Ever feel like just giving up?

[dancingkris]

Sorry but I just need a moan. Feeling really fed up tonight and just not sure where to go. Long story but here goes. I am the very lucky owner of 3 horses, 2 TB geldings, one of whom is retired and a mini kept at a private field/stables. I have 1 horse which is capable of being ridden - I have had him for nearly 3 years but due to various issues, including hoof neglect when I got him, a hock fracture which resulted in surgery and then my subsequent pregnancy I have hardly ridden him . He's an ex racehorse and quite green to ride. I had a chap riding him last year whilst I was expecting and he did well with him in hunter trials and xc which is what the horse loves. He was never a straightforward ride and seemed to hate schooling but loved to gallop and jump and hack out.

Fast forward to this year and nothing seems to be going right. My original rider now has a new job and can't commit to riding but I have another lady helping me who is currently lunging him with a view to riding him - she's lovely and doing a great job with him. He's had more problems with his feet which have resulted in a change of farrier and he's now barefoot on a barefoot diet (which he's been on for ages) but sadly I can't seem to find boots to fit and as we are on a very stoney bridlepath the only riding options are in the field. I am limited for time with a new baby and also am not the best at schooling. My background is riding racehorses (since I was 15 and Im now nearly 40!) so I tend to ride 'that way' and it's a habit I am desperate to break.

Still with me...sorry it's long! Anyway I have been riding my boy in the field but he's getting more and more unwilling to go forward. I had his back checked a few weeks ago but nothing wrong and just put it down to napping and boredom as he loves to hack and can't, and an element of trying it on with me too. So I booked a lesson together with my sharer tonight and now feel like the worst rider ever and I should just give up and get hamsters. She was a Centred Riding instructor and the lesson was fascinating and very informative - but really highlighted to me that whilst I can ride a racehorse I can't ride traditional style very well. She thought his saddle wasn't a good fit on him - which I can sort out - and that his feet are still causing him some discomfort and suggested he should have shoes back on, which I'm not keen on doing really at the moment although it would mean he can hack out again. She has suggested that my sharer has lessons on him as he went so much better for her and she likes schooling and I should have lessons on a different horse as I can't really teach him much. She was really nice and very helpful but I just feel very low now. My horses are my sanctuary and I love them to bits - money is tight at the moment with me being on mat leave and I feel like if I ask my non horsey husband to pay for lessons etc on another horse when he's already paying out for 3 he'll hit the roof! I think my sharer also feels a bit uncomfortable about schooling him as she's just recovering from a bad fall and needs to regain her confidence, and also feels like as he's my horse that she's treading on my toes a bit (which she isn't btw). I honestly feel tonight that I want to just give up - I have had horses all my life and worked with them etc but feel like I know nothing about riding and feel useless. I am even thinking about putting him out on loan to someone who can give him the education he needs but I would miss him so much - and don't think my sharer would ever forgive me! I feel like it's 1 step forward and 2 steps back! Apologies for the self pitying post - I just needed a whinge! Red wine and giant buttons on offer if you have got this far! X

 

[Sukistokes2]

I am sorry you feel that way......bloody horses!!!! The only way your going to improve your riding us by doing it. Once the saddle is sorted he may feel better, talk to your farrier about his feet, I know some will go on about it but barefoot is not the ideal state for some horses. I have one with and one without.

Several years ago I had a crisis in my riding, I was having panic attacks, it was because I was not doing it right, I went back to having lessons and working on my position , I had never been taught correctly as a kid. It took ages and I went through some very "funny"processes, like my lower legs becoming "unstuffed" but it did work and I feel much better now. I really believe learning to ride is an on going process one you have to work at all the time. I have lessons all the time, usually not every week but at least once a month.

I do not think your instructor was helpful to say you were not good on your horse and your sharer was better, it is your horse, why should you pay for lessons on another horse, you want to learn on your own. I would look for someone new, someone who will reset your position and work you through this stage. Once you are on a good place all of your experience will kick in and you will be great.
Good luck.

