Ever upset anyone in the outside world with what you post here?

[FionaM12]

Has anyone else inadvertently upset someone with what they're written here?

The day before I left my previous yard (3 weeks ago), one of the other livery owners had harsh words with me. Turns out she'd been following my story on here (I had no idea) and was annoyed by my posts. She thought it put the yard/my fellow liveries in a bad light.

I was gobsmacked. It seemed amazing that she'd been following my posts but never said until I left. Also I was confused by how offended she was. So much so that when I got home I re-read all my previous posts. Everything I said appears to me to be true and fair, and I can't see any criticism of anyone else in my threads. Few people would recognise me anyway, Fiona isn't my real name and I've never named any person or yard.

I said I was sorry for inadvertently causing offence, and I meant the apology. This lady had been very kind and helpful when I first arrived at the yard and it's sad that we parted on such a sour note.

I'm still confused by what I'd done wrong though. I suppose posts on a forum can easily be misconstrued.

To clarify: I loved the farm I used to keep Mollie at. However it wasn’t right for Mollie and my needs. Most of the liveries there are rarely (if at all) ridden. The stables are scattered round the farm so I rarely met many of the other owners. Those I did meet were pleasant, but mostly they'd just see to their horses and leave. No-one ever asked me to go hacking with them. I don’t take that personally, it’s just the way it was.

The horses at the farm seemed happy and healthy, but I felt Mollie needed turnout and I needed somewhere off-road to ride her.

The new yard isn’t a farm, and I do miss the farmer, his wife, the collie, hens etc. I love farms. However at this yard, the horses are all ridden every day, unless there’s a good reason why not. The yard is always busy, full of people grooming, chatting, laughing...if the owners aren’t at school, college or work they’re hanging out at the yard. There’s a lit ménage and winter turnout. Everyone is helping me overcome Mollie and my nervousness. Several of the girls have ridden her and given me feedback and I have lots of hacking buddies when I feel ready to hit the road.

Mollie is a different horse. Daily turnout suits her, she only has to stand in her stable at night or truly awful weather. And when she does, she watches the goings-on with pricked ears and interest. A lot of her nervousness has gone.

I’ve been a bit shy of saying all this, in case I cause offence again. None was ever meant nor can I see anything offensive in what I’ve said. But then, I never could.

 

[rhino]

I certainly never picked up any negativity about your previous yard - I think there were quite a few people trying to persuade you to move (including me) as it just didn't suit where you were with Mollie at the current time. Some people do tend to get a bit sensitive reading posts on here and take things the wrong way - as has been seen repeatedly in recent days

To answer your question, no, not that I'm aware of. I make no attempt to 'hide' who I am and therefore am probably fairly recognisable to anyone who knows me or the ginger horse

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

Try not to take it to heart and worry about it It is possible that she didn't like you saying they didn't ride - whilst it maybe the truth people don't always like hearing it We have some liveries here like that - at times I have hardly ridden due to work commitments etc but what other people think doesn't bother me as they are my horses and my money so if I want them as expensive pets lawnmowing I will - equally if I ride them every day have lessons etc I will. That farm obviously suits haer and the others who are there - it didn't suit you so you moved. Your descision your horse - so don't worry As for her following you on here and not saying anything is always the risk you take when posting on the net - again as there was nothing defamtory don't let it worry you - she obviously has let it take on its own life

Enjoy your new yard and Mollie - horses are an expensive hobby so you need to be able to enjoy them

 

[Black_Horse_White]

You do read a lot of posts on here about people not riding and being berated on here. Maybe the livery is just being over sensitive, some people just take comments made too much to heart sometimes, I just think it's my horse and I'll do what I like, I've also followed your posts and you've said nothing that should be taken the wrong way. You are doing what's best for you and Mollie. I've not as far as I know said anything on here to upset anyone, can't say the same about myself unfortunately :-(

 

[SpottedCat]

Don't worry - I had a letter from someone threatening to sue me for defamation. I threw the letter in the bin - no defamation cases get to court unless you are exceptionally rich since it is virtually impossible to prove.

 

[Honey08]

I didn't think that you'd said anything particularly bad about the livery yard or it's clients (from what I remember), it just came across as though you needed a busier yard with more help/company around.

Regarding some of the other threads on here criticising their yards, I can totally understand how people get offended if they recognise them! I would like to think (but may be wrong) that I wouldn't post something that would offend people.

 

[NooNoo59]

She looks gorgeous! lucky you

 

[MrsMozart]

I don't remember anything bad in your posts.

If I remember right, there was limited turnout and you didn't get to socialise/learn more there (as one does when there are a lot of people about), so you moved to somewhere that was right for your horse and you. Simples.

We've moved from yards where we were perfectly happy, but either the horse needed something (grass usually), or the yard was too far away - been on a lovely place, but just too far for us at that time; we tried it for a couple of months, but just couldn't keep it up.

