Fairynuff
Well-Known Member
Dear Anita Getaclue,
Thank you for your fervent support of the recent laws that were
passed in Illinois and Texas that effectively ended the closely
regulated slaughter of horses in the United States . Thank you for
pushing the practice past our borders and out of control of the
USDA's standards for humane treatment of food animals. We also
appreciate your lobbying to pass the American Horse Slaughter
Prevention Act currently in Congress, which will end the transport of
unwanted horses to foreign slaughterhouses and keep each and every
one of them within the borders of our beautiful nation alive and well!
You'll be pleased to learn that the "alive and well" part is where
you come in! A new organization has been created through the
cooperative effort of the numerous horse industry organizations and
the USDA, called "Save Horses In Trouble Help End Abandonment &
Death," or SH*THEAD for short. In accordance with the guidelines of
this new program, and to alleviate the pressure on existing rescue
facilities to take in the thousands of unwanted horses, we have
decided to place one unwanted horse under the personal care of each
and every person that supported banning horse slaughter in the United
States .
As you may know, since the slaughter facilities have closed, not only
have rescue facilities and shelters been inundated to the point that
they have to close their doors to new arrivals, but many horses have
also been neglected, starved to death, or abandoned because of the
record high hay prices. Therefore, your participation in this
program is mandatory.
We understand that it is your feeling that horses are pets, not
livestock, and since most people in the United States do not choose
to eat them, therefore no one should, and all horses should live out
their lives in an idyllic pastoral setting. We also understand that
while your relatively large 40' X 40' suburban backyard isn't exactly
Yellowstone , it will just have to do. We are certain you will make
the necessary adjustments.
Your unwanted horse is of unknown origin, but is roughly 6 years old
(although we can't get close enough to him to tell for sure), weighs
approximately 1500 pounds and has a mean streak a mile wide, and has
been known to randomly bite, strike, or kick, especially at small
children, elderly people, and house pets. We have decided to call
him "Satan."
While Satan is capable of physical aggression, unfortunately he is
not able to be ridden because of his crooked front legs. He is
capable, however, of reproducing, as he is a stallion. This is of
special import to you, as your neighbors and fellow members of the
"Horses Are Humans With Hooves" group will also be provided with
horses through our program, some of which might be mares.
For your information, the $20 you donate annually to the Humane
Society of the United States can instead buy you approximately two
bales of high-quality hay at the current market rate. Assuming that
the bales weigh 100 pounds, and you feed 20 pounds to said beast per
day, this will be enough to feed him for ten days. You will be happy
to know that the lifespan of a horse averages about 25 years, and
therefore Satan can bring you approximately 9,125 days of enjoyment.
That is, of course, only if you provide him with the best care
possible, which we are absolutely certain that you will. To ensure
that Satan is receiving proper care, an inspector will visit your
home on a weekly basis.
At your request, we can provide you with contact information for
veterinarians, farriers, trainers, equine dental practitioners,
whisperers, and tranquilizer gun dealers in your area, as well as the
necessary contacts you will need for euthanasia and disposal of
Satan's earthly vessel when he crosses over. We foresee that Satan's
death will be especially traumatic for you, being the enlightened
individual that you are, and counselors are already available at
1-900-NO-SENSE. ($3.99 for the first minute, $1.99 for each
additional minute).
Unfortunately, there is no government financial assistance for care
and maintenance costs of SH*THEAD horses, as all of the funds
allocated for such things are dedicated to the Bureau of Land
Management's Wild Horse program.
Sincerely,
Gene E. Us
Program Directorcowgirl1013_7
Knowledgeable
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 30, 2007 4:08 pm
Private message Top
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Report this postReply with quote Re: For those against horse slaughter
Thank you for your fervent support of the recent laws that were
passed in Illinois and Texas that effectively ended the closely
regulated slaughter of horses in the United States . Thank you for
pushing the practice past our borders and out of control of the
USDA's standards for humane treatment of food animals. We also
appreciate your lobbying to pass the American Horse Slaughter
Prevention Act currently in Congress, which will end the transport of
unwanted horses to foreign slaughterhouses and keep each and every
one of them within the borders of our beautiful nation alive and well!
You'll be pleased to learn that the "alive and well" part is where
you come in! A new organization has been created through the
cooperative effort of the numerous horse industry organizations and
the USDA, called "Save Horses In Trouble Help End Abandonment &
Death," or SH*THEAD for short. In accordance with the guidelines of
this new program, and to alleviate the pressure on existing rescue
facilities to take in the thousands of unwanted horses, we have
decided to place one unwanted horse under the personal care of each
and every person that supported banning horse slaughter in the United
States .
As you may know, since the slaughter facilities have closed, not only
have rescue facilities and shelters been inundated to the point that
they have to close their doors to new arrivals, but many horses have
also been neglected, starved to death, or abandoned because of the
record high hay prices. Therefore, your participation in this
program is mandatory.
We understand that it is your feeling that horses are pets, not
livestock, and since most people in the United States do not choose
to eat them, therefore no one should, and all horses should live out
their lives in an idyllic pastoral setting. We also understand that
while your relatively large 40' X 40' suburban backyard isn't exactly
Yellowstone , it will just have to do. We are certain you will make
the necessary adjustments.
Your unwanted horse is of unknown origin, but is roughly 6 years old
(although we can't get close enough to him to tell for sure), weighs
approximately 1500 pounds and has a mean streak a mile wide, and has
been known to randomly bite, strike, or kick, especially at small
children, elderly people, and house pets. We have decided to call
him "Satan."
While Satan is capable of physical aggression, unfortunately he is
not able to be ridden because of his crooked front legs. He is
capable, however, of reproducing, as he is a stallion. This is of
special import to you, as your neighbors and fellow members of the
"Horses Are Humans With Hooves" group will also be provided with
horses through our program, some of which might be mares.
For your information, the $20 you donate annually to the Humane
Society of the United States can instead buy you approximately two
bales of high-quality hay at the current market rate. Assuming that
the bales weigh 100 pounds, and you feed 20 pounds to said beast per
day, this will be enough to feed him for ten days. You will be happy
to know that the lifespan of a horse averages about 25 years, and
therefore Satan can bring you approximately 9,125 days of enjoyment.
That is, of course, only if you provide him with the best care
possible, which we are absolutely certain that you will. To ensure
that Satan is receiving proper care, an inspector will visit your
home on a weekly basis.
At your request, we can provide you with contact information for
veterinarians, farriers, trainers, equine dental practitioners,
whisperers, and tranquilizer gun dealers in your area, as well as the
necessary contacts you will need for euthanasia and disposal of
Satan's earthly vessel when he crosses over. We foresee that Satan's
death will be especially traumatic for you, being the enlightened
individual that you are, and counselors are already available at
1-900-NO-SENSE. ($3.99 for the first minute, $1.99 for each
additional minute).
Unfortunately, there is no government financial assistance for care
and maintenance costs of SH*THEAD horses, as all of the funds
allocated for such things are dedicated to the Bureau of Land
Management's Wild Horse program.
Sincerely,
Gene E. Us
Program Directorcowgirl1013_7
Knowledgeable
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 30, 2007 4:08 pm
Private message Top
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Report this postReply with quote Re: For those against horse slaughter
