Expectations too high or lack of manners?

[WarmbloodX]

So…..are my expectations too high, or is this a lack of manners?

I’ve had a lady arrange twice to come to my private yard (not livery yard) to look and see if it suits her and not turn up. And only let me know 5 minutes before the first time and half an hour before the second time.
I then dropped her a message a week later asking if she still wanted to come & got no reply at all , not even an acknowledgment.

So I gave up on her and have had someone else message. Said they would come Saturday - got to 11.40 no message - so I text them - said couldn’t come. Said they’d maybe come Sunday. Heard nothing. So I messaged today saying if they wanted to come one day this week just to let me know. No reply AGAIN

So am I just setting my expectations too high??? Or would others see this as a basic lack of curtesy / manners.
I just know I would never just blatantly ignore or not turn up. Or is this the horsey world I’ve been blinkered from and I just need to get used to it?!

Im just a loner so don’t really have a local reputation (that I know of!) that should put people off. I’m not a dealer or an instructor (nothing wrong with either of those) I’m just your regular horse owner ??‍??‍??‍Starting to give myself a complex!

 

[Arzada]

They're rude inconsiderate people. Next time don't waste any more of your time by following up the no shows with an 'are you still interested' communication. Move on to the next interested person.

 

[WarmbloodX]

They're rude inconsiderate people. Next time don't waste any more of your time by following up the no shows with an 'are you still interested' communication. Move on to the next interested person.

Thank you sometimes I think I’m too soft and don’t stick up for myself.
If second lady messages back I’m not quite sure how I’m going to respond!

 

[nagblagger]

They are just rude with no manners, would you really like a person like that being at your yard?
No show, no communication = no viewing or second chance!

 

[WarmbloodX]

They are just rude with no manners, would you really like a person like that being at your yard?
No show, no communication = no viewing or second chance!

Yeah I see that now, I just didn’t know if the lack of text reply was me being impatient. Glad I asked on here, wish I didn’t doubt myself so much!

 

[GreyDot]

Definitely think it is bad manner, but also think they should have phoned and spoken to you in person to arrange a meeting. Nothing better that sorting it out straight away with a voice to voice phone call rather than text.

 

[sport horse]

I get it a lot with staff applying for jobs by text/facebook etc. On their third or more try I just say tha as you have applied three times and failed to turn up I dont think you are the person I am looking for and the general response is 'OK'. Shocking isnt it?

 

[Ratface]

I get it a lot with staff applying for jobs by text/facebook etc. On their third or more try I just say tha as you have applied three times and failed to turn up I dont think you are the person I am looking for and the general response is 'OK'. Shocking isnt it?

Yes, very. I'd never dream of doing that.
However, I was quite strictly brought up 70+ years ago, and I think society has now changed quite a bit.
Much less class based, which, in my opinion is a good thing. But, I'm not sure that what was known as "having good manners" matters as much as it did, and consequently it's lack is more widely tolerated.

 

[ihatework]

Just downright rude and count yourself lucky you find out early!

 

[Lois Lame]

Good point, ihatework.

I think things have come too easily for a lot of people these days. It's not necessarily their fault, either. Their parents have given them what they themselves never had, poor things <[heavy sarcasm in voice]. But even that is not necessarily their (the parents) fault either. Marketing is behind it, encouraging everyone and their dog to spent insanely, even if they have no money.

 

[Rumtytum]

Very rude and it possibly sets the standard of what sort of people they would be, i.e. unreliable and irresponsible.

 

[Lady Tinseltime]

So…..are my expectations too high, or is this a lack of manners?

I’ve had a lady arrange twice to come to my private yard (not livery yard) to look and see if it suits her and not turn up. And only let me know 5 minutes before the first time and half an hour before the second time.
I then dropped her a message a week later asking if she still wanted to come & got no reply at all , not even an acknowledgment.

