Everything has gone horribly wrong- desperate advice needed!

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shadowboy

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If you see previous posts posts this week I have put a deposit (a tiny one of £100 on a horse this week) He was to be delivered on the 15th of Sept. I wrang today to say I had found out that I had a 30 day widrawal notice on my building society policy so could not withdaraw till 30th of Sept- I was really embarassed as I did not know this- phoned sellers who were very understanding and they agreed that they would hold on to him if I paid a £900 deposit and they would deliver on the 30th Sept, I agreed to drop it off on monday when banks are open. So... I got home and there was a message on the house phone- my grandfather who has been suffering from throat cancer has gone into hospital- he may pass away within the next few days. The whole family have been there all evening- we have just got back, I am devistated as out of all my grandparents it is this grandfather I am closest to- he had horses and I think the love for them came from him. When he passes away mum will need help with funeral costs, as money is tight at the moment since we bought and develped this house- I wont have these money unless I dont buy jack. If I am selfish I will keep going with the purchase- if I help my mum out - whos father is in hospital I wont be able to afford Jack. My life has been turned upside down. I was soo excited to have him the horse of my dreams, but now someone I love is not going to be around-I dont want to let the seller down as I had already messed them around- and I have a feeling they have told people he is sold. But this will be a tough thing for my mum and I want to help her out- she has done so much for me- I am in tears, and sooo confused. Please guys your advice?
 
Follow your dream and buy the horse, your a long time dead, I'm sure your Grandfather wouldn't want you to change your plans. Your still be there to support your mum emotionally, if not financially.
 
Oh hun, I feel for you I really do
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Can you find out if your grandfather has provided for his funeral? Can you find a will?

As he was the one you got your love for horses from, do you think he would want you to give up your horse of a lifetime for him? Or do you not think that he would want you to look forward, grieve for him but carry on with your life, purchase your horse and he would be happy for you?

If you asked him, I bet he would say, you buy your horse and go and do great things with it and be happy.

My father in law recently died, my mother in law wanted to do things as cheaply as possible and I think the whole thing cost 3 grand ish.

Hope this helps?

Am sending you big hugs ((((((((((o)))))))))))
xxx
 
I can't really offer any advice but am so sorry to hear of this. It is difficult enough loosing someone you love without all this. You really need to do what your heart says with regards to finances and only you know what this would be. Is there any way you could borrow the money to help your mum with the funeral costs? I am sorry, but I don't know your circumstances so do not know if this is feasible. Please do not worry about the sellers...it is unfortunate if your cannot proceed but life throws these things at us sometimes...sadly. Just be honest with them and tell them your plan (once you know)...you can do no more. Take care, I hope it all works out for you in whatever way is best. x
 
Call me selfish but helping pay for your grampy's funeral shouldn't really be down to you anyway but he would not want you to miss out on this horse would he?

Have a chat with your mum but funerals don't have to be that expensive. Loads of flowers (especially those ones made into letters) and cars add massively to the costs as can a big shin dig afterwards.
 
If at all possible, you really should try your best to buy the horse. I am sure it would be what your grandfather would want - especially if he is into horses. you are NOT being selfish. Have you had a good heart to heart with your mum? She probably would want you to have the horse too but most of all she needs emotional support.
A couple of months ago I was in the position that I shouldn't have bought a horse ( we really couldn't afford it) But I had already arranged to have Jerry on trial before our financial crisis came up. I carried on with the purchase of Jerry and I am so glad I did. Things are getting more sorted now but it will be very tight with money for the next 12 months. I am prepared to go without things to justify the horse but I really needed him to get me through some depressing times. You need something to lift you - and buying a horse is a great thing for that!!
Good luck and best wishes to your grandfather.
 
Do you know for a fact that you will need to help with funeral costs?
There are other ways you could help - practical things like ordering flowers or making food for the wake.

Considering your grandfather was horsey, I imagine he would want your to go ahead with your plans, but then I don't know your financial situation of what your mother may feel.
 
My grandfather and his wife live in a council house- they were farmers in Russia untill 2 years ago when he started to suffer from cancer- mum didnt think the after surgery treament was anygood so she paid for himto come here and have private healthcare. My grandparents have very little as farming in russia pays very little- I know he will not have the funds for a funeral, and yes he would have wanted me to have this horse- but part of me feels like its very selfish- I have never see my mum (and dad) so upset- mum has been sat in her room all evening since we got back.Part of me thinks there will be many horse in the future but only one last chance to pay may gradfather back for everything hes done....
 