In answer to your question OP, I don't think I've written anything that anyone has taken the wrong way, or if I have I don't remember anyone commenting. I have met quite a few people from here in RL, so would no doubt soon be told if I'd said something someone considered to be off

 

[Sheep]

I can imagine that must've shocked you. I read quite a few of your posts at the time, and you always made a point of saying how much you liked the people, but the facilities weren't what you and Mollie really needed.

I haven't upset anyone in the outside world I don't think, but I tend to be careful because I know I could be easily recognised from pictures etc etc.

ETA: Not trying to imply that you weren't careful!

 

[Rouletterose]

Sounds as though you are in a lovely place now, and that's all that matters, people do get offended over nothing, that's the way the horse world is, sounds as though the lady at the previous yard was over sensitive and took the fact that you were leaving personally.

There are one or two good yards around here that will not take liveries unless the horses are regularly ridden and worked and I think you have done the right thing for you and Molllie, so just forget about the other place and put it down to experience.

Good luck to you both.

 

[FionaM12]

It is possible that she didn't like you saying they didn't ride - whilst it maybe the truth people don't always like hearing it

The thing is, I never said that none of the horses are ridden. A few are, and this lady's horse was one of them. Some weren't ridden as they are too young or retired, but there are several which just seem to be pets.

She looks gorgeous! lucky you

Thank you, I think so too!

Good luck to you both.

Thank you.

 

[Ibblebibble]

Fiona you are one of the least offensive people on here i can't imagine how the livery could have got upset by anything you said about the farm you were on!! Obviously a little sensitive
I haven't upset anyone through HHO as far as i know, i have had fallings out via a forum before that got nasty and left me very aware how easy it is for things to blow up out of all proportion

 

[noblesteed]

Don't worry about it. People will interpret what you write in whatever way they choose... Usually the wrong way!!! This is why I have taken all my work colleagues off my facebook page - turns out that people who I thought were my friends were going to the boss about what I had put on facebook - which was NOTHING about work!!!! However I still got into trouble over it because it was 'open to interpretation'.... They now won't speak to me because I 'blocked' them all!!!!!
It is a horrible way to lose a friend, because you cannot defend yourself - they have already made a huge amount of assumptions, and read between the lines whatever little paranoias they have. You will be feeling very guilty and awkward no doubt, and very cross at being 'stalked' in this way. It's a very emotive thing!
The best you can do is apologise (as you already have) and move on... at least you don't have to go back there. Many people lose friends when they move yards, even when leaving on good terms (this has happened to me). It sounds as though you have made the right decision for you and your horse. You need to keep in your head the fact that your horse is costing you a LOT of money to keep, and because of that it is your RIGHT to enjoy your time with a happy horse. You have only done what any sensible, caring horse-person would do, which is put your horse's (and your) happiness first.

 

[FionaM12]

I didn't think that you'd said anything particularly bad about the livery yard or it's clients (from what I remember), it just came across as though you needed a busier yard with more help/company around.

I don't remember anything bad in your posts.

If I remember right, there was limited turnout and you didn't get to socialise/learn more there (as one does when there are a lot of people about), so you moved to somewhere that was right for your horse and you. Simples.

I can imagine that must've shocked you. I read quite a few of your posts at the time, and you always made a point of saying how much you liked the people, but the facilities weren't what you and Mollie really needed.

This is all I ever meant to say! No criticism of anyone intended, I just needed to be somewhere where there's lots of interaction and sharing of knowledge, as well as more facilities.

 

[FionaM12]

Fiona you are one of the least offensive people on here i can't imagine how the livery could have got upset by anything you said about the farm you were on!!

Thankyou.

 

[MrsHutt]

As others have said, I shouldn't worry. You know you didn't say anything to offend and you have only done what's best for you and your horse - that's all we all want to do!

I don't think I have ever said anything that would upset anyone and I always stick by what my headteacher told us about FB etc (I'm a teacher) - ie. 'don't say anything that you wouldn't want read out in assembly'! So I don't

 

[Luci07]

I have had a truly odd scenario whereby a livery at my yard referred to my posts but then would not tell me her forum name. Not as if I had anything to hide and certainly wasn't complaining but felt really odd that she felt she could say she was following my posts but not who she was. Weird!. I did put up about looking at another yard - OUT of that area as was thinking of moving quite a distance away. Nothing secret about that but never felt quite the same towards said person (and if you are reading this now Helen, I still think that was just weird and ill mannered).

Anyway, said person put some pretty unpleasant stuff about our yard on this site, someone else tracked it and gave it to the YO. Management has changed and that livery went quite at the time but honestly.... how bizarre.