So I gave up on her and have had someone else message. Said they would come Saturday - got to 11.40 no message - so I text them - said couldn’t come. Said they’d maybe come Sunday. Heard nothing. So I messaged today saying if they wanted to come one day this week just to let me know. No reply AGAIN

So am I just setting my expectations too high??? Or would others see this as a basic lack of curtesy / manners.
I just know I would never just blatantly ignore or not turn up. Or is this the horsey world I’ve been blinkered from and I just need to get used to it?!

Im just a loner so don’t really have a local reputation (that I know of!) that should put people off. I’m not a dealer or an instructor (nothing wrong with either of those) I’m just your regular horse owner ??‍??‍??‍Starting to give myself a complex!

 

[Lady Tinseltime]

Just rude. You are lucky you found out what they are like before they became a livery

 

[Birker2020]

So…..are my expectations too high, or is this a lack of manners?

I’ve had a lady arrange twice to come to my private yard (not livery yard) to look and see if it suits her and not turn up. And only let me know 5 minutes before the first time and half an hour before the second time.
I then dropped her a message a week later asking if she still wanted to come & got no reply at all , not even an acknowledgment.

So I gave up on her and have had someone else message. Said they would come Saturday - got to 11.40 no message - so I text them - said couldn’t come. Said they’d maybe come Sunday. Heard nothing. So I messaged today saying if they wanted to come one day this week just to let me know. No reply AGAIN

So am I just setting my expectations too high??? Or would others see this as a basic lack of curtesy / manners.
I just know I would never just blatantly ignore or not turn up. Or is this the horsey world I’ve been blinkered from and I just need to get used to it?!

Im just a loner so don’t really have a local reputation (that I know of!) that should put people off. I’m not a dealer or an instructor (nothing wrong with either of those) I’m just your regular horse owner ??‍??‍??‍Starting to give myself a complex!

I see it as a lack of manners.

I contacted a pro rider who was recommended to me by a friend about bringing Lari back into work following his medication for KS.

We spoke at length over the phone about my horse and about what I was looking for in a rider, his history, what he'd done to me by chucking me off, how many times a week I wanted the horse ridden, that I wanted him back in full work before I attempted to sit on him again. Said it was this horses last chance to redeem himself and my last chance with him too.

He wanted the horse to go to his yard so I said okay I will look at that, but I need to meet you first and see you ride him a couple of times. We set a price per session (bearing in mind I wanted him ridden 3 or 4 times a week it was a good earner for him and he wasn't that far away and after the first couple of sessions he could ride whilst I was at work) and he said he'd be there to meet me at my yard on the Friday night after work. At 2pm on the Friday he text me to say he wasn't coming as his bitch had started giving birth. I didn't get the message until I left work at 3pm and hour and a half before he was due. I was so disappointed.

I text him back and wasn't rude, but very fair. I said fair enough the dog's gone into labour but its very short notice you letting me know and I'm hugely disappointed because I've been gearing myself up for someone to come and ride the horse, it's literally a lifeline for this horse and for me, a last chance saloon. (If I knew my dog was imminently going to be going into labour I would have said something along the lines of "well Friday afternoon is fine, but just to warn you, my dog is heavily pregnant and I might not be able to come")

So he sent me back a bit of a sarky text saying that in order to avoid further 'disappointment' how about I just drop the horse at his yard and he can ride it whenever he has the time.

I replied back "no way am I dropping a horse off at a yard I don't know with a person I have never met".
He told me to lunge the horse over the weekend with his saddle on - Lari is the type that you literally need both hands on the whip lunging him he's so lazy and 'we would get cracking next week with him'.................. and that was the last I heard of him. I lunged him twice, he literally fell asleep on the lunge as predicted. No voicemail, no text message or phone call in response to my texts or phone messages, just total silence.

At this point I literally gave up, text the YO to say sorry, but I was handing in my notice, I couldn't find a rider and so Lari was off to retirement and that was that. She is totally amazing and said she would speak to me about it when I'd had chance to reflect. She knows me so well and luckily gave me time to blow off the steam that by this point was coming out of my ears.

Next thing I know I managed to find another pro rider. She is amazing and Lari loves her, but I really don't understand some folks........