Sweetheart, it isn't really up to you to help pay for the funeral, it is a nice thing to do, to offer but i'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to.

Have you asked your mum? I know it's probably hard to broach the subject but I'm sure your mum would want you to talk to her about it rather than bottle it up. Ask her if you should give the horse up.
xx
 
Buy the horse not for your Grandfather but because the seller & yourself have done a deal. There are means & ways for paying for a funeral and the debt can often be offset e.g you don't need to buy the headstone straight away etc Hope your Grandfather gets better though or at least has a swift passing
 
Well- my dad was given a big redundancy cheque and sold our villa abroad- they bought our house for A LOT of money and it needed ronovation- to get extra cash mums taken on breaking in horses to harness- but while grandad is in hospital/afterwards she wound be doing any for a while- she cancelled two clients already and one owner is collecting his pony on tuesday- we have commisioned the build of an arena which parents have paid 30% for materials- they are really tight- i know this because they argue about money all the time- Jack was to be paid totally by me with my new job, as I said in the previous post he will wipe my savings and I will not be able to help my parents out at all. I want him and I dont want to mess the sellers about- but my family mean the most to me and I would do anything to help them- the mood here is pretty dark and I dont think mum will discuss jack with me right now- i need to decide quickly as I need to let the sellers know either way- the £100 deposit they can keep as an appology but the selfish part of me wants to continue- sorry for all this but i dont have anyone else to talk to right now
 
If it's possible and you feel that there is a right time, why not just tell your Mum that you're gong to forfeit the £100 and not buy your horse as you realise they need your financial help. That way, she may say thank you, or no way, you get that horse. At least you will know, and you need to get this cleared up quickly for your own sanity...
 
Don't apologise, I don't think anyone minds
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I'm sure a lot of people have had similar situations, however it worries me that you think you should help out with the funeral financially. When the time comes, you will have to pay for yor parents, so I can't see that they would take your money now for your grandfather.

Listen, your grandfather hasn't passed on yet, an idea would be to carry on with the purchase and IF it comes to it, you could offer to sell it once you have worked on it, that way at least you get to buy it and I'm willing to bet, your parents would not want you to sell. Like you said, you are buying Jack from your savings, go for it girl
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xx
 
I dont think they will want me to pay for everything! gosh no- but help out with certain things- but Jack is all my savings- and having done a poll to see how many of you would go into debt to buy a horse most of you said no- and thats scared me to not buy him on credit! wow- i've never felt so unsure of something. One thing that worries me is bringing him home with mum knowing i bought him and didnt help out- if they left the constraction of the arena for a while i think they wouldnt need to money for help- but then i would have nowhere to ride- oh what a mess- two days ago and my life was amazing- i think I have jinxed everthing!
 
You poor, poor thing! I don't think you should be worrying about paying money towards your Grandad's funeral and I don't think your parents will expect you to. Your Grandad may have made provision for it himself. If you are buying the horse yourself I would go ahead with it. As someone else said - you can always offer to sell it at a later stage.
Good luck with everything.
 
Although your motives are good I think your Grandad would want you to spend on the horse not his funeral. It may sound harsh but he should have made provisions for his costs, not left it to you. I think he may well have done and you won't need to pull out.
Have you asked your Mum about it or are you assuming?
I feel quite strongly you should go ahead, not pull out.
 
Don't be silly, I could write a book on the sh*t that's happened in my life and I'm not THAT old! You haven't jinxed anything.

For your own sake, go and ask your mum what you do about Jack, that's all you have to do, then you'll know.
 
If it makes you feel any better I bought Jerry with a credit card cheque, as I've already said in my previous post, it wasn't a good time for me to spend any money but now, two months later, I don't regret it one bit. I know lots of people wouldn't go into debt for a horse but sometimes needs must. Whatever you decide, I hope it turns out ok but I do hope you get the horse.
 
I think everyone else is right, Im sure your grandad would want you to have a horse over a flash funeral. It doesnt need to cost the earth to bury someone. If it means your parents have to put off building their arena for a month or two then I think that is the way to go.

You will only have resentful feelings towards your parents and grandfather if you dont follow the dream of Jack!
 