 

[Morland]

Don't give up! Susistokes2 speaks sense - and I have had to relearn stuff too after a lifeltime of riding - it is possible to adjust and build your confidence with new abilities. A supportive, thoughtful instructor will help you through it. Choose wisely - someone who 'gets' you and you feel in tune with. Enjoy!

 

[Fides]

I know just how you feel I love my horses but haven't ridden for a month due to one thing or another and now would have to go through the whole fittening regime again. I'd love a horsey buddy to make it more fun but I'm at home on my own so there's just me

 

[Palindrome]

This instructor sounds very snobby. Get some boots and take the horse hacking. It sounds like you both need some fun. Then when you've gained your confidence back, find a supporting instructor to get your schooling on the right track. It's not rocket science but you need the right personn and a fit willing horse. If you ask on the forum Phoenix Horse you'll probably get help to find the boots that suit you. And perhaps worth getting the saddle checked.

 

[honetpot]

I do not know about you but I can vaguely remember being a child and getting on and just doing it, and the joy that just doing it gave us. Things only got complicated when suddenly you found out how bad a rider you were and your horse had to be schooled.
Do not let anyone make you feel bad that you ride race style, its usually very effective and not many people would get on a fit racehorse for the second time. I would think what do you really want, and what is the horse naturally good at, which seems to me sounds like hacking and XC. Now you could spend angst and time trying to shove this square peg into a round hole which I think will leave both of you frustrated. You may not want to go XC but do you really want to go round in circles and if you do is he the right horse? I once had a lesson on my daughters pony where the instructor said if I rode it more often it would be a really good dressage pony, yes I said but its not for me its for my daughter, your horse is for you and its the instructors job to find a way to gel you not make you feel rubbish.
The feet, well I had a draught cross who had terrible feet, used to lose shoes about a week after they were put on and used every type of hoof moist and feed additive. He was at livery for two weeks and someone else shod him and the shoes stayed on for six weeks, so I found another farrier and we never had problems again, so I would try and find someone who puts the nails well up the hoof wall, then at least you would be able to hack out.
I to am struck, I have a field full of lovely ponies and nobody to help me break them. You just have to think like Scarlett O'Hara,
'' tomorrows another day.....'', but it gets a bit annoying sometimes, I another home alone.

 

[Burmilla]

I think the "instructor" should look into some tuition on how to teach! Doesn't sound very inspiring at all. Perhaps have a think about what you and your horse would enjoy doing together, and make a plan on how you and your sharer can get there. Go easy on yourself - anyone who can ride fit racehorses has my respect!

 

[Notimetoride]

Seems to be a bit of square peg / round hole going on here. Why try to 'conform' to traditional riding ? Crikey , we all have these horses to enjoy, no matter how we get our enjoyment, whether its eventing, or just spending time with our horses and not riding. If you want to hack out, put shoes back on and hack out. Horse sounds possibly he may be a little bored so isnt going forward. Really, just work with what you've got and dont beat yourself up.

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

If you want to change your riding style, you and the sharer probably have enough info from the lesson to know what you're aiming for, so let her lunge you on the horse so you can work on your position. If she wants to pay for extra lessons to help her school the horse then she can, you can watch and learn a lot that way. With a green horse is helps if both of you ride with the same style/method to avoid confusion.

I don't think the instructor was out of order considering what you've told us (and probably her) about your goals and you knew she used a particular method when you booked her. She hasn't said you cant learn on your own horse, only said what would be best. I'm sure you have enough experience to know that a green horse and a novice rider won't get anywhere fast. Being a novice to a new style of riding and not picking it up in two seconds doesn't mean you should give up. Give yourself a chance.

Somewhere out there will be boots to fit your horse. All horses get bored without variety so if you can't hack ensure your schooling sessions are varied, you dont need to go round and round in circles to school a horse. Could you put down some wood bark or sand (or even your bedding if you're mucking out) in a corner of the field to make a temporary arena space until your horse is more used to working on hard ground?