 

[Trouper]

In this day and age, when practically even the dog has a mobile phone, there is absolutely no excuse for a lack of communication. It is appallingly bad mannered not to let others know that you have a problem over an arrangement to meet up - and to do so at the earliest opportunity. Life trips all of us up from time to time but to assume that others' time is less important than your own is unforgiveable.

 

[Birker2020]

Yes, very. I'd never dream of doing that.
However, I was quite strictly brought up 70+ years ago, and I think society has now changed quite a bit.
Much less class based, which, in my opinion is a good thing. But, I'm not sure that what was known as "having good manners" matters as much as it did, and consequently it's lack is more widely tolerated.

I agree totally. A lot of it has to do with manners and how you yourself were brought up. Just stuff like opening a door for someone (doesn't have to be a man for a woman) and saying please and thank you. It never ceased to amaze me when I watch stuff from the states, when they go through a drive through and say "get me a cheeseburger, and I'll have fries with that" and never a please or a thankyou. What is wrong with people!??

 

[Bobthecob15]

I don't think people care enough to have manners sadly! It's terrible, people don't get back to you regardless of what you are offering/selling, I think the use of WhatsApp/Messenger also makes it easier for people to be rude because there is no connection with the person you are contacting...if people bother to pick up the phone and speak to you it tells you a lot more about their interest!

I'm a firm believer in actually calling someone if you are interested in something, at least that way you can establish more than via a anonymous text!

 

[Birker2020]

I don't think people care enough to have manners sadly! It's terrible, people don't get back to you regardless of what you are offering/selling, I think the use of WhatsApp/Messenger also makes it easier for people to be rude because there is no connection with the person you are contacting...if people bother to pick up the phone and speak to you it tells you a lot more about their interest!

I'm a firm believer in actually calling someone if you are interested in something, at least that way you can establish more than via a anonymous text!

I agree with what you say about the WhatsApp/Messenger facility.

Sometimes I text a friend and I get straight into the message for instance I text my one friend who is a vet physio and say "please can I arrange an appointment for you to see Lari?" Or I might text the hay supplier and say "is Monday still okay for my hay delivery?".

I never think to say "Hi **** hope you are okay" first, but that's just because I want to get out what I want to say and forget that it might be nicer to start sentences with a "hi". But I'm not being deliberately rude.

 

[Highmileagecob]

You are dealing with dreamers, unfortunately. A teacher I used to work with had a phrase, 'Don't let your ambitions get in the way of your ability.' These people often have no intention of turning up - anyone who has ever advertised a car will tell the same story. Bad manners!

 

[TheOldTrout]

It's possible some kind of crisis happened that distracted them, though not very likely in both cases!

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

It is rude but unfortunately it's how a lot of people are these days, but if they can't keep a simple appointment or let you know they can't make it do you really want them at your yard I know I wouldn't.

If someone did that to me they certainly wouldn't get another chance and I definitely wouldn't chase them, I think you have had a lucky escape people like that are just not worth the bother.

 

[SheriffTruman]

Warmbloodx, they are just rude. My yard owner gives you one chance. You don't show up for a viewing, or even if you are unreasonably late for the appointment, she's done with you.

At 2pm on the Friday he text me to say he wasn't coming as his bitch had started giving birth. I didn't get the message until I left work at 3pm and hour and a half before he was due. I was so disappointed.

This is a whole different matter, imo. His dog was giving birth. He couldn't know beforehand when she would go in labor, could he? He messaged you. What could he have done otherwise? Leave the dog to ride your horse?

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I would see the ‘showing someone round’ part as a 2 way thing. Same as a pony viewing. Not just a chance for them to see if they like it, but for you to see if you like them. And feel they would fit in/be reliable etc. My yo screens any would-be livery carefully. Hence we have a lovely yard with sane, friendly, helpful people.

That kind of behaviour would be an instant no for me. If they are too bad mannered to cancel in good time - or to respond to messages then that attitude would be there on the yard too causing you endless grief.