Buy the horse, as the others have said the funeral is not your responsibility, and they really can be done on the cheap, also I think if your grandparents really are that poor they will qualify for a special payment towards the funeral from the government, (my brother-in-law died recently andhis wife got a lump sum payment for the funeral). Do some research on the net and arm yourself with some facts and then explain to your mum that you are going to buy the horse. Good Luck and keep well. My grandad left us a pair of looney chestnut ponies when he died,I am sure it was his parting shot to see us have so many laughs trying to break school and sell the buggers!
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I agree with all the previous - buy the horse. It's a short life - you really have to grab the good things as they come. It's tempting to keep looking into the future and saying 'but this could happen, that could happen' but it's no way to live. You are not responsible for this funeral if/when it happens. Believe me, it'll be dealt with somehow. See earlier thread on debt or credit. Buy the horse!
 
I agree. Hold the construction of the arena and buy the horse. Waht's the point in having somewhere to ride with no horse?
 
Thanks to everyone- I will see Jacks owners on monday- and speak to them about my situation and see what they say- I guess I just dont want to be seen poncing around on a new horse having not contributed and when mum is so upset at the moment. I am positive they will be able to sell him hes soo lovely- but I dont want to look like I am messing them around- but also want to do the right thing by my family. TripleSandH- the arena is for mums business tbh and we decided to do it now while weather was good. If we hold off it will probably have to be done in spring. Will try and get some sleep now and see what news tomorrow brings
 
Gosh what an upsetting thing to happen to you and your family. Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful person and you obviously have very strong ties to him. I wish your family all the kindest thoughts in the world as you will have a tough few days ahead of you.

I don't really know what to say about what you should do about the horse; no-one can answer that but yourself. Sometimes it is good to take yourself out of a dreadful situation and view it from outside. New beginnings and all that. Out of bad comes some good.

Whatever you choose to do, I certainly wouldn't think that anyone who cares about you, would see you as selfish because you want to buy the horse. It isn't your responsibility to pay for the funeral, although you should be commended for wanting to help out in such a kind manner.

You aren't really going into debt over buying the horse - you have your savings and your earnings from your job. Life seems confusing right now because you have so much to think about, but I think this is your chance to do something for yourself and in your grandfathers memory, however if you do decide that now is not the right time, then yes I'm sure another wonderful horse will come along at some point in the future.

You do have to make your mind up before you meet up with the sellers of the horse though. It would be unfair to string them along.

I wish you well in your decision. Look after yourself and your family.

Tia x
 
I think you should follow your dream, you Grandfather would want you to have the horse of your dreams, if he is a horsey person, he will totally understand your love for them.
Thinking of you
Keep us updated.
Loving thoughts to you and your family at this time.
Kate x
 
Ditto - follow your dream - hold off with the arena construction. You can always help pay into the arena a little from your wages maybe? To help them top up what they have spent on the funeral.
Also do research thoroughly - as someone before mentioned - there is government funding in some instances.
 
I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather and the distressing situation you currently find yourself in.

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mum didn’t think the after surgery treatment was any good so she paid for him to come here and have private healthcare

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Well- my dad was given a big redundancy cheque and sold our villa abroad- they bought our house for A LOT of money and it needed renovation

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I hope you dont take this the wrong way.........but if your parents can pay for private treatment and had a lot of money for redundancy AND sold a villa abroad..........why should you feel you need to pay for the funeral??

It is fully understandable that you wish to support your family through a very sad time and do your best by them, but it is through no fault of your own that your parents do not have the funds.................

I am sure your grandfather would be very sad to know that you are using all your savings and money from a new job to pay for funeral costs..................

As for buying a horse on credit..............many people do this, just like they do a car. You just have to make sure your horse is insured in case the worst happens. Cannot see the difference between taking a loan on a horse or a car........if they are insured with a good company then dont see what you have to lose.

At the end of the day you must make the decision for yourself, only you will know whats right.
 
What a horrible situation, poor you.
Tell your mum the quandary you are in. the sooner it is all out in the open, the better, imho. she should be able to have some input into your decision, i feel. i know she's going to be preoccupied because her father's so ill, but i hope she can spare 5 mins to discuss it with you.
i hope you get to tell your Grandad how much you love him.
good luck with it all.
could you take out a loan for half of it, from the bank, maybe? just an idea.
 
So sorry to hear about your grandfather - lots of hugs your way.

Have a chat with your mum, as a mum myself I know what I would say. Im sure she would be gutted if she knew you were worrying over this on your own.

You are lucky to have such a close knit family and Im sure it will all be ok in the end but please talk to your mum.
 
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