse, and maybe your OH watching, will probably totally turn the whole thing around for you. Get a local recommendation, or try the natural horsemanship sites for an approved NH associate, even a Parelli practitioner (ducks!) could help you with ground skills to stay safe and let your horse know the rules around you. Its not difficult but it needs to be shown to you on the ground which is why I recommend this action. Its an investment that will repay all your horsey life as well.
 
I really agree with oldred. You'd be amazed at the help they can give you within a few short sessions and then once you've set the ball rolling, the whole outlook will appear much better
 
Stressed? A little... but more frustrated with myself. I've had him since he was aprox 8 months, he's rising 11 now, I brought him on, did send himaway to be backed as although I have before, my daughter was quite young at the time, and just didnt want to face the thought of having a fall and not being able to be mum. Lucyfer - he is a shire friesian x, so a big big lad. After he was broken in, I took myself off on a natural horsemanship course with a lady who trained with MR, she was fantastic, and I learned alot, as you always can! Despite being round and having horss since I was a child, I'vre suddenly lost my nerve. No idea why, but I need to do something, and freely admit I need help, my 'vision' is clouded now and I cant see a way through my issues to deal with this properly - feel like a baby in nappies again!
 
You say you have only ridden him twice in 6 months 'due to one thing or another'?

- do you not have time? twice in 6 months is a huge gap!!

I think he needs a routine, even if it starts out as 20 minutes handling each day before you even consider riding him. He is enjoying the easy life without a routine at the minute and when you go and do something with him he is just thinking 'yeh right!!' and becomes unrully to put you off.

Start by restricting his grass, get some weight off him.
 
Would second getting the local NH associate out - they will show you how to use the Dually properly and redress the balance of power back into your favour so you horse respects you and your space etc.

Good luck with it - try taking some Rescue Remedy before you start dealing with your horse - you nerves will transfer to him and he needs to feel you are confident. And make sure you are wearing proper boots, hat and gloves. I would also use a lunge line to lead your boy while you get on top of this so you can stay out of the way of flying hooves and still hang on to him.

Good luck and stay safe.
 
ne thing and another - read that as I've been in hospital on and off, and only just getting back to being physically thinking about riding, and as another post (not on this one)_ he's had 3 pretty major operations- I took decision to let my other guy go out on loan as caring for two was out of the question, and OH not horsey at all. Been a pretty lousy time all in all but totally agree - routine needs to be pulled back, moving to the new yard on Monday will be a huge stride forward. I think half the problem is he's possibly unsettled if I stop and think rationally, we moved house, and shortly after he moved to a 'stop-gap' small yard, which now I know is really unsuitable, thankfully a place at the yard I want to be at is now free, so moving there, in the meantime his pal has gone out on loan, so I think it's a big bunch of unavoidables which havent contributed. I really dont blame him for his behaviour, he only knows how to be a horse, its up to me to make it all right. Needed to let off steam a little, sorry all :-(
 
Sorry to hear that...but new yard...new start.

If you were a tiny bit closer I'd love to come and help you as I'm only in Leics. Things will start to fall into place again, it wont take long!
 
Thanks guys - really helped to blow off a little on here - OH really isn't interested, children far too young to listen ( :-) ) and nobody else to moan to really! Just v. frustrated with myself - I've regressed into a beginner :-)

Lucyfer - Thank you, always nice to hear! I think I'll be buying a bottle of rescue remedy tomorrow, and let fun commence!
 
[ QUOTE ]
. I really dont blame him for his behaviour, he only knows how to be a horse, its up to me to make it all right. Needed to let off steam a little, sorry all :-(

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't make too many excuses for him though - you have had him a long time and he's not a baby any more.

Some good suggestions above. Have you tried leading him in a bridle?

Hope it all turns out alright for you
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Thank you... me too....No, very true, he isn't a baby, but still green sadly! Thought about bridle, just concerned me if he did prat and break free, a leadrope would be preferable to reins round his legs. Will see how things go in the morning....
 
But you could attach the lead rope to the bit (threading it through the ring on the other side) and take the reins off
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My old boy (Kenellen) used to bolt off whenever I was leading him through the field when I first got him. He was let off with so much with his previous owners. You just need to persevere and use your body and stength to yank him when he goes to tank off ( a lunge line helps). Dont forget gloves though! Ive made that mistake a few times and had ALL my fingertips burned off *ouch*
 
lol yes thought about sticking it through the rings as soon as i'd hot send (d'oh) lol - I'm a tad over 5ft, and he's sort of a wee bit bigger, so notices me about as much as a flea - I guess I will just have to be as annoying and stick with him! Never had a problem leading him until those brats messed about a few weeks ago - do wonder if the first time I caught him after they'ed obv. scared him, that he panicked and broke free - and then thought aha!!!! she's a lightweight! Well! tomorrow I shall be a persistangt little flea! oh, the confidence one gets from a bottle of red.... lol hanks guys - yes, hatted, booted, lunged lined and will grab gloves too (ouch)
 