 

[loopinlou]

I did, it was actually quite true what I had said and there was no malice intended. Unfortunately whatever decision that i chose to make at the time would have caused problems TBH

however people at old yard out found out after I had left but decided to discuss me - it wasnt until 3months later that I found out and was 'confronted' by one person in quite an aggressive manner

funnily enough it only concerned one person and she has continued to talk about me and my horse life to whoever we mutually knew ever since despite not considering any apology that I attempted to make or to even look at me.

Unfortunately it has caused a irreparable relationship breakdown with one person who was not involved but 'turned' and I ultimately have paid the price

 

[FionaM12]

Wow. So I'm not alone?

To me the idea of this forum is to find advice and support which may not be easily available in the "real" world for whatever reason. That's worked very well for me, I've found the help here invaluable. But it is a public forum and I suppose there's always the risk of someone putting their own interpretation on what we write.

I'd always kept in mind that anyone could read this, and although I'm not instantly recognisable I'd not completely hidden my identity. I thought I'd said nothing untrue, derogatory or personal about anyone.

I still don't regret posting anything, as in the end I got the help and advice I needed and Mollie and I are happier for it.

 

[FionaM12]

(and if you are reading this now Helen, I still think that was just weird and ill mannered).

Mentioning no names of course!

 

[IsabelleJ]

I got in trouble with an old livery yard from something said on here. Apparently I had been bad mouthing the yard - I don't think I had, and looked back at my posts and couldn't find anything.

In the end the only thing I could think of was that I had mentioned that, while my livery yard advertised itself as having a cross country course, you weren't allowed to jump the jumps and were only allowed to go around the course twice a year, when the hunter trials were on, as the rest of the time the course ran through the grazing fields.

I still think I was perfectly justified in saying it - it was the truth, after all! But it's never nice to think that people are reporting on everything you say. And some people do seem to get offended by the slightest thing, however nicely you mean it

Isabelle

 

[cassie summers]

YES i did apparently i slagged the yard that i was at which i didnt as the yard was nice i just wasnt very complimentry about YO as.... well i cant say as i think she stalks me

 

[Tuffles 23]

Hi you sound very sweet and no not on a forum only in person

 

[fjordhorsefan]

I've got in trouble a few times on various places online, but only for posting actual events. Although, perhaps calling a previous YO a psychopath was a step too far (it is true though!!)

 

[soulfull]

I didn't get in trouble but it was bought to YM attention by higher ups I even named my yard and said all the things I didn't like actually in the hope they would do something about them (I did mention the good things too)

Apparently YM told higher ups there was nothing she could do as what I had said was ALL perfectly true

Didn't change anything though (although things 'are' in the pipeline)

I only did it as the things that are wrong actually spoil what would be a fantastic yard and its such a shame

Having said all that I did look around recently just to see what was about and still decided I like where I am despite the problems, am I a hypocrite or what

 

[maisie06]

Don't worry - I had a letter from someone threatening to sue me for defamation. I threw the letter in the bin - no defamation cases get to court unless you are exceptionally rich since it is virtually impossible to prove.

This!! I mentioned no yards, places, locations or names - guilty consciences eh??!!

 

[Mare Stare]

Not yet.

But I am so so tempted to post a link to an advert that The Numpty Family have placed looking for a new horse.

This was the family that knocked on my door asking if I had any horses to sell claiming they knew how to do everything, left the said horse on my field because they didn't have anywhere to put him and I had to seek legal advice on how to either shift them or get the horse back (which is what I was really hoping to do), didn't come to see him, left him limping (turned out that they didn't know how to pick feet out) and then stole my Parelli leadrope. I later found out that they were keeping a shetland in their garden becsuse they had nowhere to put it.

I doubt they come on here though. I just worry because they are quite a rough family and my horses are close to where they live.

 

[CarolineJ]

Not here, but years ago on a Usenet group I raised a concern about something that was being done with my not-quite-4-year-old who was on schooling livery at a big yard in Surrey and got a huge dressing-down from the owners the next time they saw me.

 

[benson21]

I have inadvertantly though! After our accident where I was injured, I was at home alot, I had 4 months on my back to recover, I got very lonely. I came on here and chatted with some, obviously discussing the accident and what happened. The other lady that was in the accident with me, and was Bensons owner, took offence to this, telling me i was trying to make it look as though I was the only one in the accident, and that I had no right to be so upset because Benson was hers, not mine! I had texts from her to that affect, and also a conversation. I said then, and now, I had no intention of offending her, etc etc, just that I see people on here as friends that had supported me all the way through.

 

[FionaM12]

The other lady that was in the accident with me, and was Bensons owner, took offence to this, telling me i was trying to make it look as though I was the only one in the accident, and that I had no right to be so upset because Benson was hers, not mine!

What a strange idea, that you could only be upset about an accident if you owned the horse.