 

[Birker2020]

This is a whole different matter, imo. His dog was giving birth. He couldn't know beforehand when she would go in labor, could he? He messaged you. What could he have done otherwise? Leave the dog to ride your horse?

Dogs have a gestation period of 58 - 68 days. Therefore there is no way you wouldn't know your dog could possibly be giving birth within a timeframe.

And as I clearly pointed out in reply 14 (If I knew my dog was imminently going to be going into labour I would have said something along the lines of "well Friday afternoon is fine, but just to warn you, my dog is heavily pregnant and I might not be able to come")

 

[MissTyc]

I would see the ‘showing someone round’ part as a 2 way thing. Same as a pony viewing. Not just a chance for them to see if they like it, but for you to see if you like them. And feel they would fit in/be reliable etc. My yo screens any would-be livery carefully. Hence we have a lovely yard with sane, friendly, helpful people.

That kind of behaviour would be an instant no for me. If they are too bad mannered to cancel in good time - or to respond to messages then that attitude would be there on the yard too causing you endless grief.

Totally this. When I was a freelance, I was strictly punctual. I remember getting stuck in terrible traffic on my way to a new client and obviously let her know, but I could tell she thought I was making excuses. I never made it as the road was closed and I had to turn around and obviously called her. The next day, she called me back. She'd initially had no intention of calling me back, considering me a time waster, but then she heard a tractor accident had actually closed the road, so it changed her mind of me. I totally respect that! People don't want to be messed about and don't want to continue relationships with people they think might mess them about.

 

[Glitter's fun]

If second lady messages back I’m not quite sure how I’m going to respond!

She's missed her opportunity; you had a lucky escape. People who would treat you like that now, at the beginning, would be an absolute nightmare later when you need them to respect your rules, pay up on time etc.
Message her "You have been unsuccessful in your application, the vacancy has been offered to the person next on the waiting list".
Unfortunately if you are very accommodating there are people who will read that as desperate/there to be walked over. Have the mindset that you are right to be fussy & your vacancy is very sought after . Next time say at the outset that you'll only be there "to interview" them at the arranged time & will need to know in advance if they can't attend.

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Unacceptable behaviour to either not turn up or not notify.

I’ve sacked farriers for their inability to use a watch, an appointment book and a phone.

I’ve recently sacked our Vet for his unreliability. Given we are a very profitable client the practice manager was onto me instantly to find out what had happened and how she could rectify and retain our business.

I explained I had no issue with the technical competence of their veterinary resources but they need to do what they say they are going to do, when they say they are going to do it or just call me and let me know you can’t do it or need to move the appointment. Simple.

 

[Birker2020]

Unacceptable behaviour to either not turn up or not notify.

I’ve sacked farriers for their inability to use a watch, an appointment book and a phone.

I’ve recently sacked our Vet for his unreliability. Given we are a very profitable client the practice manager was onto me instantly to find out what had happened and how she could rectify and retain our business.

I explained I had no issue with the technical competence of their veterinary resources but they need to do what they say they are going to do, when they say they are going to do it or just call me and let me know you can’t do it or need to move the appointment. Simple.

When people vote with their feet they will realise.

Our vets whom I was with for 17 years started treating me badly. I got a letter saying I needed to pay my balance but when I spoke to the receptionist she apologised profusely and said it shouldn't have gone out to me as she knew I paid on installments every week and the practice manager and director were happy with that as I was a valued customer.

Then I had a vet that was meant to turn up but never materialised.

The icing on the cake was when one of their vets complained I was 'getting myself in a tizzy' when I was visibly distraught because my new horse I'd had less than a month was displaying profound ataxia and looked like he'd had too many cans of White Lightning.

 

[Leandy]

Your expectations are perfectly reasonable and these people are just bad mannered. Given that they have already proved themselves to be inconsiderate and unreliable without you even needing to meet them, I'd take it that I know all I need to know about them and move on! There are also many people out there who do not behave like this so your expectations are fine.