Good luck and don't give in and always finish on a good note.
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He will be how he used to be given time and patience. Keep us updated...and take a pic of him!
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I second NH horsemanship expert. I had the problem with my filly. She was led on a lunge line by previous owners and grazed as she went along. Bought her home and after first week she was a nightmare. She reared on my head and used to run in front of me to graze and block my path. Got so bad that i must admit i was too scared to get her out of her field for 6 weeks. I was frightened of her, but i also knew that I couldnt sell her with this problem. One time my OH and I had a lunge line each side of her. She looked at me and kicked me to the floor, and chipped a bone in my thumb. She bolted off and i just sobbed with frustration.
Called NH person and she came out and put a dually on (couldnt even put a head collar on and off as it was just left on by previous owners) she put a dually on top and began working her in the field, just backing up etc. I said the real problem is when i lead her to the stables as she just drags me around the grass walk way leading to it. She took her out and had a bit of a struggle, but she just kept backing up and leading her in zig zags to focus her attention. After she gave her to me. She reared up on me, so she suggested my sister do it until i felt braver (was petrified by this stage) I kept working her 20 mins every night in the field and opened the field gate and walked on and off problem area gradually increasing the time on there. Did this very slowly and it really paid off. I asked NH if she would ever stop and she wasnt sure as she was very bad. For a while I had to use a little pressure halter (from shires) which clipped onto headcollar d rings as i couldnt even get the dually on.
Anyway.. now she is fantastic. I used dually for about 6 months and now she backs up on command (voice) and i lead her up with my gelding, and I have even walked her out in hand on the road, fiest show and we have never looked back.
I know what you mean about being intimidated by their size. I am 5.3 and my girl was 16 h leggy warmblood (at 2)
Stick with it! I remember crying my eyes out in the tack room and having sleepless nights worrying about what I would do with her! My NH said that you have to use a dually (even she couldnt do it with a normal head collar) - and make sure he is paying attention to you as looking around is just rude.
It was the best money I have ever spent and I can honestly say that hour changed my life. I always re assert myself everyday (just backing up) and you can move her with your finger tip now.
Less than a year ago I was in your shoes and i really sympathise
Dont give up - nothing is impossible xx
 
Thank you.... that made me water up a little too! When I look back now to when I used to lead him and my 16.1hh mare in together and the shetland in the other, makes me realise how bad he has become... I can't and won't give up, but been hard to see the wood for the trees. Up and off to chemist (in supermarket at this time I think!!) to OD on rescue remedy - hell, he can have some too! Plan to put him in the little paddock on his own, another horse is next to him, then his attention will have to refocus a little on me... how I get him in there is a different matter, but go he will! Thanks everyone, you've really helped more than you know!
 
If you are scared, the horse will pick up on it and react accordingly. He needs to have the boundaries of behaviour spelt out in no uncertain terms to him and then you need to be consistent about enforcing these.

Go on the Intelligent Horsemanship website and look for a Recommended Associate in your area, then call them. I had one out last year to my big lad who walked all over everyone who handled him - needed to be led everywhere in a chifney, would rear at the end of the lead rope, take off, spin round, trample you, awful to turn out.... etc etc. I had a Kelly Marks RA out and it really helped. She showed me what I needed to be doing and how I should behave to keep him in line. We haven't looked back since and my big rude ignorant horse is now an absolute sweetheart. Find your local RA and get them out. It cost me £30 for an hour and was money very well spent
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Have pm'd you with the details of Mickey Gavin. He's good
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. He'll stick with you 'till you're happy (or rather the horse is happy - anyone who knows Mickey will know what I mean
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)

I'm near-as-dammit just up the road from you, so if you need a shoulder just yell
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Just a quick update - went up earlier full of rescue remedy, and all in all he was an angel. So much so, he had a bath - hose did threaten to bite him at the start, but his snort and mini rear soon put it in its place :-) - think the shock of seeing me in a hat to fetch him in confused him so he forgot he was a Big Monster - only usually use it to do work etc. I brought him in with the dually and a lunge line, he was actually waiting for me, so I didnt need to do the frek across the field where the problems have been, but he will stay in the small paddock now until Monday when he moves.

Chestnut Cob - Yep, having trouble contacting the one locally, digging out all my notes from the course I did with Tracy James, but thank you, it IS nice to know someone else owns a big ignoramous!

Mrs Mozart - thanks PM'ed back, if you're ever bored, let me know, seeing me with P is better than a trip to the circus anytime
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Thanks to everyone for their help - you definately gave me the ammo I needed today!
 
Yay! well I went back a bit later to get a load of stuff to take to the new yard, went to put headcollar on and he wasn't playing - didn't press it as he stood like a lamb to put his fly repellant on, seemed a little unsettled, but expect that as he's now in a small paddock away from the others, although another horse is the other side the fence. Will see how he goes tomorrow, due to his op he's a bit messy wee'ing, so he needs another tail wash anyway! Do feel a bit happier though!
 
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